Never Enough
As she walked away from me & her locker, I noticed how her face filled with joy when he approached her.
I noticed how cute she was when she rambled on & on. Talking about the Glee club & what not.
I loved her skirts & sweater tops, she was adorable. Rachel's style was uncommon, I admit, but Rachel was so much more than she looked.
She had a beautiful voice, ambition, empathy, humor & always looked out for me.
If only she knew how I truly felt,
but it's too late now.
She's getting married to Him, she wants to start a family with Him.
Her entire world is Finn, yet, she doesn't know that she is mine.
If only she knew...
How quick my heart raced when she looked at me...
How, when she tried to take him away from me, I was angry,
because she wanted him, not me...
Was I not enough?
I was rude to her at first, but she forgave me.
She kept approaching me & talking to me.
"I don't hate you Quinn" she sternly replied
"I don't hate you either.."
Words I didn't dare to say out loud.
"Why? I've been terrible to you"
I genuinely wanted to know. I liked her, but this made me wonder what stopped her from disliking me.
"Because now you know what it's like to be an outcast"
She's right, we were in the same boat, in a way.
Over time we grew closer & became friends.
---
"You're the prettiest girl I know Quinn"
She told me.
"You're pretty too Rach".
Silence ensued & I felt like she was gazing holes through me.
My heart started beating sporadically to the point I couldn't even form any thought other than wanting to kiss her.
So I went for it.
I gently cupped her face & kissed her.
As our lips pressed against each other, I could taste her peach lipgloss. I closed my eyes & tilted my face to deepen the kiss.
I could smell her perfume, a scent of vanilla & coconut. A hint of butterflies in my stomach, had me feeling shaky, but I could tell she found it endearing by the way she smiled into the kiss.
The kisses became more intense & I started peppering kisses down her neck.
She wrapped her arms around my neck & moaned, giving me goosebumps.
Our hands started desperately roaming each other's bodies, tugging at clothes, which eventually got taken off & forgotten.
After that, I thought that we were something more...
---
"Rachel, will you marry me?" he voiced in excitement.
She looked so happy & in love, which made my heart sink.
I am not enough.
I could never undo all the things I've done to her, I can't be as happy & caring as him. I am not him.
I clap alongside other glee members at this beautiful ceremony, take a deep breath & grip my wine glass.
"Congratulations Rachel"
I pretend to be happy for her & smile as I hug her tight.
My heart is torn, I have a lump in my throat.
It's over....
I walk towards the bar with my glass of wine, choosing lonesomeness.
10 minutes in and I say my goodbyes
As I said goodbye to her, I could see that her eyes were glassy, she looked hurt & disappointed.
"Bye Quinn....*
Rachel whispered, making it even harder for me to leave.
...
I arrive home early & start packing my things.
Silence fills the entire apartment as I take everything I have & put it in a suitcase.
Then I stumbled upon a picture.
A picture of me & Rachel.
In the picture, Rachel was back hugging me as I smiled into the camera.
What could've been...
The lump in my throat worsened & my hands started quivering as tears started falling down my face, making me drop the picture. Glass picture frame shattering.
My heart was beating out of my chest, my head hurt & I felt...
Alone
No one, but her, knew.
Yet, she didn't care.
...
As I walked out, I looked at the broken picture frame one last time & locked the door.
While holding a plane ticket to California, I smiled bitterly.
So many memories created here...
I wiped my tears one last time, before walking out the building.
I will have to create new ones...
This is my other account
