I WAS A PERSON ONCE

I WAS A PERSON ONCE avery tessa morse 24 | 2nd year | agent ( part of the children of legends group )

[overdueasteroid-blog]

                                          i survived…                                                        …but i paid for it

[littleblxebird]

ofbowsandhawkeyes:

kate noticed avery’s discomfort at the question, the hesitation before her answer, but didn’t push. pushing inevitably lead to pushing away, and kate was still trying to figure out how she’d managed to push clint and cassie and peggy away so quickly, when things were going so well. “quiet, mostly. krys was around too, so it was pretty good, actually,” kate shrugged thoughtlessly, barely aware of the shy smile that had crept onto her face. “it was actually kinda nice to just lounge around with her and not have to defend the school from one attack or another.”

it took her by surprise for a moment--- the mention of krys’s name. avery felt her body tense, just slightly, shaken by the mention of the girl she had so much feelings for and had--- just left. (like she left everyone.) that was right. kate and krys were friends, weren’t they? how was it that the other blonde seemed to be so intertwined with everyone avery knew? “yeah?” the morse bent her head down slightly, chest tightening at the tone in kate’s voice and the look on he face. “she didn’t--- didn’t go home with natasha?” she swallowed a moment, her fingers slowly finding the ends of her sweater sleeves to pull and tug down further past her knuckles. “so it was--- was just you two? that wasn’t--- ah--- uh-- boring or an---anything?”

[littleblxebird]

justanotherbarton:

“all i did was relax all break but i still wanna relax… yet my hand keeps reaching out for my bow and forcing me to go to the shooting range… oh come on don’t look at me like that, old habits die hard.”

avery glanced towards her little brother, corners of her lips twisting into a sad, soft smile at his words. “i thought shooting was suppose to be relaxing for you archers, alex.” she shook her head. “i’m glad--- you got to relax some, at least. did you see mom and--- clint?”

[everyhtingslove]

[wordsnquotes]

Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it, it just means reducing the pain to a tolerable level, a level that doesn’t destroy you. I know that right now the idea of getting over it is unimaginable. It’s impossible, inconceivable, unthinkable. You don’t want to get over it. Why should you? It’s all you’ve got. You don’t want kind words, you don’t care what other people think or say, you don’t want to know how they felt when they lost someone, They’re no you, are they! They can’t feel what you feel. The only thing you want is the things you can’t have. It’s gone. Never coming back. No one know how that feels. No one know what it’s like to reach out and touch someone who isn’t there and will never be there again. No one knows the unifiable emptiness.

Kevin Brooks, Lucas

[littleblxebird]

frcst-bitten:

                 ❛      Avie     ——     ❜      Her breath escaped her, boa constrictor      CLENCHED around her throat as she pulled her dear friend closer, holding      her, ROCKING her, anything to soothe the storm that was Avery Morse. But      no matter how much she felt her own heart BREAKING, she knew, most importantly,      that supporting the other blonde was her utmost priority.                                                                                                      So that’s what she did.

                 ❛      There’s no need to be sorry,      ❜      Krystal all but cooed. She’d come      a long way since first joining Vindex Academy, and her lessons learned such as      displaying affection and instigating comfort were irreplaceable, far more important      than whatever the teachers attempted to educate them on during classes. Because      soothing a person in need came in handy more often than not, especially with her      group of friends, and this was just one of those times when her newly-acquired skills      was demonstrating its use.

                                               ❛      I’m not upset, and you’re never a bother.                                                I LOVE spending time with you, Aves.      ❜  

                 There was something there, under the surface, something Krys had no      incentive to push the Morse to explain, but     ——    Her actions, her HYSTERIA,      it went far beyond that of the Avery she’d come to known and love, even under the      influence of alcohol alone. There was a greater issue now, the cryokinetic was certain,      but she wouldn’t prod. Not yet. There were more important things to take care of.

                                               Like spending time with one of her most cherished friends. 

                 ❛      Come on  !      ❜      Krys announced with blatant enthusiasm, tugging      Avery down onto the bed with her and attempting to plop herself down on the other’s      chest.      ❛      Let’s watch TV or something, just enjoying each other’s company  !        How’s that sound  ?      ❜ 

it took a moment for the sobbing to stop, her rambling words turning into little hiccups instead. quiet sniffles that she couldn’t quell just yet. still, the relief she felt was practically palatable. it was like a heavy weight had lifted off her--- though the guilt and anxiety was still there in spades. even then, though--- krys didn’t hate her. at least she was acting like she wasn’t angry or hated avery--- and that was enough for now. avery needed this. even if it wasn’t true--- she needed to at least pretend for now. for today. 

burying her head deeper into the crook of the other’s neck, the blonde drew in a shaky breath and tried to calm herself, tried to stop the tears or her mind from racing off again. she could vaguely feel the other rocking her, hand on her back, smoothing her hair down--- a sensation she wanted to lean into and have last for as long as possible. 

“i love spending time with you too,” it was a whisper, like a child confessing a secret--- though filled with sniffles as the other tried to blink her tears away. “i should have--- i’m sorry. i missed you. a lot.” not just the physical contact. the interactions. she missed her. her smile. how she made avery feel safe. like she didn’t have to pretend she was okay always--- like nothing had ever happened--- she had missed her.

blinking as the other pulled her down to the bed, the morse drew in a broken breath and swallowed hard, moving a hand to swipe away the tears that drifted down her cheeks. “okay, okay,” calm down. stop it. stop crying. you’re making her upset. she fidgeted just a moment, adjusting so the other could lay across her, avery’s free arm, (black and blue across the inside joints), moving to wrap around krys’s waist, head tilting down to lean against her a moment.

she had missed this too.

“you--- you pick.”

[littleblxebird]

frcst-bitten:

                                    ❛       ——-     Avery  ?      ❜ 

                 Time seemed to FREEZE the instant Krys stepped through the door into her dormitory.      At once, all the feelings came rushing back. The longing, the ACHING, the affection. Despair,      at seeing her best friend in the position she was, bottle protruding from between her legs.      DESIRE, craving her touch and her skin, feeling lips against lips. 

                 It STUNNED her into silence, neon hues pasted forward, gaze boring into that of the      other blonde, heart speeding. Memories flashed of their time together before winter break, of      the endless nights spent cloud watching and star gazing, dancing together, spending the night      in one another’s dorm      ——       It was all things she missed. All things she wanted back.      All things she never did with ANYONE else. 

                                  ❛       Are you    ——-    Are you okay ?      ❜

                 There was a nervous smile on her face, unsure what to do next, so she approached                  the bed and seated herself next to the Morse, arm draped over her shoulders. 

                                   ❛       I’ve MISSED you.      ❜

her breath caught in her throat, chest tightening painfully as the door opened and krys’s voice reached her ears. the blonde felt her shoulders pushing together, her head ducking down further as relief suddenly encased her. all it took was her voice to send avery back, back to nights of waking up with the other blonde next to her, quiet laughter on dark nights, affection that avery never felt like she deserved but craved so bad--- the blonde’s shoulders shook, the grip on her bottle tightening just slightly. krys didn’t sound angry. didn’t sound upset. avery would have been. (she did things to others that she’d hate if they did to herself, what a hypocrite. no wonder she hated herself.)

“hi,” her voice was watery, straining as she kept her eyes downcast and head down. avery swallowed hoarsely, her body tensing as the she felt the bed dip down with the weight of another, then tensing even more as she felt the arm across her shoulder. all it took was a moment before the woman burst into a sob, shoulders shaking as she dropped the bottle and leaned against krys’s frame, eyes screwed shut tight. 

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” it was a mantra breathed out, her face burying into the other’s shoulder. “i just left. i’m sorry--- i thought you’d be upset--- didn’t want to bother you.”

didn’t want to bother her and was afraid of what she’d say. what everyone would say about her. if they knew she was drinking again and--- if they saw the marks---

i missed you too. missed everything about you. your touch. your voice. your smell. your hair. 

[littleblxebird]

@frcst-bitten

the room was still the same as she remembered. little to nothing, an empty dresser, loose blanket on the mattress. she didn’t know why she had expected krys to have suddenly gained an interest in having furnishings in the months they had been apart--- avery didn’t know what she had expected at all, really. she hadn’t seen the girl, really seen her, (hold her. touch her.), in months it felt like. it had been too long. and avery knew it was her fault. not seeking her out. withdrawing in on herself and leaving everyone without a word again. maybe it was shame. (moving from drinking to stronger, harder things.) she didn’t know. she just knew--- she had come back to school, tired, mind foggy--- and missed everyone. especially krys. she wanted to apologize, something--- but she wasn’t sure where they stood. if she’d even see her again---

so avery might have had some liquid courage and set off to find krys’s room--- and slip in when the girl wasn’t there. she couldn’t not let her in to talk if she was already there, right?

sitting on the girl’s bed, heads between her knees and legs shaking, bottle between her legs, avery bit her lip and waited. maybe there was enough time she could leave still---

[littleblxebird]

ofbowsandhawkeyes:

“nothing good comes out of me being bored,” kate smirked lightly, eyeing avery subtly. she looked- tired. “at least everyone knows whose dorm this is, i guess.” she bit her lip and tilted her head, looking at avery carefully. “how was your break?” what did you do? was the question kate didn’t ask.

dad’s like that. she didn’t say it, instead shrugging gently as she stepped into the room, looking the rest of it over. “a lot of m--- our family is like that.” they did reckless things when bored. she and alex might have been the only exceptions. and even then--- well. she wasn’t sure. reckless ran in the family. avery averted her eyes at the question, trailing her hand across the younger girl’s dresser. “it was--- okay. i stayed with some friends.” friends from a long time before. the kind she had tried to distance herself from after everything--- but here she was again. “how was yours? besides boring.”

[littleblxebird]

audreyxward:

[ text to ‘ aves’ ]: AVERY! hi! :D [ text to ‘ aves’ ]: my break was okay but i missed being near you and the others [ text to ‘ aves’ ]: how was yours?

[text to ‘audrey] : it was okay [text to ‘audrey’] : i ddnt do much [text to ‘audrey’] : i stayed with some friends [text to ‘audrey’] : it felt 2 weird to go back 2 shield [text to ‘audrey’] : i missed you 2

[the-world-needs-a-villain]

[sadunit]

ju.eun

[littleblxebird]

@audreyxward

[text to ‘audrey’]: i [text to ‘audrey’]: um [text to ‘audrey’]: how was ur break?

[littleblxebird]

ofbowsandhawkeyes:

“…well, i can explain,” kate tilted her head, looking at the hole in the dorm wall with the arrow sticking out of it. “actually, i can’t. i was bored, everyone has been gone for ages and it seemed like i was the only one stuck here so i shot a hole through my dorm room. that’s all i got.”

“---you shot a hole into your wall because you were bored?” the bags under avery’s eyes tell how tired she is. how exactly her break went. but her voice was soft still, letting the other know how the whole situation did amuse her. “---i’ve done worse. sorry you got left behind, sweetheart.”

[littleblxebird]

“What happened to your face?” (Will)

@oftoolsandaxes

“---what?” the blonde paused a moment, brows furrowing together before she reached her hand up, feeling the sensitive skin around her eye and her swollen lip. when did that?--- she had blacked out the night before. avery frowned. “i--- i fell. it’s not that bad, is it?”

[littleblxebird]

jax-x-storm:

“Stop looking at me like that. I’m fine.” Jax frowned, hating being fretted over. He got knocked over the head a few times and had to get stitches on his forehead but he had it pretty good compared to a lot of people. 

avery shifted uneasily in her seat, hands balled up in the jacket on her lap. she smoothed over the fabric a moment before frowning. “i know. i’ve seen worse---” she paused, catching herself, and bit down hard on her bottom lip. “sorry. i--- brought you something.” she lifted the jacket up, letting the boy get a glimpse of the bottle of vodka hidden by it.

[littleblxebird]

daniellestorm:

“Shit, what day is it?”

avery paused, a hand on her forehead as it took her a moment to process the question. “i----” shit. what day WAS it? she had no idea. “---not a school day?”