Little Adventures

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Wait for it, Wait for it!!!!

[littlebrokenstillgood]

I don’t always write, but when I do, it’s not bad.

A little poem I came up today with from the poetry prompt: Write about the darkest moment in your favorite book.

Snuff the light,

Extinguish the flame,

Reduce the heart to naught but pain,

He reached the end,

Fell down the hole,

Saw nothing but darkness, nearly lost his soul,

My heart dropped out,

I paled with fright,

My character would fall that night,

The story went on,

He did not stop,

Even though he was lonely, he kept going,

Stay Gold Pony

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Sometimes we grow out of our old pots and need to grow in a different one. Repotted my plant today and enjoyed some Zen journaling reflection time since my work computer’s internet was down. I need to incorporate new definitions of “productivity” and “success” in my lexicon. It’s been an excellent morning. Thank you to unplanned but important moments.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Thank you internet & technology

Today I learned to sync some calendars. Holy shit. Feels amazing. Here’s hoping to knowing where i’m going and where I should be.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

My crazy asian family proposed we all watch Crazy Rich Asians together. I cannot wait. Lol.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Perfect

What a pain in the ass perfection is. What is that good zone between good enough and over-thinking and over-doing it.

I was trained from a young age to be a perfectionist. How terrible. Always feeling like you’re never good enough, and what you do can be done better. What if good enough is good enough. What if better is worst.

Anyway today I practiced imperfection. Doing things imperfectly, but doing them with a perfect heart or intention. See, a feeling cannot be “perfect” but it can be true, it can be sincere and it can be honest. Clearing out the clutter of perfectionism to the heart of the matter. Always a work in progress. Never perfect. Just perfect.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

What to say?

It’s been awhile. Off the wagon so to speak. We watched A Wrinkle In Time recently and I really liked one of the lines. I can’t find the exact quote (ironically) but it was something like Mrs. Who, who has trouble communicating and coming up with the words herself, so she uses quotes. Quotes say it so well, so succinctly, so true. Anyway it was a great line and a great quote and I can’t find it. Maybe next time. Here is to awkward terrible posts. May they help bring about more writing, and better quotes in the future.

This is me without much to say, getting back to writing and posting. Blah blah blah and maybe hopefully something quotable to come.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Good Days

Today was a good day. We dreamed, we chatted, we were on the same wavelength. I wasn’t alone in my head but sharing hopes with other people. Felt loved and part of a tribe. Some days are good like this. You feel like you belong.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Find a job...

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” said someone important. That’s bullshit.

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work harder, be more exhausted or find as much satisfaction, anxiety, joy or despair in the work you do. True love is utterly consuming and true love’s work is a burning flame.” Say I.

So anyway I love my job and simultaneously am working towards tempering that flame so it does not burn too bright, too fast and consume me completely in the process. I’m not really a slow burn type though. Wildfires clear the forest for new life.

Perhaps, we must accept who we are instead of who we think we should be, and pray that it’s all for the best. In the words of Olenna, “you’re a dragon, be a dragon”. Wildfire I am, everpresent and burning when the the forest needs clearing. Just trying not to burn myself up in the process.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Actions speak louder

I’m in my head a lot. Words and thoughts and anxiety just tumble drying around together. I love to plan. It involves thinking one of my favorite activities. It also prevents the actual doing and accomplishing of tasks. It also keeps my failures and accomplishments hypothetically in my head, safe and a fantasy and unreal.

Today I was thinking. Thinking about doing and not doing. How little I do because I overthink. Lately I’ve had so much to do, it’s forced me to think less and just do as I go. Feels kind of like juggling at a jog. I don’t have the time or luxury to ponder, imagine or think of the ideal or perfect. It’s more a matter of, get something down even if it’s just blah.

It’s an interesting lesson.

Example - Yoga - overthink and spend an hour finding the perfect yoga video, yoga studio or yoga plan, or just watch the first yoga video of similar interest and spend 30 minutes doing yoga awkwardly.

I’ve leaned to the latter and actually done way more yoga this way than the other. I think it also has to do with watching Hoarders. That mental imaginary thought cycle getting in the way of real progress.

I realized that Yoga example applies to a lot of things. Cooking, art projects, house projects, cleaning, etc. I spend all my energy thinking instead of doing, and I’m left exhausted and undone. Today I consciously practiced do-ing. I did yoga, dishes, cooked breakfast and cleaned in less time than it would have taken to plan it all. I think that’s how the husband, although imperfect, is in many ways so much more efficient than me in life tasks.

I like the rabbit hole. It’s a slight addiction. It’s like a hamster wheel my brain gets on and won’t get off. Thinking is good. Doing is better.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Hoarders

Watching Hoarders is somewhat like therapy. I relate with these people and it makes me sympathetic and also scares me into cleaning and decluttering. One lady actually bought and brought home THIS EXACT SAME BAG during the show, demonstrating how shopping thrills her. I have this exact same bag in my chest of bags. Shopping also thrills me. I know I have a bag collecting problem and hoarding tendencies. So anyway, like the fat kid who as a grown up is obsessed with working out and being healthy, i’m kind of the hoarding kid working out some stuff trying not to go full blown into the addiction.

I’m old and experienced enough to know, at a certain point you are just managing the mess inside. Little adventures, thinking about why and maybe finding better ways to deal. I’ll keep watching Hoarders, excellent therapy. Know that you’ll always be a work in progress. Keep moving in good directions.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

May the 4th be with you.

A lovely awkward 4th of July on a Wednesday. Nothing like a holiday smack in the middle of the week but I’ll take what I can get. We had a few mini adventures. Cooked and ate everything at home, instead of eating out. Tried immersion to learn Spanish by watching some Last Jedi en espanol con subtitulos. Watched TurN Washinton Spies on Netflix most of the day. Stopped at grocery and pet store for supplies. We also made friends with some neighbors we always see walking their dog. Became Pokemon Go friends and walked our dogs together at the local park in our area with all the holiday festivities. A really nice treat to make better friends from neighbors and nice people. Also stopped by another neighbor friend’s house to say hello and happy 4th. Here is to social skills and good people. Also here is to, knowing that, great adventures, friendships and good things can be found at home, or close to home. Cheers.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Yerba Mate. My Argentinean friend introduced this to me back in college, drinking from an authentic gourd and bombilla (straw). I saw the leaves, bought the modern silicone gourd and bombilla, and decided to add it to my drink cabinet. In college I remember it being very bitter. Today I thought it tasted like smoking a cigarette. This burnt leaf earthy bitter drink. According to Google and Wikipedia, apparently people who drink a lot of mate regularly have a higher risk of cancer in their mouth throat area and I tasted that. Albeit this is widely popular in South America. Overall I like it. I like the communal indigenous tribal roots of the drink. I like my nostalgia of drinking it with friends in college. I also like that it’s like a cigarette, because even though I don’t smoke, the mate satisfies something like a cigarette. The burnt flavor, feeling the high, and the chance for danger appealing to the self destructive part of you. Damn if I don’t feel cool drinking this bizarre thing. There are also other claims it is a healthy drink with different health benefits and a different kind of caffeine kick. Also there is potential to share this with others. So, next time I need a cigarette, or an alternate tea, or am feeling a little adventurous, I’m enjoying the mate. Little adventures. Cheers to new drinks!

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Meditation breaks. Fresh air so good for the soul.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Gizmo sings!

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Karaoke & Game Night

Oh the anxiety of trying new things. Everything turned out fine. I described karaoke like riding a rollercoaster. Anxious and terrifying at first. But once you’re on, it’s fun. Also seeing others having fun you relax a bit and start enjoying more too. Game Night movie also stupid fun humor. Not bad for a Friday.

[littlebrokenstillgood]

Some days....