Pages @JJ
It was a late night, Emily had spent most of the day looking for an apartment. That was how she was supposed to start cleaning herself up and getting back on track. Finding a place she could call her own seemed like it would help with everything else. After having left Katie at the house she felt like she owed that to her at least. She promised before that she would get sober, but she didn’t keep it up well. Because she couldn’t get to sleep, and because she couldn’t go to a bar, she decided on taking a walk to the nearest book store.
Even though she didn’t have the money for a book anymore, she could probably just sit in. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone in a well lit, public place. Once she entered the bookstore she found it to be mostly absent of people. She passed the clerk, who gave her a smile. She tried a smile back, not to be rude, because she had to smile more often. She used to smile, she had to go back to that. She eventually found a book that she thought would be okay to read a while. A compilation of Ernest Hemingway. She remembered reading his stuff back in college. She sat at a table and promptly opened the book. She opened it to a random page, finding a short story. A Clean, Well-Lighted Place.
JJ had talked to a colleague earlier and the conversation came about to a book, he’d never heard of. Not that he knew every book out there but this had to do with math. Love and Math by Edward Frenkel. He could have gotten it as an e-book but he needed to get out of his house. He was going a bit stir crazy. These are the times he wished he could go to a bar or a club. But he didn’t have many mates that he could do that with. Not to mention that he didn’t drink so it was a limited experience anyways.
He’d grabbed a copy of the book and was about to go to the cashier when he had to stop. He literally backed up and stared at the person sitting at a table not far from him. JJ swallowed and blinked. Could it be her? What if it’s Katie? That would not be good if it was Katie. She doesn’t like me much. She’s likely to yell at me just for breathing her air. Focus JJ. You’re in a bookstore. What would Katie Fitch be doing in a bookstore? He smiled wide. It was her.
She looked a bit older but that was right. Her hair was a different shade than he remembered. JJ walked over to her. “Hi Emily.”
Emily was trying to make sure to keep this book in good condition. They would probably make her pay for it otherwise. That was hard to do though, as the cover easily stayed separated now if she tried to close it. Then. she heard it. A voice to her side and slightly behind her. She recognized the voice, but she couldn’t quite place it at first. She told herself to just turn her head to look. When she turned, a wave of memories came rushing back.
“JJ!” She said excitedly, which was strange for her. Her voice hadn’t gone up like that in ages. Apparently the clerk thought she was being to loud, glaring at her and giving a harsh “shh”. Emily furrowed her brow slightly at her before turning her head back to JJ. She was probably supposed to stand up and give the man a hug, but she had gotten very comfortable in this chair, leaning back against it. “How long has it been? Two years? A little more? What have you been up to?”
JJ was happy she seemed to be excited to see him. It really was Emily. He couldn’t stop grinning. He’d thought about running into her, or reaching out to her but he always forgot to get her number. He didn’t know if she’d even want to see him. But she was here and she seemed happy to see him. He walked over to the table and took a seat opposite her. “Umm.. I thought it might have been a bit longer but I could be wrong. What have I been up to.. umm. went to Cambridge, graduated, working for an institute doing research. Back in Bristol at my mother’s place. She’s away though, so I’m living the exciting life of a single man about town.” He smiled.
Emily was a welcome sight. Effy was his first connection back and that was by chance. Then Naomi at the hospital because of Effy’s attack. This was a much better to run into an old mate. “What about you? I thought you’d gone away to university. Where are you staying? Working? Are you seeing someone?”
Graduated. That was probably something she needed to do sometime. Coming back to Bristol had really messed her up. She was probably already messed up, but in uni she hadn’t figured it out yet. Despite how little people cared for her here, she felt stuck. JJ seemed to be doing a lot better than she was.
“What about you? I thought you’d gone away to university. Where are you staying? Working? Are you seeing someone?” As he asked, Emily, glanced down at her book again, trying to get her bearings. She had to make it not sound pitiful, because to everyone else she had made it sound pitiful. The first step to recovery was pretending, right? “I did go away to Uni, I decided I make take a year off to come back, see everybody.” She kept glancing between JJ and her book down on the table, but she told herself to keep eye contact. “Staying in a hotel recently, looking for a place less temporary, I was going to have an internship but it turns out that they didn’t need me.” The last question was hard. She was slowly trying to get over Naomi, but it didn’t seem to be a very fast going process. Mya was nice, but she hadn’t texted back. Probably a fake number. Maybe that was why Mya decided on not going camping with her, she figured out how horrible Emily was.
“No, met a girl but… yeah, not answering my texts.”
JJ noticed something slight changed in Emily’s demeanor when she answered the questions he’d fired off. He should have taken a breath in between questions. “A year off.. that’s good.. have you seen… ummm everybody?” He wondered if Emily knew about Effy’s attack and loss. He didn’t want to bring it up. He wanted the happy reunion to last a bit. “A hotel? Did Katie move away? Your parents? Why not stay with them? Well I can understand not wanting to stay with Katie. She was a handful when we were in college. I can’t think that she’s changed much since.. and I’m going to stop talking about that now.” He blushed.
“Internship doing what?” He remembered Naomi mentioning she and Emily weren’t together so he wouldn’t mention her. But Emily had met someone. Someone who wasn’t answering her texts. “That doesn’t seem right. Not answering your texts. I mean I’m guessing she’s a lesbian if you’re interested in her. If I were a lesbian and you were interested in me, I can’t think of a reason I wouldn’t answer your texts, but then again, I’m not sure how lesbians think cause I’m pretty sure it’s not like.. oh.. oh no.. did I say all that out loud. Oh no.” JJ closed his eyes. Stupid.
Emily smiled again. JJ had probably changed a bit, but a couple things about him hadn’t. The accidental slips of the tongue were still there. At least that sounded like a compliment. She shook her head again, smiling still. “It’s fine JJ. I’m not sure what if she was a lesbian or not. She was probably just nice to me because she didn’t want to be rude…”
She bit the inside of her mouth, thinking back to what JJ had asked before that. “It was a photography internship, I guess too many people wanna be successful in that business.” And now she was trying to find a job, because she spent all of her money on booze. Mya had recommended the place she worked at, but now Emily didn’t even know if that place was real. If Mya didn’t answer her texts she certainly didn’t want to go there when she was playing on the stage. Obviously she didn’t want to see her. “I’m not too stable JJ… girls don’t like to get involved with people who are still hung up on a first love…” She looked down at her book, wondering why she said that out loud. She guessed the slips of the tongue were something her and JJ had in common.
JJ still blushed even though Emily said it was ok. He still had a tendency to say the wrong things and as much as he wanted all of that to change, it was doubtful it ever would. “I can’t think of anyone in Bristol just being nice to be nice. Have you met the people here?” He smiled trying to make a joke. He recalled Emily liking photography. She had a good eye so she’d likely be good at it. He remembered how sweet she was in college. Then things kind of happened that made her incredibly sad. He didn’t like to think of her that way though.
He frowned when Emily offered a bit of frank truth. “Guess telling people bits about yourself is easier huh?” He reached over and took her hand. “I’m sorry about Naomi. Lara left me halfway through university.” He had met someone but he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t think it would go anywhere but mates. “Do you.. do you want to go get a hot chocolate? I’d really like a little bit of company. And if we’re comparing instability, I’m still a mental basket.”
Emily kept staring at her book as JJ took her hand. “I’m sorry about Naomi. Lara left me halfway through university.” She heard, except the problem was that she left Naomi. Not the other way around. That was sad about Lara, she had actually thought that maybe her and JJ had still kept it together all these years. Maybe all love was temporary. She took a deep breath. She still had to bring an application to Effy, because she needed the job, even if Emily herself wasn’t working there, but Effy was still roommates with Naomi. According to Effy she didn’t want to see her.
It would probably be better if she didn’t see her. Emily wouldn’t be handle it, after leaving all those voicemails begging for a second chance. JJ asked if she wanted to go and get hot chocolate. Funny, she had just had some with Olivia a week ago. She tried another smile and a look at JJ before setting the book down. She had liked that short story, maybe she could buy that book when she had a steady income. “Yeah… yeah, I like hot chocolate.” She said, standing up and pushing her chair in. “Do you know a place we can get some near here?”
JJ smiled wide when Emily said she liked hot chocolate. He really wanted to like coffee but still hadn’t managed to drink the horrid stuff. “Fantastic. Umm.. Yeah.. there’s a little place not too far from here. We can walk. It’s a nice enough night. I just need to pay for this book.” He noticed she left hers behind. He picked it up. “Is this any good? I don’t always read a lot.. if you don’t count scientific journals.. and boring research stuff.” He smiled at her while leafing through the book. “I have read a lot of nonfiction.. and science fiction come to think of it. Hemingway.. American right?”
He continued walking to the cashier while reading the synopsis of the book Emily had been perusing. “I came for this book.” He showed her the cover of Love and Math. “It was published a couple of years ago but I was unaware of it. Supposed to discuss a different way to look at maths education. I figured it might be a good read.” He blushed a little. “I’m always going to be a geek… there’s not cure for it.. It’s absolutely terminal.” He put both books up on the counter.
Emily nodded. At least she thought he was American, her memory wasn’t very good when it came to school. All she could remember from college was how good everything used to be. It was hard sometimes, but she missed it. She looked at the cover as JJ showed it to her. Love and Math. She raised an eyebrow. The title seemed interesting enough, it seemed like something JJ would like. Love and math were his things after all.
“Supposed to discuss a different way to look at maths education. I figured it might be a good read.” That meant someone was realizing how unbearable math was in school. Emily had been okay at it, mostly borrowing answers from the internet. She was good at tests, mostly because she used to do them for Katie all the time. She smiled when JJ blushed. He was different, yet the same in so many ways. He reminded her of the way things used to be. “I’m always going to be a geek… there’s not cure for it.. It’s absolutely terminal.” She shrugged, figuring she was probably supposed to talk more. She used to talk a lot more, especially after she had made her and Katie separate people, it seemed to switch on her a lot. She noticed he put the books on the counter. “You better be buying that for yourself.” She said, leaning against the counter and glancing at the cashier again.
JJ was happy to have run into Emily. He glanced at her and looked at her. She had grown quiet. He wondered if she was ok. While Emily had sometimes been quiet in college, she had changed later on. She had gone through a bit of an upheaval where Katie and her were concerned, then later with Naomi. But she had seemed like she was getting her footing. Maybe going away to university had changed her again. He was getting money out when she spoke. “You better be buying that for yourself.”
“What?” He looked at the books on the counter and smiled. “Those.. of course.. both are for me.. yup yup.” He felt his ears turn red. He paid for the books and turned back to her. “Always wanted to read.. Hemingway.. but you might need to borrow it first.. since I have this other one to keep me busy for a while.” He laughed a little at his weak attempt to circumvent her objection. If she was living in a hotel and had no income, it wasn’t a stretch to know she was tight on cash. JJ wanted to make Emily smile, even if just for a little while. Maybe they could pretend to be back in college and just have some fun.
Emily noticed his ears turn red, he was obviously trying to get away with it, and it was working. She smiled a bit again, glancing at the books. It was a nice thing to do, but she wanted to pay him back. She would pay him back, after she got a steady income. “Thank you JJ…” She said, biting the inside of her cheek and looking at the door.
She leaned away from the counter, stretching a little and taking both books from him. “Let’s go then, if you know the way.” She said as she opened the Love and Math book. She looked at the summary on the inside cover. Maybe reading could be her thing, instead of the drinking. It could replace it altogether. After she found a job that could be the hobby, it would probably take her mind off things. She walked out of the bookstore, waiting for JJ as he had to lead the way.
JJ smiled brightly and was congratulating himself on the inside. YES! Score one for the lonely Musketeer. When Emily picked up the Love and Math book, he smiled a little more. He missed having mates. In university he had peers that he could talk to about books like the one she was holding. But they weren’t people he would purposely have fun with or try to have fun with. JJ figured if he thought his peers were on the boring side then they must be really bad.
“My pleasure… and yes.. it’s down..” He looked around as he stepped out of the bookstore. “That way over yonder.” He offered his arm. “Can’t have you walking about unescorted. It would be rather unseemly and ungentlemanly of me, Mademoiselle Emily. What would the people say?” He was intent on having fun. And he was bringing her along. JJ would never forget the kindness she showed him up on a hill a long time ago. She made him feel normal and even helped him speak his mind among other things.
Emily actually giggled, taking his arm. Why not? Mademoiselle. She didn’t feel so much like a Mademoiselle. She had started to feel much older than she actually was recently, just from everything feeling so low. JJ was a good friend, a good friend she hadn’t kept in touch with. She hadn’t kept in touch with a lot of people. She wondered if he saw Cook recently, maybe he knew if Cook was doing okay. Her other hand held both books as she kept reading the summary.
“I don’t think people would care much JJ, I like it though.” She said, eventually closing the book as they crossed a street. She saw it, just a couple stores down, a cafe. That had to be what JJ was talking about. When they reached the door she quickly opened it herself, despite how she knew JJ wanted to be the gentleman. “Is the hot chocolate good here?” She asked him a little quieter as they entered. She liked the smell of the place. Cocoa beans.
JJ felt like he was winning small battles. First the book, the smile, and now a real giggle. He was thrilled, totally totally thrilled. Every time he felt like moving back had been a mistake something happened to prove him wrong. Bristol was home, had always been and he’d just lost sight of that. Walking arm in arm with Emily towards a delicious hot chocolate was simple goodness. He could almost smell the coffees, the hot chocolate and the pastries once the cafe was in sight.
He tried grabbing the door but Emily beat him to it. He shook his head and laughed. If it had been Effy, she’d have let him get the door then done something to make him blush. If it had been Katie, she’d have looked at him like he was something to be wiped off her shoe. If it had been Naoms, well.. that could go any which way depending on her mood that day. He smiled though. Emily wouldn’t do any of those things. Not that they were bad things. Well, Katie’s wasn’t too pleasant a thought. She frightened him a little. And Eff just liked having fun at his expense sometimes which he rather enjoyed but he wouldn’t say it outright. Emily at worst might stick out her tongue at him cause she beat him to the door. JJ You’re locked on! “I’m sorry.. yes yes.. the hot chocolate is delectable here. Especially if you get it with whipped cream.”
Emily turned her head to him, as he wasn’t answering her, but eventually he noticed and opened his mouth. “I’m sorry.. yes yes.. the hot chocolate is delectable here. Especially if you get it with whipped cream.” Emily nodded and set the books down at the table, letting go of his arm. She felt like she had energy now. Just knowing someone actually cared made everything seem a little brighter.
She stepped up to the counter, glancing at the chalkboard behind the girl. She was cute, probably faking smiles because she would get tips, but cute nonetheless. Emily had really stopped recognizing how cute girls could look, after breaking up with Naomi she felt like she couldn’t ogle anyone. She just felt guilt. But it now it was sort of going back to when she was with Naomi. She could still look at other girls when she was with her, there wasn’t really any shame to it, because they knew they loved each other. She stopped that train of thought, knowing it would end at the happy memories, the times that were so far away now. Naomi wouldn’t answer her voicemails, didn’t want to see her, for good reason. “Two hot chocolates please, whipped cream on top.” She ordered with a smile, of course the girl smiled back. It was her job. She turned back around and sat at the table across from JJ. “What have you been doing since you got back? Who have you run into?” She asked him.
JJ watched Emily as she set the books down on the table and went to place their order. He was happy. He may not have Cook or Freddie but he was forming his own little tribe. It was home. He shook his head trying not to get lost in his thoughts. When Emily returned he noticed she looked a little happier. He hoped she was having fun. She asked about who he had run into.
“Umm.. what have I been doing.. well I’ve been meeting lots of people.. it’s quite nice. Met an artist at a street fair, a singer..” He smiled at that. “Recently I met an odd fellow who is teaching me to play guitar. My cousin Gus is around. Not many from the old gang really.” Don’t mention Naomi. ”I ran into Effy in London a while back when I first got back from Cambridge and have seen her since. She was dating Cook but he broke up with her at the worst time possible then disappeared. Met her brother Tony. Breaking her out of the hospital was an adventure… uh oh.”
At least it wasn’t just her who hadn’t met the whole gang yet. Even JJ hadn’t seen much of anyone, besides Effy and Cook. She really only saw Katie and Effy when she got back, and Katie saw her at her worst. Maybe she could take up an instrument, JJ was learning guitar. She could do something a little easier. She needed a hobby with the job, as well as a proper apartment. A cheap one. She hadn’t wanted to stay with Olivia even though she offered. She had to get back on her feet on her own.
The running seemed like something Cook would do. That was his way of dealing with things, she didn’t have the right to judge. She remembered Katie talking about Tony at some point. Then he said it. “Breaking her out of the hospital was an adventure… uh oh.” He realized it was a bit of a bad thing to tell Emily right at the end of the sentence. She got a worried look on her face. “Breaking her out JJ? What if she wasn’t ready to leave the hospital?” She asked, remembering texting her. She had thought it was a short recovery. She rubbed her eyes. “Did her brother at least approve of this? Or did you just do what she said?”
JJ was blushing furiously. “Well.. um.. it was kind of an emergency.. when I went.. she.. well.. ok so.. “ He tried to calm himself down by thinking of the different variations one could drink the coffee options listed on the chalkboard. “Tony knows about her being out of the hospital… but only after the fact.. I went to visit her… after the incident.. she was trying to leave on her own.. her father wanted to put her in the mental asylum again. She didn’t want that. So she was trying to leave. And I tried to stop her. But then she kissed me.”
While he knew Effy had gotten him to do what she wanted, he went along with it. “I helped her. But I took care of her. Brought her to my house and kept tabs on her.. until she left..” He sighed loudly. When the girl behind the counter called out their order, JJ went over immediately and paid for the drinks. He also asked for a couple of scones. When he got back to the table, he was still blushing and expecting Emily to yell at him.
Emily had a furrowed brow as JJ tried explaining himself. He succeeded a bit when he mentioned the mental asylum. She knew Effy couldn’t possibly like it there, especially after the whole John Foster situation. From what it sounded like Effy used JJ to get out, using the kiss to her advantage. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she just needed more faith.
Emily might’ve yelled if it were really JJ’s fault. Effy would have left the hospital either way, it was probably just easier with JJ’s help. She watched him pay for the hot chocolate and scones, coming back and setting her cup in front of her. She pulled it a little closer to herself. She could see the steam rising from it, she would have to wait for it to cool off. Once she got the money she would pay JJ back for all of this. “She left? Do you know if she’s safe now?” She asked, holding her cup on the table with both hands and propping herself up on her elbows to lean in closer to the conversation.
