waiting for the hint of a spark

i completed my "365 project of thankfulness" on september 5th, 2011. scroll back to read it if you would like. i started my second 365 project, the "project of miracles" on september 5, 2013. also, check out my sister blog at likephoebecaulfield.tumblr.com.

[littleenalie]

september 4. day... 365!

this is it... the last day of my 365 project!

*whew*

it is a miracle to me that i FINISHED. it is also a miracle to me how much i learned from this experience.  my first 365 project (on this same blog, you just have to scroll back to the beginning of time!) was a "project of thankfulness". each day i wrote about one thing i was thankful for and i wrote about the important people in my life on their birthdays. this was a great challenge for me, but when it was over i realized the easy part of the project was that the things i were thankful for were not always day-specific. for example, i distinctly remember being thankful for nacho cheese doritos one day. and another day, bobby pins. those days were probably horrible days when i could not think of a single thing i was grateful for and so i wrote something silly (that i was still thankful for, but used as a cop-out). two years later, i came up with the "project of miracles" idea: i had to look for a specific miracle that happened each and every single day for an entire year! i decided to push myself to truly learn to see the hand of God in my life every day. dear readers, you know as well as i do that every day was definitely not perfect. there were quite a few days where i even explicitly stated, "i do not have a miracle for today." and sometimes i just talked about good things that happened in the day because i could not think of an amazing life-changing miracle that happened. (but, some days i DID have life-changing miracles!) looking back on the days when i thought i had "failed" to notice a miracle, i now realize that even seeing the good parts of a day is good, especially when we have bad days. not every day is perfect. but, there is always at least one good thing we can all find in each of our days. i also realized that even though i may have considered something just "a good part of my day" instead of a "miracle" does not necessarily mean the "good thing" did not come from God. God loves us! and He is always seeking to bless us. sure, my life was not drastically inspired and i was not saved from near-death experiences every day, but i have a firm belief that even those little "good parts" of my days were sent from God as little personal miracles to help boost my spirits, put a smile on my face, and keep me going through to the next day.

i cannot perfectly put into words the great love i have developed for God and His sweet miracles and blessings He gives me as well as my beliefs that i know He loves me as well, except with an infinite and perfect love. but i will leave you with four of my favorite scriptures that can attempt to explain the four greatest and most powerful miracles, to me:

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." --Psalms 46:10

"For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee." --Isaiah 54:7

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." --Isaiah 41:10

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." --Isaiah 40:31

long story short, thank you for sticking with me through another 365 project! i learned so much this year-- about myself, life, and how much God loves me and is truly by my side every day.

and THAT is a miracle to me!

[littleenalie]

september 3. day 364.

well miracle #1: i am feeling 99% better than yesterday! i felt a little uneasy and slightly icky still this morning, but by this afternoon i was feeling pretty normal. i am so grateful that i only had to be out of commission for one day. my boss even scheduled me to work saturday so i could make up all the hours of work i missed... which, in the end, i am grateful for! miracle.

miracle #2 kind of happened over the course of the last few weeks. today i was able to move back into my apartment for real! everything is completely redone and i spent a large portion of the day unpacking and cleaning-- and there is still a lot to do! we are so grateful for our "new" and beautiful apartment and all the hard work our landlord did to make sure it got fixed as quickly as possible. we even decided that we feel comfortable and okay with living here again, which is a huge miracle and blessing. it is also a miracle to me that i have a "family away from family" in my life who let me live at their house for the past few weeks. it was so comforting and nice to have a safe place to go despite all the uncertainty, homelessness, stress, and craziness of the last few weeks and it is a miracle to me that they were so hospitable and generous in letting me stay with them.

so many miracles. 

[littleenalie]

september 2. day 363.

well, today was a sick day. i spent all of last night hanging out in the bathroom with the toilet and therefore did not sleep very much at all. when my alarm went off at 5am for work, i promptly paid a visit to the toilet again. i decided to wait a half an hour before getting ready for work and when it was clear that things were not going to let up, i texted my boss and got the day off work. so, today was full of running back and forth to the bathroom, drinking 7-up, reading, watching netflix, receiving jamba juice from amazing boy in the middle of his busy work day, and napping. still not feeling 100%, but i am grateful that my bosses were so understanding and let me stay home today even though the first day of the week is always the busiest. i felt terrible staying home, but i think it was much needed!

little miracles made for a nice, somewhat relaxing day.

[littleenalie]

september 1. day 362.

happy labor day!  so grateful for the chance to sleep in late and not have to go to work! boy had the day off as well so we got to spend the day together. we were going to donate plasma but upon our arrival, we discovered that on top of the expected three hour appointment there was going to be a two hour wait to get in and we were not prepared with all that we needed to bring in to get registered. we decided to do it another day. instead, we went for a walk about memory park by the capitol building, went to the cheesecake factory where boy experienced his first cheesecake factory cheesecake, and saw 'guardians of the galaxy', which was surprising good. i was feeling minorly queasy all day, then became more sick/nauseated after eating dinner tonight. i do not want to get too gushy and all, but i am so grateful for a miracle of a boy who takes such good care of me! he made sure i took some medicine and was comfy, gave me a bottle of water, and willing cuddled with me and comforted me until i felt good enough to go to sleep. i know these are little things, but they meant so much to me. 

good days and miracles.

[littleenalie]

august 31. day 361.

happy last day of august! i cannot believe summer is nearly over. before i know it, utah will be "the frozen north" again and i will be praying daily to not die while traveling to and fro in the snow. today was just another great day at church where i [yet again] heard wonderful things i needed to hear. i know i say that almost every sunday, but it never ceases to amaze me and i will forever be grateful for this church. i am grateful for the peace the gospel brings into my life and the assurance that whenever it feels like everything is going wrong, i can know that God has a plan for me and there are trials and tests placed in my life for me to learn and grow from. i am so grateful that i am loved by such a perfect and wonderful Father in Heaven.

it is a miracle.

[littleenalie]

august 30. day 360.

today i got to go shooting again! it has been nine months since the last time i went, so i was grateful to have the opportunity to go again! each time i go i can see improvement in my shooting skills. and plus, there is nothing quite like that rush you get from pulling a trigger (do not worry, i only intend to use guns for recreational use and do not plan on using them to hurt people!) i also shot a .50 caliber desert eagle and did not hurt anyone or punch myself in the face with it. that was pretty cool.

shooting, homemade scones, delicious smoothies, and harry potter… such a great day! it is all about the little miracles these days.

[littleenalie]

august 29. day 359.

the new carpet got put in our apartment today! it looks the same as the old carpet but it is clean and sure made our apartment have that great "new-car" smell. we are so excited. oh hello, light at the end of the tunnel… miraculous to see you.

[littleenalie]

august 28. day 358.

after two weeks of having construction done on our house following "the incident", we were finally told that we were able to move back in today! the carpeting is getting put in tomorrow but the electricity is back on, meaning [mostly] that it is not 100 degrees in our house. i will probably not move back in until this weekend, but it is just so exciting to finally hear news that we will be able to live there again. these two weeks have been very long and very draining, but eventually it will feel so great to re-organize everything and get situated again. being homeless and camping out in random apartments and/or crashing at wonderful boy's family's house is fun and all, but it is just nice to actually live somewhere permanent that you can call your own.  so grateful for all the painters, electricians, renovators, carpenters, and yard care guys that i have talked to throughout the past few weeks that have been patient, kind, and understanding of our situation while working hard to re-make us a very nice house to live in again. also, our landlord has been spectacular in providing us with updates and ensuring we are taken care of. we have been so greatly blessed, it is nearly unbelievable.

and that is a miracle to me.

[littleenalie]

august 27. day 357.

when a toilet finally gets unclogged… that is always a miracle. 'nuff said.

[littleenalie]

august 26. day 356.

tonight maroon 5 (M5) had a televised broadcast of their album ("V") release concert on TV! i unfortunately missed the Emmys and the VMAs that happened this weekend, but you can bet that i did not miss that M5 concert! i am grateful for a boy that let me monopolize his TV for an hour so i could bask in the melodious magic that is M5. i just love those guys. so so so excited for the release of their fifth album in a week! miracles!

[littleenalie]

august 25. day 355.

so, as you may know, my roommate and i have recently been obsessed with the tv sitcom "friends" and have been blowing through the seasons. [**CAUTION: SPOILER ALERTS**] tonight we watched the season 6 finale where chandler and monica get engaged! after all the stresses this show has caused me, it was just a miracle to me that such a perfect couple (albeit, fictional) finally was able to get engaged. there was just so many happy feels we could hardly handle it! i know, i'm cheesy.

miracles!

[littleenalie]

august 24. day 354.

i unfortunately do not have a specific miracle to share from today. but it was a good day in general, and it is always a miracle when it is a good day. technically, every day is a good day… some just have a few more bad moments in them than others. but every day that i am alive, healthy, and surrounded by those i love, i consider to be a good day.

so there's that. and that is a miracle to me.

[littleenalie]

august 23. day 353.

today i went to our maintenance man's funeral, who tragically passed away in my apartment last week (if you missed the story, click here). it was very sad, as most funerals are, but i think it was definitely something i needed to experience in order to help cope with and handle this tragedy. going back in my apartment has been kind of spooky since he died in there, but after going to the funeral today i was able to be comforted and gain fresh perspective. when we are able to move back in next week and our living room gets repaired, i think living there again will not be so bad because i was able to attend his funeral and celebrate his life. he was an amazing man who lived a spectacular life and always went out of his way to help others, including my roommates and i. he taught us things when he was alive and i learned so much more about him and his life lessons at his funeral. i feel so blessed to have known him, even just a little bit and only as a maintenance man. 

and that is miracle to me.

[littleenalie]

august 22. day 352.

today i actually studied for the GRE for about an hour… until it put me straight to sleep. but hey, that is progress and quite the miracle! falling asleep was a good thing that happened because it was quite the long, exhausting week and naps are always miraculous. also, it rained most of the day so i got to go outside in that for a bit and i also got to eat free cafe rio for dinner in the rain.

and these are miracles to me.

[littleenalie]

august 21. day 351.

this afternoon and evening we were all pretty worried because my boy's dog threw up all last night and has been lethargic all day (not normal). he physically did not look good at all. about 9pm tonight we took him in to the animal emergency room and after talking with the vet and getting x-rays done on him, he had indeed swallowed a rock! (boy's mom totally called it... he carries rocks into the house and in his mouth all the time! i guess a lot of golden retrievers do for some reason.) unfortunately, the rock was stuck in his small intestine. we left him there and they were going to begin surgery at midnight... and it was going to cost a few thousand dollars! but that dog is loved very much and so they decided to operate.  an hour or so later, boy's mom came home from the vet and said that they had just barely looked at him again and noticed the rock moved! and, as the digestion process goes... the amazing dog pooped it out just a little while later! they still want to keep him overnight though because he was also really dehydrated and, well, pooping out a rock takes quite a bit out of you i can imagine.

we were all so grateful for this miracle! ...and that they did not have to spend thousands of dollars on such a risky surgery! huzzah!

[littleenalie]

august 20. day 350.

eek... only fifteen days left of my project! this year has flown by so fast.

today at my early morning job where i work as a customer service rep (and after only working there two weeks), i got recognized on the POP (big deal, customers/"presenters" only page) by a presenter! i do not really like talking about myself and my accomplishments, but this totally made my day and week... especially because this week has basically been miserable. the sweetest lady ever posted the following for the entire company to see:

"I have debated over the last couple of days about if and where i should post an experience i recently had with support. I have NEVER had a bad experience with [the company's] support; it is always top notch! The other day was no exception. However, [me] from support was so very kind, compassionate, and truly touched my heart. Please see that [me] gets extra KUDOS! Kudos to you! [The company] and staff are one in a million. Thank you!" 

i did not even do a big thing. i just listened to her and tried to make her day a little brighter. and it bounced back and made my day brighter. again, not trying to brag, but almost every time i decide to smile or go out of my way for someone, it usually comes back to bless me. not that we should all only do service in the hopes that we will be blessed more... but it is true. and serving and helping other people is just the best. i definitely needed this little pick-me-up today!

it is a miracle it came at just the perfect time.

[littleenalie]

august 19. day 349.

yesterday, today, and tomorrow i do not have to work at my speech therapy job because of a camp that most of the students and staff went to for a few days. i have definitely missed going in this week because i absolutely love that job, but it has been very nice (especially this week) to be able to get home at noon everyday and be done with my day. i have been blessed with three days to rest a little but also to get a lot of things done that i have needed to get done!

miracles!