An open letter to my grandmother who passed away
When I was young, my dad would always ask me who I love more, my lola (Dad's mom) or my nanay (You, my mother's mom). My answer was always the same, both. I used to go to Victoria for vacation during holidays. I loved being in your place because it is very spacious and I can ride a bike as well as play with the bamboo swing that tatay made. I still remember how my brother, my other cousins and I would compete who would ride first. I was always happy during vacations because I can play endlessly.
After graduation from elementary, we had to move to Victoria due to some circumstances. I saw you in a different way during my high school to college years. We usually clash, we usually argue and I began to dislike you because you always scold me and always takes Olo's side. We somehow grew apart.
When I started working, we rarely saw each other and somehow, I think things changed. I guess, it was probably you were getting old and I was growing old too, and I began to accept what kind of person you are. I started to realize the goodness in everything. I let go of the past conflicts and everything I didn't like about you. We were never really close. We don't talk about trivial things. I usually just answer your questions when you ask me, but we never really had a chat like how my mom and I talk.
Even though that is the case, I do care for you. I guess that is something we got from our mom, we are caring and we usually check on you and tell you to rest and so on. You were really stubborn, you don't like being stuck doing nothing. You always find something to do, something that Tita Baby got from you.
As time went on, you became mellow, less irritable, less noisy, more caring, more generous. In fact, you always make sure that we have something to eat, you always brings food to my dad. You are very much concern, I guess that is how you show your love to us. I actually miss that.
There were rare chances that I have told you that I do love you, in letters, cards and now. Living with you was one rollercoaster ride, I would never be who I am today without you. For that, I thank you. Thank you for my mom most especially. She is the best gift you have ever shared to us. Thank you for all the love, care and concern. Thank you for everything. And I am so sorry, for being one of your headaches when I was younger, for not understanding you before, for not being very much close to you.
I miss you already. Everything will be different without you. I will miss you during holidays, I will miss you asking me to do things, I will miss seeing you and hearing your voice. I will miss the aura of having you around. I will miss you that it hurts that I would never see you again and spend time with you. I will miss you terribly.
But I know, I have to accept the fact that we cannot live forever. Please know that we will never forget you, ever. That we will love you even when you are gone. May you be happy in heaven with Tatay and tito Imbe. Goodbye Nanay.