Reading in a Corner

he/they | 22 | writings & rambles

[neil-gaiman]

Excuse me, how do I know if what I'm writing is actually good?

You don't. And you never will. So you better get on and make things as best you can.

[littlemousewarrior]

Listen, I had top surgery because I thought I didn’t want big tiddies, but now I realize I do want big tiddies. Man tiddies. Big man pecs. The kind you know I have even though I’m wearing a baggy shirt. But that requires bulking up and I don’t know how to do that.

[littlemousewarrior]

Gender dysphoria can be a way to realizing you are trans. On the other hand, I always figured I just didn’t like my breasts and was just self conscious about how I looked. It was only when I played a male character in a play for university that I understood what gender euphoria meant. There were so many actors that people referred to me by the character’s name and he/him pronouns instead. Gender euphoria helped me understand why I felt weird in my body. So when a trans person tells me that they don’t feel dysphoria or feel it only on occasion I still think of them as trans, because when I ask they say they experience euphoria and happiness when being perceived as their gender identity. I don’t understand why some trans people think others have to experience dysphoria to be trans. If anything why aren’t we happy about it? It’s awful feeling strange in your own body, so if someone doesn’t feel that we should celebrate!

[littlemousewarrior]

The most damaging message that kept me from realizing I was trans are all the “men are trash” jokes. I was horrified by the idea that if I was a trans man I would be associated with the demonized version of masculinity and part of the villainized aspects of manhood. When I finally came out some of those fears came true as my friends told me, “you’ve become the enemy,” or “even though you’re bi you’re still a man.” Despite my inability to pass according to social expectations (inability to bind/pack) I was suddenly treated differently even by my closest LGBTQ+ friends. It was immensely isolating. I could not deny the euphoria I felt though, now that I was finally getting to use he/him pronouns and my new name. I don’t think people realize how unfunny those jokes are, or how damaging it is to hear them constantly. It does not incentivize men or transmasc individuals to do better or be vulnerable when the result will still ultimately get us lumped into “men are trash.” I see how it hurts straight trans men, because now they are considered “heterosexual men” and are therefore inherently bad. It’s awful. Stop it.

Edited: spelling

[littlemousewarrior]

I was fortunate enough to get top surgery yesterday. I am sore, in pain, and the drains are uncomfy, but I’m relieved to finally not feel dysphoric about my chest. This boy had a set of double Ds and couldn’t bind, so super happy about where I am now!