[littleweirdsickness]

[littleweirdsickness]

„what u took, and never gave back“

you took

all of me

when i had

nothing but

hope

you took

every little memory

i had

you took

my smile

my success

you made me

unable

to trust someone

no matter

how

hard

i try

you started

a constant fight

against myself

trying

to get better

for what

you

put

me

through

you ripped me apart

into

a million pieces

over

and

over again

you made me

suffer

for years

and

years

and blame myself

for

your pain

but i was

just

a child

i didn’t deserve

this

because

i was just

a child

and you took that

from me

[littleweirdsickness]

„me vs. me“

it’s me

vs.

me

it’s always been

and

always will be

my own face in the

bathroom mirror

starring into my

lifeless eyes

full of

disgust

and

misery

its been

me

vs.

me

since i can

remember

a little girl

fighting against

herself

to always be

bigger

better

brighter

it’s been

me

vs.

me

for quite a while

now

and

suddenly

i get used to fighting

against

myself

because it will

always be

me

vs.

me

[littleweirdsickness]

„what about me?“

„this is not the end.“

but what if i want it to be

the end

„but you could get better“

and then?

what if i dont want to

get better

what if this

endless suffering

brings some warmth within

some comfort

„but what about your loved ones?“

what about them?

what about the pain in their eyes

when they see

another blade has been dragged

along my skin

what about me?

what about the endless nights

looking for something sharp

to make me feel something

again

what about

all of my silent suffering

going on for

years

and

years

what about me?

what if i want this to be

the end?

[littleweirdsickness]

„alive“

i wasn’t alive yesterday

and the day before that

and the day before

i actually dont remember

what being alive

feels like

i dont even remember

the last time

i felt alive

was it

when i was

laying in bed

pinching my nails into my stomach

trying to rip my skin off of my bones

or

was it

when i ran the blade

all over my thigh

to see

if i was still bleeding

or if

all of me thats left

really is

an empty shell

of

a human being

[littleweirdsickness]

„you’re just too much“

the first man to ever tell me

„you’re just too much@

was actually my father

and

i dont even remember

the first time

these words left his mouth

i can only remember

the sharp pain in my chest

as if he

would’ve just put his hand

into it

and brutally

rip my heart out

and put it back in

with a simple

„i love you still“

but

what does that mean

still

does it mean

i have to be grateful

for him

shreddering me into a million pieces

i was never able

to put back together

the second man to ever tell me

„you’re just too much“

was the first man

i trusted with all i had

and all i was

the first man

to ever show me what i thought

was love

„you’re just too much“

was what he told me

when i was

giving him all my trust

and all my love

before he put his hands

around my sore throat

to show me

what being too much

could feel like

the third man to ever tell me

„you’re just too much“

is my daily companion

borderline

who makes sure

i always know

that i will never

be enough

but always

just

too

much

[littleweirdsickness]

„remind me“

please

remind me

that i still

exist

remind me

that i still

breathe

function

feel

remind me

that

this void

isn’t endless

remind me

that i am

lovable

likeable

remind me

that i will

get through this

somehow

someday

please

just remind me

that

i am

still here

[littleweirdsickness]

„I cant tell you, but i love you“

if somebody asked me

about your

little strands of hair

i could explain to them

how they sparkle

in the sunlight

without even having

to think

for a single second

and if

somebody asked me

about your favorite things

i could write

an ongoing list

without hesitation

and if

somebody asked me

about

what your hand feels like

on my face

when we kiss

eachother

i could

put together a playlist

with all the songs

that come close to

describing

what you make me feel

because

i cant tell you

but i love you

sincerely

and

endlessly

[littleweirdsickness]

i want to die. with every fiber of my being i want to die. and i dont tell u cause i want u to feel sorry for me. i tell u to prepare. cause this shell im existing in is not enough to stay in anymore.

[littleweirdsickness]

screaming for help, but nobody’s listening

[perfectnightbook]

Ich weiß nicht, was ich tun soll und ich weiß nicht, wohin. Ich hab' vergessen, wer ich sein will, und vergessen, wer ich bin. Ich renn' schon so 'ne Weile durch die Gegend ohne Ziel - es wär so leicht, mich zu entscheiden, wenn ich wüsste, was ich will.

[hayley-theartist]

me: [nonchalantly describes horrific childhood trauma]

me, two minutes later: hmm. y'know, that's kinda fucked up now that i think about it

[lolablueworld]

This is how it looks like to struggle with mental illness and developmental disorders.

[littleweirdsickness]

U TOOK ALL OF ME

I can still

Feel your hands around

my throat

Pressing harder and harder

Until I feel

The last bit of cold air

Leaving my lungs

I gasp for help

For pity

For apology

You made me feel

Like it was my fault

I made you angry

I made your do it

So

It felt like

I choked myself

-ah

[fxck-every-1]

“I used to love sleep, it was my only escape from all problems in reality But then you left, and now not even sleep can escape the thought of you”

— I don’t remember the last time I slept

[fxck-every-1]

“You really fucked me up, you know that? I constantly type messages and go to press send, and then remember you don’t actually care. I constantly looked down your street everytime I drive by in case I see the tiniest bit of you, even though I know you wouldn’t do the same. I constantly look at photos of us and remind myself of memories, and I know that you wouldn’t dare to even think of them. I constantly remember every detail about you from your blue eyes to your horrible laugh, and you don’t even give me a second thought. That’s the difference between me and you, that was always the difference between me and you. I treasured every possible moment I could because I thought it was forever, you didn’t because you thought of me as an object that would pass time.”

— I’m tired of feeling this way

[fxck-every-1]

Maybe its just right person wrong timing, or maybe im just too fucked up to be loved by anyone