Life After Loss

On January 22nd, my life changed, and on March 13th, it changed again. That's made it a little harder to cope with things. So I write.

[yearofyoyeet]

Don’t delete

[livingafterlosing]

7/13/17

It's crazy how you get the best After dealing with the worst; How you can feel so lucky After swearing you were cursed. You are my rising sun, After many days in the dark. Life's been a rough trek, But you're a walk in the park.

[livingafterlosing]

6/25/17

I want to be a collage.

I want someone to take All of my broken parts, And fix them into something Worth being called art.

I want to be made Into something new From the pieces I fell into.

Don’t throw my scraps away, I know they are ugly, But they must stay. Instead, accompany them With something nice, Make me whole again, Only better this time.

Just don’t treat me like a puzzle, I don’t want to be the same.

[livingafterlosing]

6/16/17

He was a threat to you and at the time, I had no clue as to why. But maybe it's because He is everything you weren't. He is every fucking thing That you could never be. And you were supposed to be, That's what's bittersweet You had an obligation that you just couldn't fill. He has none, but he does it all still. I was abandoned by you, Left to drown in my tears Suffocated by the pain, Alone with my fears. All the promises you made So broken and empty Just like the way You fucking left me. Now there's a cloud over you, but my sun shines and I am a flower, growing so high. For a moment you were trash that polluted my earth, But now I just want you buried in the dirt. Then I could walk all over you just as you did, me. I would be above ground and finally feel free.

[livingafterlosing]

6/8/17

I've always loved the water. So once I dipped into yours, I dove head first. But I forgot That you can't always just stand. I love to be in water, But I don't think I can swim.

[livingafterlosing]

6/4/17

Drop me And leave me on the floor. Let me know that You're not coming back for more. Which might be best Cause I'm empty, I've got nothing left All my pieces, Are in the wrong hands, And my best parts, Are with the wrong men And I'm sorry That I'll never be enough And I'm sorry That I'm way too fucking much For you to handle When your plate is so full. I'm just trying to Fill your heart too.

[livingafterlosing]

6/1/17

As I try to fall asleep, I hope you’ll find me in my dreams. I’ll hold you the only way I can, because I’ll never get to hold your tiny hands. You never felt the cold and that brings me warmth. I never wrapped you in this blanket, but it’s still yours. It’s hard to picture someone that never fully took shape. It’s hard to be strong when you’re not here to give me strength. It’s hard to accept a tragedy when you will never know why it occurred. It’s hard missing a cry that will never be heard. Sometimes we miss people we’ve never even met, Sometimes we miss people who are never coming back. But when I am missing you, it’s a combination of both. I don’t know if you could feel my love, but I sure like to hope.

[livingafterlosing]

5/30/17

I'm quite the yes girl and maybe that's because Sometimes I say no and I am still touched. I don't go out much and I think I know why, Bad things happen when you're with the wrong guy.

[livingafterlosing]

5/29/17

You inspired me to kick all my bad habits to the curb. I quit smoking but I hope I never have to quit your love. I wish I could impress you as much as you do me, But you hung the moon, and I just drain seas.

[livingafterlosing]

5/15/17

There's lots of danger in making a person your home, But I've always had a tendency to over-indulge. And no one told me your foundation had cracks, Or not to get too comfortable, so I didn't hold back. But now the doors are locked and the shutters are drawn. I can't find the key and I can't move on. It's cold out here, I wish you'd let me in. I want to sleep in your bed, my favorite blanket is your skin. I know you've got some renovations to be made, I know you've got things to fix, but I don't know how long it will take. So I'll wait. Until then, I'll be here hopin That you'll let me back in when your doors reopen. I'm just not sure about the time in between, In a sense I'm homeless, but I have a place to sleep. And I'm feeling quite homesick Without you next to me. I fell for a ghost, But ghosts can't feel. And it's hard to tell the difference Between what I hope and what's real. There's no place like home, I keep clicking my heels. But I'm stuck here alone, Dreaming of ideals.

[livingafterlosing]

Morning Glory 5/8/17

I wish I could’ve felt you, I wish I could’ve held you. I’ll always wonder what color your eyes would’ve been, I’ll always wish I could stare into them. I had so many dreams for you, I would’ve done anything for you. And I wish I could’ve met you, All I wanted was to protect you.

I hope you’re somewhere looking down on me I just want my baby to be proud of me You gave me purpose I’d never had before, You’re still the one I do everything for. Bad things happen to good people I know, But you were my flower….. And you deserved to grow. You were supposed to be my morning glory, But now we’ll never get to write your story. I just want to know how i’m supposed to turn the page, When I’ve got a book full of blanks, memories never made.

I love you to the moon and back How cliche is that? I always hated that phrase, But now I find comfort in it Cause on your tiny little clothes, Those words were written The clothes you’ll never wear, But baby I swear, baby I swear. A trip to the moon ain’t long enough, To fully represent my love, And I was never so fond of this sack of bones… Until it was your home, it was your only home And I used to like to look at sunsets But if my sun doesn’t shine Then why should everyone else’s?