So there was this one girl I liked for nearly two years in middle school. She helped me out of my depression and got me to seeing the world in a different way. I wanted to ask her out but couldn't work up the courage to do it face-to-face. So I wrote a poem and asked a friend to write the proposal. I didn't even look at the proposal note. It literally could have read "your breath smells like battery acid, get out of my life" and I still would have given it to her. Anyways, she replied with a "let's be friends" and I continued to like her for six and a half more years.
A "short book" verbose crappost about turning a foam cup into a modern art piece.
Foreword
Job interviewers around the globe ask the same ol’
question: “How can you sell me this pen?” This book is an
answer to a variant of that question. The following chapters
are part comedy, part art, and part showmanship, all
stemming from what can be done with a simple foam cup.
Why would you want to read what is effectively a verbose
meme, a play on the famous “This is not a pipe” art piece?
The same reason you’d take a second glance at that
painting: it’s a novel take on something you’ve seen
thousands of times, and you’ll likely finish this book with a
deeper understanding of art and its effects on society.
Someone who failed that “sell me a pen” test could
have done wonders in the position they were seeking, and
conversely someone who passed it could be totally inept at
everything else. Regardless of where you lie on the
spectrum, keep reading to improve your odds of winning a
boss’ heart.
This book isn’t meant to jeer at abstract artists or
decry some seemingly simple works of art. It’s made to
convey how the words that explain what the art is, is art
itself. Even if there are no words attached to the art piece,
silence is art. It’s all art. It’s just the label and the words that
make the difference between a crumpled napkin and 20
grand. Someone wanted it. Someone will have it.
Thus we begin the show.
An Art Exhibit From Scratch
Making a thing!
Clean up your own mess after sipping that Joe from
your foam cup! Peel at the cup so you make a neat spiral
thing-a-ma-jig. Congratulations: you have just created a
unique art piece worth thousands of dollars! You could be
enjoying a nice Bordeaux on a yacht a month from now.
That is, if you can sell it to the right person. You also
have to possess the right interpersonal skills. I know you
can do it. If some guy can trade a paper clip all the way to a
house, then you can make a living by creating something
from basically nothing. I could easily end the book here and
say “thank you for your eyeballs”, but that would be
antithetical to my message.
Instead, I want to take you on a long trip through
your mindscape, time and space, to show you the power of
verbosity, art, irony, and showmanship. I will give examples
of combining those concepts to completely wow your
audience. Here we have it: a new art piece made from our
idea. And an audience of eight billion people. Before you
meet those people, though, you must venture deep into
your mind to see how you can best express yourself. To sell
the cup, you have to gain a personal grasp of it. You may
even be hesitant to sell it by then.
Why Did You Save It?
Giving life to the inanimate.
Ask yourself: why did you save this particular (not-a)
cup from the garbage? Why not another cup? Be honest. If
it was just for the money, go ahead and say it. Your words
are what sell this cup. Just don’t stop there. Never give up.
Admire the cup and think of its positive attributes.
Love it like a farmer loves his crops. Remember that you
are a field yourself, a field that was tilled and seeded.
Someone who was cultivated into a functional human.
A field isn’t cultivated by itself but rather comes from
farmers who tend to it. Much like a field, it is up to you to
give the cup a life of its own. Don’t let it go fallow as it
slowly decays. Tell yourself: “it’s meant for something
greater than that”.
Someone saved you from natural dangers
when you were a tyke. Now you saved a piece of foam from
being dumped in the landfill. You’re paying it forward by
seeing the art in the trash and sharing your findings with
others.
It took another human to design the book you’re
reading. Someone had to come up with the concept of book
binding. All art. It’s up to you to recognize the art in
everything, and by that point, you can easily express your
appreciation for a cup you’d otherwise have no feelings
about. You must convey that there is something about it that
gives it life and meaning beyond sitting there and being
drunk out of.
Your Art is for Good
Being ethical in the eve of disaster.
You could have been a god of destruction, but you
chose to stay peaceful. The cup may be inanimate, but with
a person who has read the right (or wrong) books, it can be
used as a component for napalm. Your mind, your
conscience: it’s beautiful no matter what you’re going
through. It’s art. And your conscience, channeled through
your physical being, is responsible for creating a
masterpiece out of a simple cup.
Your creative power was made manifest as you tore
away at the edges of the cup. You breathed life into a thing
by making it unusable for its intended purpose. But you
made it shine in doing so.
This statement is for the better or worse. Just as how
art can be made in construction, it is also made in
destruction. Take Pablo Picasso’s famous piece Guernica
for example: it depicts the bombing of a Spanish city in the
midst of a civil war. It reminds us that we are not just artists.
We are living art, and even the cries of a dying populace
make that known.
“What are you selling in that cup of yours, that ripped
up piece of foam?” You are selling a life that unraveled
when you molded it into a new creation. It’s not a cup. It’s
not just a personified cup. It’s a life gone tragically
triumphant. Its new life has the scars, scratches, and stains
of its former self. But it still has a kind spirit. That’s what this
not-a-cup truly is. You gave it life in its mangling. Without
you, it would not be truly alive. Your surgery gave it a
refreshed look on existence.
Physical Touches
Giving your piece some character.
You can tinker with the cup to give it extraordinary
qualities, rather than it being a plain and extra ordinary
object. There’s a great array of possibilities to set the piece
from the others, including scratches and bends.
Choose one that you think suits the qualities of the
art’s personality. Clothe it with a sheet if you must, but if you
really want to go Hard Mode, do not attach anything like
googly eyes to the cup.
Your cup may have a hard time slipping into a dress,
but I can’t stop you. I’m just a girl who’s typing away in the
late hours. Come on, I know you can accomplish anything.
Figure out what feelings you wish to share with
others, so it could be a conversation starter. Imagine a
multimillionaire buying it just because it brings them joy.
That’s what we’re all aiming for, right? At least to enjoy, and
not for some spooky tax fraud or something like that.
You may choose to have its physical nature be
similar to yours, but you may also find it interesting to make
it in a way that represents an emotion, friend, or even
another object. What fun!
This cup has literally infinite possibilities. So go
ahead and keep on keeping on. I’ll be cheering you on all
the way to the bank.
Selling the Craze to the Sane
Extraordinary or extra ordinary?
This cup of yours now has a mind and life of its own.
What would the rest of the world think of it? To sell this cup,
you’d have to sell it to yourself first. Get into the idea that
your creation is a person, or at least like a pet. Think about
what an “average person/pet” would do.
Many people have some sort of social media. Think
about what that cup would say online. And as each social
media platform has its own quirks, ask yourself how your
cup would navigate the sites. It’s a comforting thought
experiment. Would it be one to share inspirational quotes,
or would it just make its own memes and spread them in an
effort to go viral? It’s all up to your mindscape. Let it all out
so the cup can soak it all in.
It’s vital that you understand why you molded that
cup’s personality in the way you did. You can learn
something about yourself by examining the way you
pondered about the social media exercise. You could use
that knowledge to better understand your mind and tune it
to a potential buyer’s wavelength.
You aren’t required to give a 50-page report on the
cup’s attributes to the potential buyer, but it’s handy to
remember the nitty-gritty. If you memorize it enough and
feel an actual connection to your creation, that feeling
would come off as appealing to anyone interested (or not
interested) in your piece.
Don’t feel frustrated if you can’t memorize
everything, or even if you can’t make something up. Keep a
journal and inspiration will strike all of a sudden. Give that
cup a dose of life-giving energy. It no longer holds coffee,
but it can hold all your thoughts and cares.
You may think that is going too far, and you would be
completely reasonable in saying so. However, you’re in it to make a life out of nothing. You are Frankenstein, and this
piece of foam is your Modern Prometheus. A sprinkle of
care here, a dash of love, a hint of scratch marks. That’s the
character of a cup.
Friend your cup on Facebook and post pictures of it
everywhere. Feel free to even edit it on top of the Eiffel
Tower if you’re adventurous and technically savvy enough.
Give it personality to the point it’s a part of your lifestyle.
Sell your time in exchange for good memories with what is
essentially a poor man’s stuffed animal.
The hilarious part is that you can even create
multiple personas for multiple foam cups… Okay, that’s
going too far. You must sell this insanely mundane object to
the (usually) completely sane customer, not create an entire
ecosystem out of something that ironically destroys the
environment. I apologize for going this far. But I’m not sorry
enough to stop writing this book, haha.
The point is: the art is in your mind, and you’re
projecting it through your voice and charm. You need to win
the customer over through a series of tactics. Whatever
fallacy is your cup of tea: the bandwagon, testimonials, fear
of missing out, and so on. Every bit helps in the battle
towards selling that cup of yours.
Don’t sell yourself short. Sell with pizzazz.
Buying or Biting
Either way, reel them in.
There will always be a potential customer looking to
purchase good art, and it’s your job to make the piece, fall
in love with it, and sell it to a good home. That takes
cunning, tact, and good social skills. Break out of your shell
and open a friendly dialog with the client. That’s half the
battle for most people. The other half is actually landing the
deal. Confidence in your training is key. You know
everything about your companion you are going to sell.
You’re their best friend. You’ve done everything together.
Feel it and feel loved. Feel successful. Use everything
under your belt to figure out how to strategically reel them
into actually buying your stuff. Don’t let any emotional
attachment get you down; there are more foam cups in the
sea. Wait… that’s actually horrible. Anyways, you’ll do fine.
Be masterful in your approach. Be concise and show
your creativity to them. Explaining the innate details of a
piece not only captivates the audience, but it also
encourages them to ask more questions. The more
questions answered – the more likely they will actually buy
it. You’d do so well.
Closing
Congratulations!
Congratulations on completing this short book on
how to sell a mundane foam cup. If upcycling were this fun,
we’d all be doing it all the time. I’d definitely buy a cup from
you (not really). I hope you learned a little bit on how to
make things more verbose and why it’s important to
sometimes personify the art you make.
This was a short exercise, but I
know it made me appreciate art more.
I hope it did that to you too.
I just realized while on a poetry writing binge, that my mind can go down slippery slopes faster than I would expect. I went from writing poetry about spilled grape soda, turning into a chopped tree, and then school shootings. What a mess my mind is. That's what I get for being awake at 4 AM and not having any sleep. Please don't be like me.
