Tw for suicide, severe mental illness, treatment facilities
My thoughts on abstraction
I don't understand why so many people were obsessed with seeing the abstraction process. We never actually see it in the show except for in dream sequences. I think that not seeing it is kinda the whole point.
It's confirmed that abstraction is not meant to be a 1:1 to suicide and Alex Rochon likened it to being in long term treatment which is were my concept is coming from.
As someone who has both attempted suicide and been in various levels of care (including long term residential), I view abstraction as an aborted or failed suicide attempt.
Everything is different post-attempt. The way you view the world, yourself, and other people changes. Most people end up with some form of long term side effects after, anything from ptsd to permanent physical damage depending on the method and how the brain processes it. So people who attempt will come out of the experience as a changed person, even if the change is unnoticeable to others or occurred gradually. It's just natural.
Being in a long term treatment facility can feel very dehumanizing. The conditions can be very poor. It's definitely not an ideal situation but for many people it is the only option. I met so many people who were at the end of their rope and just grasping for straws. I was one of these people.
Treatment is also quite a lonely and isolating experience, especially if you were like me and had to be far away from home or didn't have anyone who actually cared to visit. It was like the cellar. Locked away from the rest of the world, where they wouldn't have to see or deal with us.
It wasn't all bad. I definitely had some very good memories and I even got to travel to places I'd never been before even if it was under less than ideal circumstances (California in the spring is so beautiful I can't put it into words).
But that's kinda the big idea. You've been through this horrible traumatic event and now everyone looks at you like you're some kind of monster when you were just sad and desperate.
Suicide usually happens in the dark. It's sudden and extreme. Even when you've known for a while that a person is suicidal it's still very jarring to hear that they've attempted. Most suicidal people will never actually get that close to suicide.
So the cut from Jax being alive to suddenly being abstracted struck me hard. Everyone knew abstraction was a big risk, especially for Jax, but they were still shocked when it actually happened. One minute they were all there together and the next the survivors were left to pick up the pieces Jax left behind.
There's also a lot of guilt involved as the suicidal person. You can see that you're hurting everyone but you can't do anything to stop it. You can't magically make yourself better.
Jax was not a good person. Not by a long shot. But this story still resonates with me.
Because mental health is complicated. It's messy. It's not pretty.
But I still think everyone deserves a second chance to be loved. Even if it looks different.
I'm working on a new au (who is surprised-) based on my last fic where Caine, Abel, and Jax end up being foster kids to Kinger and Queenie! Idk we'll so how far it gets!
I just rly want them to bond over gender yk
And I love the idea of Caine wearing the most stereotypical baby enby fit and then wondering how everyone knows they're nonbinary lmao
Guess who finally finished that project they were talking about!
It took me about three weeks to complete this, and I was hoping to get it done before the finale released on yt, a few hours off but I think I did pretty well.
Uhhh so someone asked how much screentime showtime actually gets (by my count 12ish minutes) and of course I have lost the post right when I finished this butttttt this is my interpretation
• every time Pomni and Caine are on screen together
• every time Pomni mentions Caine
• all dialogue between them specifically
Ofc this is a bit subjective and low-key half the video is just Pomni's stupid ass hat but uh here it is! I like fanon showtime a lot but this made me realize I genuinely kinda hate canon Pomni bruh 😭
This took an entire 3 hrs cause I kept getting distracted just watching the show lmaoooo
Uhhh so someone asked how much screentime showtime actually gets (by my count 12ish minutes) and of course I have lost the post right when I finished this butttttt this is my interpretation
• every time Pomni and Caine are on screen together
• every time Pomni mentions Caine
• all dialogue between them specifically
Ofc this is a bit subjective and low-key half the video is just Pomni's stupid ass hat but uh here it is! I like fanon showtime a lot but this made me realize I genuinely kinda hate canon Pomni bruh 😭
This took an entire 3 hrs cause I kept getting distracted just watching the show lmaoooo
You ever feel like there are two types of autistics? I mean-
The first type is autistics that are good at finding community. They might have a hard time with allistics but they get along with other autistics well. Like the humans in tadc. They each have their own flaws and yet? They make it work. It's just natural. It's not easy and they fight a lot, but nobody is ever really alone.
The second type is autistics who just can't seem to connect with anyone. Even people who are supposed to be like them.
Caine is the second type, I think.
He's got some things in common with the humans. He's got relatability, even if they don't always see it.
But no matter how hard he tries, he just can't connect with them and it drives him crazy. He gets so upset that he starts literally torturing the others.
That's what autism has always felt like for me.
You're always being told to be yourself, but 'yourself' clearly isn't very likeable. You don't understand why everyone else can get along so well and you just can't. You can ask what's wrong with you but nobody has any good answers. And when you inevitably get so frustrated that you take it out on someone else then you've just ruined everything. Now they really can't stand you.
This is why I like Caine's character so much. He would get it. He would know about loneliness, real loneliness. Never having a meaningful relationship with anyone.
It's late. I'll probably delete this in the morning. Idk. I'm just sad and I have nobody to talk to about any of this.
I was gonna make one of these for all three runaway characters but I spent way too long on this one so screw that-
I have some ideas for what happened to AM in between his mom's death and meeting Caine so I'm going to write a few more chapters going over it methinks
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