I looked at the entrance for some time.
In the dream, it had just been a crack, that appeared deep, and to lead into the earth.
After awhile of looking at it from the last perspective I’d seen it from in my dream, I took a step closer, and shifted my view, to where I was looking down it instead of across it. I saw it went deep, the walls illuminated red by the glow deep at the bottom, which was white.
Immediately in front of me was a steep, rocky imprint, which led under the lip of the crack, to the left side wall, where there was a path along a cliff edge.
I moved down and followed the path, as it curved left and further into the side of the earth.
At the left curve, there was a dead end, and then to the right, this black, membranous crack in the wall.
I went through the crack, turning my head to the left and inching my body through. It felt like being squeezed through flesh. I held my breath as my face passed through and for a moment i wondered if I would be able to breathe on the other side.
The blackness on the other side was entirely empty. A thick, oily, humid blackness. I began to walk forward into it, wondering if I was anywhere at all.
As I walked, I began to see the faint outlines of a running stream. Like at night when you look at water and can only see it based off the reflection the surface gives off. I saw the highlights of the stream in the darkness. It ran away in the opposite direction, back where I came from. I stepped into the stream, and found myself wearing a thick, deerskin snow suit. I watched my knee bend the supple hide as I began walking upstream.
Quite quickly I passed into an ice cave. There were thin sheets of glass-like ice all around. I was in a chamber, about the size of small house. The stream ran around the right edge of the chamber, and circled back around behind the ice sheets out of sight.
I walked forward, and was standing in front of a completely reflective sheet of ice. I saw my reflection, saw a small knotted pony tail much shorter than my actual hair at the back right side of my head. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes were very shiny, hair disheveled. I looked as if I’d hiked a long way in the cold. I said to myself, “I need to find a way to heal.” And when I turned away from the ice, I reached into my pocket of my snowsuit pants and pulled a dried piece of meat out of the pocket, and ate it. As I turned back to the stream, I saw a candle next to the stream, tall and white. Next to it lay a hunk of seal fat.
I walked closer to it, crouching down to pick up the fat. As I crouched I was aware I was naked. I held the fat above the flame until it was dripping, and began rubbing the melted fat all over my body, my hair. Each energy center. I did this thoroughly and carefully.
After I was done I lifted my gaze to see a polar bear standing not feet away from me.
I saw it staring at me with its head low.
I felt my heart start beating harder and I backed several steps away, thinking “no” as the bear came closer, and then I was watching myself, back away but the bear reached its head down, and then I wasn’t sure if I was the bear or myself because as it bit through my first limb I remember thinking it was like biting through butter.
It did this with each limb, and then I was a torso, lying upon the white ice floor, I saw each of my limbs around me, and a wide pool of red blood. I could see my blood making a red slushy around me in the ice. Could taste it in the air.
I began hyperventilating, but in a way where I was rhythmic-— pant, pant, huff. Pant, pant, huff. I did this almost intuitively, it was part panic, part calm intention. As I continued the breathing, my blood and limbs drifted back to me. It continued until all my blood was called back and my limbs were reattached.
As I stood, I rolled my spine outward, then stomped my right leg in a one sided sumo squat, connecting my right elbow to my knee, and then cupped both my hands to either side of my mouth before jolting my arms outwards with a big rush of hissing air.
I felt nothing at all emotionally, as I looked down, and then carefully set each foot into the cold, clear water of the stream, and walked, naked, back to myself, this time following the flowing direction of the water.
When I came to the end of the blackness, and reemerged back into the crack in the earth, I turned my head to the right, as I slid through, then walked upwards until I was out, stopping, and raising my chin to the sky to close my eyes, opening my eyes here.
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