Bargain Store @llilywebsurfer - Tumblr Blog

Looking for a reason

2008-03-12

While I always emphasise spending time with nature in order to build that connection with spirits, this does not automatically mean that you have to hike up a mountain or head out into the middle of a forest.

You can connect to nature from your bed, from the middle of a city, in your kitchen and on a slab of pavement next to a railway.

Nature is everywhere. Nature is everything. You are nature. Rock and stone is nature. Gulls and wasps are nature.

Can't get out of bed? Watch a cool documentary or short ecology video. Read a book on local flora. Draw some cool animals. Talk to your houseplants.

Live in a city? Pray to the dandelions and nettles alongside the pavement. Ask the Spirit of Rat to help you. Look up and see the sky. Feel below and sense the earth. (Making a more detailed urban nature spirit work post, will link here too).

If you are someone who wants to work with nature spirits in your practice, please do not anything (or anyone) make you feel like you can't.

The Good doesn't weigh the bad out

The Good doesn't take away the hurt that only could be absorbed by my heart

The Good doesn't take away the lies paired with a smile that I believed for so long

The Good doesn't take away from the self guilt

The Good doesn't take away from the fact I can't have you because you will indefinitely hurt me again

The Good doesn't help me in my decision to leave, it grips onto my pants leg and asks if it was enough

And I have to tell The Good that he tried his best

Crouch down and take The Good into my arms and thank him for the joy and the laughs and the trust when he was around

Rub The Goods head against mine and promise I will always love him

Let me take The Good down to the lake one last time and watch us play with the water

Do you see

I'm letting go now

The Bad has taken me

I just dreamed of a love as intimate as me and my sheets

And the feeling I get from had choosing them

And them in turn softening after every wash

Instead of becoming brittle and hard and secretive

It only loosens and lessons it's friction with every sleep

No lies

I don't have to worry about the sheets leaving my bed because that's what they're meant to do

Stay and be trusted and envelop me in comfort

When did I exchange being God's everything with a man's maybe and maybe even

Just that

Funeral song

#Youtube

I am sorry for the late response aunt Rowena. I meant to write a letter for you specifically before our trip to Scottland but it slipped my mind! Thank you so much for your wishes and thank you for your gift. I promise I will make you proud.

June 25 23

I'm the only one that texts goodnight and goodmorning

Maybe you like receiving them more

I've never received spontaneous flowers

I pay for myself more often than not

I don't have a job

I never get phone calls

When you ask about my day and I tell you about it, you always have to go before I'm done

And I've never received spontaneous flowers

The smell of the honeysuckles coax me as I pass by after a spring rain

I drink it up like lemonade

It fills up my lungs till I'm bursting and have to walk slower

My body was already so full of the damp air

My socks and my palms take the dampness for me

Because I'm already walking up to the shrub

I can already taste the sweet reminder of freedom I've had every year

on the tip of my tongue

Take the flowers between my lips and kiss the sweet petals together gently

The good omen always tells me

of ending semesters and later nights

in case I get dizzy

I can't help but devour

I've been waiting too long

My body is a tea of sweet memories

The thousand lives I've lived as a girl

The years I will have

Sweet honeysuckles

Thank you for always being awake on time

September 3rd 23

I am holding onto the doorknob

And holding onto your hand

And you're going to the other end of the hallway towards the exit door

And I can hear the laughing through the walls because

I cracked it a little thinking we'd both go in

I can smell a meal prepared

Barely Glimpse the empty chairs waiting around the table

My body so close to the door

I want to step in

But my other arm is being stretched

Because I can't let go

Come with me

Come back to me

January 13th

When I die

Burry me underneath my tree

Where I can finally let it's shade cover me

Where I once watered my friend

warmed the sappling in the winter

Cheered as leafs grew

Smiled as it flowered

Ate from the fruit that sheepishly dropped

My tree got older and I grew taller

The tree stopped reaching and I stopped crawling onto its trunk on hot days and cold nights

The trees fruit turned sour and I told it I had a diet

I am no longer tied down to the fact that I've reserved different types of presents to only be bought for from a specific another person. Of course they never got bought or hinted it was in the works to save up, no matter the need or obvious desire. I can buy myself these presents now and I don't have to beg or drop hints for the rest of my life. Things so intimate will never see the sun again, and it's all because of you.

The most heartbreaking thing is that I can't even say I've removed myself from the situation. I've begged and pleaded and swore off it mentally, but where's the begging and pleading for me? All I feel is the swore off it.

I'm staying in tonight

I won't stop you from leaving

I know that I'm not what you wanted, am I?

Wanted someone who I used to be like

Now you think I'm not trying

Well, don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie

You don't want to bring it up

And I already know how we look

You don't have to remind me so much

How I disappoint you

It's just that I talked to somebody again

Who knows how to help me get better