ramblin' man

dan sledge. 28 years old. i wouldn't say i'm peewee, but i'm on one hell of a big adventure.

[gdicullen]

↳INSTAGRAM: @cullendaking uploaded a photo:

I fucking hate this bloke.

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@dinodan: @cullendaking i take the time to type out 100+ emojis and this is how you fucking repay me???? i want a divorce

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TEXT: IVY

Dan: Happy Day of Birth, kiddo. You're a little shit but our family wouldn't be the same without you. We have a cake waiting for you but it looks delicious so you'd better hurry your ass over here before I tuck into it. :)

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: You're the one that said she would love it no matter what i did MOVING ON

Dalton: FUCK OFF he's already going to kill you and me because of it

Dalton: Perfect timing for me to break the news that at some point if she says yes i'm gonna move out and you can deal with his wrath on your own

Dalton: Speak for yourself in the one ring shopping.

Dan: UGH I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT. using my own good advice against me. it's shameful.

Dan: so it'll be me, jace, and cullen. haha, she'll be so THRILLED

Dan: I'm well and truly on my own here wow

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: It's got the good 'i intensely love her' vibe don't kill it

Dalton: N..................yeah unfortunately you were the first shit that snooped around and found out before I could talk to anyone about it.

Dalton: He's a fucking ladies man, I tell ya.

Dan: yeah a murdery serial killer vibe

Dan: so I knew before Cullen?? interesting. veeeeeeeeeeery interesting

Dan: he could give us all some pointers I think

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: "I just really wanted to make sure you got it"

Dalton: That's what I thought. And where do y'all stand now? I'm pretty sure Remy gets around more than you.

Dalton: Legit, how does the dog have more of a fucking social life than all of us

Dan: yeah that's not creepy or murdery sounding at all, go with that

Dan: another question just for the record. am I the only one that knows?

Dan: he's a stud, what can I say. that's how I didn't raise him.

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: Fucking sold. I'm stowing the ring away in a McFlurry

Dalton: Says the man who literally went on your bike searching hi and low singing Uptown Funk and shouting HOT GIRL HOT GIRL. I can't believe I didn't come to you sooner. I can't imagine why I didn't.

Dan: Maybe not, she might swallow it

Dan: LISTEN THAT IS actually a good point I have no excuse

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: So you're telling me taking her to McDonalds and proposing with a chicken nugget is probably a bad idea?

Dalton: But seriously, thanks. I mean, not thanks for snooping my laptop and finding out before I could even tell Cullen cause he's not gonna let me live that shit down but.. seriously, thanks man.

Dan: no I'm saying that's a brilliant idea did you even listen

Dan: of course, it's what I'm here for. matchmaking and giving bomb advice

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: I owe a lot of that to you guys, you know. I didn't do all this shit on my own. And yeah, I know she will. I just /want/ to make it at least decent. She deserves that.

Dalton: Nah, she didn't. She did only give you one extra nugget. Literally one.

Dan: well, yeah. but you know what I mean. and I'm not saying she won't appreciate it if you make it really nice, but you don't need to worry about fucking it up either.

Dan: yeah I know. rude.

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: I know. I don't know if she's gone through that girl thing where they idolize their dream proposal and shit. I mean I think everyone knows I love the hell outta her. I don't see a future without anyone else. She's it. I'm not calling her my lobster, you fuck.

Dalton: Also, Dan... I'm pretty fucking sure you did actually propose to her. Your denial is clouding your memory. I'm sorry buddy, I know the rejection was hard.

Dan: I mean maybe, but she isn't gonna expect you to do it exactly that way. she's not one of those. like...I don't know a lot about her childhood and shit but I know she didn't really have a family before us. before you guys. she's gonna be so happy no matter how you ask.

Dan: ps that makes her your lobster dumbass

Dan: whatever she didn't deserve me anyways

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: A fucking gold mine that you are married into that's what this family is.

Dalton: I've literally only just now started to look at rings. I figured once I find the right one stuff will fall into place better. I don't know. I've never fuckin proposed to anyone I don't know how this shit works. But, I mean, she's family now. I want her to feel like that, you know... more than that obviously. But shit I mean, I've got a general idea but nothing like... set in stone or some shit. Besides you two fucking idiots, she's the best thing that's happened to me. It's a lot to think about and a lot of ways to think about not fucking it up

Dan: wouldn't have it any other way

Dan: dude. calm down. listen, I know it's probably scary as shit. I mean, the closest I came to proposing was to that girl at mcdonalds that gave me an extra chicken nugget that one time, but I can imagine. you just tell her that, how you feel. but man, that girl loves you. no matter how you do it or say it or fuck it up you know she's gonna say yes. in the words of phoebe buffay, she's your lobster.

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: You can bet your fucking ass it was a goddamn pun. You can't honestly say you DIDN'T expect me to pull it. It's a tradition, you know. You gotta carry it on. You can't be a Daking if you don't.

Dalton: Yeah, I KNOW. I haven't got the slightest fucking clue and if you suggest some kind of Star Wars theme proposal I swear to fucking god Daniel Sledge I'll cut your dick off myself and feed it to Remy and watch Cullen and Hayden cry in misery while I sit in pure glee.

Dalton: On a totally unrelated note how the fuck do people propose?

Dan: what the fuck is this family

Dan: ok listen though you know she'd think it was really cute. but like please don't cut my dick off I like it where it is thanks

Dan: Idk man. You gotta get down on one knee so like, think of your location. don't wanna be kneeling in like dirt or some shit. do you know what you're gonna say?

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: I don't know but if I'm not your maid of honor then honestly what's the fucking point. We all know Cullen's best man and bride will be you. I'll even make you guys a fucking cheesecake for the occasion.

Dalton: Listen, don't tell Cullen about this. I want him to hear it from me. But yeah, the ring's for Lils. Or at least the browsing is. I've never really had any doubt that she's the one as fucking cliche as it sounds.

Dan: There's no point there wouldn't be a wedding clearly. A FUCKING CHEESECAKE. WAS THAT A GODDAMN PUN YOU ASSHOLE

Dan: Oh my god. Oh my god. I won't tell him but oh my fucking god. Like its about time but I might cry. How are you gonna do it??

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TEXT: DALTON

Dalton: Jesus Christ. The first night I open the browser. I'm gone for five minutes and you've already cracked open that egg.

Dalton: I didn't want you to find out this way. Cullen wasn't really mad at you. It was a cover. You gotta act surprised though. He's been wanting to propose to you for a while now.

Dan: you can't slip one past me. detective dan is on the case

Dan: oh my god oh my god should we have a winter wedding???? WHAT KIND OF FOOD SHOULD WE SERVE??? i guess it doesn't matter since we're in love it'll be perfect either way i have to go pick out a dress now oh my stars

Dan: seriously dude, what's the hap????

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TEXT: DALTON

Dan: Um excuse me

Dan: Your laptop was left open and so naturally I had a snoop

Dan: Are you looking at engagement rings bro?????

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TEXT: CULLEN

Cullen: Hayden doesn't like Remy. She told me. You can have one or the other.

Cullen: I think she'll find her way to him. It's alright. You can't separate love.

Cullen: Or so I thought.

Dan: WHAT THE FUCK MAN THATS SO HARSH

Dan: Dude we just went out for coffee. Ivy was there too you just can't see her in the picture cause she's so damn short

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TEXT: CULLEN

Cullen: Excuse me, Remy is mine asshole

Cullen: You can have Dalton though.

Dan: I think he would beg to differ, let's both call him and see who he goes to

Dan: Lily won't be happy with that

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TEXT: DIERKS

Dierks: Done deal.

Dierks: I thought it showed your personality fantastically. Maybe next time we can sneak in a good cuddle for them.

Dan: It looked like the caption should have been 'local actor saves drowning idiot'

Dan: You can carry me bridal style through the door and everything.