@loafdepain - Tumblr Blog

#nana #nana manga #nana anime #ai yazawa #hachi #nana osaki #nana komatsu

snow days

the venn diagram of people who publicly say they haven’t been on social media because they’re not doing well and people who post on social media every single day is a circle

i had a facebook memory of a status i made about being discharged from the hospital. the details regarding the admission aren't important, but my aunt rhonda commented on it and said that she was glad i was getting released even though i never responded to her as to why i was there in the first place. i commented back and told her and she responded positively and told me she loved me. i told her i loved her back. my aunt rhonda killed herself september 2019. i have so much guilt and so much pain over our relationship. my parents got divorced and it was messy and unfortunately my relationship with her was a casualty. i spent so many years bitter and angry at her for things she said and did during the time of my parents' divorce. i wasted so much time. she wasn't perfect, but no one is. she had a huge heart and cared so much for me despite our difficult past, i wish i had just seen it earlier. we were on good terms prior to her death, but we didn't talk often and didn't get to see her because she lived halfway across the country. i feel like i failed her. i failed as a niece. in the grand scheme of things, i know that wasn't significant and didn't cause the outcome, but it hurts that i didn't try harder. it hurts that i live with the guilt of locking her out for so long. it hurts that i didn't know the full scope of her suffering. i wish i could talk to her, but all i have left is her handwritten recipe for cracker fudge sitting in my wallet.

#nina speaks #tw suicide #tw death

afaerytalelife

Bakery Shop Window.

#food

funnytwittertweets

loregasmic-deactivated20140814

medievalthymes

stop normalizing the grind and normalize whatever this is

ghiblicentral

🐱🪄🔮✨

#kiki's delivery service

itsloriel

The door is attached to the biggest tree in Japan. by Masanao Kimura / 500px

#nature

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#i had a couple conversations in the last couple weeks with one of my close friends that I’ve not been as close with the last couple years #i forgot what a conversation where my needs are met and I feel like the friend is interested in my life felt like #we talked about her breakup at length #but we talked about things going on with me #and then just things generally speaking #i asked a lot of questions #she asked a lot of questions #and I felt good and safe afterward like I could confide in her #in other news i’m really struggling but trying really hard to put on a brave face

star-anise

When I was younger and more abled, I was so fucking on board with the fantasy genre’s subversion of traditional femininity. We weren’t just fainting maidens locked up in towers; we could do anything men could do, be as strong or as physical or as violent. I got into western martial arts and learned to fight with a rapier, fell in love with the longsword.

But since I’ve gotten too disabled to fight anymore, I… find myself coming back to that maiden in a tower. It’s that funny thing, where subverting femininity is powerful for the people who have always been forced into it… but for the people who have always been excluded, the powerful thing can be embracing it.

As I’m disabled, as I say to groups of friends, “I can’t walk that far,” as I’m in too much pain to keep partying, I find myself worrying: I’m boring, too quiet, too stationary, irrelevant. The message sent to the disabled is: You’re out of the narrative, you’re secondary, you’re a burden.

The remarkable thing about the maiden in her tower is not her immobility; it’s common for disabled people to be abandoned, set adrift, waiting at bus stops or watching out the windows, forgotten in institutions or stranded in our houses. The remarkable thing is that she’s like a beacon, turning her tower into a lighthouse; people want to come to her, she’s important, she inspires through her appearance and words and craftwork. In medieval romances she gives gifts, write letters, sends messengers, and summons lovers; she plays chess, commissions ballads, composes music, commands knights. She is her household’s moral centre in a castle under siege. She is a castle unto herself, and the integrity of her body matters.

That can be so revolutionary to those of us stuck in our towers who fall prey to thinking: Nobody would want to visit; nobody would want to listen; nobody would want to stay.

shieldmaidenofsherwood

#it’s so so important to remember that representation is not one-size-fits-all#what is empowering to one person might be exhausting and oppressive to someone else#some people need stories about having the strength to save themselves#some people need stories about being considered worthy of being saved#some people need inspiration for their independence while others need validation that they don’t have to be able to do everything themselves#before you lash out against something PLEASE stop to consider:#is this inadequate and/or damaging representation?#or is it just something I don’t personally relate to? [X]

star-anise

It’s been half a decade and I still haven’t found an articulation of the complexity of “representation” as concisely and precisely mindblowing as @hungrylikethewolfie’s here.