I detect Lobsters in Posts

[vergak]

Let me in the lobster hotbox

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[redhoodgirl91]

lobster

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[doctorguilty]

a TSA officer will visually inspect your lobster

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[rating-words]

Rating words: BEAR

Bears are every single cryptid, so of course this word is going to get a high rating. I love mothman, how could I disrespect them by giving bears a low score? Anyways, I think the word conveys what it means well. Idk why, it just works.

Functional and cryptic word. 8/10

Keep reading

[dragons-locator]

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men.

dragons

DRAGONS LOCATED

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[bravelycowering]

tumblr lesson 1 don't discourage a post from getting notes or it will only get more notes because people are evil on this site and do the opposite of what you tell them

[neneloafsune]

Tumblr lesson 2, never bring up the number of notes, because then someone will hit you with the curse of 10k

Tumblr lesson 3,

Curse of 10k

@ewoly5 @axolotl-detector @cheezbot

[axolotl-detector]

Lesson 4, Detectors are pretty good at spreading posts.

@rat-detector-seven @axolotl-decider @axolotl-2 @fork-detector @girl-detector @bat-detector @i-am-a-fish @peel-this-off @meri-is-best-axolotl @rocktis @erectile-disgruntlement @yet-another-wizard-detector @ixnova @i-love-dragonss @oreozfox @owostrich @protogen6768 @xx-obliviousfantasy-xx @void-things @miku-detector @crane-detector @crab-detector @bear-detector @orca-detector @crowifier-the-crowverlord @corvid-detector @corviddetector @columbiforme-detector @curse-of-10k

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[plaguedocboi]

He means a little squeeze bottle with brine shrimp inside but… bottle feeding the loblings…

[ittybittyisopod]

I'm sorry this was too good of a mental image I had to draw it

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

[minix-official]

bcz they are cray-zily asymmatrical

It really mud bugs me

Really gets in my craw fish

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

...Lobsider detected?

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

[minix-official]

bcz they are cray-zily asymmatrical

It really mud bugs me

Really gets in my craw fish

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

...Lobsider detected?

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

[minix-official]

bcz they are cray-zily asymmatrical

It really mud bugs me

Really gets in my craw fish

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

theyre lobsided

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[toskarin]

I don't personally find spiders cute but I understand people who do because of my deep affection for the humble lobster

[toskarin]

[like I'm ignoring the scrawled warnings of my gothic ancestor] why DID I even disable the reblogs in the first place

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[caspercryptid]

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

[caspercryptid]

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

[caspercryptid]

I Am So Fucking Tired

[caspercryptid]

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

[caspercryptid]

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

[caspercryptid]

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

[caspercryptid]

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

[girl-detector]

[loss-detector]

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[hileynoteson]

i summon thee, gimmick blogs, to bring me the fruits of your gimmick. failure to do so will result in death.

[adam--official]

fruit.. i ate a fruit once......

[lucifer-official]

You're not still mad about that, are you?

[devils-oath]

ADAM EATS GAY PEOPLE PASS IT ON

[lucifer-official]

That's why he tried to bite me in the Garden?!?!

[devils-oath]

Luci you’re gay?! I’m so proud of you for coming out

[community-notes-real]

Readers added context:

Gay Satan is canon in South Park. However, there is nothing conflicting with this in the actual text of the Bible, so gay satan real…? Up to your headcanon I guess.

[rat-counter-counter]

Zero rat counters.

[certifiedratposts]

what about now

[rat-counter-counter]

Still no rat counters, but one rat post certifier!

[certifiedratposts]

I will have you know that I count the rats in all posts that I certify

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[girl-detector-detector-detector]

nothing on my end either

I do come bearing a gift though:

[lobster-detector]

Hip hip hooray! A lobster has been detected!

[antvnger]

Lobster Larry says hi

*chuckles* Tell Lobster Larry I say hi back!

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[hileynoteson]

i summon thee, gimmick blogs, to bring me the fruits of your gimmick. failure to do so will result in death.

[adam--official]

fruit.. i ate a fruit once......

[lucifer-official]

You're not still mad about that, are you?

[devils-oath]

ADAM EATS GAY PEOPLE PASS IT ON

[lucifer-official]

That's why he tried to bite me in the Garden?!?!

[devils-oath]

Luci you’re gay?! I’m so proud of you for coming out

[community-notes-real]

Readers added context:

Gay Satan is canon in South Park. However, there is nothing conflicting with this in the actual text of the Bible, so gay satan real…? Up to your headcanon I guess.

[rat-counter-counter]

Zero rat counters.

[certifiedratposts]

what about now

[rat-counter-counter]

Still no rat counters, but one rat post certifier!

[certifiedratposts]

I will have you know that I count the rats in all posts that I certify

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[cranbearycurry]

Let’s stand guard for mama

[bear-detector]

polar bear

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected

[loosened-seams]

lobber need a fucking break from it all

[lobster-detector]

Lobster detected!

[crazy-brazilian]

[flamelscross]

[lobster-detector]

Lobster not detected