lobsters @lobsters-johnson - Tumblr Blog

My lil personal heater is blasting the tacos I had for lunch back into my face and I'm ok with this.

They THOUGHT they hid the butter from me...

You can't hide butter from Lobsters Johnson!

Lobsters Johnson always has backup butter for these EXACT situations.

#be prepared #unsalted butter #salted butter #scar from lion king #boy scouts

I just needed someone else to see this cute pic of my puppy. I hope it makes your day a little better.

Three wildly different dynamics in my house:

Only child

Oldest child

Youngest child

Xanax causes dementia? Guess I'm just gonna raw dog life, man. Dementia scares me more than feeling ok sometimes. I can just feel ok some other times instead

Dear #spotifydj

Please stop recommending "summer songs" to Texans, we are dying. Give us a reminder of any other season. 🥵🔥

The mosquitoes are mad that I've outsmarted them, and now they're coming for my family

"There is a certain high to hating yourself." - Blythe Baird

@blythebaird

I'm a silver spoon queen, and he's a copper wire cowboy.

If I have to put one of my puppies in a cone, it's only fair that I also wear a cone.

However, I only own one cone, and they're quite expensive so...

Once hers comes off, I'm putting it on for the same amount of time.

HERTZ WILL KILL YOUR PETS AND THEY DON'T CARE.

#hertzSUCKS

#fuckHERTZ

#animalrights

#HERTZKILLS

there's so many Culkins!

The first-world problem of cleaning the night before your carpet cleaners come.

#sevendogs #poorcarpets

As a lobster, I would like it to be known that butter baths are SUPER GREAT for your exoskeleton.

Hot, specific take: Mother Mother is just Thompson Twins 40 years later. I said what I said.

#mothermother #thompson twins

I CAN'T go to sleep because I'm too ANXIOUS

Fun fact: I am a lexiphile, and I specialize in song lyrics and spelling.

Every day, I struggle to want to be here.

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