do you want a ride?

ind. brooke lohst from ned vizzini's 'be more chill'. book & musical influence.

[lohstnfound]

Tell me why listening to mitb makes me wanna write Brooke more?

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

“That’s probably because people don’t usually riff on violins,” Rich replied sarcastically. He wasn’t very good at taking compliments that it was easier to just make a joke than acknowledge Brooke’s compliment. “I mean, you probably could, but I don’t think anyone actually does that.” He smirked slightly.

“There’s a lock on the shed, right? Not that I think people would try to take stuff, but…” It would be nice to have a better place to store his guitars, but he didn’t want to risk them being taken—especially his mother’s guitar. He’d hate himself if he let something happen to it. The age of the instrument was clear, with a dent in the body as well as a couple scratches, but he did his best to take care of it.

[lohstnfound]

With a playful roll of her eyes, she shook her head as she took another bite of her lunch. She was familiar with Rich’s sense of humor. She understood it better than most of the other kids at school did. He was a smart-ass but it was his way of accepting what she was saying. “Couldn’t tell you if anyone ever has. Can’t say I’d be too big of a fan of the sour notes that would get hit.”

There was a scoff, her back straightening at his inquiry. “Rich, c’mon. I live in the fancy neighborhood that hands out full-sized candy bars at Halloween. Three of my neighbors have a Porsche. Everyone on my street has an in-ground pool. Of course there’s a lock on the shed.” There were locks on every point of entry at her house. Her parents just really wanted to keep the family safe. Brooke just really liked being able to unlock the front door from her phone.

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

Rich hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to his peers. It was easier that way—it meant he wouldn’t start thinking about if people were staring at him or talking behind his back. He assumed that the girl was at least sort of popular—she had a certain amount of confidence that made it clear—but he didn’t really know much else. And if she was popular, it made him even more nervous. Why would she be talking to him? Probably not to do anything good. Even if she wasn’t popular, though, he still would be nervous. He wasn’t good with any of this.

He almost said his name again, before remembering that he had already introduced himself. He kept his eyes on the ground as he shuffled his feet slightly. It shouldn’t be so hard to carry on a conversation. People do it every day. He might not be the most likable person, but…he should be able to speak to someone without panicking.

Rich cleared his throat, covering his mouth with his hand as he did so. “Yeah I—I heard that there was a mall nearby.” He stayed quiet for a few more moments before forcing himself to say something else. “So yo moved here, too?”

[lohstnfound]

Why was Brooke really talking to him? She couldn’t quite say. Maybe she wanted to give him a good impression of her before Chloe inevitably ruined her reputation. Maybe she wanted to help him the way she wished she had been her first day. She wished someone had built up her confidence as the new kid before Chloe swooped in and made her second best. Sure, she was popular and there was a sense of power that came with it, but sometimes she wished she was just a normal classmate with friends who wouldn’t throw her in front of a bus just to make themselves feel superior. Or maybe she just wanted to maybe make a new friend.

Brooke leaned against the row of lockers delicately, her finger tapping over the slits in the metal, her nail clicking softly as she did so. He had every right to be nervous. She wanted to reassure him that she wouldn’t bite, but that wouldn’t be a cool thing to say. He had to come to that conclusion on his own, right? “Yeah, from Newark. Not too far or anything, but when I was ten, it felt super scary.” She smiled softly. “The first day is always the worst, I think.”

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

Rich glanced down at the table before giving another, more dismissive shrug. Given the choice, Rich would always brush off the issues with his dad, try and pretend it wasn’t a big deal. He knew Brooke was just trying to be supportive, and he appreciated the gesture, but…he hated thinking about how different his family is from everyone else. “Riffs really aren’t something on sheet music, it’s a lot of improv. It’s more about learning knew styles.”

He looked up at her suggestion, a bit too stunned to respond for a brief moment. He never really had people go out of their way to help him with anything, and…that was a lot to offer for him. It wouldn’t be a bad set up, though. His amp could stay there full time, and his guitars were fairly portable so if he did want to bring one to school, he could just swing by Brooke’s house. And it’d also mean he wouldn’t have to worry about his father actually getting rid of the guitars. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be in anyone’s way…”

[lohstnfound]

Brooke often did her best to dance around the subject of his father and her utter disdain for him. But sometimes, whether she liked it or not, it slipped through, and she’d utter some profanity and complain. It wasn’t a normal occurrence, but sometimes she couldn’t quite help it. “See? A musical genius would know that. I took violin for like three months when I was in the second grade, and I haven’t touched an instrument to this day.”

Her smile only widened as she realized what a solution her offer was. The pair already spent so much time together, and he knew where the spare keys were. Her family trusted him, mostly because of the bond the pair had. Plus the noise wouldn’t bother the neighbors too much, especially if they soundproofed the shed. “Totally! All we keep in there is a couple of spare rakes and the old lawnmower my mom’s been nagging my dad to get rid of. All we have to do is clean it out, and it’s a perfect place to practice. Besides, it’ll be nice to see that place get more use than my smoking spot.”

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

“No. Dad was home last night and he’s not exactly crazy about me playing, so…” he shrugged a little. His father’s threatened to get rid of his guitars before, and Rich isn’t about risk it. Two of them had been gifts from his mother, and the other one had been hers. He’d rather just…not play when his dad’s around than tempt his dad to act on the threats.

“I’m planning on staying a little while after school, trying to figure it out. I brought my electric, and that way I have some time where I can really focus on working it.” The music teacher never really minded when Rich stayed in her room after school, after all. Rich didn’t really bother them and they were used to hearing students messing around with instruments.

[lohstnfound]

Brooke hated how Mr. Goranski was. Raised by loving parents, she never experienced an unkind parent until Rich had moved to town and the two became friends. He was cruel and it was a norm that Brooke had too much trouble understanding. Eventually, she adjusted, and did her best to be there for her friend. He certainly needed the support with a home life like that. “Fuck your dad, dude. He should be proud of you. You learn riffs without sheet music.” She nudged him gently.

Picking idly at her food, she raised her brow. “Y’know...I just remembered. Y’know that shed out past the pool at my house? I’m pretty sure it’s connected to the electricity underground. You could set up in there or something. At least on the weekends, if you still want to keep using the music room.” She suggested, an excited gleam at her eyes. The thought had never crossed her mind until now.

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

Great. Just…great. He was supposed to be meeting with a teacher to make sure he was in the same spot as the rest of the people in the class, and he couldn’t get his locker open. Not that he was necessarily eager to get home, though. His brother was busy trying to talk his way onto the soccer team, meaning Rich would probably end up walking home, and the best case scenario would be that his dad wasn’t there. Yeah, there definitely wasn’t any rush to go home, really.

He jumped a little as he heard the girl’s voice, and sure enough—it’s just enough movement to get the locker open. “I was just trying—I needed a book from…” he trailed off, instead just grabbing the algebra textbook from the locker and making a slight, awkward gesture with it. He doesn’t really look at her, mostly out of reluctance to see her reaction to his lisp. He’s seen and heard so many reactions to it from his peers—and he definitely got quite a few laughs when he was trying to talk today. He just…didn’t want to deal with any more of them.

It doesn’t help that he’s not necessarily the best at carrying out a conversation. Usually he just…was around his brother and let him do most of the talking for things. Of course though, the only way to get better at talking to people was to actually talk to people. “I’m Rich,” he forced out, glancing at his feet.

[lohstnfound]

Only a few years prior, Brooke had been in the same boat as him. Her family made a move and she was a nervous wreck on her first day. However, she had looks and money on her side. Chloe had taken her under her wing, and the rest was history. Now she could roam the halls and everyone knew her name. He hadn’t been so lucky. Freshman year was a tough enough time as it was. Everyone knew who they were meant to be in school by this time. Bonds were already made. He had nothing. No past in town and no one to rely on. Perhaps that’s why Brooke wanted to talk to him. To give him something to work with.

She was used to boys being nervous around her. Boys like Dustin and Jake didn’t ever waver. They had popularity on their side. But boys like Jeremy Heere, and now this new kid, were jumpy and nervous. She was a symbol of popularity. If she was new, it would certainly be unnerving. She offered a warm smile, readjusting her bag on her shoulder. “It’s alright. You’re not in trouble or anything. I’m not a hall monitor.” She reassured him gently. She giggled gently at his lisp, though it was far from malicious. No one else in school had one, but that just made him stand out in his own way. At least to her. She knew Chloe had already probably made some comment about it.

“I’m Brooke.” She returned, much more confident in her words. She bit at her lip for a moment before tucking back her hair behind her ear. “I moved here a few years ago. Technically I think I was the last new kid before you showed up. It’s...a lot, but it’s not that bad of a town. We have a pretty nice mall nearby and there’s a frozen yogurt place that’s, like, really good.”

[lohstnfound]

@angercide​

I can’t believe Mrs. Thompson partnered you up with Connor Murphy. I’m pretty sure that’s-like-a hate crime or something. Chloe’s words had echoed in Brooke’s ear since lunch. The pair always caught up with each other, spreading gossip around and sharing personal incidents. The Murphy Situation was easily the biggest thing to happen to Brooke since flirting with a senior boy her freshman year. It was just a straight forward science project. A presentation in about a week, and then she could put it all behind her.

Offering up her own place to work on it, Brooke had given Connor her address scribbled on a piece of paper. No one would be home, and it’d certainly be better that way. No one around to ask questions. Ugh. Just make sure you double check that all your doors and windows are locked tonight. That little psycho would probably break in and murder you and your family. Brooke wasn’t sure if Chloe had been joking or not. His reputation was far from squeaky clean, and there were plenty of rumors about him to go around. Nothing seemed to ease her nerves for the rest of the day. She told herself that he likely wouldn’t even show up. She’d just have to do it on her own and that wouldn’t be too bad!

Of course, she jumped about a foot in the air as the doorbell rang.

She just had to play it cool and calm. Just get it over with. Hurrying to the door, sliding a little bit across the hardwood in her socks, she took a moment to take a deep breath. Knowing she wasn’t going to get any braver, she unlocked and opened the door, tossing a small smile up at Connor.

“Hey, did you find this place alright? I know this part of town can be kinda a maze. It’s super easy to get lost.” She asked, giving him space to come inside, wondering if he’d take his shoes off without her mentioning it. Penelope Lohst ran a shoes off house.

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

Without breaking eye contact, Rich reached for his own cheeseburger, taking an outrageously large bite of it as a sarcastic response to Brooke’s insistence that he eat something. “There,” he replied, mouth still full. He swallowed before going back to his phone, rewinding the song back a few seconds. The fingers on his left hand work an imaginary fretboard as his right hand works on guitar strings that aren’t there. He just needs to get through the day, then he can go into the music room and figure it out with a real guitar.

Eventually he turned his attention back to Brooke, holding out the earbud again.  “Now will you listen. It’s such a cool part.” After all, it was better and more interesting than talking about anything that was actually happening in his life.

[lohstnfound]

While Brooke didn’t understand most boys, she did find herself proficient in the art of understanding Rich. She knew how to read him better than she knew how to read her other classmates. She admired him. She cared for him. Someone had to, after all. She used a paper napkin to wipe at the corner of his mouth where the food didn’t quite make it in. “Thank you.” She added with a small nod. She knew he’d get stuck in his music if she didn’t remind him to be a human being.

Accepting the bud this time around, Brooke moved closer, inserting it into her ear. She did have a special appreciation for music, but it was never as much as he did. Regardless, she let her brow raise as her head nodded along gently. “It is really good. Have you had a chance to work on it?”

[tragicsongs-deactivated20220414]

@lohstnfound gets a plotted starter 

Rich pulled out one of his earbuds as Brooke approached. He was barely picking at his lunch, more preoccupied with what he was listening to on his phone. He had spent most of the day distracted by the guitar part of a song, and he was—fairly eager to get a chance to play it. He had tried when he was at his house but…his dad was home, and he didn’t like it when Rich practiced guitar in the house. 

“You gotta listen to this riff.” He held out the free earbud for Brooke almost the minute she sat down. It was basically the only thing getting him through the day, after all—he had done a presentation first block, and it hadn’t necessarily gone well.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how it’s done all day.”

[lohstnfound]

Over the time Brooke had met and befriended Rich, she had grown accustomed to his behavior. She knew when to be his voice of reason and when to be a voice of support. The two were surviving the halls of high school together, and she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to look out for him when she could. She couldn’t fight his fights, but she sure as hell could be there for him in whatever way he needed.

She glanced briefly at his lunch before turning her gaze back up to him. “Only if you eat some more.” Brooke countered, taking a healthy bite out of her not-so-healthy cafeteria cheeseburger. Washing it down with her water, she offered a playful grin.

“You might get a better idea once you have some food in your body, Richard.”

[lohstnfound]

@tragicsongs​

Chloe had warned Brooke not to bother with the new kid. He didn’t have a popular bone in his body. He didn’t have the same potential that she had when she moved to town. But Brooke knew there’d be no harm in her talking to him. At the end of the day, she was still pretty and she was still close friends with Chloe. Her place on the social pyramid would remain untouched. So long as her best friend didn’t find out, she’d be fine.

The hallways were emptying out for the day, and Brooke watched the new kid struggle with his locker as Chloe packed up her things, ranting and raving about Jake, not even noticing that Brooke wasn’t even paying a little attention. She turned her gaze to the alpha female before she caught her, reassuring her that she didn’t need a ride home. She had to retake a test. Chloe didn’t seem to care much and bid her a brief farewell, strutting off.

Once she had turned the corner, assuring Brooke that she wasn’t going to turn back, she took a brave step towards the new kid. Then another. Eventually, she wound up next to him. “This locker is, like, the actual worst in this hallway. Last kid who had it asked for another one because it always got stuck. Especially when the building is hot.” She flashed him a warm smile.

[lohstnfound]

hello

brooke deserves better

that is all

[lohstnfound]

it’s my birthday and brooke needs someone to love sos

[outofthelight]

@lohstnfound (cont)

Honestly … Evan didn’t have an answer for that.

He wished he did. He wished he knew what to say to something like that. Knew how to respond to someone … just not being there. Leaving. Dying. Just being absent and leaving something missing.

He wished he could make thing any better for Brooke. 

“I think finding it hard to jut move on is how you know something mattered. Or, or meant something. Was important, you know?”

[lohstnfound]

Conner was important to her. She might not have been the friend he needed, but there had been a few bright spots. She saw him smile and relax. She saw the sad boy behind the mask he wore. She wished she did more for him. She wished she was better. 

“He deserved so much better...And I wish I was better. If I could go back in time, I would have been there for him when he needed me. Nothing feels...important, now that he’s gone.” 

[lohstnfound]

can we just talk about how the tony’s completely snubbed bmc and then had the a u d a c i t y  to parody one of the best songs ever. not to mention letting j a m e s  c o r d e n  do it. they didn’t even credit bmc for it. 

i am rioting. 

justice for bmc

[lohstnfound]

i need brooke things of all sorts

[lohstnfound]

people who are lowkey opposites: brooke lohst and lydia deetz

people who are lowkey perfect for each other: brooke lohst and lydia deetz

[lohstnfound]

Folks carry on, that’s that. - outofthelight

antwine sentence starters

@outofthelight

How? How could anyone after such an event move on? Sure, people moved on from close ones passing away all the time. Every day in fact. But not everyone was Brooke Lohst. Not everyone was still mourning the loss of someone special the way she was. Not everyone had dug themselves into the same pit that she had. 

“I don’t think I can, Evan. I don’t think I want to.”