In a few weeks time, I’ll be graduating college, and I honestly don’t know what to feel. I know, I know. I say this all the time—”not knowing what to feel”—but college graduation is an exception. I have no idea what’s next for my life, and the uncertainty of what it will be like by June or July is compelling.
One thing’s for sure though: it’s summer once again.
And just like how things change in fast movies, my life—as how it has always been—will begin over again with the summer. Unlike my past summers, however, this year is going to be completely different. There wouldn’t be anything to look forward to in June. There won’t be friends I can’t wait talk to about my summer nights, because we won’t be going back to school anymore; I’m not even sure when we will all be seeing each other after graduation. No new notebooks to buy. No long-time-no-see best friends to hug. No first day of classes.
Isn’t it strange how now that it’s all over, it’s when it all comes back and flashes? Fourteen years of school have come and gone, for mama they flew by, but for me they dragged on and on. Last night I found myself kneeling by the bed to pray; I haven’t done that in a while, so I didn’t know what to say. But, Lord, I’m feeling so small sometimes in this big, old place.
I know there are far more important things, but I can feel summer coming as the wind bites my skin every time I walk on the streets down town. I can feel summer coming as the sun rays make its way into the coffee shop glass window while I eat my ice cream. And I can feel summer coming, one last time, before I will be stuck in a cycle of making a living or doing nothing at all.
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