sojourner siobhan @lolitasvengeance - Tumblr Blog

petaltexturedskies

anaïs nin, from a diary entry featured in linotte: the early diary of anaïs nin 1914-1920

i love everything you tell me because i know you will not fail me.

do you love me?

you have nothing to show for it

just my tears in the palm of your hands &

my heart under your foot

-lolitarevenge

“i want to be in love with someone i can hate the world with & in the same breath love the life we live”

-lolitarevenge

sometimes I feel like if I didnt believe in you , life would be much easier

A complete sharing between two people is an impossibility and whenever it seems, nevertheless, to exist, it is a narrowing, a mutual agreement which robs either one member or both of his fullest freedom and development. But, once the realization is accepted that, even between the closest human beings, infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole and against a wide sky!

Rainer Maria Rilke

I love love but ,

I don’t ever want to be in a relationship again.

every time I think of love

I feel calm, seen, and chosen forever

but when I’m actually in love

all i feel is heartache and despair

and I’m torn apart.

choosing between myself

or the potential of this love

I love when the moment turns into poems in my mind

trashzy-deactivated20211214

Orchid Mantis

lolitasvengeance

such a lady

I want to be in love with some one I can hate the world with

& in the same breath love the life we live.

I want to be in love with someone who loves change &

isn’t afraid to move with the tide

You know—on a constant ride

searching for evolution’s end

I don’t know why people fight with me

and I don’t know why I let them

im a lover , truly a gentle soul

and because of that im a

raging passionate & im

filled with madness

so please don’t

fight with

me.

As I passed by the lighthouse I realize it used to be a lot brighter. I guess the same goes for life.

it’s like clawing at the walls of a hole, wanting to make it to the rope but you keep biting your nails down.. if that makes sense.

LR

i am so sorry God that I cannot be the person you need me to be.

you see?

you see

im the one

who wipes away my tears

im the one

who has to fake it til she makes it

im the one

who has to pretend

im the one

who has to comfort myself in the end

it’s like i get right back up to kiss the clouds and to dance in the sunlight, and wave hello to God and the angels and then i get beaten and dragged right back to the earth. it’s my anxiety, my depression, my self hate, the other girl she’s the one who comes out at night, she’s the one who comes out at 3AM telling me to suck the blood from her wrist, and to feel her pain and suffering— letting me know that my blood and hers taste the same, the same clotting color, the same smell—to know that i am her she is me, me, telling me, grounding me...keeping me in the same stuck hole..letting me know I will never be able to escape. grounding me so there will be no high horse. just the feeling of nothingness in the pit of my hearts core

#writings #expression #poc #cantgetabreak

i really like him. but im so scared, i get so nervous. not the nervousness you get in your stomach because of those mischievous butterflies that play there. but the nervousness you get in your joints, in the wrinkles of your forehead, in the pit of your stomach that make you want to disrupt those butterflies’ recess to vomit. the nervousness in your heart that make it thump irregularly, because youre not breathing. you’re overthinking, you are nervous for the future. you’re afraid to commit, you don’t know what you’re capable of..can I? should I? is it too soon? to start over? am i ready. i don’t want you to see how broken i am. you won’t understand me like HE did. but i really like you...I hope you can understand

scared to let you in, or anyone else

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