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@lolshay-amity-affliction
I don’t want to do this anymore the fake smiles fake laughs. While everyone thinks I’m happy I’m slowly fading away. The pain is becoming to much and the things I do to stop these awful thoughts don’t work anymore. I stay up late thinking about how life would be different if I was different, how maybe I could’ve been happy. But happiness doesn’t exist, there’s only content and even that is for a short time. Maybe I’ll find peace someday who knows…..
~via missblack22
Why can’t I kill myself? I’m so tired, like tired from the bottom of my heart. I can’t keep this up, I just … Fuck. I’m lost on this planet. Here was never my home. All I’m doing is slowly killing myself inside, but one day, my strength won’t be enough. ‘Til that day comes, I’ll be there, drowning. Suffering. Not living anymore. Waiting for my existence to fade away.
I don’t get why can’t I push myself to do it. I’m so weak. It’s all I want… the pain, the loneliness, the stress, the thoughts, to STOP.
My birth was an error.
I don't want a future I just want it all to stop
Legit gonna neck myself just out of fucking spite. Fuck everyone.
Something I hate with speaking in a group, is the fact that I need to find the right time to speak… And I also need to make it topical. Often needing to say shit like “I know we’re not talking about that anymore but-” and then say the thing.
But you know what I hate the most? It takes so long to figure out what to say, so long to get the courage to say it, and so long to figure out when to say it… And there’s no pay-off.
I will say something I’ve been thinking about for 10 minutes. Often nobody responds to what I say, dismiss it, correct it, or they come with a short responce.. So that discourages me even more from speaking.
I mean, I’m generally ok with being by myself, and a lot of people do find what I say insightful and relevant… And I can converse in groups.. But more often I just don’t feel like anything I say is worth the energy.
It’s funny how everybody wants to talk about mental illness and depression, but hardly anybody is willing to engage in a conversation upon which we discuss how deafness and/or central auditory processing disorder are oftentimes a huge contributor to anxiety and depression on so many levels. Not only are you constantly navigating an isolating world where you cannot always rely on your ears or your brain to process sound, but you have to understand how other people communicate, worry about accommodations and accessibility, strain yourself physically and mentally in order to mainstream, deal with numerous embarrassing situations that require a thicker skin than most, combat audism in your community, oftentimes family, friends, and coworkers, miss out on many activities and conversations, and struggle every day with accepting your limitations. There millions of us all over the world. Why are we not talking about this?
Reblog if you have ever been scolded as a child (and as an adult) for not realizing that someone was talking to you.
I suffer from the second kind mentioned here. I felt a need to make this because even people I’ve known for years and who knows about my condition still get angry at me when I can’t hear what they say in noisy areas.
anyone: *says something to me*
me: haha yeahh
me in head: what did they just say
All day. Every day.
Deaf Problem #93
When people get so frustrated that you didn’t understand them with their masks on, causing them to repeat a lot.
being HoH and everyone in masks is a perfect storm of “i’m sorry i didn’t catch that” eight times in a row while i become progressively more distraught
"You don't look deaf?"
I misses texting my Canadian internet best friend who like listening to Hollywood Undead and watches animes. Also got you hooked on Supernatural. I don't why I stopped talking to you.
https://iglovequotes.net/
