Welcome to ShinRa's HR Department! How can I help?

Hello, and welcome to Human Resources. Here is where we handle your complaints and make sure life at ShinRa is as pleasant for you as possible. Have a nice day!

[loneshinrarep]

“Dealing with costume bans is the worst part of October and December.”

[loneshinrarep]

I'm Joining the Turks but, I'm also questioning my life choices... Is there anyone i can talk to?

“All I can suggest is for you to pick a god and pray.”

[loneshinrarep]

I'd like to log a complaint. Rude of the Turks stabbed my hand because I stole his sandwich.... Again

“Fill in a complaint form and leave it in for Tseng and I to shred- “I mean- look over...”

“And then tell you why you should never steal things from a Turk.”

[loneshinrarep]

Is there a Shinra Employee Handbook? Is it regularly updated due to various incidents?

“We have a remote access file employees can access on their PHS rather than a physical handbook. After the last few influxes of Turk and SOLDIER employees, the handbook kept getting updated and costs were racking up so we’ve moved to digital. The President, the Directors, and their assistants have editable access to the file.”

“Though no matter how much I call myself ‘Director Oster’, I still don’t have that privilege.”

[loneshinrarep]

You may want to warn the Turks that ragging on a certain play will only cause trouble if a certain First Class SOLDIER overhears or gets wind of it.

“No, no, this could be funny.”

[loneshinrarep]

They’re holding out a knife for any redheads or science department employees approaching. “I see you both and I’m ready this time.”

[loneshinrarep]

"I'm mildly concerned about this cat running around the building on two legs and screaming at me in a Scottish accent."

“....... “Would the owner of the Scottish anthro cat please come and collect it?”

[loneshinrarep]

@pallidcountenance​ replied to your post “Someone started a rumor that Rufus sleeps with all the Turks and...”

"Not true."

“Not to worry, sir. Director Tseng has it covered.”

[loneshinrarep]

the-blackest-spider‌:

“And just as cute. If anyone gives you too much trouble, let me know. I’ll give them hell.” 

“Aww, thanks, Natasha! I’m glad you have my back!”

[loneshinrarep]

the-blackest-spider‌:

“Don’t worry. You’re also literally the last person who needs to be afraid of me.”

Everyone else however? Absolute fair game. 

“Oh good. Because I am as threatening as a plush chocobo.”

[loneshinrarep]

@reapersxfolly​ replied to your post ““I like to call Tseng ‘Director’ just to piss off Heidegger and anyone...”

I am a Director

“Yes, sir! Everything you say, sir!“

[loneshinrarep]

@the-blackest-spider​ replied to your post “Apparently there's a rumor going around that one of the Turks can...”

"No. It's not a threat. I do believe it's well, boys being boys. Don't worry, I would never threaten you."

“Phew,  I was a bit worried there! Haha.”

[loneshinrarep]

“I like to call Tseng ‘Director’ just to piss off Heidegger and anyone who cares about it.”

[loneshinrarep]

Apparently there's a rumor going around that one of the Turks can crush watermelons with her thighs.

“Uhh... is this a threat? ‘Cause it feels like a threat.”

[loneshinrarep]

When she says we handled it, we mean there's a little jelly freak all over the floor that smells like feet and rotting peanut butter. Could we get a clean up crew please? Thank darl!

“I am not your information courrier. Order them yourself or I will personally come down there and make you lick up all that jelly by yourself.”

[loneshinrarep]

"The Science Department needs to keep better track of their toys, one got loose it, but don't worry we handled it."

“I am not equpiped for this.”

[loneshinrarep]

"Look, I don't know what trouble Reno is getting into, but I just need you to know that I have nothing to do with it. Any complaints regarding the Turks DO NOT involve me, understand?"

“Oh no worries. I know you’d never get involved in anything that would make me want to personally castrate that redhead.”