It all returns to nothing

Shinju Ikari. [Genderbent Shinji roleplay blog for Neon Genesis Evangelion.] (UNDER CONSTRUCTION!)

[lonetrainrider]

#ooc

If you haven't noticed, I never really... came back, as I promised. I'm real sorry about that. I guess I just got hit hard and the motivation to keep going never came back. 

I just want you all to know that I haven't forgotten about you. I really do think about you guys! A lot of you are great, and really fun! I'm sorry about this, really... but I just don't think I can see myself getting back on. I made another blog which I really hope to be active on for more than just a month or two, which is over here.  Sorry, again... 

I love you guys, alright? You were nice! 

[lonetrainrider]

Ooc

Been a while now, hasn't it? Yeah, I know I've used excuse after excuse for not coming on. I don't know, I just haven't been feeling it, yknow? A lot of shit got in the way, and it's real hard to recover a muse from all that. Eh... If it's worth anything, my current excuse is that I'm wrapped up in playing Persona 3. Fun game. Oh, and I still have biology class... Although I don't pay much attention in it.

[lonetrainrider]

OOC

I really hate to excuse my absence again, but seeing as how I'm literally sick from stress, I hope you'll understand my lack of presence.

Fuck, this headache is killing me.

[evangelion-pictures]

[isawatree]

大室山麓エリア (by kotorichika)

[breaksomethingevenmore-blog]

Your life is a precious gift from your parents. Please think of your parents, siblings and children. Don’t keep it to yourself. Talk about your troubles.

[likegyldighet]

[m1dyfan-blog]

[lonetrainrider]

Ooc

Eh... I guess that's it for tonight. Nothing else is coming out. Sorry.

[m00n-milka-blog]

To coexist

[lonetrainrider]

OOC

Oh, did I mention my copies of P3 and P4 arrived? Once I'm not so wrapped up in New Leaf, I think I'll plug in my PS2 and play. Of course, I'll do 3 first.

[lonetrainrider]

“So, I take it you’re just as flirtatious and self-confident as he is?”

Even though she still wasn’t exactly sure why these iterations of him were so friendly and warm towards her, she was beginning to feel a sense of familiarity in it all.

[hes-a-hot-mess]

“Still comparing me to that lame ‘ol identical, hm~? It’s hardly fair, really! I am my own person, am I not!?” He rambled, throwing his hands to his chest as if her assumptions were heartbreaking. 

[lonetrainrider]

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to... You're right. Every version of you is different, no matter how similar they are. I mean, the Kida-kun that exists in my mind is different than the one that exists in your parents', for example. Right?"

Shinju backed up just a little, looking down at her shoes. 

[lonetrainrider]

Hello, sister.

"Oh. You again."

[lonetrainrider]

She followed him obediently, looking around herself at the scenery every now and then before focusing on the ground once more. It was embarrassing to admit, but she had little social skills needed to make friends, and she especially had none when it came to flirting. The idea of that simply was too much for her, in all honesty. Even thinking about trying to flirt with someone made her face feel hot.

“Well, it… It just shows how confident you are and, um, how easily you can talk to people… I’m kind of jealous, actually.”

[flirtatiousmischiefarchives-blog]

Folding his arms and turning his head every which way catcing glimpses of the scenery Kida slowly began looking back at her once more with a semi hopeful look upon his face that the unbearable silence was about to be broken. Kida had been unsure of what to say to her, seeing as she didn’t seem to be taking very well to his flirtatious mannerisms; it just wasn’t something that the teen was used to.

Finally. He thought upon hearing her speak once more.

“Huh? Jealous? Why would ya be jealous Shinji? Then again, being in the presence of such a handsome man like me would easily make anyone jealous.” He attempted to joke.

[lonetrainrider]

Shinju toyed with her hair, funneling her social anxiety into fidgeting and restlessness. It wasn't exactly easy to talk about such things with someone she didn't know very well and not fidget. After all, she probably looked stupid saying all of this, right? She must have. It was the only option. 

"Well... I mean, it's so easy for you to flirt with girls and put yourself out there. You don't even worry about failure, do you? I... I wish I could do that too."

[sleepatnights]

Aokigahara

[shieldofemperor]

@lonetrainrider

[lonetrainrider]

For someone so apparently strong and outright intimidating, his true nature really was gentle. She chanced a small smile, liking the sound of being called his friend.

“Really? You don’t mind calling me your friend? But you don’t even know whether or not I’m worth it.”

[shieldofemperor]

“I dunno… I figure you can’t really do much harm. Teddie hasn’t been wrong yet.”

[lonetrainrider]

So he was refusing to give up, huh. Was this vein of stubbornness common in their town or what? It was possible that maybe she wasn't so bad to begin with, but that couldn't be it. Nah.

"You're really willing to risk something like this because of him? Well... then again, he is pretty trustworthy. I just hope you don't mind having to bear my presence."

[cynicalpilot-blog-blog]

Shinji didn’t look at her despite her harsh remark. It was true after all, and she was, without a doubt, the same as him. Why would he lie to himself?

“I… You know the answer, I wouldn’t” he muttered, thinking about his own situation with Nagisa. To be honest he was in no position to criticize her.

Fucked up? He stayed quiet for a moment, slowly rising his head to look at her. This is what he looked like when he showed his self-loathing? “… Yes,” he admitted, feeling a hint of regret. “But I’m no better than you.”

[lonetrainrider]

Silence fell over her as she processed his response. At least he wasn't lying to himself. Literally, he just admitted to another version of himself that he had deep issues. And yet, there was no satisfaction to be held. No, it was bittersweet if anything. This just meant there were two of them, and they were both fucked. 

"...Of course you're not. I bet there's not one of us in the universe that's okay. Or happy, even."

She blinked, her gaze lowering. For just a moment, Shinju's expression softened, but the bitter taste of the situation dragged back the disgust in her face.