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In Defense of Ego

After receiving my Master's this winter and settling into my first "real" job as a production editor at a publishing house, I've found myself unfulfilled creatively. I feel as though I've lost a spark that I once possessed.

There was a time I wrote for pleasure, both my own and those I care about. I put hundreds of hours of my life into explaining obtuse metaphor and simile for little reason other than my love of music and language. I built a network of friends and connections in the writing world that I still love and interact with on a daily basis. But life got in the way. I got sick; I got into graduate school to make a living doing what I liked for fun; I started tutoring. Each new wrinkle in my life pulled me further away from the kind of writing that drew me out of my shell as I left college for the first time.

In my life, I've primarily served others in everything I've done. I worked in the nonprofit sector to give back because, in part, I felt fortunate to never require the aid of another person outside my immediate family tree. I went to school as a kid, and still partially as an adult, out of a desire to make my parents proud. I now work in an industry designed to convey the ideas of very few to the minds of very many. While I know that it is part of my nature, this desire to serve, I also know that I am a selfish person. I don't want to be anonymous forever. I want people to know who I am, to respect me for my work and words, to remember what has been created by me. And thankfully, I am a writer, for that is what they all are.

Writing requires a level of self-absorption you can't find in most other professions. Only in writing do you get as many do-overs as you want before your job is done, and there is nothing more self-involved than perfection. You decide how to start, how to continue, when enough is enough. You choose the words that will reflect your heart, the mood that you intend to create, the tone you want to convey. When an artist makes an errant brush stroke, he can paint over it, but he knows it will always be there. A singer monitors themselves throughout performances, keeping track of their pitch, inflection, intonation, enunciation, but when a particular note comes out slightly flat, there are no backsies. Writers have a literal button that eliminates the terror of permanence. And God knows we all use it more than we care to think.

I firmly believe that no one writes for themselves. For every story in their Google Drive that goes unpublished, writers place another bullet in their personal ammo cartridge. That's one more hot take in the chamber that the world doesn't deserve. Your words are your soul, laid out in the only way that others will ever begin to understand it. Even if you don't share them right away, you hope that, inevitably, someone will one day care about you. Some write because they are too shy to speak, and some write just to see if they can. Some say they don't know why they write, they just do. I envy their ignorance. I know why I write: I'm an egotist. And that's okay.

I want to get back to the point in life where I was writing on a regular basis, where I felt like the world cared about me and my thoughts. For too long, I've shied away from putting my thoughts in order, satisfied to toil on in anonymity. I'm done with that.

In that light, I'm going to be sharing some of the work I did during my time at school, work that I was initially unsure I'd ever let breathe free. On an irregular basis, but hopefully every week or so, I'll publish a new piece. Some are short fiction, others are personal non-fiction. I'm hoping that by firing some of the bullets in my Google Drive cartridge, I can find some of the fire that helped me make them in the first place. The first story I'll be sharing, "The Goods," is a fictional short story I wrote in September. After that, we'll see.

I'm not satisfied yet.

UFC 189: Mendes vs. McGregor Preview

Nothing feels quite like a big UFC fight week. Every year around the Fourth of July, the world’s largest mixed martial arts organization rolls out its premier fighters on one stacked card as a showcase of what it can be at its best.

Unfortunately, for much of the time outside this one week, cards mean relatively little. The UFC doesn’t make cards – it makes two or three important fights a month, then throws a bunch of guys (and gals) with potential underneath them to prop it up. Often, those beneath the main or co-main event don’t even have potential, they’re just bodies. If you’ve ever seen a Royston Wee fight, you’d know why this pandemic of watered-down fight cards fatigues even the hardest of hardcore fans.

But we’re not here to talk about the negatives, like lamentably small fighter pay or the recent dissolution of independent sponsorships or chronic injuries or draconian wellness policies. We’re talking UFC 189, the biggest fight card of the year.

In the main event, Irish loudmouth Conor McGregor finally plunges into the deep end of his division against perennial #2 featherweight Chad Mendes. The two face off for the interim UFC featherweight championship, with Mendes replacing reigning divisional king Jose Aldo after the champ suffered a possible broken rib in training.

Let’s break down this stellar bout.

Main Event

Interim UFC Featherweight Championship

Conor McGregor (17-2, #3 FW) vs. Chad Mendes (17-2, #1 FW)

This contest, like the original main event of Aldo vs. McGregor, has been some time in the making. McGregor has long belittled Mendes, a Team Alpha Male standout, for his short stature and perceived limited skillset. When Aldo was first rumored to suffer an injury in training, the UFC announced that should he be unable to compete, longtime second fiddle Mendes would be his replacement. Sure enough, last week Aldo announced he would not be able to compete, and the hype machine rolled on.

What makes the proud Irishman Conor McGregor so special are not his fists and feet, but his mouth. In just a handful of fights, “The Notorious One” has risen from complete obscurity to the toast of the town thanks to his outspoken demeanor, his almost obsessive devotion to movement, and a fanbase that laps up every insult and pseudo-mystical remark.

Despite his 5-fight winning streak in the UFC, it’s still hard to know what Conor McGregor will bring to the table on Saturday night. Part of this is due to the UFC’s favorable matchmaking. In those five fights, McGregor stopped unranked fighters Marcus Brimage and Diego Brandão, soundly pummeled future top 5 featherweight Max Holloway despite a torn ACL, and knocked out top 10 fighters Dennis Siver and Dustin Poirier.

It would be an understatement to say McGregor is a striking specialist. McGregor relies almost solely on his hypnotizing movement and unorthodox techniques to dispatch his opponents. In almost every fight, McGregor takes the center of the octagon and begins throwing wild spinning heel kicks or hook kicks to the head. All of this throws his opponents off balance, leaving them open to vicious combinations of straight lefts, lead hooks, thunderous body punches and vicious uppercuts. Combined with shuffle kicks to the knees in a tae kwon do presentation, and it takes a lot to crack his nut.

There are two fundamental unknowns about McGregor: his takedown defense and his jiu jitsu. In the list of fighters he’s beaten above, not one possess elite wrestling skills. Simply put, he hasn’t been challenged on the mat in his UFC career. His two losses have come by submission, but both came within his first six fights. Since then, he has looked unstoppable, but what will happen when he is taken down by an elite featherweight? What will happen when he has to fight from his back, when he has to recover guard, when he needs to get to his feet? No one, not even McGregor, could give you a straight answer.

In stark contrast, two-time title challenger Chad Mendes is a known commodity to both fans and analysts. Thus far in his UFC career, “Money” has been stuck with the label of “second best.” He dominates everyone in the featherweight division not named Jose Aldo. A former All-American at Cal Poly, Mendes came into MMA relying heavily on his wrestling to win him fights. It was a successful strategy, winning him a shot at the title, but against Jose Aldo’s stout takedown defense, it proved fruitless.

Following that first loss, Mendes returned to the drawing board and came back with a highly improved boxing game. He knocked out his next four opponents, including the notoriously durable Clay Guida, before dominating Nik Lentz in a bout where Mendes fought a nasty stomach bug. In his second fight against Aldo, Mendes’ standup fully came into focus, dropping the champion in the first round with a left hook. Ultimately, Aldo outworked him on the feet for a decision victory, but Mendes proved he could hang with the best of the best on his feet.

Mendes is anything but one-dimensional now. An elite grappler with stiffening power and good leg kicks, he is a complete martial artist. In his last bout, a stoppage win against Ricardo Lamas, Mendes showed both his crushing power, sending Lamas tumbling all over the octagon, and his veteran savvy, choosing position over flailing power shots before forcing the referee’s hand.

Mendes does his best work when he can establish both his powerful hands and his dominant wrestling. With both weapons firmly planted in the opponent’s mind, it opens them up to a variety of attacks. He can fake like he’s looking for a shot, then come with his powerful hooks. He can feint with low kicks, then shoot for a single. With the solid chin and durability he showed in the second Aldo fight, Mendes is a fighter with no weakness, save for the champion’s laser-focused power counterstrikes.

Prediction

This fight will come down to two things: distance management and wrestling. Much is made of Conor McGregor’s size advantage. He is a huge featherweight, while Mendes is short and stocky for the weight class; as such, he will have a three inch height advantage and a staggering 8-inch reach advantage. However, if he doesn’t use his lengthy arms and legs to keep Mendes on the outside, he will get hit by the smaller man. Given Mendes’ power, one small slip could cost McGregor in more ways than one.

The second determining factor will rest on the shoulders of Mendes. Given McGregor’s creative arsenal and unpredictable angles, Mendes will most likely have to get the fight to the floor. He has all the tools to do so, but McGregor’s takedown defense has yet to be tested. He can’t rush in with his head down, but if Mendes can’t corral McGregor in the open, he’ll have to rely on his hands to match McGregor’s, something no one has had success with.

In picking a winner for this fight, we can’t apply theory to unknowns. One can only judge what one has seen, and in this case, we have seen much more of Mendes. He has taken down elite wrestlers in Guida and Lentz, and fought much stiffer competition in his career. McGregor has all the potential in the world, but until we see it, that’s all it is. Dennis Siver was able to plant McGregor for the briefest of moments; if Siver can manage that feat, one imagines Mendes can at least do that.

Expect McGregor to establish his pace early, forcing Mendes to explode from the outside. Eventually, Mendes will drag McGregor to the ground; while he may not hold McGregor there. That threat will open McGregor up to Mendes’ hands. While McGregor has the power and the finishing instinct to stop anybody, Mendes’ durability and experience will win him that battle. It seems more likely that Mendes will wear McGregor down in the clinch and on the ground en route to a late stoppage or a clear decision victory, setting up another rematch with a healthy Jose Aldo.

Co-Main Event

UFC Welterweight Championship

Robbie Lawler (25-10-1, champion) vs. Rory MacDonald (18-2, #2 WW)

And now, a few words on the welterweight championship fight between Robbie Lawler and Rory MacDonald. The two fought in 2013, with Lawler winning a split decision thanks to his hooks and excellent trapping of Rory’s stifling jab. Both men have gone on to greater success; Lawler took a narrow decision from Johny Hendricks to summit his decade-long journey from also-ran to champion, and MacDonald knocked out Tarec Saffiedine in convincing fashion to secure his title opportunity.

Despite the time since their last bout, there is no reason to believe the result will be any different. While MacDonald has undoubtedly tightened up his striking and top control, so too has Lawler sharpened his takedown defense and underrated kicking game. The two have improved, but neither has improved dramatically more than the other. Expect MacDonald to work his jab and put combinations and takedown attempts behind them. This will work initially, but as MacDonald tires, Lawler will find his second gear, landing solid low kicks and staying off the ground. Ultimately, Lawler’s hooks will triumph over MacDonald’s jabs and front kicks, scoring him a close but clear decision win.

UFC 189 Quick Picks

(winners in italics)

Chad Mendes vs. Conor McGregor

Robbie Lawler (c) vs. Rory MacDonald

Dennis Bermudez vs. Jeremy Stephens

Gunnar Nelson vs. Brandon Thatch

Brad Pickett vs. Thomas Almeida

Matt Brown vs. Tim Means

Mike Swick vs. Alex Garcia

Cathal Pendred vs. John Howard

Cody Garbrandt vs. Henry Briones

Neil Seery vs. Louis Smolka

Yosdenis Cedeno vs. Cody Pfister

Life, Health, & Friendships

What a whirlwind the last few months have been for me personally, professionally, and everything in between. It's been a while since I posted on here, but given current circumstances, I figured this was the best time to let y'all know what's been going on with me.

Life

I'm now midway through my 20th month of service with the HandsOn Tech program at AmeriCorps*VISTA with Pittsburgh Cares, and despite a little fatigue, I still love that I get to help out the community in a way that makes the best use of my talent for language and technology. It's been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and I'm very glad that I've been given the opportunity to give back when I've been so fortunate in my own life.

I am also very happy to announce that, starting in August, I will be attending Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh to receive my Masters degree in professional writing. Communication, explication, and simplification are not only a job, they are a hobby for me, and with my admittance into this program, I am almost guaranteed a good job in a relevant field upon graduation. Future careers are as fascinating as they are diverse. I could follow in my mother's footsteps and become a technical writer for the software industry, I can pursue this crazy dream of mine of becoming a writer and editor at a major publication, or I could venture off onto a million other tangents. The faculty are world-class professionals, the incoming students are friendly, smart and ambitious, and the facilities are state-of-the-art. I couldn't be happier with my decision.

Health

First, the good. Since almost exactly this time last year, I have lost around 50 pounds, shrinking from 270 to 220. This, plus the four months' prior loss of 30 pounds, puts me at a total of 80 pounds since I started paying attention to what I eat. In January, I took up boxing as a hobby to help me get over that equilibrium point when fat becomes muscle, and I've loved it. I'm leaner, stronger, and better than ever, and I couldn't be happier about that...

...except for one thing. In March, a sonogram showed that my spleen is enlarged. It's roughly the size of my liver, which is about 4 times bigger than it should be, and because of that, I've reached critical mass. It's restricting pretty much everything I can do, from movement to work to sleep, and it's worrisome, so after 4 CTs and a trip to the ER, it's bone marrow biopsy and maybe splenectomy time. Now comes clearing it with work, second opinions from other doctors, and hand-wringing. I'm trying my best to stay positive and just get it done because I have so much to look forward to, but navigating our healthcare system is taxing even under normal circumstances.

Friendships

And now, a quick word on something that's been knocking around in my head.

Back in November, what I loved most was taken away from me: my ability to sing. One of my vocal cords was paralyzed, and as a result I lost my position with a local choir, lost my voice, and lost my smile. I was pretty melancholy. So for the past 5 months or so, my random musings and jokes on Twitter have been interspersed with updates on my health and my mood. I tried to follow them all up with positivity, but sometimes I forgot or it was too late.

About a month after that, I noticed some of people whom I would have formerly considered pretty good friends (both online and off-) hang me out to dry. No words, just a steady trickle of them dropping out of my life. What's worse is that, because I hadn't noticed, I continued to talk to them as though we were still close until I realized they wouldn't listen. So I did the only thing I knew to do: I cut them off too.

I hold compassion as a virtue, perhaps even greater than fidelity or loyalty. When someone I know is going through difficult times, I will do whatever I have at my disposal to help alleviate their suffering, be it dancing around in a funny hat or just lending an ear. Perhaps it was too simplistic or naïve to expect the same in return, but the least I would expect from a friend is tolerance of another's pain.

Four months later, I've removed all of that negativity from my circle, and my life is drastically improved. My circle of friends has expanded further, and although they sometimes coincide with the previously-regarded-as-friends circle, I can avoid it. If there's one thing I've learned throughout my struggles with my health, it's that dealing with people out of social obligation or that don't care about you is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Your friends will understand and either tolerate you or deliver best wishes, and to them I will always extend my sincere thanks with a smile on my face and love in my heart.. And if they don't, you know where the chips will fall when it matters.

If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is wack.

#health #boxing #cmu #writing #friends #fake friends #these hoes ain't loyal

The Best Albums of 2013

It's that time of year, folks. Everyone's reflecting on what's happened in the past year, tragedies and triumphs, hits and misses. I'm no different, but since I can't exist without headphones, I tend to focus on music. There have been a lot of great projects this year, and a lot of bad ones, but why give publicity to the bad? I'm all about being #based over here. Without further adieu, here's a non-sequential list of what are, in my opinion, the best records of the year.

Honorable Mentions

When the Night - St. Lucia

Vic Mensa - Innanetape

Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City

Kevin Gates - Stranger Than Fiction

Ariana Grande - Yours Truly

Young Thug - 1017 Thug

The Unnumbered List

Bad Rabbits - American Love

Sometimes really good albums get hard to listen to because of their density. Every song is packed with material that requires careful dissection to truly appreciate, and that’s taxing. Bad Rabbits' American Love is not that album. The Boston-based funk band’s debut LP is a string of fantastic songs with no attempts at concept or pretense, and it’s a joy to listen to. Think of them as a raunchy evolution of Robert Randolph & The Family Band. With powerfully raw vocals, bouncing synths and syncopated bass throughout, you’ll never get worn out.

Kevin Gates - The Luca Brasi Story

Kevin Gates burst onto the scene in 2013 as one of the most promising newcomers in rap with his mixtape The Luca Brasi Story. On this tape, named after one of the Corleone family’s henchmen from The Godfather, Gates blended sing-song tendencies with trap sensibility and created something completely different from other artists in similar lanes. Gates’ tape is a perfect storm of hardened bravado, emotional vulnerability, and fantastic production, and no matter your predilections, there is an album’s worth of great material there for the listening.

Paramore - Paramore

Great pop rock bands are hard to come by these days. There are great pop artists, but the last few years have seen a steady decline in bands with the ability to craft genuinely good songs that can cross over into mainstream culture. Paramore’s self-titled fourth effort is 2013’s best project in that regard, breaking public perception with a great rock album that defies boxing-in. Hayley Williams’ versatile vocals blend with a wide variety of backdrops, from gospel choirs to distorted guitars to ukeleles, and none of it feels out of place. It's a real accomplishment.

The 1975 - The 1975

Pop music in the U.S. has grown increasingly international in recent years, with an influx of talent from Canada, Europe and Australia. One of the newer bands to enter the domestic market, The 1975 combines bouncy pop with rock sensibilities and songwriting that transcends either genre. Every track is its own distinct story with very little bleed-through that holds up under repeated scrutiny. It’s a fun record with unique vocals and infectious instrumentation, and stands out as one of the year’s best releases domestically and abroad.

Danny Brown - Old

"Danny’s got his finger on the pulse of his fans, and Old is the best of both of Danny Brown’s worlds… It’s a testament to Brown’s natural charisma and skill that it doesn’t come off as stilted or “fake.” Old is an album shows that you can be crazy and down-to-earth, a tortured soul and a party animal, thoughtful and mindless. Life doesn’t deal in absolute definition, and neither should rap."

(read my review of Old on BHAMFM.com)

Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels

Lots of rappers try to be something they’re not, incorporating weak pop hooks and ill-fitting guest verses over mediocre production in an effort to reach “the masses.” Killer Mike and El-P, collectively known as Run the Jewels, said “no” to packaging and dropped their self-titled mixtape on us from nowhere. Abandoning all formula, the unlikely duo relentlessly drop some of the hottest bars of the year for 40 minutes of mind-melting goodness. Bar for bar, Run the Jewels shines like a diamond above the rest of 2013.

Chance the Rapper - Acid Rap

Chancelor Bennett became the hottest rapper of the year off of one mixtape, and he deserves that kind of accolade for his work. His cartoonish flow and warbly tendencies might overwhelm some, but with time, you come to appreciate that the 20-year-old Chicago native is far more than a gimmick. Acid Rap blends an uncanny knack for dense rhyme schemes, incisive social commentary and skilled production into a project that will be revisited for years to come.

Disclosure - Settle

Popular electronic music suffers from success. Most top 40 hits lack the soul and musicianship that really grabs listeners, relying on anthemic chord progressions to clothe the naked Emperor. English duo Disclosure’s Settle takes those expectations and throws them into a blender. The combination of talented guest vocalists, thumping bass and lush production can make even the most hardened EDM skeptic dance around the room like an idiot. It’s an album that deserves multiple run-throughs and is guaranteed to power you through your work day.

Kanye West - Yeezus

No album in 2013 was as divisive as Kanye West’s Yeezus. The rap game Willy Wonka took his familiar blend of melancholy, social critique, sex puns and self-importance, but instead of his usual soul-sampling escapades, West brought in outside producers to lay out what could best be described as “acid house dancehall.” As we’ve come to expect from West, it is a great record. West jumps from chest-thumping Marilyn Manson emulation to wistful reminiscence to wall-of-noise trap, and it all works in one way or another. It’s as difficult to unpack as it is to classify, but the reward is well worth the effort.

Daft Punk - Random Access Memories

2013 saw a tidal wave of nostalgia hit the pop charts, with smash hits reconciling 70s and 80s tendencies with the sounds of today. At the crest of this wave was Daft Punk, who created what is essentially a robotic tribute to disco with Random Access Memories. It is endlessly listenable, eminently danceable and has enough dynamic changes throughout to keep listeners on their toes. Fantastic collaborations with music legends from eras assert Daft Punk’s continued relevance after a lengthy layoff.

What other projects do you think deserved a shoutout? Let me know in the comments below!

How to Make Holiday Travel As Painless as Possible

I don’t hate the holidays, but I loathe holiday travel. There is absolutely nothing pleasurable about dragging yourself out of bed one morning and preparing to travel hundreds of miles to see your family. Yes, family is great, but when facing hours of spine-contorting, leg-cramping, mind-numbing agony, seeing Mom and Dad isn’t nearly enough payoff at the end of the tunnel. It was for this reason that I decided to skip going home for Thanksgiving and just roast a turkey breast in my apartment’s dinky oven.

In addition to the normal wear and tear of the holiday traveling experience, there are a number of factors that can add to the physical and emotional pain of travel. Here are some of them:

Time -- This really goes without saying: the number of hours you spend on the road or in the air significantly affects how you’ll feel along the way. If it’s a two-hour jaunt, no sweat. 6-8 hours? Painful, but manageable. 12 hours and over? Excuse me, I’ll be in the fetal position.

Distance -- Much like time, the greater the distance you have to travel, the worse you’ll feel. If you’re crossing timezones or seeing trees whizz by hour after hour, you’ll tire out much faster than if you’re traveling somewhere closer for the same amount of time.

Comfort -- Throughout your life, you’ve always wished that you could tall if you’re short and vice versa. Well, when you travel, there is a definitive advantage in being short. Placing luggage in the overhead compartments can suck if you’re short, but you have that all-important feature: room. Tall people get stuck shifting every which way, searching for any comfortable position, but there’s none to be found. Your back hurts from improper support, your legs hurt from being locked in position against rigid seats, and your head hurts from dealing with the toll this discomfort takes.

Time of Day -- This is an often overlooked factor, but an important one. If you start out at the crack of dawn, the trip is going to suck, no matter how long it is. Starting at night is okay if you have a steady supply of energy drinks and don’t plan to do anything that first day you’re home, but if it’s a 6-12 hour trip, the undisputed best time to start is 10am. You’re awake enough to function, and you’ll be tired enough at the end of it to pass out immediately.

Cost -- I’m the type of person that dwells on my money, so this is an important factor to me. Taking into account food and transportation costs weighs on me my entire ride, and if I have to pay too much for travel, I start to beat myself up. If you’re like me, sometimes paying for the fastest route from point A to point B isn’t always worth it.

Method of Transportation -- This, in my opinion, is the single most important factor in determining just how miserable you’ll be heading home for the holidays. Unless you’re traveling from Miami to some other port city, you’re not taking a boat. If you are, you’re probably insufferable. So for us regular folk, we’ve got four options: car, plane, train or bus. I’ll weigh the pros and cons of each method after a quick break.

Now, to give you some perspective, here’s my situation. I’m six-foot-four, and I carry around a good bit of weight, around 230 pounds. I live in Pittsburgh right now doing a year of service in AmeriCorps (shameless plug!), but my hometown is about 10 miles outside of Boston. In total, I have to travel around 600 miles to get home. So already you’re seeing why I hate the travel: it’s a long trip with no straight line to route through. This is compounded by the fact that I’m a tall person with annoyingly long legs. So how can I make this trip as painless as possible? It all comes down to factor 5: how I’m getting home. Let’s rattle through them:

Car -- On the surface, this sounds like the worst way to travel. Driving at a steady 75-80mph the whole way with 2 hour breaks for meals and gas, the trip takes me 12 hours. At first blush, this sounds like the worst way to travel. “You mean it’s going to take forever, and I have to be alert and performing tasks?! Screw that.” I once thought this way, too, until I actually drove it in one day. In all honesty, while it did kinda suck, it wasn’t awful. Including gas and food, a round trip costs me 120 bucks, which is as cheap as you can get. With a pillow behind me to support my back, and with infrequent stops, I never got overly sore or stiff, and I made it without wanting to run a sword through my gut. Being in complete control of your travel is a great feeling. However, it did take 12 hours of mind-numbing boredom, and I had to wake up early to make it to my destination at a reasonable hour. Grade: B

Bus -- Let me start with this: buses are Godless inventions. I have never had a pleasant experience on a bus. They take longer than cars because of frequent stops and layovers, they’re prone to breakdowns, the drivers are erratic as hell, and you have to wake up supremely early to catch them. You’re confined to a cramped space for anywhere from 14 to 20 hours, depending on what crappy bus company you choose, and you can’t stop for food and water when you need to. Instead of traveling alone, you’re surrounded by strangers who could annoy you at any given moment. Add to that the increased cost, and you have a totally miserable travel experience. The only saving grace is that instead of driving, you can try to sleep or read a book or do some work if you’re on the unicorn Megabus that has working WiFi. Is that one pro worth all the cons? No. Grade: D-

Plane -- Planes are fast. That’s the best thing about planes -- they’re faster than Speedy Gonzalez compared to every other form of travel. A plane from Pittsburgh to Boston takes a little under two hours. Because of that, you can take a plane any time of day and it doesn’t matter. With that said, everything else about flying suuuuuuucks. Start with travel to the airport. Long term parking, if you drive, or paying a friend to drop you off. Then the ticket, which costs anywhere from two times to four times more than driving. Then security, where you get cavity searched by a giant rotating magnet. Then the plane seats, which are so narrow and confined that by the time I land, my legs feel like tenderized steak and my back screams bloody murder. Then your fellow passengers, who will take every opportunity to fall asleep on your shoulder or scream their stupid baby heads off. Every single second of plane travel is mental and physical torture. But hey, it’s fast. Grade: C+

Train -- Trains rival buses in length, time and time of day factors. They take 14+ hours to get from Pittsburgh to Boston, and you have to be up by 5am to catch a taxi to the station. They’re also slightly more expensive than buses, but much cheaper than planes. So what’s the upside? Put simply: comfort. Trains are by far the easiest way to travel. Amtrak and the like don’t operate on the airliner philosophy of herding as many sheeple into a vacuum-sealed airtube as they can; there’s plenty of leg room. You hardly have to sit next to someone for very long, allowing you to stretch and recline and pretty much live within your own little bubble. WiFi is abundant, bathrooms are numerous and usually pretty cleanly, and there’s a café car. You can walk around on a train like a real live person, and not feel like a calf about to be harvested for veal. Everyone is relaxed, you can enjoy the scenery, and you don’t have to worry about baggage fees. As a person who gets really stiff when stuck in one place too long, the freedom of being able to walk around whenever I want and even sit at a table to eat is incomparable. Grade: A-

Holiday travel will never be a painless proposition. Invariably, something will happen you don’t anticipate, whether it be traffic or flight delays or inclement weather. Just remember to weigh the positives and negatives as they apply to you. For me, comfort and cost are the most important things. Maybe for you, it’s time and distance, since you have to cross two time zones. Whatever your reasoning, travel will suck, but it’s up to you to minimize the suckitude. Just don't say I didn't warn you about that Greyhound.

Oh, and bring a pillow.

My new personal website is live. Check it out, read all of the stuff I've written over the last few years, watch me sing, whatever. lonethoughts.com

joeveix

Earlier today, I posted this BuzzFeed parody on BuzzFeed, because I wanted to create a black hole on the internet. Within 15 minutes, it was deleted and I was banned from the site, because it was "mean-spirited," according to their community editor.

Thankfully, “The Story Of Egypt’s Revolution In Jurassic Park Gifs" remains available to the world.

lonexionc

Buzzfeed -- just the latest stain on our already soot-black Internet society.

lily-in-the-dark

This week, one of my favorite websites, much to my dismay, posted a really frustrating interview with/apologia for Ken Hoinsky, an author of pickup artist-type dating advice, written by Maria Bustillos. I won’t go into the backstory here, because I’m going to assume you know it and are sick of...

lonexionc

Great piece from fellow Bostonian @lilybenson. The modus operandi of PUA are generally despicable.

#pua #pickup artist #consent

alohomorea

GUYS WATCH SEN. WENDY DAVIS KICK ASS LIVE.

lonexionc

Wendy Davis is an actual American hero.

#wendy davis #texas #senate #abortion

I just want to say, fucking Amen to your post about blurred lines. I felt exactly the same way; disgusted and sickened by what the song and the video represent. Thankyou for refreshing my faith in humanity.

Thanks for reading. Writing about the intent/implications of music is never really *fun* as its invariably to defend or attack, but I'm just glad I could get it out there.

On Blurred Lines and Agency

“Oh no, another Blurred Lines thinkpiece, God, why?” Good question. I’ve had it kicking around in my head for the past few days. Really, it has less to do with the song, and more to do with agency in music.

Look, I will readily admit that Blurred Lines has all the ingredients of a catchy song. The Michael Jackson sample is a welcome interjection, and no one is a bigger fan of agogo bells than me. The single is the result of a gradual personality shift on the part of Robin Thicke. For a dude whose biggest brush with success was the female adoration single “Lost Without U” seven years ago, he’s developed from a more sensitive Timberlake-lite crooner to a prototypical Pop&B singer more concerned with intoxication than morality.

The problems I have with Blurred Lines are numerous. Perhaps most important of these is that the song is so goddamn boring. I’ve heard it hundreds of times before, executed with more nuance and musicianship. From Miguel to Jeremih to Timberlake, there are more capable singers making the same type of music with more interesting and pleasing results. I might hate The Weeknd and how every song of his seems to imply date rape, but musically, they’re at least interesting.