i really really dislike the claim that a lot of shippers(specifically toxic mileven shippers) make in regards to henderhop that "if you think el wasn't mentally prepared for a relationship, why do you ship henderhop" this is a kind of strawman's argument that is called a false equivalency. it has this idea that el will always be mentally unprepared for a relationship, when this is obviously false. it also misunderstands the critique of mileven that people have, which is that el got in a relationship too early to actually understand the implications behind them, since she had her first kiss the same week that she learned what a friend was, was isolated from her peers in a cabin for another year, where her only model of a relationship was from toxic old movies, and then got into a relationship. most people, myself included, who dislike the ship would have been okay with and even liked mileven if they were allowed to be a slow burn. subsequently, the earliest most people see henderhop getting into an actual relationship is maybe season three, after el has been socialized for eight months and has been around people her age.
this is also the same reason i have trouble taking the response to the critique of mileven that "mike was toxic" that says that "well, he would also be toxic in byler, so" seriously; it misunderstands the entire critique that people have of mileven. this critique doesnt say that mike is inherently toxic, but rather that the relationship he was in created a toxic situation for the both of them in which neither of their needs in a romantic relationship(el's need to be loved and mike's need to be needed) were fullfilled, making him become toxic specifically for el and the relationship she needed. many byler shippers also believe that mike simply didn't love el, because he is a repressed gay guy, which is why their relationship(and mike by extension) was toxic, because he didnt and couldnt love her
