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gianluc30

simple rules..

wordsafterslash2

Omfg please

jamradish

Navigating wants and Needs as a submissive

When embarking on a new Ds relationship/ dynamic it is important as a submissive that we know ourselves and as part of the insight into our future endeavour that we take time to reflect upon what our core values are and that includes what our wants and needs are so that we may find mutual compatability and are equally able to have a discussion and open communication about what that is going to look like, often in vanilla relationships connections are formed based upon external compatabilities and interests and this is not exclusive to a Ds relationship, however I find that often in vanilla relationships further down the line they discover that they are not compatible because one is more Subserviant and the other taking a more leadership role only to discover they are not the natural leader or subservient sexual / natural being, going a little off topic here I recommend reading the book ' Leading and supportive love' by Chris M Lyon.

Needs: Non negotioable fundamentals of fulfillment (an eg may be food, shelter) but in the confines of a relationship things that we need so that we can remain mentally and physically healthy to allow us to grow or flourish.

Wants: A want may be something you desire to have and is negotiable.

If needs are not met either in frequency or depth in ways that hold meaning for you then you could feel unfulfilled and unhappy and trust may be harder to obtain.

When starting out on your journey thinking about the type of relationship dynamic you are looking for some examples:

🩶A one off play session (that may grow to more) bottoming

🩶. play partner only (you play together but don’t share a relationship outside of play)

🩶. relationship where you have other significant intimate relationships

🩶. long term intimate relationship.

When thinking about needs it may take some inner reflection. Make a list. Write down everything you can think of that you want or would like There are situations where you might list something as a want, only to realize later that it is a need and as you grow some of the things you originally wanted or needed may change.

It is just as valid and important that the Dominant role in the relationship considers his needs and wants and before guiding and leading his/her submissive that they are in control of thier own lives, no I don't mean a Robot in suit or multimillionaire that goes by the name of Mr Grey I mean someone with self awareness and abilities to handle difficult situations, diffuse conflict and have open discussions and this is not just one sided.

daidi-dragan-glas-deactivated20

I agree wholeheartedly with pretty much ALL of this, but I personally tend to put the submissive's needs first in my own priority list. That's not saying I don't hold my own agency as a priority, but I do absolutely consider her needs first, and maybe that's because my MAIN need is for hers to be met... So .. hahaha maybe my own need IS first after all.. 😏

cherishedproperty

@daidi-dragan-glas I think in a long-term D/s dynamic, both parties are often service-minded people who take seriously their responsibility to fulfill their partner’s relationship needs. Makes sense that you would consider her needs first. Most of the time, I think that arrangement works well, with both parties putting the other first. But it’s backfired with me before. When you put yourself second for too long, it can eat away at your wellbeing. Monsieur is pushing me right now to put my own needs first. Because often I talk myself out of my needs when they conflict with his. I genuinely want to put him first, but in the long run, it hurts me.

No one can understand and communicate and advocate for your needs better than you can. So, I like this hierarchy. Put on your own mask before assisting others.