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@lookitpicturelady-blog
Time for a vacation?
You know it's time for a vacation when you wake yourself up in the middle of the night reaching for a permission form from an imaginary child.
I guess I was dreaming about being at a shoot. All I know is I woke up with my arm outstretched as I tried to take the dream-child's permission slip.
Things that are apparently my fault:
Your inability to afford professional portraits.
(I don't set the price, ma'am, I simply sell them. If you can't afford them, don't get offended and treat me like it's something I personally did to you.)
It's back to work in a new season!
Seems that winds of change are blowing up in the corporate office. It should be very interesting to see where it goes!
As for me, I'm just starting up with my schools again, getting those kids to smile.
I've already got some good experiences under my belt within the first week back. It's always a pleasure to calm that one sobbing child down and get an honest to goodness smile from her.
Back to work I go!
It's not a good sign when...
You stoop to clean a child's face, and the teacher stops you and says hesitantly, "Would you like some gloves?"
It's not a good sign when you call the next child's name, and all of the teachers say, "Good luck."
How I feel when I get an early morning Friday call telling me my shoot for the day is canceled
The Force is strong in this one.
Apparently there were Star Wars fans at my shoot today.
Some of the kids were hanging around as I packed up, and I heard a little boy going, "I'm Force choking you!" I looked up to see him holding his hand out in the direction of another child, and the other kid dutifully began making choking noises. They all laughed.
I went over and said, "Hey, whatcha guys up to?" Acting like I didn't overhear anything. The boy held his hand up at ME, so I quickly grabbed my throat and began gack-acking.
They thought it was a riot.
You just have no idea, do you? (Rant)
I'll go ahead and say it, as I have before - there's such a thing as awkward kids. I'm sorry if your child isn't the epitome of perfection in front of a camera, but it's true...not every kid looks good, as much as you'd like to believe otherwise.
It's heartbreaking, I know, to be a mother and see photographic evidence of how strange your kid looks. You don't want to believe it's true. I understand. But it happens. I do my best, but there's only so much I can do. Your kid has to at least try, for Christ's sake.
So I had a mother viewing her daughter's pictures. Honestly, the pictures were pretty bad. There was one semi-decent one, one awkward one that wasn't terrible, and then one completely terrible shot. First came the shock. The mother sort of laughed. "She's the worst with pictures, I swear." Very lighthearted, placing most of the "blame" on her daughter. "You know I didn't even buy her ballet pictures because of this. She always does this. Every picture. She's always like this."
Her attitude slowly changed, though. I think it started as she began to see other children's pictures, and she realized just how badly her daughter's pictures came out. It made her feel bad. And then I suppose it made her feel angry. Now it stopped being about her daughter, and it became about me. "I mean...yeah, she does this, but still...the photographer should know how to make her smile, right? You'd think the photographer would've made her smile better."
Oy vey.
Lady, look at the pictures, especially that last one. The girl was actively pouting. She's not a 2 year old who doesn't understand that pictures are happening. She's a 6 year old graduate. At that age, it's a lot less about me and more about them. Honestly, the biggest problem I should have with a child that age is them doing too fake of a smile...not having problems getting them to cooperate in the first place! What do you expect me to do with a 6 year old? She's too old for the whole "Mr. Squeaky is gonna tickle you!" shtick.
I'm sorry her pictures suck. I really am. But you just have no idea what went into even just those 3 shots. If you think I threw her in front of the camera, clicked away, and shoved her away, you're sadly mistaken. Those were her best shots after plenty of cajoling.
Don't blame the photographer for that one. Blame your goofy, awkward child.
My shoot today
Gotcha!
I had a school in a heavily Hispanic city just recently. Those are always a challenge due to language barriers (my not speaking Spanish and all), and this was no exception. The director of the center spoke a little bit of English, so between her few words of English, my two words of Spanish, and plenty of gesturing, we made it through the shoot. Even through language barriers, I try to have a little fun.
This shoot in particular had a mix of grads and non-grads, so I had to be extra sure to know who the graduates were. Since there was a language barrier, I decided to do the extra safe option of asking the director for each individual child rather than rely on my memory of the list of names she gave me. My last non-grad of the day was an infant. We're talking 4 months old.
When I finished with her, I stopped the director. I asked with a straight face, "Is she a grad?" I pointed to the infant.
The look on the director's face was priceless.
I smiled and said, "I'm only kidding." The director clutched her chest in that universal "oh thank goodness" gesture, and she laughed.
"We lost your data. You're going to have to reshoot the entire school."
And now you know.
A mother came into my shoot the other day. She said - not rudely, but still with the slightest judgmental edge in her voice - "I wanted to be here this time because last time she wasn't smiling in her picture."
Of course I'm not overly thrilled when this happens, but it's also not the end of the world, either. You never know. Maybe the parent can make the kid smile. I looked at the girl and I instantly remembered her. No, she didn't smile last time. She was incredibly freaking awkward last time.
Lo and behold, she was just as awkward this time. Luckily for me, the mother was present to see just how awkward her child is. Moments like that are little moments of redemption for me. Sometimes at a sale the parent will get upset and demand to know why their kid didn't smile when "he always smiles, he loves pictures!" It just ain't the case. Hate to break it to you, but not every child is a natural thing of beauty. Not all children go well with cameras. This girl was one of them.
And the mother got to see.
Slowly, over the next few minutes, I watched out of the corner of my eye as her attitude fizzled. After she saw just how difficult it was to work with her daughter, the mother's tone changed. It went from whatever it was in the beginning to slightly contrite. "I...I don't know if this was how she was last time," she muttered. "Maybe this is what she was like last time...that's why I wanted to be here. I don't know."
I smiled brightly. "Yup. This is exactly how she was last time." Sort of innocently, sort of rubbing it in.
At least this time we got a smile from her.
Bad news is it's still the one of the most awkward damned smiles I've ever seen.
I was halfway through breaking down my equipment...
...when I felt something poking at my knee. I looked down to see a little girl trying to get my attention.
"Yes?"
She looked at me with a sly smile. And then she said, "PUPPY!"
And left.
It's called...
I have this movable/retractable arm poser in my set-up, and it never fails to amaze at least one child per shoot. I pull it up from out of nowhere, and the kid goes, "Whoooooaaaaaa, how'd you do that?!"
And I'm just like
Well at least I think I'm funny.
I was at a scheduled portrait presentation one afternoon at a new school I had photographed. I walled myself off behind my presentation tables as I waited. An older boy - probably around 11ish - stopped by and pointed to one of those fake instructional clocks that happened to be on a ledge behind me. "May I have that?" he asked me.
"Sure," I told him as I reached for it. I paused before I handed it to him. "I guess you could say I've...got the time."
The half eye roll was well worth it.
Catch phrases, sayings, and other verbal habits of the trade...
After photographing hundreds of children over the course of many months, you start to develop a certain vocabulary and method of dealing with the kids. I've found that I go on verbal autopilot after some time.
Listen carefully the next time your Picture Lady is at your center. You might hear something like...
"Heya! How old are you, buddy?...FOUR? WOW, ME TOO!...Haha, I'm just kidding, I'm not four. I'm five; I'm just a little bit older than you..."
or
"Strong back, sweetheart. We're gonna sit up biiiiiiig and tall, just like this. See this? This is a strong back! Great job!"
or
"Oooh, I LOVE it!"
or
"Okay, we're gonna put our skirt down, okay? These aren't THOSE kind of pictures..."
or
"What's your favorite color?...Blue?...Ooh, that's a pretty color. How come blue? Can you name something that's blue? What things are blue?"
or
"Lookin' at me! Ooh, where ya lookin'? Here I am!"
or
"Uh-ohhhhh! Where am I?"
or
"I need all my friends to stay nice and quiet while we each have our turn, okay?"
or
"GREAT listening skills!"
or
"Don't move, okay? We're gonna freeze like a popsicle....GREAT job! You must be using your listening ears today!"
or
"I LOVE how quiet all my friends are being right now! Great job!"
or
"How old are you, handsome?...Five?! NO WAY! You've gotta be at LEAST 20....Yes you are! Are you trying to trick me? I know you're tricking me. I saw you driving here this morning in your car! With your GIRLFRIEND! Uh-HUH!"
or
"Hey, handsome!"
or
"Hello, gorgeous!"
or
"Hello, beautiful!"
or
"Ooooh, I love your dress! Who got you that dress? Mommy? Can Mommy get me a dress like that, too?...Yes?...Okay, let her know! Tell her today; tell her, 'Picture Lady wants a dress just like this one!' Okay?"
or
"Show me that happy face! Can I see teeth?"
or
"Show me a happy face!...Ooh, too happy, too happy! That's crazy happy!"
or
"Come on over here and step on up. Great job! Now you're gonna scoot back a little bit. Scoot, scoot, scoot; scoot your boot! GREAT job! You're a good listener!"
or
"Ooh, hold on, hold on, the baby's leaking. Can someone grab me a wipey?"
or
"Did you bring me friends in your nose? Ooh, we've got some friends in here. I'm gonna steal your boogies!"
or
"Did you bring me breakfast on your face? What'd you have for breakfast? Cereal? Milk? I'm not even hungry right now!"
or
"Ooh, we've got some sleep in our eyes. Let me get that for you. Are you sleepy right now? It's not even nap time!"
or
"UH-ohhhh! Is Mickey gonna tickle you?...UH OH HE'S GONNA TICKLE YOU!"
or
"Lookin' at Mickey annnnnd turn your face, turn your face, turn your - right there! Great job!"
or
"That's it! Mickey's gonna get your toes! Is Mickey gonna get your toes?...OH! He got youuuu!"
The veteran photographers watching to see which schools I, the rookie, draw.
Worth it.
I love plenty of things about my job. One of the more rewarding aspects is helping a shy child come out of his/her shell.
Plenty of parents tell me, "Oh she never smiles!" when they see the finished portrait of their smiling daughter.
I've had a couple of children whose very first day at that preschool happened to fall on picture day. That's always a special challenge. They're almost always scared and crying. The staff tell me, "It's his first day; just try, but he might not do it." It's an awesome feeling to get that smile from the child.
I remember one school in particular where the shoot was pretty hectic. There was a little boy whose first day was that day; he might've been two years old or so. He had been crying earlier, but I got him to calm down just before it was his turn. Still, he was incredibly serious. I played with him a bit, and eventually he began to crack. I got that smile from him. When he was finished, I pulled him down and he immediately grew serious again. He wouldn't go back to his class with the other kids.
I spent the rest of the shoot shooting one-handed because he was at my side clutching my other hand, refusing to leave me.