silly with a side of strange

for the stranger things that don't go to main

[lopswirl]

WARNING

This is an art/ramble sideblog where topics may be self-indulgent and unpleasant.

Therefore, no minors, or at the very least take caution.

Content will never delve into fully explicit nsfw territory, and I will always try and tag/give warnings/cut off content appropriately to the best of my ability.

Posts will not be consistent or frequent. Ok that's basically it. Below are some tags and other stuff for convenience #swirl_talks - I ramble or vent #swirl_draws - Stuff I've made #swirl_inspo - Gifts, cool people, and rambling bluesky - Only art with no rambling, same warnings apply

[lopswirl]

A mysterious creature from other dimensions whose penchant for caregiving often gets others into more than a little trouble. (for @willowwispy(3)89 on bluesky/(twitter))

It feels weird to say, but in hindsight it's hard to deny how much of an effect rotund world has had on me in invisible ways. I've never actually even played with the mod believe it or not despite catering to my weird interests because I'm self-conscious, (as in like "I can't possibly stoop to this low to where I can't just enjoy a game normally") but the ripple effect it created ended up leading to many posts and art from others that did influence me a lot, from how I think about myself and certain topics to how I draw. If rotund world never existed, this account would probably never exist, and I would be a fundamentally different person. It's crazy to think about sometimes, how everything chains together in unexpected ways, but I found it all quite poetic and fascinating to see dots of the past connect. I'll probably repeat this a lot, but doing something new regardless of whether it works out or not is something I always really like to see. Modding and more broadly programming also feels underappreciated in comparison to art which is a shame. In the discord servers I've been in the art channels always get way more activity than any other creative craft like modeling, programming, writing, etc., if there even is one in the first place. I've never modded for a game before, but I have done some programming in various languages as well as a tiny bit of solo gamedev in the past, and it certainly takes a special kind of dedication to spend hours doing nothing but trying to understand something or to debug. So I've got my respects in that aspect too.

[lopswirl]

Memory Box (for Northflowo, @\northflowerowo on tumblr)

I'm not planning on doing these in any order, but I think it was fitting that this be first. Unfortunately, I only arrived during the beginnings of the Rain World era 3 years ago, but that didn't stop me from going back to some older videos to unexpectedly be greeted with probably one of the most unique channels I've ever seen with a crazy art journey. They're a large reason as to why I even started drawing in the first place. I learned a lot about some processes of digital art through the various speed paints by observation, and there's also neat commentary sometimes. I think this video is a good representation of it all and I've watched it multiple times over when starting out lol. I also got introduced to MAP's (Multi-Animator Project) which was really cool. I don't really do much 2d animation, but I've always liked it and it led me to participate in a MAP myself even though I'm socially anxious. (you'll never know which one) Those alone are already pretty significant, but I think the aspects that really spoke to me were the original short films. Being unafraid to branch off and do something wholly unique despite having things working is something I will always hold in high regard anytime I see it. In another universe it could have just been warrior cat videos and MAP's until the sun explodes. And the short films are like the ultimate defiance of that, alongside also just being really well done. Making a short film has been an aspiration of mine for many years, and maybe someday I'll be able to do the same.

[lopswirl]

Weeks ago I had this little extra bit at the end of a ramble.

Also a random little addition that's unrelated and way too early but with this whole artfight thing floating around conversations recently, I kinda want to do an inspiration month of sorts where I just show appreciation for some cool people that have influenced me in some way. "Isn't that kind of just artfight though?" Yeah I guess, but I think turning it into a game of sorts detracts from the fact that I'm doing this just for myself. Plus, I don't have an artfight account and I'm not really an OC type of person anyways.

Yeah I've decided that I'm probably going to be doing that so don't be surprised if it's not rain world or not chubby. This is also where I yap so for each entry, I'll probably also include a ramble with some backstory and other stuff. For the sake of organization, I'll also introduce a tag #swirl_inspo specifically for stuff like this so that's about it.

[lopswirl]

I'm aware of the new main rw confessions blog and I'm glad it exists but I do kind of miss the old one somewhat. (@/the-real-rain-world-confessions for those unaware)

I'll probably never have that strange feeling again of being on the sidelines and seeing a small trend of confessions specifically related to this weird interest of mine. A lot of them were about defending or expressing indifference to the concept, which was kind of nice I suppose. Yeah tumblr is definitely weighted towards certain beliefs that aren't representative of any general population, and the average real person would absolutely be a lot more condemning, but it was reassuring I guess to feel not hopelessly lost. It's just hard to find anybody who wasn't already into it to some extent talking about stuff like this.

Even the more adversarial or condemning ones were helpful, because at least I can get a better understanding of things and it usually creates a response from another person later that I get to read anyways.

The old one was also just larger since it existed at the downpour boom, so at the very least it felt like there was some variance and different people around too.

[lopswirl]

I was listening to the deltarune chapter 5 ost and it made me want to ramble on music and videogame OSTs so here's that. (No spoilers unless you feel like clicking links and even then it's barely for anything important at all)

I used to listen to a lot more videogame OSTs, as in like all that I would listen to was videogame OSTs. I've slowly branched out over the years and diversified to more "real music" and generally the most hype moments and aura songs still get the most attention which is a little unfortunate. (Think like kayava from rain world or I guess megalovania lol) I mean I like them too and I loop them all the time, but there's something special about the slower melancholic songs in an album or set that invoke some indescribable feeling of nostalgia.

It sounds corny, and I only really did this starting 2026, but something about occasionally just walking to empty places alone at dusk/night and sitting down somewhere listening to that sort of music really is magical, and I suppose even moreso now in modern times given the undivided attention everything demands.

What prompted this ramble initially was reaching to one of the shops in ch5 of deltarune and hearing shop3, which was one of those songs that got that certain feeling out of me. I got reminded of some other ones like reclaiming entropy from rain world obviously, the lonely tower / sanctuary zero from Tower of Heaven, wherever we are now from Cassette beasts, and a whole bunch more that I don't feel like listing out because it would take a long while but yeah.

I guess all that I'm saying here is touching grass alone to music at night is pretty great and you should try it.

[lopswirl]

somewhat unfinished page of ridiculous doodles from weeks ago that I recovered

[lopswirl]

I've been seeing casualties unknown make its rounds recently and might play the game when it fully comes out on steam. It's certainly not the type of game I would normally play, as former me would have likely dismissed it as "furry bait", but it looks interesting I suppose.

cw: kink mentions below

I was somewhat surprised to have discovered the existence of a well-developed fat kink mod already despite being just a demo. It was apparently allowed to exist by orsoniks when brought up which is double surprising.

And triple surprising that willow (rotund world) is on the project as well. A little funny to see the progression from kaji to rotund world to casualties xl and the increasing I guess "blatant-ness" of it all but I'm certainly not complaining or judging. I had faint traces leaking myself that could definitely be seen as foreshadowing to an extent.

[lopswirl]

I came across this post and it spurred a desire to ramble just a little bit. (I'm not reblogging or commenting from original post because I know this account is weird)

I don't have the greatest say on what things were like before downpour, since I only really arrived the moment after downpour came out. I was aware of the game's existence before downpour since I watched a youtuber called Foekoe back then who made a video on the base game 5 years ago, but I didn't play it or engage in anything at the time. But I do get what it must have been like back then as I've talked about being in other communities that have received comparable magnitudes of popularity booms. Something strange though is that even for those other communities, I haven't seen a sort of public divide to the extent of the pre vs. post downpour conflict before. Perhaps remaining in relative obscurity for so, so long created this strong nostalgia for those early to the game. A year or two of obscurity is long yes, but there's something about Rain World's original release being back in 2017, nearly a decade ago and 6 years before downpour that's uniquely special and a little hard to grasp. While the size of the broader community and fandom has certainly ginormously expanded, it still feels like a smaller community of sorts to me. Once things get large enough, smaller sub communities and niches form that replicate that former experience of creating something for a few individuals. It's not necessary to be everywhere all the time to be a fan.

[lopswirl]

cw: vent, hypnosis, wg kink

There was a time where I lived in more ignorance, where I had secrets withheld from me, important events that I never knew about, and magnitude of certain things scaled back. Everything purposefully kept in the dark until it couldn't be hidden any more. The only thing I really ever had to do was listen and follow, and I didn't mind that really. Even if it felt wrong to some extent, I was confident that it would all work itself out, things lined up and everything just made sense. It's hard to fully hate myself for it, because it was nice to get praise, and it's something desirable from the lens of modern society. I certainly improved in many ways as a person from it, did things past what I thought my limit was. Gradually I was allowed more 'freedoms' as one should receive with age, and some decisions were really mine to make all on my own. But my first thought was always to delegate them towards somebody else, no matter how inconsequential and small it may be. When I was younger, I had a short interest in hypnosis that mixed with the incredibly strange fascination with weight gain and fat as weird as that sounds. I would go and search for weight gain hypnosis videos, but never actually watched any of them. Why? I was truly scared of the prospect and idea of losing control. But looking back was I ever really in control to begin with? Maybe it was scary because subconsciously I knew I was already going through it to some extent? and that it was sort of nice honestly? Then I was left alone for once with nobody but myself, and I began to really feel regret. I started to question certain things and learned of some things both nice and uncomfortable. And then that magic of going past my limits started to fade and feels like I'm left in an eternal limbo with no path to take that feels correct. Ironically and unfortunately, the whole idea of losing control is now something I've found pleasing to fantasize about in combination with weight gain. A weird inversion that coincidentally lines up as I began to doubt my past ways, with a nostalgia for what I used to be able to do.

[lopswirl]

I keep getting reminded of the permanence of the internet every time I enter some sort of short rabbit hole.

Seeing one time off handed things that connect towards something else you see later. As much as it is fascinating and I like learning obscurities about certain places, people, or things, I feel like sometimes I'm crossing a line and entering dangerous territories. Not dangerous as in I'm uncovering something deplorable or sensitive or using forbidden methods, but as in I wouldn't exactly be pleased if somebody did the same to me. Even if it's performed with similar non-nefarious motivations and not reaching anything personal.

[lopswirl]

Still can't do much so below is another round of goofy wip scribbles from previous stuff that I still have. cw: if you aren't okay with literally anything don't go further

[lopswirl]

I've been getting some more unambiguously sfw ideas recently, and now I have to consider the inevitable question of "should I fully separate stuff like that out or not?"

I already make a bit of an effort to at least filter and tag stuff that I know is really out there. But even the safer stuff, it's like an argument could still be made if you really, really wanted to stretch it.

My options are pretty much either

Push that stuff onto the main that has no following in the hopes it might break out a little like some other posts have had on there.

Make an alt of this alt to start fresh for this sort of stuff.

Not give a damn and to not separate it at all.

Like I'm quite leaning towards not giving a damn, because the default settings automatically hide labeled stuff if I remember correctly. And I also don't want to have another account to add, but Im not like 100% fully sure of that being good.

[lopswirl]

Looking back on older rain world related posts sometimes brings this faint melancholy of feeling like having missed out.

It's not really a good way to look at things, but I do wish I did any amount of interaction stuff at all during/before that boom era. It's like I was silent during the main event and only finally did anything at the afterparty when all the fanfare has dissipated.

Its not a rain world exclusive thing, this feeling of missing out, as I've had it for various other games as well. The most prominent example being this one Roblox game called Phighting.

I don't mean this as a brag because it's just luck and circumstance, but I followed the development of the game over 4 years ago when it had next to no community and like 0-2 concurrent players. And nowadays it's sitting at like over 1000 concurrent I think, with a main discord server that's larger than the official rain world server.

I have messages from all the way back telling friends about the game because it felt very promising even as bare bones as it was compared to now.

It was kind of surreal being so early to something and to see it evolve and take off thanks to the whole underrated games trend that happened, but there's the regret of feeling like I could have been a part of it all. The timing presented the possibility, I just never tried to make it a reality. So now all I have to show is a somewhat rare emote of one of the characters in a game that I don't really play anymore.

Same thing kind of happened with another game which I will not name for certain reasons, but I was somewhat early to that one too, and only started to do anything after the game was on its last legs after the fall off. I made and tried contributing some 3d models and one of them was even accepted, but it resulted in naught as the development was entirely halted before it's inclusion.

At the end of the day if I had to cope, maybe it's a good thing. Like not really chasing trends or whatever, but I just can't help but get the thoughts of what could have been.

[lopswirl]

It's pretty obvious that I like gourmand after scrolling this blog for like 2 seconds. You can reduce the reason to just being an affinity for the rotund and that wouldn't be wrong, but I've obviously seen my share of larger characters before so... why gourmand specifically?

Slugcats are just very simple to draw in comparison to most other characters which makes it more appealing with less of a barrier to entry. Some of the earliest things I ever drew digitally were slugcats. It also kind of helps that I feel like a lot of what it takes to draw a slugcat are sort of applicable to both drawing human characters and animals at the same time. [I was going to have another section here but I remembered I already basically covered it in the why rain world? ramble so it's linked here] Onto a more personal reason, the characterization of gourmand resonated with me quite a lot. Every slugcat is pretty blank slate, and a lot of their personalities are imparted from fandom rather than the game itself, but gourmand is directly described as being "an indulger of the simpler pleasures in life". Pair that with the fact that gourmand's campaign doesn't really change anything about the worldstate in comparison to the other downpour slugcats, their ability to craft being arguably the most unexceptional (when considering it to be exaggerated), their non-ascension ending being arguably one of the 'happiest' conclusions in the entire game, and when combining it all together you get this perspective that you don't need to change the world or be exceptional to have a good life. That it's not a sin to do something for your own sake. It's a way of seeing the world that you always hear about, but I never gave it much thought. I've always been the opposite, a person to do what others expected, and my self-worth and ambitions were always derived from external sources. I still sort of follow those ways, after all every perspective comes with it's own set of benefits and downsides and it hasn't served me terribly I'd like to think. But I've began to give a lot more credence to the opposite, and it's partially thanks to a specific chubby slugcat.

[lopswirl]

cw: talking about fat fetishes again... featuring a certain popular decade old indie rpg involving [heart shaped objects] and a certain mod in the world of rain.

So I went down a bit of an Undertale rabbit hole for an hour, and it was certainly something that got me thinking.

One of my earlier hyperfixations as a kid was Undertale like with many other people I'm sure. I never actually played the game cause I couldn't spend money so most of my knowledge came from watching playthroughs and adjacent content on YouTube. A lot of things stole the attention show like sans, whatever crackpipe theories people had on ghaster, fan aus, etc. And I did spend quite the time getting invested in some of them, but I still believed that I knew the base game and all it had to offer. After all, I did watch multiple playthroughs and the theories would bring up some incredibly obscure information at times.

So it was quite a surprise when nearly a whole decade later did I just discover the existence of a secret fight in the game with its own controversy based around this thing I unfortunately have?? I'm not going to get into it here, but it did make me think broadly about how things are perceived. I remember originally seeing the rotund world mod when it came out and thinking that it was going to be a somewhat niche mod for those certain individuals like me, along with probably unfortunately getting its own drama. So color me surprised when it's one of the most popular rain world mods with very minimal controversy at all. Any attempts I've seen to turn it into something more nefarious has been shut down by even the general fanbase. (again don't take my limited lurking views as anything remotely truthful) So why the difference in fandom reaction between the two? I've had a few thoughts that each contribute to explaining it, some of which more interesting than others but I'll put them here anyways. Keep in mind some of these are definitely biased because of my own experiences. 1. Larger fandom = more sub-communities to form and propagate certain ideas 2. Overton Window shift (or just changing of public opinion lol) It's about an 8 year gap between undertale and rotund world, and a lot has changed about the internet since then. Stuff like even being loosely associated with the furry community invited the possibility of a lot more trouble than it does now I think. 3. Median age I don't think it's crazy to say that the average rain world enjoyer is older, and therefore more mature than the average undertale enjoyer. Thus, able to perceive things with more experience. In fact, I think rain world generally has a more mature audience than most games due to its gameplay and themes.

4. Existence/Lack of a Target I think unfortunately this is the primary reason, and it's a sad one to see. Despite rotund world being comparatively a lot more open to the possibility of being a fetish thing than that fight in undertale, there wasn't really a person to latch onto or attack. I think it would have gone a lot differently if the main creator of rotund world wasn't a newer account with little openly public connections or posts. Perhaps they saw it coming, in which case that's some nice foresight worth applauding. Contrasting this with the other person which draws and posts fat fetish art and has a following, despite co-creating something entirely sfw with vague depictions towards themself, got in a lot more hot water.

[lopswirl]

I kind of have this problem where I can't really just doodle without feeling like it should be rendered or at least have a composition, and it's probably not good because as a result I am terrible at doing things like line art in a timely manner.

It's probably an adaptative result stemming from having never used a drawing tablet or even a digital pen for that matter. I can afford the costs of getting an actual program and equipment, but there is a weird sense of pride from doing things less conventionally. All I've done is basically just the result of running my finger across a laptop touchscreen and in even earlier times I just used a computer mouse with high stabilization. So anything that requires precision feels really wrong to me, and it's only recently that I even begun attempting to use smaller brush sizes. I have been trying to do more small doodles, but it's also hard to get a lot of "normal" ideas that feels like they're worth drawing, but not to actually render. As a result, a lot of weirder stuff ends up being doodled since it's a natural byproduct of wanting to make these thoughts real but being too self-aware and uncomfortable with the idea of putting in a lot of time into them.

Another challenge about it is that it's also sort of multi-tasking art which is new for me I guess. Usually I would have one idea I want to do and just only work on that until it's done but that's not really the case anymore. It's a balancing act between never finishing anything and feeling like too many ideas will never see the light of day. Also a random little addition that's unrelated and way too early but with this whole artfight thing floating around conversations recently, I kinda want to do an inspiration month of sorts where I just show appreciation for some cool people that have influenced me in some way. "Isn't that kind of just artfight though?" Yeah I guess, but I think turning it into a game of sorts detracts from the fact that I'm doing this just for myself. Plus, I don't have an artfight account and I'm not really an OC type of person anyways.