watch me do it solo

lorelai grimhilde high school senior and daughter of the evil queen queen grimhilde which does not make me a princess which is damn lucky since i'm really not the curtsying feelsy kind.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

TEXT 🌿 LORLEY

Huntley: Do you know a lot of boys who smell like Doritos, then? Huh. That just added a whole new layer to the pumpkin spice obsession.

Huntley: Do you HAVE anything pumpkin scented I can borrow for this roadtrip I'm going on? They don't really start selling it until September, do they?

Lorelai: All boys smell kind of like Doritos once they start sweating. And yup. Girls want PSLs because they smell sexy to them, tell your friends.

Lorelai: I do actually, but why should I let you borrow it? Who are you trying to fuck?

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: I like to keep my mind stimulated :-p

Bert: LOL all the trolls that were dead this year because they were in college (except for when they WERE LOSERS WHO CAME BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL DANCES) are gonna be in our faces again at Walt U, though. Meh. It was so overdone. Raining alcohol out of the sprinklers would have been cooler. We just need to start planning for next Valentine's Day. Unless we blow the bachelorette auction somehow.

Lorelai: Mind games isn't keeping your mind stimulated, it's keeping you tested. Parents do that enough, you don't need it from a significant other.

Lorelai: UUGHHH that's going to suck. But at least I've got you, bitch :-P To be friends with and come up with better pranks with UNLESS YOU KEEP DOING STUPID SHIT LIKE BIDDING ON VIVI! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: Even if they were just doing it to make me jealous? Or because you scared them into it? :-p

Bert: Disgusting's still pretty nice by your standards, you're not hitting her with your worst anymore :-p It wasn't THAT bad. Although I'm mad someone pulled a big prank before we could!

Lorelai: Ohhh yeah you got me, if they're into playing mind games or are easily scared into doing dumb things, they're toooootally a good match for you :-P

Lorelai: She hasn't bothered me in a while, I can almost pretend she's dead, which is nice. SAME. I'm even more mad people think it was a good prank, like, it was fine??? But??? We could've done better. We should've retaliated at graduation or something. Ruined the valedictorian speech.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

TEXT 🌿 LORLEY

Huntley: Do girls like it when guys step out of the bathtub smelling like flowery tea? Asking for a friend. Who also got burnt. Not for me.

Huntley: That's really useful, though. What other life hacks are you hiding in that brain of yours?

Lorelai: It's better than sweaty cool-ranch boy smell, that's for damn sure. Pumpkin is supposed to be a smell that girls are attracted to so if you're that worried about smelling sexy, there you go.

Lorelai: Idk a lot of them lol. It's not like I even remember them until something relevant is brought up but I could fill books with the boring shit my mom says. Like that pumpkin one. That's one of her gems.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

aybaby:

That was actually shockingly insightful of you, at least up until the end, Grimhilde. Just one sentence off from actually being a nice person! Maybe next time then.

Stop trying to validate me, asshole - I wasn’t trying to be a nice person, I was just trying to answer your goddamn question, but if that’s how you take it, just spend the rest of your life glued to your screen and your lame obsessions and leave everyone else alone. I can guarantee you wouldn’t be missed.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

Have you ever had an orgasm with a partner?

Please, as if any of the cucks in this place are hot enough to touch me.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

How often do you masturbate?

Ya girl takes care of herself, that’s all you need to know.

[aybaby]

Don’t you just hate when you get into something years after it stops actually being relevant to people? Usually I just stick to binge watching old cancelled sitcoms and dramas, but now I’m getting really into One Direction and I can’t stop myself from getting attached even though I know they’re super over and half of them don’t even make good music! Help!

[lorelaigrimhilde]

Nope, I can’t hate that, since it’s never happened to me. How? The really easy answer is to not give a shit about what people think or like currently. Explore what you like on your own time and on your own terms, and enjoy it alone so that no one else can ruin it for you. You’re welcome, you can now get back to using your brain space for something more useful than which 1D boy you’d want to kiss - so, in short, anything else.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

TEXT 🌿 LORLEY

Huntley: Anyone got any good burn remedies?

Huntley: I should clarify: sunburn. I didn't get actual burned when I helped put out the fire at the party last week, I just managed to fall asleep on the beach yesterday.

Lorelai: Take a bath with some apple cider vinegar in the water. It'll help balance the skin's pH. Oatmeal baths are also pretty good, and throw some lavender/chamomile oils in there for good measure and a good smell.

Lorelai: My mom's the vainest person in the world but occasionally the pursuit of beauty teaches even the stupidest of people something.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

dawndupont:

1. They had to evacuate the whole prom. Anything that involves an entire group of people having to ditch what they were doing because it gets disrupted is epic.

2. Which is why it’s not suitable for anyone from WHS. I wouldn’t want any of the little high school babies to get mixed up into trouble. Nope! That’s the fun bit in my perspective. Since it’s the mixer to end all mixers we have to throw something unexpected in there. Obviously, Edgar and I get final say in who we’re tied to, but that’s just one of the special privileges of being president. Obviously, you can cut your zip ties at any point in the night, but that’s just no fun.

1. You sound like an easy dude to please if that’s your criteria. I could orchestrate something way bigger in the first week of the next school year in my sleep though, so I’ll hold my applause.

2. I see. It sounds at least a little chaos-inducing, which I like. Who’s idea was it?

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: You can like, test them out on Dudley and Martin first and see if they can be decent girlfriends, and then they're ready for the Bert experience instead :-p

Bert: LOL she says some decent stuff, but I'm sure whatever you crop her out with is funny. Do you put poop emojis? Or the purple devil? K, I'LL SLIP IT INTO CONVERSATION ASAP. Who did you actually vote for, though?

Lorelai: Ew, any girl that has standards low enough to date Dud and Crazy Eyes isn't good enough for you by default.

Lorelai: If by 'decent' you mean another d word, 'disgusting', then yeah, it's decent :-P I use lots of poop emojis because, you know, accurate. And tbh I don't remember. Prom sucked, and voting sucked.

[halemoliere]

Alright, Walt. We’ve got two things we need to discuss. Number One: That prom stink bomb was epic. I wasn’t there, but damn do I wish I’d thought of doing that! Cheers to the little devils who thought of it. Buuuutttt since prom will have absolute zero chance for competing for party of the year, why not turn your attention to the most epic party that’s ever happened. 

Number Two: That’s right, in honor of mine and @edgarclayton‘s graduation, we are bringing our dueling frats together to throw one big LDOC party! For the first time in forever, the Psi Guys and the Zudes will be co-hosting a party, and not just any party! ZIP TIES AND MAI TAIS! Get zip tied together with someone will binge drinking Mai Tais! If you can last the entire night, there will be an epic prize. Who’s excited????

[lorelaigrimhilde]

1. How is a stink bomb an epic prank? That’s the most basic one there is. Don’t give out participation awards, it’ll just raise a lazy generation of future prankers, but since it got everybody out of prom, I can’t complain.

2. That whole thing sounds super sketch. Can you pick who you’re zip tied to, at least? 

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: Hey, maybe someone does! They're not ALL as terrible as the goats. Gremlins. Trolls! There we go, took me a second to remember their name lol cuz so many terrible things apply.

Bert: The world needs more forests, people are cutting them down for paper! It's why I like that most of our most brilliant answers for Dear Mickey and Minnie go online, I'm saving lives :-p I'll tell him you think he's so annoying you voted for Cayo instead lol.

Lorelai: LMAO goats and gremlins are close enough, but trolls is just too accurate to pass up. And yeah, there are some people that might be good enough for you but I haven't met them yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lorelai: Yeah, but we don't need paper anymore, we've got the Internet for stuff like that now, and for making it even more convenient to screencap your best answers while blocking out Vile's. HAHA please do that and tell me what he says, I'll die.

[wondertriton]

I’ve really got to stop tasting strange liquids just because they smell funny. I should’ve learned that from drinking the cough medicine that apparently does not make your coughs taste like cherries, but Kombucha is finally the last straw! For something where the first and biggest ingredient is water, it sure doesn’t have any of the appeal! How come everything humans call healthy tastes a little bit sad? Is it to convince you all not to want to live forever?

[lorelaigrimhilde]

Beats me, but I know the struggle - my mom is always trying out the latest health crazes because she’s afraid of us getting fat and ugly and that’s always the worst tasting shit I put in my mouth. That’s why I have a friend who sneaks shit in through the window, but for you it’s way easier, just stay away from anything they might sell at Whole Foods and you’ll never have to gag again.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: Only you. Apparently I don't say enough wise stuff to the rest of the world, should I get on that or let you stay special? :-p

Bert: He's not gonna lose! His egomaniac side is going to help him be confident and cool enough to win! Plus I heard a rumor that he's running against one of the Trolls, so... #downwithcayo. LOL you can write me in if you think I'm so great, but that's one less vote for Dudley! :(

Lorelai: 😎 Cool. And nah, let me stay special. They don't deserve you anyway 😛

Lorelai: Mhm, because that's what voters want, someone with an ego the size of a forest lol. Holy shit, Crappy is running? That's amazing, I can't wait to see if he still smiles when he loses 😛 FINE, but don't tell Dudley I'm voting for him, if he tries talkign to me like I'm a fangirl he won't be able to run on account of being dead.

[albietremaine]

Isn’t it so weird that it’ll be a year since I got prom king? It feels like way less than a year – I guess time flies when you’re having high school royal fun. 

[lorelaigrimhilde]

No, that isn’t weird at all? Prom is an annual thing, that’d be like saying ‘isn’t it so weird that it’ll be a year since my birthday?’. Saying stuff like that is why people don’t think you’re the smartest, just fyi.

[lorelaigrimhilde]

text 🏒 hunthilde

Bert: Nobody would tell me if they were planning to do that to you - unless they were testing me to see if they could trust me. Which, they obviously can't. Not when they're trying to outpace you.

Bert: Because it's senior year and it's funny??? Plus now no one can try to make me do it. Not that they would. But weirder stuff has happened in Walt.

Lorelai: Anyone ever told you that you always know the right thing to say? It would almost be annoying if it wasn't, you know, cool.

Lorelai: Is the joke here that Dud is gonna be crushed when he loses bc he's an egomaniac? Because if so, that's hilarious lol. You'd be a better prom king but only because that'd be a prime opportunity to pull some prank on everyone at once tbh.