An emotional packed story about the effects of loss and grief. She lost her best friend and tries to live everyday to save others yet she might not be able to ever save herself. Hes wondering through life as the pain of loosing Johnny slowing makes become less and less part of the world until hes dragged back to live. Together they cross a divide that might just make surviving possible.
Tw: emotional damage, death,loss,sui attempt,
WC:4.2k
Today has been a record bad day, both at work and outside of it.
On top of working a 48 hour shift, her resident and attending where in shit moods and kept piling on crap. She still doesn't know what they where trying to teach her by giving her patients who were gonna die anyways.
Shes drained physically and mentally and now another problem has come into her path. Snow. Its snowing fast and shes trying to make it home. Shes gotten most of the way home its just weaving through the neighborhood left. But her car wont go anymore, its given up, much like she wants to, but this breaks something in her that she was keeping very tightly locked up at work.
Shes only made it this far in life out of spite and stubborn determination so she writes a note and sticks it inside her windshield then wraps herself in every layer she can find in her car. Then she braves the dark, freezing, snow swamped roads, letting out more creative and dirty curses with each step.
Her anger and determination only keep her so warm and even with all her layers the cold is biting hard tonight. The only thing lighting her way are the dim streetlights so she sticks to walking from one to the next.
But she spots something, something shes seen too many times today, someone on the verge of death. Shes running, disregarding any worry about falling. Shes not acting on rational thought, or even concern, its something deeper and much more desperate.
A man, laying haphazardly in the snow leaning up against the light pole. Why is this what she finds on her walk home ? She doesn't stop to question a thing, shes ripping off her gloves and checking for a pulse and desite being very cold he has one. She doesn't know how he eneded up here; drunk, medical issue, or given up on life, but she sees part herself in his slumped defeated stance.
It feels like a world ago but it really wasnt that long that she wandered the streets without a care for where she ended up or how. But whatever this mans intentions shes not leaving him, she cant.
Her house isnt that much farther, all she has to do is get him there then she knows she can save him, she can finally save a life tonight.
His size is daunting, anyone would say no to this challenge for fear of breaking themselves trying. But not her, her adrenaline is pumping through her veins, her heart is racing and her mind, her mind is gone, rationality is miles away replaced with feral instinctual determination thats dancing on the border of insanity.
Its takes a lot of trial and error to get him in position but she does it and gets the majority of him on her back and she starts her desperate trudge through the snow while his legs drag behind them.
Her muscles are burning, her body aching, shes been on her feet running around for 48 hours by her pissy bosses. Her body wants to stop, its begging her, pleading to let this burden go. But shes screaming back and pushing harder, she doesn't care if this breaks her, she holds no concern for herself right now.
Because shes not seeing some strange man in a strange outfit, long leather coat and wide rimmed hat, shes seeing her best friend. How her mind could cross the 2 images no one could explain but where her eyes see the giant of a man her minds showing her her skin and bones childhood best friend.
The one she couldn't save, the one who's death made her get her life together, the one who's her reason to be a doctor. Thats why no matter what her bosses or life throws at her she has to get up, has to rise to the challenge, has to hold herself together.
This man is unknowingly getting the most care anyone could ever received, hes being cared for with the furiousity of someone trying to rewrite the past.
Shes done it, shes got him home, now the rest should be easy. Weirdly enough shes learned that if it was ever necessary or whenever she finally snaps she'll be able to move the body on her own.
Throwing off all her extra layers she regains her mobility again, that big puffer jacket makes anything requiring dexterity almost impossible. Next she starts stripping him, cold frozen layers are worse then naked.
She battles with his leather coat trying to get it off him. Its frozen and stiff like shes trying to move a suit of armor. Its a ridiculous scene in her hall as she shoves, hauls, and moves him around like a rag doll with all her might while keeping a grip on the stupid coat as she peels it off him.
Once shes finally got the wretched thing off there are still a few under layers to go. If she was at work shed just cut them off but doing that now would mean once shes treated him there will be nothing to dress him in so she mumbles curses as she prys his clothes off.
Shes breaking a sweat, her body so tired and she hasn't even gotten close to treatment yet and her scissors are looking to good and she goes for them. Snipping off his clothes in seconds she sighs with relief.
Dumping out of her work bag on the hall floor she grabs her penlight and checks his pupils. Worry creeping in, if he was able to remain unconscious during that circus act then there may be brain damage. His pupils are dilated but thankfully react to the light so thats a good sign, but his pulse has gotten weaker, it took too long getting him here.
Bed would be ideal but its not possible so she grabs her thick dûvê and puts it on the hallway floor and get him on it, thankfully he has a buss cut and not much body hair so she doesn't have to dry him off very much. Then she runs to her linen closet and grabs everything off the shelf. She starts wrapping him up like a mummy, each limb individually wrapped and then her old itchy wool blanket on top, that blanket has gotten her through many rough winters it holds the heat very well.
Okay, shes taken measures now she has a moment to think this through looking for the cause. He didn't smell like booze but its also a bit too cold to tell. He had no cuts, scraps, or bruises so injury doesn't make sense. All thats left is he chose to sit there and freeze by choice and unfortunately that's the answer shes leaning twords.
Most people would rule that out as an option, it wouldn't even cross their mind but she knows all to well its very much an option. She knows how to recognize that look. Rifling through his pockets she finds they are empty expect for a lighter,empty pack of cigarettes, and some dog tags. No id, no phone, no wallet. Taking a closer look at the tags she realizes they are real, not some accessory or fake, but are these his or someone elses ?
Checking his pulse again she finds its the same, thats better then decreasing but he needs a helping hand. Direct skin heating isnt safe but warming on top of the blankets is. This guy's in luck she has bad circulation and has a heating blanket, laying it over him she starts it on the lowest setting.
This isnt how she imagined her night going. She was planning on coming home, in her car, taking a hot shower and making her cheese crust frozen pizza and then sleeping for like 18 hours. But no, shes in desperate need of a shower, hungry, sitting on her hallway floor, doing vital checks repeatedly.
Shes so tired that when she feels wetness on her cheek she think its snow, but really shes crying. Because shes not seeing her best friend anymore. The adrenaline has faded out, her mind is seeing things clearly again, and even though it was a tortured image, getting to see her best friend again was a gift. Now shes just faced with a tall, broad man, likely trying to die, possibly called Simon Riley.
Thats when it hits her. Hes gonna hate her, absolutely despise her. She saved his life and if he was really trying to die he'll never forget or forgive her. Great. She took a vow to be a healer but somewhere along that road theres a path where healing just means more pain. Oh fuck. What has she done, what the hell happened. She had some kind of trauma and fatigue induced break, she was seeing things, its been ages since thats happened.
She leans in and does another vital checks and its improved and hes making his own heat again, good. She may have an upset patient on her hands but at least she wont have a dead body. Now he just needs to wake up.
She wants nothing more then to just fall asleep, shower and food be damned,she just wants sleep. But she cant have sleep so instead she makes some coffee. Usually she adds some creamer and sugar, shes never enjoyed the bitter tastes but right now she doesn't have time for fancy and she doesn't need an enjoyable drink she needs an effective one. Taking painful gulps of her black ccoffee she wipes her tears with her sleeve wondering if she'll ever heal from that old wound or will it haunt her forever with chance encounters popping up to twist the blade sinking it deeper and deeper till all she is is an open wound and scar tissue.
Its 1 am. Its been over 2 hours. His vitals and temperature have improved, he should be awake, so why isnt he ? It could be some injury she cant see or detect or it could simply be his mind overriding his body. The minds a very powerful thing; suggestion, intention, desire they can shape more then you'd realize. If he throught he was closing his eyes for the last time then getting him to wake again will be significantly harder, its not just physiology shes fighting it's his subconscious.
Staring at the button of her cup willing herself to take that last gritty sip she pauses catching movement in her periphery. Cup down shes up on her knees fingers reaching for his neck to take his pulse again. Its there, its strong, she saw some movement, right ? Staring at him with so much focus she doesn't blink looking for some sign of movement but nothing, concluding that it was all in here head she slumps back against the wall bring her knees to her chest.
Another dead body and no morge to put them, no ambulance would make coming to get it a priority in this snow, looks like she'll have to move again cause she cant stand living with ghosts. She doesn't actually believe in ghosts and spirits as such, its not actually the peraon haunting her. Its worse, its her mind haunting her, a figment of her own imagination that she cant ever seem to be free of. Living life is hard enough but doing so while your number one enemy is your subconscious is just crule. This leads to her contemplating a new plan, haul him back outside and sit there with him so they can both be gone by morning. There are so many problems with that plan but the one that makes her shake her head is the fact that his clothes are cut up and she cant put a naked man in a long coat outside people will think hes a freak and thats no way to be remembered.
What were you doing out there ? Do i have it all wrong? Fuck I probably do and your nothing like me.
She crying again head burried in her knees as her mind ramps up its assault not missing a single sore spot or old wound. Times like these where everything looks like shes gotten no where, where shes right back where shes been too many times she really wishes every would disappear, wishes she could go back in time and follow through over the body of best friend, wishes they could have gone out together. That loss ripped the stitches that haphazardly held her together, the stitches her best friend helped her sew. The wounds never closed, shes tried it all but it's all just temporary fixes and each time they fail she ends up in this oh so familiar position wishing for the same damn things. Shes always been a quiet crier, sobbing silently as a river rushes down her cheeks. Sometimes she wishes she could sob dramatically naturally, something about a loud sob just seems more fitting for all the turmoil in her head. Her quiet tears dont feel adequate, they are more fitting for failing a big test or breaking a finger, not for death and traumatic pain.
"uhhh mmhh ugghh"
Was that sound her, the floor boards, a figment of her mind or actually him, everything is more likely then it being him so she slow to raise her head and check. Wipping snot and tears on her sleeve she looks her likely corpse patient and goes rigid. Golden brown under overly aggressive hall lighting his eyes are shining. Fucking hell hes awake shit please dont be pissed.
Hes trying to move but is securely locked in multiple layers of blankets. Waking up in unusual surroundings isnt all that jaring to him but hes not a fan of waking up next to strangers and even more curious hes pretty sure hes naked.
"Aye you get me out of this"
"Yeah yeah on it"
Well coherent speech thats good no brain damage, probably. Not yelling or cursing also a plus, so hopefully not pissed off. Peeling off layer of layer of blankets she frees his limbs and as soon as he feels that release he sits up and takes a look around but there isnt much to spot in the hall. Very few clues tell him what happened but he trys to read them anyways. The mug, the pile of blankets, a bag and its contents scattered next to it, a puffer jacket,his coat, and his clothes with a suspicious pain of scissors next to them.
And then theres the women. Eyes red and glassy, scrubs wrinkled, lips bloody and bitten, who the hell is she and what kind of muscle is she hiding to have hauled his big ass here.
Next thing he knows she goes from sitting timidly against the wall sniffling to in his face with a pen light asking him to look this way and that. By the scrubs he figured she was some kind of medical personnel but now as shes testing his reflex and making him wiggle his toes hes guessing doctor. It takes a while as she goes through a check list of test but he compiles automatically as he internally replays how he ended up here.
That deeply lonely feeling like a weight in his gut racks through his body as he remembers just how he got here, well not here but to the last place he remembers. Today, well yesterday, its Johnny's birthday, he'd tried to call him and that damn dial beep snapped him back to his sences so fast he got whiplash. Johnny's gone, hes dead, hes not got no more birthday's, there's no one to call, no one to pick up the phone. Hed stopped out of the bar to make that call and when the tone ringed in his ear his grip went slack and he didn't even register the clack as it shattered on the pavement beside him, he just started walking tab unpaid, shattered screen flashing Johnny dimly on the shabby alley ground.
He walked no destination in sight, no clue where he was going or where he even was, cause he wasnt there. He was miles away both balled up deep within himself and also detached walking some dusty roads in counties far away faintly hearing that annoying Scot hed trade anything to hear holler at him one more time.
His painful reminiscing haults when he feels eyes on him watching, waiting. Something about her eyes are speaking to him, like he can read the pain written in the patterns of her irises. He wonders if his own pain is just as readable, but ut doesn't really matter its not like he could be more vulnerable now then he already is.
"Your vitals are good, no signs of brain damage, and your reflexes are all intact, youd probably want a proper once over at a clinc but youll be alright."
"ill do that."
Both of them are biting back words and they both know it. The untreated so obvious, the tension in the air palpable just waiting to burst but whos gonna speak first or will they both follow their nature's and shove it away and follow their solitary path.
"You hungry? "
She knows hes probably not regained any feeling of hungry but her stomach is gnawing at her and shed like to stuff her mouth to try and soothe this tension.
"Sure"
Just as she expected but anyways she pushes off the wall and staggers to the kitchen going on full autopilot mode as she gets the oven on and pizza in it. She stuggels with the the box for a while but just settles with ripping it open, she breaks her nail in the process but barely registers the pain. She just stares at her hand as shes stands in the middle of the kitchen, confused, delirium,and sleep exhaustion creating a very surreal experience like shes in some fuzzy dream. Ripping off the sad nail her eye twitching is the only sign she felt anything as she goes back to autopilot to clean up the hall.
He watches her closely, observing her is his only distraction from his mind. Her eyes are glazed over like sanded glass, he knows if he speaks right now she wont hear a thing. Just what has this women gone through tonight, surly a doctor treating someone wouldn't cause this. Ready to leave the hall he reaches for his clothes but she stops him.
"I had to cut them off you, sorry... ill try to find you something"
Hes getting more and more curious about the specifics of what happened, then a thought pops up and he checks his coat but finds its completely intact.
When she comes back with an arm full of clothes she spots his visible confused and and connects the dots from what hes holding.
"Adrenaline was a big help"
"Even so you shouldn't have been able carry me"
"Well it was more like dragging"
"Still"
"I cant explain it... it just happened "
That snappy harsh tone as she clips those last words make him shut up accept it. Hes seen plenty of things that are unexplainable in the feild, he just never realized how ridiculously mind-boggling it is when it happened to yourself.
Looking over the clothes he puts on the shirt right away since its his size but bottoms look like they are gonna be an issue. After a bit of trail and error hes now rocking a skirt made from a long thin blanket. Looking down at himself a painful vison floods his veiw, Johnny trotting around in his kilt flashing folks on base, something between a huff and a low chuckle escaped him then another hit of loneliness turned his feet to led rooting him in some strangers hallway.
"Pizza is ready" she calls from around the cornor and he slowly takes heavy steps as the weight keeps bearing down on him. Sitting at the counter in a low chair she'd obviously taken from the table she inhales the steaming pizza that must be burning her mouth. Again he wants to know whats caused the pain shes in to be doing everything hes done before.
Pulling over a chair he sits and takes a slice, he doesn't care about the heat either and digs in. Its good, the cheese is stuck to the roof of his mouth and is burning a bit but that burn tells him hes alive, a fact he hates but right now it doesn't carry its typical pain. For a while now its been a cold freezing pain that has seeped in and numbed him to walk about in a hazy gray world. Right now though the pain burns, not from the food, but from within like the heat of an angry flesh wound as blood flow increases to the area, the kind of wound that tell you your alive instead of the one that tells you your dying. But why on earth does his pain feel alive again now after years of freezing. He should be frozen solid by now.
After minutes of silence he feels eyes on him and hes taken aback by how heavily shes crying while not making a sound, its erry and makes his wound flair hotter. Its like shes screaming at him with her gaze but he cant make out the words. Why on earth does he care, why does he want to know, he hasn't given a shit about anyone else since, since him.
His eyes look just like hers, shes sure if it. She wants to know, she needs to know, the words are acid against her gums and clawing at her teeth trying to be vocalized but you cant just ask someone that because what if they say yes, how on earth do you respond to that.
But those eyes, hes lost. What if hes just like her, what if he was born lost to, found his other half but couldn't keep them. She feels like one of the worst people ever, cause why is she wishing hes like her, shed never want someone else to feel the type of pain that plagues her but here she is wishing, fucking hell shes always making the worst kind of wishes.
"Say it"
"W what?"
"Bite your tongue any longer your bleed, I wanna hear it."
Hes giving her the green light, this man shes barely spoken with yet has seen all of him. The man she feels a burning drive to connect with yet is scared to take any step closer. Being given the green light isnt enough, no, he doesn't understand what hes saying, what hes asking for, she cant have this conversation with him, shes been hallucinating him as her dead best friend her minds a jumbled mess, she just needs to stick with treating him as a patient.
She needs to get up go back on autopilot and take care of tasks and limit her thoughts. Yes back on track is the only option here he'll just have live not knowing.
Shit, error, error, error, rational brain has lost, subconscious desire and feeling are taking control now.
"Why were you in the snow ?"
Thats her question. Thats whats been burning with her to ask. He finds this ridiculous and goes to answer like its such a simple thing but he falls short, the tip of his tongue pressed against the back of his front teeth as he has no words to form. The answer isnt easy, her question wasnt simple and she knows that because his pause tells her everything she needed to know.
"I wasnt thinking clearly when I took you, im sorry, it wasn't till after I realized I shouldn't have... if you need to put your hate on me do it."
Something about having another person know what his intentions where embarrass him. Hes perceived as a big tough military man with a mind and body made of steel ready to weather any storm but in reality hes just trying not to drowned daily. He feels more then naked like hes see-through, shes seeing his shame, his vulnerability, his weakness, his honest desire and its embarrassing.
"How'd you know?"
Looking down, taking a small breath and gulping she faces him again him with the slightest upturn at the corner of her mouth, a slight smiling that says you really dont know.
"What did you loose?"
"Wh ?"
"You lost something didn't you, or an i wrong and your pain comes from somewhere else ?"
All trying to stay with the lines is gone, the big truth is out no point to try and and stay polite now. She wants answers, shes following the despite pull twords him even if it ends in a crash.
"Johnny"
"Beatice "
The words are whispered weapons from both their lips that rip any lingering stitches. Tears flow from both of them and bridge the divide. No longer stangers, no longer awkward cohabitants, no longer sufferers parallel they have bridged the divide, their seperate pains are one in the same now merged together into something thats budding new bloom.
He's working at a remote base, the closest thing is a small town, but he doesn't mind, this place reminds him of his few good memories he can still recall.
For his day off he decides to go and explore the woods, hes always been fond of nature. But as fond of nature as he is, today it doesn't seem very fond of him, as a sudden snow storm comes down unexpectedly. Hes too far in to turn back so he starts to search for shelter or some way to make one.
With the snow now starting to give him trouble and nothing in sight he hears a sheep bleat and a string of creative curses. He heads twords the sound immediately, startling the women as he steps into the clearly.
She looks him up and down, eyeing his military gear suspiciously. He's not drawing his weapon or barking orders so she decides she'll be charitable, plus leaving a soldier to freeze in the woods would only bring her problems.
"The snows coming too fast we can't be caught in this”, she calls out across the clearing. He's a bit taken aback by her boldness but shes his best bet right now. "Is there shelter nearby?”, “ Is it just you out here?”, “Yes”, “ Come my house is near”.
So he follows after her and the goat. Hes intrigued by her, most would be terrified to come across a soldier, especially alone in the woods yet she's going to shelter him of her own volition. The sheep starts pulling to the side trying to take a different path resulting in more curses from her He's surprised by her foul language, he doesn't even hear curses strung together like that on base, but he finds it endearing, such vile curses from such a cute little thing.
~Directed at the sheep~
Y/N-“ move you stubborn bastard, do you want us to freeze out here hmm, of course only you ran away in a snowstorm and try to kill us”
Nikto chuckles
Y/N-“ not so funny when you freeze out here to”
N- “ i'll carry it, we can make better time”
She gives a nod of approval and Nikto comes forward, leans down and puts the sheep on his shoulders. He expected it to fight and fuss but it became surprisingly calm once it saw it was out of options.
N- “ lead the way”
Y/N-"So your version of a day off is to go traipsing through the snowy woods?”
N- “ yes”
Y/N-“ what an odd man” (under her breath)
She lightly laughs to herself about him. She's come across soldiers in town and on patrols before, but has never known them to voluntarily wander the woods, or to be so comfortable with sheep. She'll never forget that day in town she saw a soldier running from a ram that had gotten loose.
First impression: he is captivated by her, she doesn't appear scared of him ,curses enough to make a sailor blush, bold enough to question and jest at him. It's a nice change of pace, everyone at base walks on eggshells around him, they are scared but he's given them reason to be scared, and wants to make sure he doesn't give this малютка(little one) a reason to be afraid of him.
As they trudge through the woods, boots sinking into the growing accumulation of snow he wonders where she is leading them. A shack, a small cabin, or maybe something multi-story with a barn filled with more sheep and perhaps a horse or goat. He doesn't mind either way, he's not picky, he's stayed in a wide variety of places with little to no complaints.
They come through the tree line into a clearing where a 2 story snow dusted cabin stands with smoke curling from a stone chimney. Glass windows insulated by thick brocade sage green curtains hanging inside. Chopped logs piled high against the side of the house and adjacent to the home is a small cozy stable likely homing the rest of the herd.
Y/N-“ this way”
She puts up a hand stopping him from entering the barn, he takes that as his cue to put down his passenger. She grabs the leads and takes off the wooden beam locking the door.
Y/N-“ Alby doesn't like soldiers best you stay out here”
N- “ understood”
He stays outside admiring the construction of the barn and wondering what kind of animal Alby is, and what they have against soldiers.
She comes back out shortly and heads towards the house he follows after, copying her wiping his boots on the mat before entering. He's hit with a comforting gust of warmth scented like fresh bread and spiced tea as he enters the cozy home.
He's never stepped foot in this place before, never known of its existence but it's as if his soul has been here before. Something deep within him recognizes this place and feels at home, he's astonished because he hasn't felt at home anywhere in many many years.
Hours ago he was cursing the sudden snow storm now he's grateful for the random turn of events that have led him here, led him to this little slice of peace.
She adds another log to the fire and starts to remove the outer layers of her clothes, laying them over the backs of the dining table chairs. She looks to him but sees he's not undressing, just standing there like a statue, eyes focused taking in every detail of the room.
Y/N-“ undress, you'll get sick in wet clothes”
Her voice is soft but commanding, leaving no room for negotiations yet conveying care. His usual mindset about orders is to do whatever gets the job done even if it's bending the lines but her words, he has no impulse to bend the lines. He would follow any order she gave happily.
So he removes his weapons, piling them into a chair and hanging his gear over it. He's gotten down to his base layer and they are also wet but he is hesitant to unclothe more because of his scars. So he moves to stand by the fire as a means of warming up instead, but as soon as he gets close she calls out.
Y/N-“ Don't, Get back from there”
N- “ What, what's wrong?”
She goes to him and grabs the fabric of his sleeve rubbing it between her fingers, while she shakes her head making quite displeased murmurs.
Y/N-“ this is nylon you can't stand near a fire in this it will melt, and this is still all wet i'll get you some clothes”
She turns and walks away heading upstairs to find him some clothes while she huffs to her something about inappropriate accommodations, what ever happend to wool and cotton and something he couldn't be cure of but sounded a lot like dont dress idiots in flammable clothes unless you want human torches.
None of her own clothes will fit a man of his large stature so she digs through a trunk of her fathers old clothes, grabbing an arm full of the largest items and taking them downstairs to him.
It's odd coming down the stairs and seeing a man in her home, a soldier nonetheless, one who looks well defined in his tight compression layers. She shakes her head trying to get those thoughts out, she shouldn't be looking at him like that.
She thrusts the pile of clothes at him and directs him to the bathroom so he can change in private. Knowing soliders shed though hes start stripping right where he stood if she didn't specify the bathroom.
Digging through the pile she thrusts at him he finds some that would work. He peals off his water under layers, which it quite annoying and her earlier words bring back an old memory of his, the day they switched his cotton for nylon, he had had a small fit and annoyed him greatly but eventually he adjusted and it was until now that his hatred for the nylon resurfaced.He puts on the dry natural fiber clothes ; the pants are a bit short, sleeves a bit tight on his biceps, but they are soft and warm. The well worn quality woven wool layers feel much better than his regular stuff and gear against his scarred skin.
All that's left is his mask. He stands in front of the mirror looking at himself, from the neck down he looks like another person or maybe someone he could have been in a different life. His mask clashes loudly with the cozy woolen outfit, but what's underneath would clash even more and would likely scare the малютка( little one), and he won't risk that. He resigns to keep his mask on, he exits the bathroom and lays his clothes out on a chair.
In the short time he took to change, she changed,got some tea going and put out some bread and jams.
She's at the stove stirring the tea, but turns to check on him, looking him over to see if the clothes fit alright. It's an odd sight seeing another wear her late fathers clothes but now she's glad she hung onto them. But he's still wearing the mask, she's never seen a soldier adorned with such a mask and gets an odd feeling. Now she wonders what kinda of soilder is this man, the chances of meeting one who is actually special are low and shes always grateful for that, but it seems now luck has run out.
Y/N- “ your mask, a cold head makes you sick”
~silence~
Y/N-“ i won't share your identity soldier”
N- “ i ain't very pretty without my mask душка(ducky)”
Y/N-“ try me, i ain't having a soldier dropping down sick in my home”
He can see this is only ending ine way so he submits to her authority and unlatches his mask, but pauses hesitantly before pulling it away from his face. He feels like hes taken a blow to the gut, like this sweet душка(ducky) will see him as a monster and kick him out into the snow while yelling curses to ward away evil.
She notes his hesitation and senses there is something deeper than hiding his identity going on here. Pushing away her suspicion and fear she steps closer, reaches up and places her hand over his thats palming the front of his mask.
Y/N-“ it's okay большой медведь (big bear)”
Her touch feels cool and calming, as if she's pulling all the tension and anxieties from him. He usually hates touch, it sets him on edge but this is the opposite, so refreshing. He hopes she will touch him again, hopes he can have this freeing feeling again. Hands pressed together they remove his mask. His scared face exposed, he's holding his breath waiting for her reaction.
She takes the mask from his hand and places it on the chair and returns to looking at him.
Her expression is giving him nothing to go off, no clue of what's going on in her mind.
N- “ told ya its bad”
Y/N-“ I've seen worse”
Her tone is colder then the snow thats quickly building outside, its not sad, its not hitching in pain, its just cold as if its just a fact she has to live with, a fact that was once so painful it burned a fire through her and left a hallow patch.
She reaches up and lightly runs the backs of her fingers against his scarred cheek. Her cool touch, calming the angry skin, reminding him of a cold shower, that's what he always does when his skin is bothering him and her touch brings the same calming cool effect.
Y/N-“ much worse"
N- where'd you find that?”
Y/N-“ factory explosion, only 1 man in the room survived, body blasted by scorching liquid and steam and I still found my father to be a handsome man”
N- “ these must be his clothes, yes?”
Y/N-“ yes”
Her touch moves to pinch at the fabric of the sweater he's wearing, reminiscing of all the memories it holds, and now it will have more and shes glad for that. Maybe now these clothes can hold more good memories instead of the last ones that she wishes would leave her dreams.
N- “ there very nice, soft”
Y/N-“ yes,... come eat something warm ”
She leaves him trying to redirect and return to warm self but that hollow ghostly aura doesn't fade away completely. Still she carries on, bring the pot over, pouring 2 cups of spiced milk tea, loading up a plate with bread and cookies, and places them before him.
Y/N-“ the breads fresh, made it today”
He slathers his bread in berry jam and takes a big bite. It's delicious, the best thing he's tasted in months. He takes a sip of tea and a moan of delight slips from his scarred lips. This gets her attention, as he looks up to see if she noticed their eyes lock, and a rush of embarrassed washes through him. But he doesn't look away because there's ghostly aura has gone completely and her bubbly warmth is glowing fully again, because of him.
Y/N-“ i didn't know my food was that good”
N- “ it is… I've been having just military food for months”
Y/N-“ let me get you some more then”
She gets up, fetching some cheese, summer sausage, and potato breads.
Y/N-“ i didn't plan on making a proper dinner so a spread will have to do”
N- “ No no this is perfect”
They dig in, enjoying the spread of food. She likes hearing the little sounds of delight that escape him as he eats her food, it fills her with pride.
He hasn't enjoyed anything this much in ages. Meals are usually tinged with tension at base, he can't stand taking off his mask in front of them but here he feels free, he can enjoy this experience without any interfering anxieties.
She starts stacking the dishes, covering the bread basket, and clearing the table.
N- “ anything I can do?”
Y/N-“ storms not winding down can you bring in some fire wood, we wont be able to use the door much longer”
N- “ on it”
He slips his boots back on and takes a scarf from the rack by the door and wraps it around his head leaving only his eyes uncovered and tops it with his own jacket.She was right the storm shows no sign of slowling so he makes sure to get plenty of wood so they won't run out.
His arms are too full to open the door so he just knocks with his boot hoping she will understand his signal. Luckily she does and not longer after the door swings opens, he brings the wood in and adds it to the pile, she closes the door fast behind him. He unties the scarf, unwinding it carefully, as he's about to walk it back to the rack she takes it from him and puts it back herself, such a small act but so tender and caring.
It's as if he slipped into this alternate dimension where he has a domestic life, with a sweet little thing who's bold yet nurturing. Where there's no more guns and flak jackets, just an axe for chopping firewood and cozy woolen layers with handknit scarves.
N- “ it really picking up outside”
Y/N-“ don't worry this house has held through many storms we'll get through this one too”
She pulls an extra chair over to the fireplace and sits in her rocking chair, she waves him over to sit.
Y/N-“ come here большой медведь( big bear)”
So they sit by the fire, content with the shared silence. It's not an awkward tense silence he's used to or the lonely silence that she's accustomed to, it's a comfortable warm silence.
Y/N-“ i guess it was fate Biscuit ran out, otherwise you would have frozen out there”
N- “ Biscuit?”
Y/N-“ the sheep you carried, that's Biscuit, well more like bitchy biscuit”
Waking up with the worst hangover she starts to assess the damage. It doesn't seem too bad, she's in her own hotel room, she'd made it to the bed and shes got her clothes on. But then she sees it, a giant ring on her finger, her ring finger. Its a little gaudy, definitely ostentatious, but has classic charm. But none of thats important, the real problem is where on earth did it come from ?
She tearing apart the entire room looking for a clue, gift bag, receipt, something. She doesn't find some huge credit card charge, instead she finds a wedding certificate, a very real looking one, with her signature next to that of John Price.
She trys to remember something, anything of last night but cant get even a crumb. With no more time to dwell on it she packs up and heads home from her trip. She takes the certificate with her, tucking it away with surprising care and the ring she leaves it on. It would be crying shame to loose and true tragedy to hide such a beauty. So what better place then to keep it on her hand.
Waiting in the airport she has free time she trys to find more on this John Price. But the name is too common and leads her in a thousand directions which is as good as zero.
Her minds blown that she managed to get black out drunk and married on her first vacation in 2 years but she cant even find the man so nothing more to do then just put it past her. At first she expected him to reach out and shed answered dozens of scam callers expecting her John Price. With no word for him she puts it all behind her as a stupid drunken night.
Apon waking he definitely knows he over did it last night and will be paying for it, and as he has his coffee some key details comes back to him. Lifting up his hand his suspicions are confirmed, he got married. He remembers being in a very shinny chapel,dancing with a women, and a really great kiss but unfortunately all the other details are fuzzy.
The ring and marriage certificate confirm his fuzzy memories but the photo he finds tucked in his wallet cements it, hes now a married man with a beautiful wife. He wishes he could recall how he met her, or how they ended up in that glittery chapel getting married, but he finds some comfort in knowing he has a wife out there somewhere.
He wonders what she remembers of their night, or if she can recall it at all, but either way hes okay with that. He still finds himself looking at their wedding photo during those times he feels alone and a bit hopeless. He find comfort in her and likes to spend those nights he cant sleep making up stories about what shes up to.
Looking her up it doesn't take him long with his resources to find her. He debates calling her and finding his wife but he doesn't want to break the fantasy, plus what life could be offer, just pop up in her life then go off on deployment again, no that'd be mean. So he just add her number to his phone and personal file in case some day he decides to call.
Shed lost hope in men in her teen years but unfortunately kept trying to date after but now after her accidental marriage she doesn't even try. She's a taken women now, it doesn't matter that she doesn't know him and that hes not in her life, shes taken and with a ring in her finger those play boys dont bother her anymore. Most days loneliness dont bother her but on the cold nights it does she wonders about John Price and makes up a thousand stories about the man he is and what hes out doing.
Shed always known the societal pressure of marriage would fall on her at one point but she never saw how much pressure was already on her. With a ring on her finger shes checked this box within society and opened a thousand doors. Doors that have let her be as successful as she now is.
Dressed up and ready for her boring conference today gets a call from an unknown number. At first she doesn't pick up but when the same number flashes on her screen again she answers.
It takes her a moment to understand just whats going on but when she hears his name she quickly catches up. John Price, her husband has been arrested and shes the one after all these years that he's turned too. What a way to meet again.
Shes no longer the women she was 5 years ago sneaking away for a vacation before starting a hard job. Given the freedom and security of being taken shes grown not only as a person but in business, shes quite the femme fetal business queen now.
Getting the address from the officer and giving a call to her pilot she heads off to bail out and reunite with her husband.
Her conference outfit isnt really fit for a police station, it makes her stand out quite too much. But she doesn't let that stop her from strutting in her red bottom heals as he long leather coat hangs off her shoulders. Talking with the confidence of a women who owns the place she says shes here for her husband John Price. The officer comes out right away and leads her back feeling a bit intimidated by the city women who's just showed up.
The guys had all ended up in a cell with whem Soap stepped in to help a waitress who was being bothered by an unruly costumer. A customer who did not take well to Soaps interference and before they knew it they were all in a brawl. Sitting on the cold hard bench they realized there was no one for them to call, not as if they could call a superior for this.
So thats when Price stepped up and gave the officers his wife's number. The guys were stunned and slack jawed, not believing their ears. Sitting back down in the bench John says 'I hope she remembers me'. Further adding to their confusion and questions. But he wouldn't say a thing, didn't answer one question or give even a nod. He sat silently and uncharacteristically tense while he rested his forearms on his knees and tapped his fingers together. Truth is hes very worried she wont remember him, or simply wont show up and all fantasy will be crushed and he'll lose that comfort he finds in his unseen wife.
At the sound of the loud door clicking open their heads all wip in that direction waiting to see if John's wife has finally shown up. The tap of heals clues them in that its female and John's holding his breath, fear and anticipation mixing into an emotion he cant name. Then she appears looking sleek, powerful, cold and confident, so very out of place to be in a rundown rural police station.
"So which one of you is John price ? ".Price gets up finally letting out that breath he'd been holding and goes to the bars."That'd be me", "Good too see even black out drunk i have a type, alright then your all together, yes?", "ya we are but ill pay bail for them dont worry about it", "now now what kinda wife would I be if I didn't help out your... friends", "you dont hav-", "shh John ". With that she walks off with the officer to pay their bail.
"Why didn't your wife know which one of us she's married to ?" Gaz asks, "and what was that about black out drunk?" Ghost chimes in, "and howd you get someone so hot even drunk ?" Soap demands. Still he doesn't answer them, he barely even heard them, his eyes are locked on the last glimpse he caught of her and his minds playing the sound of her shhushing him on repeat. Hed always wondered if he married her out of lust, boredom, or love and now it knows the answer. It was love, love at first sassy remark and its happened all over again. He just wishes he could remember what happened the first time she won his heart.
From time to time their base gets guests who temporarily call it home. Most are pretty boring and not memorable but sometimes someone special comes along, like her. They have all seen her blasting music on the tarmac and dancing while she washes her plane, but they don't have a clue what she looks like, shes always covered in gear. But this doesn't stop them from wondering, in fact it just makes them wonder more, there is even a small betting pool going on about the mystery women.
The local bade team has asked her for assistance on their own misson and she gladly agrees, shes finished her own work and is getting bored waiting for more. Ghost has been fascinated since she first arrived and he saw her before anyone else. He was out for a late night smoke when he saw her land,climb down from the cock pit, and do a little dance.
And now for the first time since shes arrived they are in the same room and not just eating a meal, they are gonna be working together. Today he learns something that makes her even more intimidating in a whole new way, she outranks him, shes a captain, hes not sure hes ever met such a young captain before.
Before he found her intimidating in a social way, because anyone who blasts and dances to such filthy music publicly clearly isnt effected by any bit of social anxiety, unlike himself who's racked by it. Hes an awkward guy, a typical looser who's never really worked on skills that arnt combat related, so social skills aren't his thing and when it comes to woman you could definitely say they scare him a bit.
The mission is going well, just as planned. Their holding their ground waiting for her move and bloody hell they all thought she was gonna hit the ground with how low and steep she was going but she pulls it off perfectly. But then shit goes south, she was on her way out of the airspace when she heard it over coms and doubled back immediately, screw protocol. If the coms wasn't enough of a sign the smoke cloud choking the guys makes it clear, they need help.
They are filling coms with their own calls so she has to scream over them to get all of their attention and tells them to get down, hit the deck. Some question her command while more seasoned opperatives hit the ground and pull the confused down with them. Just in time as the last man flattens to the ground she passes by just a few meters from the ground clearly away the cloud of choking smoke. Calling that its all clear she tells them to haul ass and finish this. But they are too busy cheering and being awestruck to hear her last remake.
Back at base they all clap her on the back for saving their asses. They invite her to celebrate with them in a classic after miason ritual and she agrees knowing just how important ritual like this is important for moral.
Having her there makes Ghost nervous. The way she moves around, flowing through the crowd, cheering and dowing drinks with the guys. He worries that next she'll pop up next to him. And when she gets hold of the music his worries spike along with a bit of jealousy. The way she dances is hypnotising and he doesn't like the way others look at her even though he does the same.
She feels all the eyes on her but doesn't mind, shes used to it and wont let them interfere with her fun. But ones gaze feels different, unlike the others shamelessly staring, she can feel the anxiety and shame radiating from the tall,brooding, masked man in the corner. Unlike the others she writes off shes clocked Ghost since she came to this base and now she finally wants some answers. Going over to the man called Soap who shes seen with Ghost the most she asks her questions.
> Ya having a good time?
> yeah you guys know how to have fun
> yea we do
> so ill get right to it, whats up with Ghost ?
> whatcha mean ?
> in the feild hes locked in, real good but around base he always seems awkward, nervous, whats up with that
Soap trying to fight his laugh but cant, this is hilarious to him. Ghost thinks she hasn't noticed him at all but shes had a read on him the whole time. He should keep quiet, say thats just how he is but hes tired of watching Ghost being an extra looser just yearning in the corner.
> you
> huh, what'd I do to him
> ya have a Y chromosome
> oh hes not good with girls, is that it?
> yep, looses all sense, gets real nervous, big looser virgin
> hmm interesting
She walks away with a smirk knowing exactly how she's gonna have fun tonight. Finding Ghost in the crowd she heads right for him, disregarding ever attempt from others to pull her off course. Her smile grows as she see hes caught on and with each step closer his anxiety grows.
> Hey there Ghost, how you doing big boy
He's in shock, this cant be really, his mind is drawing a blank, hes crashing. Soaps laughing across the room watching his friend buffer and fail to process the tenacious women who's clearly having fun tormenting Ghost.
The best he can do is nod and confirm he heard her cause shes clearly waiting for an answer and doesn't wanan learn when happens if he disappoints her.
> dont worry I dont bite, look at me what harm could I do to a man like you
He needs to speak, he needs to say something , but cant he think of a single response, how does one even respond to that. And shes standing way way to close, all the gear doesn't matter, this close it doesn't matter whats under her presence alone is too much. Downing his drink for courge he clears his throat.
> Hi
She pats his chest, rewarding him for his effort. Now shes gotten a grasp of just how effecting her presence is. Hes too sweet to toy with like this, she layed it on too heavy to sweet. Hea needs something more gentle at least for him to learn, maybe one day he'll be ready for her.
> honey your not ready for me
She turns and walks away but in a panic he reaches out just lightly touching her shoulder.
> Wait dont go
> Ghost ask Soap to explain okay, cause trust your not ready for me and im nice to walk away so let me
He lets go and watches her leave, deeply saddened and confused. Quickly Soap is at his side asking for all the details and Ghost gives them desperately wanting an explanation on what the hell just happened.
Soap delivers and explains the kindness she just did for him. Shes too much for him, too loud, too bold, too everything. She would overwhelm him, confuse him, possibly hurt him so her walking away was the mature thing.
He now understands what happened but he doesn't agree, he wants her, hes infatuated by her and she doesn't get to say what he cant handle even if she's right. Even if she's destroys him, hed like to be destroyed by her, its not like hell ever get a chance like this again.
So he changes his mindset, he's not crossing the room to talk to a woman, he's crossing the room in a determined misson and he wont fail. So he marches through the crowd right up to her. The man shes speaking to gets spooked by Ghost looming behind her and politely run away. Turning around she faces him, she doesn't a word or smirk, just waits patiently.
> Teach me how to handle you
> Pardon ?
> yes you are too much for me, but im a good learner so teach me, please
She reaches up and grabs his chin firmly, pulling him down bringing their faces closer and he bends to her will instantly.
> ive never been good at teaching but im up to try anything, so are you? Are you okay with me making you blush constantly
When she wakes up she has a vague memory of the night before and slowly gets up to make a hearty meal. But as she has her coffee it all starts coming back and she curses herself and decides she never wants to leave her apartment again because if she sees him she will self combust of embarrassment.
And she sticks to that for quite a bit, until she runs out of food, including all the things in the back of the pantry. So now she needs more food and some imodium.
Königs been keeping an eye out hoping to see her again since that night, but he cant spot her. On top of being saddened by her absence hes a bit worried and hopes shes alright.
Heading up he catches the elevator door as its about to close and there she is. Shopping caddy full of food and more bags beside her he puts 2 and 2 together, shes been shut in hiding out. He steps in, presses his floor and they stand in silence as the doors close.
Her face goes red with embarrassment and she stares at the floor panicking. Shed almost done it, shed almost avoided him, but no. Now they are having another elevator ride incident but no one will be dreaming about this one.
"I usually know the name of women I kiss but I don't know your". Shes cursing herself internally, hes addressing what happened so directly, this is too much and there ia no where to hide. Quietly she answers him while still facing the floor. "Im to old for you to be kissing me", "im sorry for my behaviori was drunk and annoyed i acted rashly im so sorry".
The door finally opens at her floor and she quickly grabs her bags and hurrys out before he gets respond. Hes left there alone with his thoughts. He feels even worse for liking the kiss now knowing that she regrets it, or maybe she thought he didn't like it. He doesn't know what to think or whats the right thing to do. For morals and his wants are conflicting
Shes decided that she has to get over this, she cant be a full shut in, shes gotta get her routines back. So she goes to the gym but somethings different, the guys who'd usually give her a once over are now looking anywhere but her. Its not a bad change just curious.
König sees her through the glass door to the gym and is about to turn around and comes back later. But hes not a man who backs away just because its uncomfortable, he likes to resolve things so he can move forward. He trys to just keep to his workout but cant help himself and glances at her, more then he realized.
Shes putting in effort to get over König, even know she was never his. Besides doing her best to ignore him while sticking to her routines her set her up on a blind date. Her friends have offered to help in her love life department before but shes always turned them down so they are over the moon about this change.
It doesn't go well, at all. It doesn't even have anything to do with that fact that her minds subconsciously comparing every man to König, its the fact that this guys is bad compared to a frat boy. She got all dressed up, spent houra getting ready, used her expensive perfume and its all been a waste. She's pissed off, at the guy at her friend, at the world. This isnt regular upset either, this is filling her with violent thoughts, she wants to smash something, preferably her dates face.
And is if tonight hadn't had enough bad turns König steps onto the elevator. Shes cursing herself, why is it always the elevator, its time to start taking the stairs at this point.
He just steps in like its nothing, so casually, like nothings ever happened between them. But maybe he really wishes nothing ever did, but even so how can he stand there like he doesn't know how she kisses. Those violent thoughts and repressed feelings play a violent image in her mind of shoving him against the wall, grabbing a fist full of his hair and hitting his head against the wall.
"You have a date tonight?", "No just a waste of fucking time like always". Her voice spits out like vemon dripping with anger, and saying that one sentence outlook opened the flood gates and she starts to rant. "Little annoying fuck boys who only care about sticking their dick in something warm and I doubt they even care what ut us as long as it sucks their smelly cocks and asks for nothing in return they should be hitting up their homeboys and stay far away from woman"
König would tell she was rather agitated the moment he saw her but this verbal outburst was not what he expected and so graphic hes having a hard time keeping a straight face. Hes not prepared for this at all, seeing her all dressed up and complaining about a shitty date, its plays on his jealousy and possessive feelings but he cant give in, hes not right for her.
The door opens at her floor and she stomps out bit pauses just over the threshold and spins back around. Hand on the door frame she stops it from closing and pins him in place with an intense look. "I had to give those guys another fucking try cause I cant get you out of my head, one guy I cant fucking have hmm" Hair wipping around as she turns agin she walks off leaving him in shock.
It wasn't just a drunken kiss, it wasn't a mistake for her, it was what she really wanted, she really wants him. His morals and wants are raging an internal battel within him, he wants her too but it isnt right. But how wrong could it really be if they both want eachother, they are adults so what if hea older. Guys her age clearly arnt cutting it and he too knows how shitty they are, she deserves to be treated better, he can treat her better. So hes finally made up his mind, hes whats good for her and whats really wrong about about treating a woman how she deserves and it looks like hes the only one who can do it, so he must, he will.
Her rage turns to tears the moment shes behind her closed door. Tearing her clothes off taking her anger out on the stupidly uncomfortable outfit. Scrubbing the makeup off her face but quitting half through. The rest of her night is a mess of tears and drinks, she cabt figure out where her boldness came from to just confess like. The memories of that embarrassing elevator ride paluge her until she passes out with glitter tear stains running down her cheeks.
Next day she spends infont of the tv boredly watching some show while her minds miles away. She's barely present, just numb and hungover. She doesn't notice the first knock at the door or the second, but by the thrid knock shes snapped out of her foggy state and goes to answer it.
Shes dumbfounded and feels like shes dreaming, because there is no way König is at her door with flower, flowers that look so small compared to him. "May I come in?". She cant speak and just steps aside gesturing for him to enter.
Shes too stunned, her numb tired mind working overtime to process so shes operating rather robot like as she puts the flowers in tall glass as she cant find a vase. Trying to cling to comfort she gets back into her bundle of blankets unsure of whats going to happen.
"We need to talk", "uh alright ", "i must apologize for what I have said before about being too old for you, i still believe it true but I let that fact over rule how I feel about you but I have now chosen to value my feelings over wjat society might say about age ", "what... are you saying you have feelings for me?", "yes I am".
Leaving her cozy, comfortable, safe blanket next she confronts him, standing just a breath away. "You fought against what you thought was right and what yoir feeling and came to the conclusion that you want me?", "yes and I can only hope you feel the same after all the hurt ive put you through", "yes i still want you, im so done with guys my age, they will never make me happy", "they cant but I can and will".
His voice rings outs with confidence, yet still retaining that gentle cadence. Its as if a dream coming true, she cant contain herself and springs into action. Grabbing onto his jacket she pulls him down and kisses him with hasty passion. Then her mind finally catches up with her actions and shes about to pull away but hes kissing her back. Pulling apart for air they gaze into eachothers eyes, all the turmoil washes away.
"Oh liebling you are mine now". This expression of hia possessive nature sends a shiver down her spine. He sences the split second reaction and moves to comfort her, placing his hand on her lower back he pulls her just a tiny a bit letting her feel hia radiating warmth. "Dont worry ill care for you as my princess, I may be a giant but I am gentle". She blushes at all that that implies, a gentle giant, an older more experienced man and he wants her. "Umm would ut be childish to call you my boyfriend, is that okay?". He finds her inexperienced nievata cute, shes perfect for him, a sweet thing to treasure and teach. "Yes call me yours, it will scare the others away", "they are much better when their scared". They both share a laugh, each imaging some scared underlings running away in fear after accidently hitting on the colonels woman.
Subconsciously hes used his hold on her to pull her closer, pinning her to himself. Her light blush blooms into fully reddened cheeks complimenting her sparkling eyes. "Is your heart racing for from being close to me leibing?", "yes... that time you carried me I waa worried you'd hear it", "even then you were crazy for me?", "ive bad a crush on you longer her then that, way before we even spoke", "you've adrmied me from a far all this time ?", "yes", "did you ever think your dream would come true?", "never", "ill make them all come true and more".
His friends and pestering and curious about the woman in Königs life. He doesn't feel it necessary to indulge them put her through that but she too is jumping at the chance to meet the others in his life. It all goes well, eveyone on their best manners but the moment shes left König is berated with questions and concerns. Like how younge is she, how did they meet, how did you trick her to being with you, how old is she ? They dont stop till he gives in but even then they dont believe the whole ordeal.
Suck ups, Chuuya hates those suck ups who are so socially oblivious they dont realize how annoying they are. He doesn't have the patience today today to give them a beating, hed end up breaking them permanently and that would lead to issues with the boss, another thing he doesn't wanna deal with today.
So he quickly rounds a corner, flips to the ceiling and hauls ass so that when the kiss ass rounds the cornor hes nowhere to be seen. He hadn't thought about what hall he was turning down just that it was the closest option. So now hes leaping down to the floor and not quite sure where he is. But here is better then where he was.
Wandering around he finally recognizes something, a door number. Last time he accidentally wandered somewhere he ended up in the torturers office and when he did leave he checked the door number and stored that info away. So now he knows exactly where he is and is so very glad cause he hears those damn squeaky shows getting closer, so he ducks into her office.
But shes not there. Barging into her office unannounced when she's there is one thing but just letting himself in when she's gone feels a bit wrong. Pacing the small rug he thinks it over and decides he'd rather have whatever exchange comes with her then go back out and run into the kissass cause he thinks he'll kill them.
He spreads out on the couch, tilts his head back and tips his father forward, if hes lucky he just get in a quick nap before shes even back and she'll never have to know and hell never have to learn how she really reacts to impromptu visitors.
He didn't wake up in time, the wonders of her comfortable couch have lulled him into a deep sleep. Hes been there almost an hour and is snoring lightly, like cute little puppy snores.
He didn't wake when the door opened or when she boots fell over when she took them off, or when she opened a cabinet. It wasn't until shes pulled open the crinkle wrap on a new pack of cookies that he woke up.
Hand on his hat he's alert and looking round trying to find the source and if he wasn't a seasons mafioso hes be screaming and scrambling away.
Its now obvious she wasn't in her office cause she was working working, and thats only obvious because shes very bloody. But somehow a bit adorable, she sort of resembles a raccoon, one thats been caught eating your trash bit hasn't fully stopped eating but is just moving slower. Slowly she brings the cookie back to her mouth and takes a bite all while they maintain eye contact.
> Ya want one ?
He thought she might have been upset finding him here. And in that frozen moment he thought she might not like people seeing her in her current state but she seems unphased. Completely unphased. Thats when it clicks for him, boss likes to display his freaks, his freaks who are freaky because of their ability but this girl is freaky in a different way, not that he minds.
So what if shes eating cookies covered in blood giving off feral raccoon energy, she lets him crash here, feeds him, and doesn't annoy him, he couldn't ask for more.
By all means this a cookie that he shouldn't take, at least by the looks of it. But now that shes i front of him holding out the box he sees the blood clearly stops at her wrist, she was wearing gloves, that clearly away any apprehension he had. Taking a few he reclines and enjoys his chocolate chip cookies.
She finsihes her cookie, closes up the package and starts going through another cabinet grabbing things. Hes curious about her order of operations, so far its bloody torture, cookie time and now changing maybe.
> there's a tv behind the poster and remote in my top desk drawer if you wanna watch something
So casual, like she really has no problem with him being here. In fact it usually takes many months or even years to build this kind of casualness with someone, yet they have reached this state instantaneously. This must be another facet of her oddness. She seemingly lacks the innate social knowledge others have pre-built into them, its refreshing.
> thanks
> mm-hmm
With that she opens a small door tucked away in the cornor of her office that almost completely hidden by a shelf. He thought that it was maybe a small storage cabinet but he droughts shed just go stand in a storage closet with a bundle of clothes. She must be one of those lucky ones who has a bathroom attached to their office, even if it's tiny thats better then nothing.
She really does have a great office. Cozy sleep inducing couch, mini fridge and microwave, good storage, nice desk, gentle overhead light with a little fan, a hidden tv and a bathroom. He wonders about the tv though, and why its behind a poster, its not like its not allowed so why hide it. Maybe its an aesthetic choice, or to limit distraction.
Either way he takes the poster down and goes to find the remote. She said top drawer but he sees 3 top drawers and don't wanna rifle through her desk but he has no choice other then to guess. First he trys the middle one and does a little confused head title because why does the causally blood covered torture have the most aestheticly organized drawer of cute stationery. Next drawer has papers, empty intel report files. Lastly the thrid looks like a basic junk drawer so this must be it so he starts to dig looking for the remote, most of the things are small so it doesn't take long to find and he doesn't run into anything weird, that is until he lifts up the remot and sees a tooth underneath it, a molar by the looks of it. This sparks a lot of questions but hes been in this business long enough to know some questions you dont want the answers too and he thinks this is one of those. So ignoring the took he flips on the tv and has his last cookie.
He usually watches movies or shows when he has the time, so channel flipping he doesn't even know what hes looking for. Thats how he ends up watching a documentary on the forest floor and the power of mushrooms, its weirdly captivating.
His attention was glued to the tv until the small door opened again letting out a cloud of steam, he has no clue how big that bathroom is but has a feeling it must has been so foggy she couldn't see a think yet alone breath properly. But thats no where near the most pressing thought racing around his mind because shes standing there in a fluffy robe, hair wrapped in another untop of her head.
And it seems like she doesn't even care hes there, so much so that he wonders if she forgot. Cause shes drying off and setting out clothes like she intends to change right there. Yeah, yep thats exactly what shes gonna do, he needs to speak up, say something, right?
> Uhh Makkuro
> Yeah
> You realize im here right?
Now she finally takes a look at him, confusion written on her face. She doesn't understand what he means or is trying to get at with that statement. One of the main reasons she doesn't even bother to try making connections is because they make her feel stupid. Things like this happen where she is clearly missing some peice of the puzzle and she's forced to reveal how different she is and ask for clarification.
Her confusion is about to turn into guarded snappy attitude but looking at Chuuya she doesn't see any judgment, no sharp smirk ready to laugh at her. If anything he looks a bit concerned and confused like hes trying to understand her as much as shes trying to understand the situation. Hes been nothing but nice and accepting to her, letting her have companionship without having to hide and be fake, he doesn't deserve her barking at him.
> What do you mean ? I don't get it
> were you gonna change right in front of me
> oh
She understands now, well partially, this is a misunderstanding shes run into before. Others have this innate sense of modesty, and get uncomfortable seeing others naked bodies. Maybe at one she had this too but something happened that changed so many things for her on that fundamental level. Shes too different now and shes been isolated so long shes forgotten just how many differences she has.
> Yes i was, I don't have a sense of modesty, sorry
The way her tone changed as she said sorry was like a knife in his gut. Her tones is usually incredible bland and even, its a bit uncanny but that dip, the way it was heavily laced with gloomy self loathing hurt him. He may not ever fully understand her, may find her odd but he likes her. Hes met all types of people and cant stand most of them but this torturer, he likes her company and he doesn't wanna hurt and not just because he knows what she could do to him.
> Hey its okay, really I dont mind just got worried you forgot I was here or something
> Your presence is impossible to ignore
> My presence ?
> Each person's is different but yours is strong and bright I can feel the power in your bones
> my bones?
> Oh yeah my ability, it isn't part of these rumors then, huh
> Nope no clue what it is
> Simplest description I can manipulate bones but its actually a lot more complex than that
> Okay, so im guessing everyone give off an energy and you can feel it ?
> Yep, constantly, some peoples are really annoying too, but yours is nice
> Whats it like?
He feels a bit like hes the one exposed right now, its like hes standing in a towel wishing he had more coverage. What exactly does she know, how much does this feeling expose him.
> Its warm and sunny, its what I image a day at the beach would be like if I could stand the sun or sand, ive only been around you when your content so ive only felt the positive warmth but I image that when your angry the warmth would turn into roaring burning winds of a wild fire, and when your sad you probably feel very empty like the essence of your life is gone and warmth is impossible.
That was too accurate, way way too accurate. She knows all this just from some energy in my bones. No, those are things you know when you've built a string bond with someone over years, you arent supposed to just get that in an instant. He feels naked now like shes seen ever bit of him inside and out.
> Ishouldn't have said anything about your energy, im sorry.... I know .. i know what i see it crosses a few lines
> You can see this with everyone ?
> Yes... its what makes me so...effective
Her ability goes so far beyond just being able to manipulate bones, she can see within them, make someone a puppet, play with their nerves, mess with their blood flow, shrivel bone marrow, grasp their souls. It crosses every line, it gives her insights the person themselves hasn't faced. And the funny part is who a person who struggles to understand emotions and social structures got an ability that lets them veiw a person's most complicated essences.
She enjoyed the time Chuuya has spent in her office, yes he was a asleep for most of it but even that small amount of time they had together ment so much to her because he treated her like she is normal and right now seeing the way hes looking it hurts in a way she hasn't felt in years. Because its been so many years since anyone has been close enough to hurt her.
> Im very sorry Chuuya, its not something I can turn off, I didn't choose to look.. I
> It's s okay
What? Why isnt he yelling, why isnt he mad, he should be, he has every reason to be pissed off, every reason to storm out, so why isnt he, why is he getting closer.
This isnt the same sorry she said before where her voice was laced with self hatred, this one is different. There is a weight to it, a heavy weight of past pain, shes saying this with her chest and not under her breath. This ability of hers its caused her pain, given her weirdness this factor must have made trying to connect with others even harder, it might even be the reason shes a recluse.
He cant walk away now, not if he ever wants to come back here and he does. He wants to have this little safe haven to return to, he wants her to return to. He wants to get to know her better, so many he'll one day understand her like she so instantly understands him.
So he steps in. The talk of modesty and the fact shes in a robe are long gone. Right now he has something he needs to make clear.
> Your description of me sounds a lot nicer then I actually am, well of how I see myself that is. I dont think there is anyone other then you would see something so good in me, Thank you.... how many people have you lost because of this ?
She wasn't looking up at him as he spoke, she was curling up in her mind, going back to that place that kept her safe when the outside world became too much. She hasn't been there in ages, but thats because she cut off anything that could hurt her. But then he walked in and keep walking in and she bring herself to shove him out.
But that question, that question runs so deep it hits her core, it hits that spot ,that event that made her so fundamentally different. But she owes him an answer. As a torturer she know how to make people speak, she can make anyone talk but on the flip side no one can make her talk, not anymore. But that question, from him, it deserves an answer so she'll give him one. She'll give this up if its the cost to keep him, because she gets so damn attached, so fast, and she wants to keep him.
> All of them
> Well not me
That does it, that makes her look up. Shock so evident like the world just crashed, but thats pretty close cause he just made her brain crash with 3 words. Hes not leaving, hes not horrified, hes not unsettled, hes staying.
> You are really okay that ill always have an idea what your feeling ?
> As long you answer me honestly when I ask how your doing cause your very hard to read
> Done
> Good now change before you catch cold
He heads back to the couch, resuming his usual position and focuses on the tv. He knows she doesn't have a sense of modesty and he knows how to see a body as more then just a sexual thing but he still keeps his eyes on the tv. They have already had one big revelation today and thats enough.
Then he hears the sound of a blow dryer and thats when a new question forms, does she live here ? Blow dryer could just be coincidence, it makes sense you get blood here you shower here you gotta dry her your hair but thise office is very cozy and seems to have everything one would need. But thats a question for another day.
Shes had quite the day and works not even over yet but now she can work on getting that done. Pulling out an intelligent form she gets to work writting up her report luckily its not a super long complicated one. The grunt did his best to hold out, did suprizingly well for being so low level, but thats what makes it fun, that fighting spirit.
Report done shes finally finsihed all her work for the day and plops down on the couch next to Chuuya and finally notices what he's watching.
> mushrooms?
> give it a minute its actually interesting
> hmmm
He was right it is actually pretty interesting. The forests floor ecosystem is complex and has many things skilled at decomposing bodies, she likes interesting creepy facts like that. Earlier she felt his energy spike as he got passionate about communicating with her and now its settled back down to that comfortable content warmth. Its soothing and warms her soul in a way shes not capable of doing, her energy is cold and reminiscent of a dungeon, much like the one she works in. So Chuuya is her warmth and maybe shes being driven my selfish measures but she wants to keep him.
Her crush on his has grown after their incident and now hes invaded her dreams. Shes not the only one effected by what happened, ever since them he hasn't been able ti get her off his mind and she keeps invading he thought when he least expects it. Before they rarely ever ran into eachother or at least didn't realize it but now they notice and say hello in passing, and share even tender elevator rides.
He wants to say more then hello, wants to do more then just wave, but he knows hes too old for her, too rough for her. She wishes she could break this awkward tension, or just go back to how things were before, but most of all she wishes she had the courage to ask him out. But shes not courageous, shes not brave, shes a little nervous reck over the simplest encounters, there is no way she could ask him out. And why on earth would he ever say yes, a man like that could have anyone, definitely someone more confident and experienced, so she'll just have to enjoy him in her dreams and be okay with that.
Being the nervous type lends itself to also being self conscious and a knee brace doesn't help with that. But still shes getting dressed up and gathering her confidence to go out, and she does good getting herself in the perfect mindset for a fun night out. Some guys oggel and whistle at her as shes walking out but she takes it as a good thing and walks with her head held high.
She has a good time, going out is something she does rarely so she really lives it up when she makes the effort. Being able to hold her liquor just makes the night more expensive, sometimes she wishes she was a lightweight who only needed 1-2 drinks.
Feeling a nice buzz she causally enjoys the edge if the dance floor, she cant dance like she used to but she can sway to the music. Guys come up to her all night but she just cant stand them, all she sees are childish boys in comparison to König. Tonight was supposed to cleanse her mind of him but its having the opposite effect, a very strong opposite effect.
She heads back home, tired, disappointed and with her feet hurting. The lobby is surprisingly full for being so late, shes just trying to get to the elevator when some guy with a crew cut approaches her wanting the same thing ever other guy tonight did. That thought makes her nauseous and when she smells his cloud of cologne she really might.
Shes trying to think of something to say, some excuse other then throwing up on him. Then she spots König coming out of the gym looking better then ever, she pushes threw the guys and saunters right up to him.
König had spotted the crowd but didn't pay them mind until something eles catches his eye, its her, shes all dressed up but its her. This gives me a rare spike of jealousy thats replaced witu confusion as she walks right over to him.
Hes caught like a deer in headlights as she comes over, grabs his collar and pulls him down for a kiss. She taste like alcohol and smells like cake, he wants this to last forever but its over so quickly. Her hold on him gone, their lips parted and shes shooting a glare back at the crowd then turning on her heels and walks off into an elevator.
König is left dazed and confused with the taste of vodka lingering on his tongue and a dark maroon stain on his lips. The crowd of men are no longer cocky and brave, they feel afraid, very afraid, hitting on the colonel girl is close enough to being a punishable crime. But König doesn't even see them as he absentmindedly makes his way outside to go on his run.
Yes i get it some people want that, you provide a good needed service. Awesome to you fro reading through pages and doing the hard task of editing and critic.
Just in dont want that and all the commenta ive been getting lately are from these beta reader blogs offering services when there is no way to interpret what im saying as asking for that service
It makes me so sad when I get a note and instead of a comment that someone likes what I wrote its a beta reader account.
Ive been looking through the files of when I first started writting to see if there are any hidden gems. I have found some but as I go through editing them I find that I have to rewrite almost all of it cause I cant stand the way I used to word things and how basic it was. But its nice to see ive grown as a writer, I just wish that didn't mean making so much more work for myself.
She lives in an apparment close to a military base, it was a good price and amenities. All the cocky military guys around can be bothersome but shes ready for any chance to unleash some anger so it's fine.
There's one guy in particular she's noticed who intrigues her. She's found herself crushing on him even though she doesn't know his name, only that he's a colonel.
Today at the gym there are some younger guys in there who are a bit unruly and while walking to the next machine a guy shoves Into her. She falls hard and an embarrassingly loud cracking sound of her knee brace breaking. All the guys go rigid as a deep voice booms "do you not have eyes... move aside".
It's the colonel, he kneels right beside her as she's lifting her pant leg to get a look at her brace. "Are you alright?", "oh yeah im fine". He now realizes he might have spoken a tad too harshy because it looks like he scared her too. Seeing her knee brace and hearing her muttered curses he offers her a helping hand. She takes it, slidding her small soft hand into his large rough one, she let's him pull her up but her knee buckels immediately and she almost falls again but hes quickly and catches her.
"Shit", "you are injured, yes ?", " the fall broke my knee brace", "should you be working out while injured?", " its not a new injury, some idiot doctor messed up and destroyed my acl so I don't have one anymore, the brace is for that".
She hates explaining the whole thing, hate this incurable weakness of her but can see this guy wants answers and probably wont stop till he gets them so she gives in. "I'll help you to your apartment" . She doesn't see another way out of this other then hopping so she'll have to agree and spent even more time trying not blush. "Thank you, I'm sorry to be a bother", "your no bother". "I'll pick you up now". The the way he says it, that rumble of his deep accented voice sends a flutter in her core and all she can do is nod.
She feel so tense, awkward and flustered and just hopes he cant see her face and if he can hopefully he thinks her blush is from working out. Carrying someone a few steps is impressive and shes expected to be put down while they waited for the elevator but he didn't. Shes seen him workout, his physique is but a display of strength like this, with her, its awe inspiring and not helping tone down her crush.
The elevator ride feels so awkward. She fins elevator rides an awkward thing already when she's just standing next to a stanger so this is not good for her heart rate at all. On top her general social awkwardness shes never been this close to a guy before, this is too much physical contact.
Finally they reach her door. "You can put me down now I can manage". He sets her down so gently, hovering next to her ready to step in if she stumbles. "Thank you colonel", "How'dyou know that?", "ive heard them call you that, is it incorrect? ", "no thats my title but you can call me König". Quietly shes test out saying his name trying to replicate his pronunciation temporarily forgetting he was behind her.
"Will you be alright?", "oh yes I have extra its not that big of a deal, plus my elbow took the brunt of my fall", "elbows are the hardest smart place to take impact", "yeah it took a while to learn to fall properly ". She huffs a laugh remembering those early days and embarrassing falls. "Thank you for helping me König", "No problem miss". She heads in and ices her eblow and puts in a new brace while he makes his way back down to the gym and his mind keeps thinking about her and how shes had a good attitude in a shitty situation.
Chuuya wanders into a random office for a nap and ends up making an odd but good friend
Part 2 soon
Hes been burning the candle at both ends and has finally caught a break but hes too tired to get home to his bed but he needs to crash now.
So he pushes open the first door he comes across on the hall expecting an empty office or storage room but he ends up in her office. He doesn't care, too tired he just waves a tired hello and flops on the couch and passes out.
Shes only ever seen Chuuya in passing, they have never worked together and have never been on the same project. Hes a feild agent and she works below grounds getting answers from people. Its odd Chuuya is known all around for his ability and is feared yet shes taken more lives then him and no one knows she exist.
She gets up and tentatively takes a closer at him, worried hes injured and bleeding out internally or something, but his breath is steady so he must just be tired. With a strug she goes back to her desk, unfortunately her job comes with a lot of paperwork that has a ridiculous amount of encryption protocols.
Shes not a fan of being around others for long, mainly because she creeps others out and has to focus of reining herself in. So now having him here for so long, even though hes asleep has her on edge.
He wakes up 5 hours later, just sits upright as shes pouring water in her cup of noodles. He wakes up just as shes started to relax, great.
They stare at eachother awkwardly for a bit and the only thing she can think of is to offer him some food.
> do you want one?
> you got beef?
> yeah
He stretches and seats himself in that way he always does, spread out trying to take up more space. She makes the noodles and gives him his cup, just hoping her hand aren't shaking.
> thanks
> n...no problem... Chuuya
> your Makkuro right
> yeah
> hmmm so your the one who's rumored to get anyone to talk right?
> thats me (awkward laugh)
> huh nothing like I pictured you'd be
> oh yeah that... boss said I should act more composed around others so I.. I don't freak them out, you know
> odd boss usually likes he freaks on display, what kinda freaky are you then?
> the kind that doesn't see the light of day.
She didn't know there where rumors about her or that an executive like Chuuya would even know she exists, but he knows her name. And he speaks so frankly, just calling the boss odd like that, hes impressive and much more down to earth then she expected. He really doesn't seem bothered by her unlike others, she finds this relaxing.
As a result some of her walls come down, her fake learned behaviors ment to help her fit in slip away as her more natural self comes out. But being comfortable means an all too wide grin spread across her face as the awkward anxiousness fades away into an ery calm.
Now they are just two mafia workers having having cups of noodles at a ridiculous hour to be awake.
Chuuya barely remembers how he ended up in here but it not a bad place to wake up. The couch is very comfortable, the lighting isnt harsh, hes being fed, and hes not stuck with someone trying to suck up to him.
Hes been curious before about whos behind the name signed at the bottom of almost all the interrogation reports but this is the first time hes actually met them. Surprisingly nervous and awkward for being a torturer, but it seems like that came more from trying to pretend to fit in then her actually personality.
But when she relaxed he felt a shift in the air immediately. The anxiousness disappeared to be replaced with an uncanny quality he cant name but does prefer. Hes high strung enough on his own, being around one who's jittery wears down his patience fast so hes glad to see this side of her even if her smile is a bit creepy.
Ghost meets a sadder soul then his own at the dark bar he went to to hide and wash away his last mission
Little does he know what little lady who seems to be having a worse day then him is actually a livng weapon with more blood on her hands them him.
Hes knocked back a few whiskeys, feeling a light buzz, his thoughts unfocus and drifting away. Its just what he needs, for his mind to quite, for his memories to stay fussy. For just a few hours he needs to not be mission operational, needs is well honed and deeply ingrained instincts to just settle down and shut up.
But those instincts of his dont shut up, they never completely go away and thats how he cant help but notice the little lady at the end of the bar tucked around the bend leaning against the wall. Shes taking shot by the 3 and has 5 stacks of 3s empty beside her and shes about to do another round.
Drinking like that usually happens at a wild party surrounded by others, where the atmosphere gets you so amped up you dont have count but shes all alone in a quite bar clearly keeping count.
He wants to stop thinking, wants to not think about a think. But his minds drawn to her and one question keeps coming forward why is she counting, is there a goal? What number till shes satisfied, and whats drove her to this. And bloody hell how is she doing it all with a straight face.
Hes no longer focused on his drink or his own problems, instead his mind is focused on her. A bit foggy amd lazy from his drinks but still trying to analyze her, it makes him wish he'd had one less drink, maybe then he could properly analyze her.
Then something happens, the bartender goes to cut her off, saying shes had way to much already. He expected a drunken outburst, an uncoordinated lunge, falling from her seat. But nope rather dexterously she pulls something from her pocket and sets down a wad of cash. 50s. "This should cover all these and as many more rounds as I want". The bartender gives her a look and quickly tests a bill, seeing its real money he pockets it and pours her another 3.
She shouldn't be upright, she shouldn't be coordinated, she shouldn't be speaking, she shouldn't be conscious and shes planning on having more. What the hell is she.
His been sipping so slowly watching her dowm another 3 rounds. He looks down to see his own glass for a second and when he looks up shes locked eyes with him. Not looking past him or at his drink, but right in his eyes. Her glare is so cold it give him a chill, and thats when he sees it, a look hed recognize anywhere, dead eyes like frosted glass, no light to be found.
She tilts her head to the side in a way that would be cute from a dog but its rather creepy from her. Them with one finger she beckons him over and he finds himself following her instruction and joining her.
There are only two stools at the end bend of the bar, shes already taken the one against the wall so hes left with the other but its still rather close to sit for them being strangers.
"You've been sipping that drink for and hour, before that you where knocking them back at once what changed". Realization hits, he wasn't just watching her, she was watching him with astonishingly good grip on time and her memory. "This is my last one tonight, savoring it", "does savoring anything ever actually work or do you still miss it all the same ?".
She threw out such a deep and layer question like it was the simple statement, like she wasn't asking for him to share his personal feelings. Who asks that of a stranger, better what made her choose that question and is it tied to her own drinking. But now shes looking up at him with those dead eyes that are screaming for answers and he finds himself getting uncharacteristically vulnerable. "Savoring is its own kind of grief, you know each sip is one moment closer to the end but it will be painful either way so why not make the end just a bit further away". "The end huh... well then I guess im doing it right then".
Shes not savoring, shes not sipping, shes chugging round after round because she has no desire to make the end any further away. In fact shes wishing for the exact opposite. So she orders another round downing each shot with a straight face secretly wishing they burned more going down, wishing it cause enough pain so that she could feel it, enough pain that it would clear her mind away but they have made that almost impossible.
The silence hangs lightly between them. Hes waiting for another question but it looks as if she's drifted off into her own mind. Could that really be all she had to ask, how could there not be more, shes clearly drinking away some trouble and shes had no qualms about speaking freely, so was that really all.
He has less then a sip left and no way to make it longer, she appears done with him as she leans against the wall so he downs the tiny bit left and pays. He takes one last look at her still unreadable features them heads for the door. Taking so long with that last drink gave him time to sober up so instead of a night in his truck like he planned he can make it home to his bed.
‐‐‐‐
The base has a lot of extra bodies around this week, its odd and bit unnerving to see so many unfamiliar faces. But for now base isnt is home to their forces but another company they are in cooperation with. Its getting tiresome having his routines disturbed and favorite snacks sold out.
Luckily none of the new faces are stupid enough to try anything or evern look in his direction, thats the only blessing of this whole endeavor. Until today, hes walking down the hall and freezes in his tracks as a recognizes the opperative ahead of him. Its the morbid girl from the bar, the one hes every suprized to see didn't die from alcohol poisoning. But oh does her presence here answers somany lingering questions that run throught his mind in those hours hes struggles for sleep.
