thick thighs, thin patience @lorzyy - Tumblr Blog

february something, 2023

i haven't logged on here in awhile. my most sincerest apologies. i forget i still have this account. but every now & then, i like to write in, in case some may come across it. but also, it seems to serve as my time capsule (especially my draft, whew)

anyway. i've been trying to fit in some social time, in between working full time & part time school. we're trying doing.

i haven't been dating.. even though i told myself that i would try this year. still trying to figure some shit out tbh. the male persuasion hasn't been much of an attention grabber. maybe i've grown increasingly picky? no clue. i think there are some preconceived notions and expectations i'd like to let go before i get to a place to be comfortable in putting myself out there again. that's vague, i know.

#2023

#feel trip #2023 #Spotify

mistysblueboxstuff

I like you older. Older means we're still here

heroinjunkie-blog

i find myself feeling hesitant with people, in a way where i am afraid to get close to them. like the whole best friend thing.. i don't quite have. so i've been at this strange intersection feeling like i should try with my platonic relationships but the fear is there.

i understand that i can come off intense, and my jokes may not be received as such. I've been navigating myself cautiously enough to be more conscious of how i speak to people... their reception of me and the things i may share with them may be beyond my control. however, i would like to remain contentious of the way i speak to people.

this feeling of conflict is interesting to me, only because it's probably one of the reasons why i have been distancing myself from (generally) people. like the only i really speak with in rotation are a few cousins & my sister.

in hindsight, maybe the above is just me wanting to maintain being a people pleaser? idk, will deliberate with my therapist this weekend. will update this post. maybe.

blkbird

i have been on a nostalgic trip this week. i'm rummaging through my ig story archive, cameral roll and my drafts... two plus years ago - i was sad. in hindsight, it was the kind of sad that felt like i wanted to make it my personality trait. though i can't say that i succeeded in anyway. it was a "woe is me" or a very "pick me" type person. but reading all that mess, brought me back to the highs and lows i deliberately feel just because of certain circumstances that i kept going back to.

and those circumstances often involved people, or specifically men. now, it's a reoccurring thought, like did x really love me? i didn't believe him the first time but i went back to him, repeatedly. i was foolish, but understandably so because i was also young. the lack of romance was another thing in of itself, which i may save for a separate post.

but my point is, i was so blind. and now as i'm nearing my 30s, i can say that i'm not her anymore. you know, the doe-eyed hopeful, rom-com loving and so naive... though, my heart is now heavily guarded with ice and barbed wire.

i suppose that is the caveat to this singledom: to feel so independent and free with myself but feeling constricted in the presence of someone who is capable of hurting me. which then leads me to ask myself: how does one love when they are afraid?

mga kaisipan - 1

the new year is in a few weeks... how did we get here?

2021 felt like the longest shorted year, if that even makes sense.

a love letter to tinola:

tinola is the dish that warms the soul. the heat of the broth, to the gingered spice, and the bite of the chayote and chicken. tinola is the soup that i have always equated to what love could be, what love could feel. it's warm, sustaining and makes me feel whole again.

it's what home was, it makes me feel like i'm home with my parents again.

#tinola

twenty twenty-one

aug. 8

i haven't logged on here in a minute.

life is good.

second year of college starts in a few weeks & i'm excited.

i got promoted at work two months ago, and I *just* updated my email signature to reflect my new role.

i travelled a bit - seattle & alabama

a few existential crisis in between, but i'm still alive. & i'm flourishing.

i'm grateful.

i'm hope you're well. don't forget to drink water.