Now
Urgent of being happy, conscious that I’m not, only at times I feel (just) in peace.
Hapiness happened so long ago that I cannot seem to remember how to create it. Feeling lonely is my rutine, I pushed away everyone that once care about me and now I feel scared of reaching out. Every time that fear of rejection when there’s an opportunity to meet people, the anxiety of what they’ll be thinking of me, turns down for me the invitation. Feeling like a failure, like I disappointed everyone, family, friends and me.
Some years ago I thought I was finally confident in who I was, now I feel weak, useless, frustrated and irritating to those who surround me. A heavy weight on my mother’s shoulders.
I don’t want to complain but I do, I want to be happy but I don’t know how. Too frightened or too hopeful for ending it all.
