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| lonnie/X | any prns | himejoshi extraordinaire | please read my about

[lostacelonnie]

are you reading maid in heaven? have you read maid in heaven? will you read maid in heaven? when will you read maid in heaven?

[lostacelonnie]

oh yeah also ☝️ due to my Upcoming Trip i. will be completely absent for the next few days [unless i decide to reinstall tumblr mobile but I doubt it.] soooo Please dont worry about me i wont be dead i will just be abroad.

[lostacelonnie]

I ❤️ dxm from your head

THANK YOUUU ^_^

[animentality]

[pikamusume]

[saintjosie]

posted with permission from the creator: @zetoviii on tiktok

[saintjosie]

i wanted to add some additional nuance to this coming from my own perspective and experiences.

similar to the way that black women are masculinized by misogynoir, east asian men often experience the opposite and are feminized by the racism they experience because having less facial/body hair and softer features than white men are signs of femininity by white cis-hetero-patriarchal standards.

if i’m being honest, this has had an pretty noticeable impact on my own transition. i’ve never really had much body hair or facial hair which means that i didn’t have to spend as much on hair removal as most white trans women. and even though my facial features are generally perceived as masculine by other east asians, white people tend to perceive me as feminine which makes it easier to pass as a woman.

in relative terms, i am able to spend the bare minimum amount of effort in order to pass. if i put on a little concealer, wear feminine clothing, and use a femme voice (something i’ve learned to do very well), i am able to pass as a woman most of the time. if i dont use concealer, wear clothing that hides my boobs, and drop my voice, then i pass a man (albeit a very androgynous one).

and this suits me just fine! i am a trans woman who has been on estrogen for 6 years but i also identify as agender and use any pronouns. im at the point in my transition where i feel comfortable with who i am no matter how people gender me and my pronouns are a reflection of the person using them and not of me. if someone uses she/her to refer to me, then they will interact with me as if i am a woman to them. if they use he/him, then they will interact with me as if im a man. if they use they/them or neo-pronouns, then they’re probably as cool as they think i am. no matter what i do or say, nothing will change how they perceive me but i am always myself no matter what people call me.

while this just sounds like an absolute flex (okay it’s a little bit of a flex), what i need people to understand is that the way that people perceive my gender is still a product of racism, even when it works in ways that benefit me.

this is why intersectionality is so goddamn important when we have conversations like this. are things hard for white trans women in america? yes absolutely. there is no question about that. but when black CIS women are misgendered and treated as masculine thanks to misogynoir, it is incredibly disingenuous to focus on white trans femininity as a marginalized identity without acknowledging that whiteness precedes marginalization. because for every ounce of effort that a white trans woman puts into her transition, there is a black trans woman who has had to put in ten times more in order to protect herself from both transphobia and misogynoir.

none of us are free until all of us are. and i think there’s a lot of people who need to remember that.

[anthonycolonthree]

yaybait

[kaylmao]

[kaylmao]

[sforzzz]

copper ii sulfate has no reason to be this blue. this shade of blue looks like it should only be a digital invention

[lostacelonnie]

i dont think i manage to convey just how much eleanore adores chloris, though. like. she's dependant on her, yes, she emotionally and physically Cannot function without this girl..... but that's the sort of feeling one can have without actually liking someone, you know? but.... while yes, eleanore sometimes treats chloris HORRIFICALLY, and on bad days regards her as little more than fancy furniture, she still genuinely likes her soooooo much 😭😭 to her, chloris is the kindest most trustworthy funniest dearest person she knows. she's not in LOVE with her. her feelings do not even approach romantic. which does not change the fact that she is obsessed & enchanted. she likes her!! she really likes her!!!!! she likes spending time together and talking with her, both about serious things and not, and hearing her advice and opinions. she really does like her.

[lostacelonnie]

something that's fun to me about chloris is that she is happy. no, really. she's the happiest she's ever been.

yeah, her temper is TERRIBLY short; she gets angry at anyone, for anything. she hates the people she works with. she hates everything. her body is rotting from the inside. <- have i ever talked about that? her body's rotting. chloris works a lot, you see; chloris works way more than a human should be able to. than a human is able to. she sustains herself with recovery magic... but recovery magic is resource intensive, too, and she doesn't have much of those, so it just burns the material of her body. very slightly, and very slowly, but it accumulates over time. were she to take a break and let it regenerate naturally, she'd be near-bedridden for weeks.

but she's happy. she works a lot, but- even if she hates her coworkers- she loves her job! she likes serving eleanore, she likes gardening, she likes the chores. she likes being useful, she likes being in control. she likes eleanore. and she sees eleanore so, so much; she's her shadow, they're only ever apart when chloris is on the clock- which, of course, IS the majority of the day.... but not a moment longer. [sometimes, even shorter; a lot of chloris's job IS serving eleanore directly, you know.] well, besides the times in which lea is entertaining someone important enough for the presence of maids to be inappropriate, but that doesn't happen too often. and, with the Plan in mind- she knows that all of this matters.

of course, it's not a lifestyle she could imagine herself having forever... but she won't have a forever, you know? this is her last year, her last dying breath, and she's making the most of it. and she's so happy.

when the plan changes, it makes her... erratic. there's suddenly something beyond these days, and she has to plan for it.

[mcsrcraftingbullshit]

source

[lostacelonnie]

go my chlorilea

[mcsrcraftingbullshit]

source

[no-more-dead-dogs]

plurality is like a box of chocolates. sometimes you get someone sweet, sometimes you get someone salty and sometimes jeff the killer is there

[beansfrombeans]

@cuunos

[lostacelonnie]

3, 18, 20, 25 for cai li and song min

YAYYY YAY YAY HELLO!!!!

3. What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

their First impressions of each other were a pretty funny thing because they. didnt care Much for each others existence at first.... never expected to really be a big part of each others lives that it. [unsuspecting fools.] but more specifically, song min saw cai li as just.... yet another Generally Nice, Outgoing, Kind Of Loud person that shell get along with, sure, but on an everyday niceties level; while cai li just judged her as Chill Girl Doing Her Own Thing.

as of Right Now [entanglement + pilgrimage arcs] its uhhhh. Ohhhh my god how the hell do i even summarize their Thing. cai li is to song min her Evil Ex Girlfriend who very clearly is no longer evil but still thinking about the prospect of her being happy & thriving fills her with a deep sense of injustice. as for cai lis impression of song min..... dead girl walking. shes happy song min is Alive but is also deeply afraid of being [rightfully] strangled the next time theyre left alone

18. Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

PERMANENT. in the worst way possible. they drag each others remains behind themselves and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. they could grow and they could heal [not only could. they Have and they Will] but those 9 years of being separated in the most cruel way possible will NEVER be something they can get rid of.

20. What is their best memory together?

probably early schicksal days...... early relationship schicksal days, that it. for song min especially....... this is a girl who walks on the edge between whats real and what isnt, who holds little to no interest in the world around her because the world holds no interest in her, either, and there she is!! cai li. who looked at her gentle, disinterested dismissals over and over again and STILL decided, over and over again, that THIS is the girl shes going to dedicate herself to. they were very sweet back then..... skipping classes to trespass onto rooftops with the best views and whatnot.

25. If a stranger saw them together, how would they describe their relationship?

during THEIR schicksal arc? a disgustingly cute couple. in a way that makes you fucking miserable at not having what they have. in a "two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows im miserable now" way. you know? maybe a bit rocky towards the end of that era.... cai li walks a step ahead of song min, and the latter doesnt seem too focused on what her girlfriend is saying.

entanglement arc? from an outside perspective itd be like. "i have ABSOLUTELY ZERO CLUE what their relationship is but it sure Exists." like. Something is going on there but what it is exactly is Impossible to decipher from the outside. its a bit comical actually. theyre discussing tactics for the next course of action but also the MOMENT the meeting ends, cai li is Gone. she has to physically stop herself from running the fuck out of there to maintain Professionalism. and also when she first saw song min during that arc she outright fainted. so theres that.