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Dancing Queen

Steve couldn’t help his triumphant smirk at that remark. The fact he hadn’t been caught hinged on the fact he had very dainty features - an embarrassment for a man, sure, but a remarkable asset for a dame. Being slender was favorable and so long as he was careful with his fashion choices there was little reason to suspect he was anything but what he appeared to be. He’d even figured out how to shift his voice a bit, though for the most part he just stayed soft spoken or didn’t speak at all. The music was loud enough to cover for the rest.

Surrendering leadership came easily - honestly the only time he lead from reverse was when he was dancing with one of the wallflowers. Girls didn’t leave girls alone and while a part of him acknowledged it as rather skeevy, he never did anything but dance and cheer them up and onward once a proper man joined in.

It didn’t matter that there wasn’t any music or that they’d been fighting all night - literally about dancing no less - Steve was honestly quite content with his friend’s control. Bucky had good pacing, and this was a hell of a lot better than being angry. Even if he had lost his point somewhere along the way.

“I’m sorry I’ve been lying to you,” It seemed proper to apologize for it, now that the truth behind it all was out. There was no need to lie now - Bucky literally knew everything (with some very obvious exceptions), so it would be pretty pointless now. “I’ll make breakfast tomorrow to make up for mucking up your night, alright?” It was the standard peace offering, though now that he thought about it, in this attire it kind of put a rather odd spin on things.

It was... nice. Dancing with Steve. He’d thought about it sometimes, and cursed himself for doing so, but now it was really happening, and somehow... Steve was alright with it.

“Nah, s’alright. I understand.” And he did- any sane, normal person would’ve been freaked out, would’ve been disgusted by the lengths Steve went to just to enjoy himself and dance. Luckily(and just as unluckily) for him, Bucky was even more twisted- it was just good he could keep himself in check.

“It’s not the sort of thing you go around advertising... But Steve. You really can tell me anything- we’ve been friends too many years for me to get mad about much but you lyin’ to me,” he admitted, a soft smile curling his lips.

The offer of breakfast somehow felt different- but maybe that was just because his crooked mind was looking at things differently now that Steve was in a dress and it was even harder not to think of him wrong.

Among the Damned

“Jesus Christ,” He was damned as it was, taking the lord’s name in vain was the least of his fucking worries now. “Do you even - how the hell does a man as smart as you get this stupid?” Steve wanted to shake him - hell, he wanted to punch him until whatever was lodged inside his head that made self preservation instincts go on a happy holiday whenever Steve was in some kind of trouble came loose and shattered completely.

“That’s enough - you sound just like him!” Steve snapped, “You think I’m a good man Buck? You think any of us are good fucking men anymore look around you, you crazy son of a bitch what about any of this shit spells a good man to you? We’re in a godforsaken crater, sixteen of our men are dead - Jackson is in fucking pieces Buck! He’s in pieces- and we do the same damn thing to them! Every goddamn one of us - all of us, we’re not good. We’re not good men - ” His voice cracked and he didn’t even have any dignity to muster to give a shit about it, “ - anymore Buck, and the only fucking thing here that’s made being this twice damned creature I am now worth it is knowing I’ve got another shot at seeing you through this thing so don’t fuck that up on me by baring your neck like you think the devil doesn’t want you too.”

#luxuryoffear #among the damned

Bucky reached up and looped his arm around Steve’s neck, hauling him down in an awkward sort of hug- more just holding him close than anything else. He knew Steve could have resisted properly if he’d wanted, but he didn’t, and that was all the hint Bucky needed to know he was right just now. “Then maybe he’s right, Steve. Good men do shitty things, and nothin’s gonna convince me you ain’t a good man. Yeah, we’re dyin’ left’n’right, yeah, Jackson’s a poor bastard for the way he went out, but Steve. We all got chances. That’s what the preacher always told us, n’you know the preacher knows better’n’we do.”

“I ain’t dyin’ over here, Steve. If I was gonna it’d’ve already happened. You saved me, and I know for damn sure you ain’t killin’ me. You’re the only reason I got to keep goin’, so you quit tryin’ to take that away from me with your recklessness, alright?”

He held onto Steve tightly, knowing that every man needed a chance to shake apart for a bit, and knowing that if Steve had been doing so he’d been doing it alone, and he was not willing to let things stay that way. “We’ve always had each other, Stevie, and we always will.”

Dancing Queen

“I tend not to watch actually,” Steve admitted. He had in the past, once upon a time when he dreamed of getting bigger as he aged. Like a study on how to be a proper man almost. Like all dreams, it died with reality knocking every year round the clock, and Steve stopped watching when he realized there was no point to it that didn’t leave him bitter.

Shifting easily with the close position - telling himself it was like any other dance with any other fella he had to pace himself through, even though mister best and beautiful here was a far cry from any of those yuppee schmucks - Steve chose to lead from reverse as it seemed Bucky was trying to up the ante on something and since he didn’t know what that something was, he’d rather not risk a fools move. Dancing was a fair distraction from stupidity any day of the week.

“Nothing against you of course,” He saw fit to add after a moment, “I’d tell you to try sitting on the sidelines for a change but there’s not a dame in this city that’d leave a catch like you by himself at a dance, I can promise you that.” He smiled just a bit, “And genuine though you may be, that’s with a genuine dame. You worry about me, I worry about you, seems to be the only way a damn right thing gets done around here.”

Bucky tilted his head, seeing some kind of challenge in Steve’s tone and words, and refusing not to rise and meet it. “You look like a genuine dame, but I think you’re the one who needs to worry about acting- dames don’t lead,” he said, smirking as he switched the steps they followed and stealing that lead for himself.

It was hard to believe just moments ago they’d been yelling(he’d been yelling, rather), and it had felt like everything was crumbling around them. It was harder still to believe that just hours earlier than that Steve had been saying he didn’t like being around Bucky- that still stung just thinking about it, actually.

But whatever spell had fallen over them now... whatever challenge had shifted things, he didn’t want to undo it. It wasn’t even out of his sick desires that this came, but a simple wish for things to just... be okay.

Dancing Queen

Steve hated the fact that Bucky’s response didn’t piss him off. Being told by a man who knew better that he’d be treated like a dame so long as he was dressed like one should have set off some kind of indignant alarm in his head, right? His pride should feel stung or something at the very least, but it seemed dignity had left him at the door the second it saw Bucky waiting and realized the truth was on it’s way out too.

Swallowing a bit, he realized that nope. Anger was not going to be conjured and faking it just seemed stupid, so - he figured he may as well call the man out on his bluff. While a part of him was pretty sure he had some kind of strange ulterior motive for this, the fact was if Bucky tripped up, they would both go down for this and there was no way in hell he was letting the man get hurt just so Steve could go dancing and not feel like he was a fucking plague carrier or something.

“Fine. You want us to dance, let’s dance.” He stepped forward and took up Bucky’s hand in one of his, setting the other to his waist. “I have a reputation for only dancing with the best. If this is going to work, then you need to be as much an actor as I am. So lead on.”

#dancing queen #luxuryoffear

“You’ve seen me dance, Steve, and you know I don’t act,” Bucky pointed out, raising a brow as he clasped Steve’s and and rested his own on the smaller man’s hip, drawing him in appropriately close, disgusted with himself for the warmth he felt spreading through him everywhere they touched.

“Everything I do is genuine.” He couldn’t stop the way he leaned in just a little, and told himself it was so he could make a point, so Steve wouldn’t push this too much. “An’ that’s why you don’t have to worry.”

Dancing Queen

Steve was about to get right up in Bucky’s space and start a proper fight when the dumb shit concluded his tirade with don’t do it without me. He stopped, his fists still clenched at his sides, blue eyes wide as Bucky carried on.

Does he - is he - stupid? Steve knew Bucky was as smart as they came, but he did have to drop out of school so that he could work instead. Sarah hadn’t allowed Steve to do the same, insisting that he get a proper education so he could get a good job. Steve knew she wanted him to do something smart with himself, because he just plain wasn’t cut out for all the fast running jobs or the mechanic shops. Still - still - Buck had to realize the implication he was making. Right?

“Uhm, Buck?” Steve interjected, as once again the man insisted he be brought along. “You do realize it would be very odd of me to go to the dance with you and not - you know, dance with you, right?” He couldn’t even be angry now, he was genuinely concerned Bucky had gotten so caught up in his ‘have to protect Steve’ nonsense he hadn’t realized what he was saying. “Unless - you’re saying you want us to dance?” Please don’t say something stupid. Please, because this could get really weird really fast.

Steve’s sudden, logical interjection brought Bucky’s rising emotions down a few notches, and he stilled, taking a few steps closer to his best friend. Maybe it was the dress and the makeup that made him feel better about getting so close, but it didn’t make him any less afraid of doing something really stupid.

“As long as you can handle the fact that as long as you’re dressed like a dame I’m gonna treat ya like one.” That was not helping his chances. “I ain’t got a problem with dancing with you, Steve. It’s the other way ‘round, remember?” Steve’s statements from earlier that night seemed to echo in his mind for a bit, and he shook his head. “But I’m hopin’ you’d still rather be safe ‘n dance with me than risk life’n limb just to do it without me.”

It was a risk, and he was a complete sicko for forcing his presence on Steve like this, but he just. Couldn’t watch the smaller man get himself killed. Couldn’t watch him keep putting himself in danger. He only hoped his good intentions would make up for how sick a person he was.

Dancing Queen

Steve’s head stayed bowed as Bucky reprimanded him, the tears threatening his eyes now stemming from the fact his friend cared so much about him he was willing to overlook how fucked up this was to freak out about what could happen if other people found out.

Swallowing heavily, Steve looked up and was about to apologize - actually, honest to god apologize - when the man went and trodded over the one thing that was enough to kick the shame right out of him.

“You think I don’t know all of that?!” Steve shifted, setting his bag down on the counter by his keys as he paced over to his best friend, his expression fierce as it would be in any back alley brawl. So what if his face was painted and he was in a pretty skirt, he could still take this son of a gun on if he wanted to!

“What do you think this whole get up is about Buck? You think I’d pull this off or even need to if I was half as strapping as you are?” So what if it was a compliment, he was making a point. “This works because I’m small. I do this because it works. Dames don’t have the same hang-ups as fellas - they’re happy to dance with each other. And yeah - so I have to dance with a bloke now and then but it keeps this cover going. I know the risks, damn it, I don’t need you to tell me about them. Just cause I don’t wanna drag your name through the mud doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough not to know this could get me killed. It’s why I’m careful, alright?”

“That’s why I said you can’t go out alone, idiot! Dress like a dame all you damn well please, go dancin’ dressed like one all you want but don’t you dare do it without me!”

“You can be careful all you want, but I know you too well not’t worry, Steve! I’m not about t’sit around and wait to find out you’re not comin’ home! If you’re gonna do somethin’ stupid that might get you killed then you better bring me along so I can at least try and stop it from happening!” He knew Steve was mad, and he knew he was probably hurling insult after insult to the man’s pride, but all things considered he was being pretty goddamn reasonable.

He had to keep Steve safe, no matter what kinda cray, stupid things he was doing, or how fucked up it made him to be okay with what Steve was doing.

Dancing Queen

Confusion mingled slightly with fear as Steve nervously wrung his hands on the straps of his bag before realizing that did nothing to help with this. For some stupid reason, he swung the purse behind himself, holding his wrist with the opposite hand like hiding the bag was going to make this less of a mess than it already was.

Trying to swallow past the lump in his throat (that he suspected might be where his heart had decided to lodge itself) Steve wondered just how worried Bucky must have been that he was more focused on that than on kicking Steve out of the house for this.

“I promise there’s an explanation for this,” He managed to choke out. He could pin it on a bet - but no, where’d he get all the gear then? Who’d he lose a bet with? And didn’t they just get into an argument because of lying?

His head bowed, and honestly it was the stupidest thing in the world to think of, but it wasn’t his pride that kept him from crying so much as the mascara. If that ran, it would turn this shame into the worst kind of disgrace imaginable.

So, maybe it was pride.

Fuck this was embarrassing.

“It’s - uhm,” Just. Fucking. Spit. It. Out. Before he thinks you’re some kind of faggot freak or something, damn it! He could kick your ass for this and he wouldnt even be wrong to. “It’s how I dance.” Thanks voice, way to croak on me. “Which is why - I tend not to go with you - cause. Well - I didn’t want - you to get a bad name, if I was recognized.”

Steve looked like he was going to be sick, and Bucky didn’t blame him- this was the sort of thing that got fellas beat up(beat to death, his mind corrected), the sort of thing anyone normal would have been disgusted by.

But he wasn’t normal. He was a freak and he liked seeing Steve dolled up like a pretty dame and he was going to hell for it. But there were bigger worries to deal with than that just now- Hell could wait until after he was dead and gone on his way.

He had to take a few deep breaths before he was ready to say anything at all, and when he spoke his voice was filled with something that bordered on disbelief. “Jesus, Steve- never mind my bad name, what about you? You could get yourself killed if someone recognised you and- and me not there t’stop ‘em? Y’know where I’d be then? Stuck pacing her, hoping you’d come home and not knowin’ if you would! Knowin’ any second someone could decide they were gonna kick your ass for this and you might not walk away- this ain’t like a back alley fight, Steve! People go for blood over shit like this!”

His voice was rising, and he knew that at four in the morning he should probably be quieting down, but he couldn’t find it in him to do so. “You’re too goddamn small to be takin’ risks’n goin’ out alone like this Steve!”

Dancing Queen

Steve had lingered for a couple of hours before he gave up on the idea of reconciling with Bucky this evening. To keep himself from worrying sick, he decided to go about his original plans - knowing Bucky would be late had made him bolder than usual both in his time out and in his return. He hadn’t expected Bucky would be back until very early morning, so he didn’t bother opening the door quietly.

As his keys clattered to the side table and the door shut behind him with a bit of a snap, Steve reached down to take off one of his heels when he took note of the fact Bucky was standing in the hall. He froze, his entire body growing stock still as his stomach plummeted and his entire complexion faded to a deathly pallor despite the products upon it.

Painted lips parted in alarm as he swallowed heavily and straightened slowly, looking for all the world like a woman about to face her executioner. “I didn’t think you’d be home yet,” He barely heard his own voice - it would be a wonder if Bucky heard him

#luxuryoffear #dancing queen #long post #{*small novel ensues*}

Bucky had taken to pacing the hall- sure, he’d told Steve not to wait up, but he’d come home pretty damn late and the guy wasn’t here, and he could easily have been jumped- it wasn’t like they lived in a particularly safe neighbourhood- what if Steve was hurt? He couldn’t live with himself if Steve was in trouble just because he’d had to go and throw a tantrum, but he didn’t begin to know where to look!

Just as he was beginning to lose his mind entirely with worry, he heard the key turn in the lock, and the door open, and turned around with a relieved look he couldn’t wipe from his face. A look that quickly turned to one of confusion when he saw what Steve was wearing- and there was no doubt it was Steve when he spoke like that.

“S-Steve?” What the actual hell was happening? Had he really just gone out and gotten too drunk and passed out at the bar and this was all a weird dream? It had to be, because Steve was a proud man, Steve had too much pride to fit in his tiny body and there was no way he’d bend that pride to dress like a dame. No way. He knew it was sick of him to think up something like this, even in a drunken dream, and even if it could be blamed on alcohol this time(which he had a sinking feeling it couldn’t- he certainly didn’t remember drinking, and he never drank so much he couldn’t remember) he knew he’d thought of worse.

But Steve was home- sure he was in a dress and that was weird as hell, but he was home. They could deal with the rest later- or just pretend it never happened, for both their sakes. “I’m- I’m just glad you’re okay. I was worried-”

Dancing Queen

“Buck - “ He didn’t want the guy to storm off on bad terms, but at the same time he’d rather screwed the pooch on this one. The best way to salvage it was to give them both some space, so he nodded and turned to head to his room. “Sure thing - I may head out too, so if I’m not back when you are - well, same to you.”

Bucky made a noncommittal noise in response, barely acknowledging he’d heard Steve- and only doing so because he knew Steve would worry and do something that’d make him worry if he didn’t.

It was a long time before he headed back- probably the indecent hours of the morning, considering the sort of folk that started creeping out into the streets after a while. He felt... well he felt bad for storming off, but he supposed time away from him was what Steve had wanted, so he couldn’t feel too bad about it... right?

“Steve? You home?” he called as he opened the door, glancing around worriedly when he saw no lights on- but Steve could be in bed, he reasoned.

isntpersonal

Miracle Child

isntpersonal

It was rather interesting to see Shadow taking some initiative and even going so far as to act like he had no idea what was up, so Brock let it go - he didn’t want to convince him he’d done something wrong. “Well, it looks good. You were getting a little shaggy around the ears.”

#isntpersonal #miracle child

“Well a little’s a bit of an understatement,” he admitted, honestly glad Brock liked it- he’d worried it might have been a bad call, but he’d amde it anyway since the man usually encouraged making choices, even if they were sometimes mistakes. “But it feels good.”

Among the Damned

The son of a bitch had done this knowingly. For a long moment, Steve simply stared at his friend before exhaling a quiet, “Jesus Christ Buck,” and setting his head back against the tree trunk with a thunk. “You crazy bastard - what would I have done if your little gambit hadn’t panned off, huh? You expect me to live with killing you? Or anyone else on this crew, for that matter,” He added hastily, though the frustration remained clear. He sighed, closing his eyes a bit. “I’m already dead. You know it as well as I do, so stop jonassing to join me would you? This isn’t some million dollar wound. It’s…” More than permanent, but he didnt want to think in long terms right now. Seeing Bucky through this war alive was priority number one.

#luxuryoffear #among the damned

“But it did, Stevie. Y’didn’t kill me, and I knew y’wouldn’t.” Bucky shook his head, gripping Steve’s shoulder as firmly as he could manage in the moment. “So stop tryin’ t’feed me that bull. You’re not dead.” Ultimately, Bucky wasn’t so sure how he felt about all this vampire stuff, but it saved Steve’s life when the serum that made him Captain America would have gotten him killed. “Think about it, Steve, if God had such a big issue with Vampires, why would he let a good man like you become one, huh? You ain’t done nothin’ wrong by his rules an’ you been nothin’ but good. It doesn’t make sense unless you come t’ termes with the fact he must not hate ‘em like you think. You ain’t killin’ no one. No one that doesn’t deserve it, at least.”

ivyleaguedreamboy

“If you’re done with you’re little insubordinate rant, Agent Barnes, you have a mistake to make up for. Preferably, before they claim another victim. Get to it.” His blood may be boiling, but he’s not going to punch Barnes for his words. Not on the clock, at least.