i&#x27;d rather be a wild one instead

Say || Ryley

Ryder paused as he reached the auditorium doors. Could he really go in there? Could he face all of them when he was so sure one of them had just ripped his heart out Indiana Jones style and stomped on it? He sighed and rested his forehead to the door as he listened to the muffled music coming from inside. It was a song he recognized, one that he actually liked. And one that seemed to cut to the bone of what he was so frustrated with lately.

His hand paused on the door as he heard Marley singing with Kitty inside. As quietly as possible, he opened the door and snuck inside so he could hear the words clearly.

‘Have no fear for giving in Have no fear for giving over…’

Sam took over to finish the verse before leading everyone in the chorus. And that’s when Ryder knew that out of all of the places he could go, right now, this was still his best option. “Say what you need to say,” he sang as he walked into the room feeling dejected. His eyes swept over everyone, but they were caught up in the music. All except Marley and Jake as they noticed him walk in. He’d told Jake his plan this morning, and in return been made fun of by Jake. But there weren’t any laughs now as he stepped over towards the risers.

As the rest of the club recognized another voice being added to the mix, Ryder and Blaine took the final verse together. “Even if your hands are shaking… and your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open…” As Ryder took his seat in front of Jake and Marley, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders, surprising him. Jake must have told her about the whole Katie thing. He closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his hand over her arm before looking up and pushing down all of his disappointment to be there for the Glee club. “Say what you need to say…”

#paras #p:002 #//fin here?

Even amid the singing and music, Marley had heard the auditorium doors open and turned to see the last of their missing party show. Her expression, if possible, softened even further. Ryder had been left out there alone, waiting for a ‘Katie’ who would never show up, as it turned out. She had tried so hard to facilitate opportunities for the truth to come out and yet... nothing. A part of her knew she couldn’t take blame here. It wasn’t her truth to tell. And if Unique decided that she couldn’t go through with it, then Marley had to respect that, regardless of her feelings on the matter.

Still, once Ryder joined them, she felt compelled to offer the last bit of comfort she could given the situation. She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck and shoulders from behind, hoping she could infuse enough into that squeeze to let him know that he might’ve been left alone out there in the hall, deserted by ‘Katie’, but he wasn’t truly alone. He had his friends in glee club. And he had her.

“... say what you need to say, say what you need to say.”

Say || Ryley

Ryder thought he was used to time passing slowly. In an NFL game, five minutes could take an hour. And in one of the WMHS games, five minutes was nearly half a quarter. Besides, the last five minutes of class on a Friday felt like the clock was frozen in ice. But now time was passing differently. It was half as stressful as the time he’d spent hiding with Marley in the cafeteria kitchen. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat. His palms were sweaty, leading him to shake them out as he jumped around.

But the five minutes did pass. And no one showed.

He picked his backpack up off the floor to sling over his shoulder again. Pulling out his phone, he saw two texts: one from Jake and one from Kitty. Radio silence from Katie. “Where are you?” he texted, waiting, begging his phone to even show that annoying grey cloud to tell him that she was at least writing him back. She’d promised. She’d promised that she would meet him, and now twice she’d canceled on him.

Katie wasn’t coming.

Ryder knew the whole Glee club was waiting on him. Mr. Schue wasn’t able to get out of the all school assembly, but he knew where the New Directioners would be. So when another minute had passed without even the sound of footsteps, Ryder tried to push down his disappointment. He tried, but instead found himself taking off at a run to get to the auditorium where he at least wouldn’t be alone.

‘I can’t tell him it’s me,’ Unique told her once they’d moved away from the others and out of earshot. ‘He’ll hate me. He’ll never speak to me again. He might even punch me in the face. Oh god, honey, he would-’

“Unique, he wouldn’t punch you in the face!” Marley protested, though she quieted down when she realized people were looking at them funny. “You have to tell him. He deserves to know the truth, especially in light of recent events.”

‘I’ve already chickened out twice... I can’t face him, Marls.’

Marley’s heart sank, but she didn’t get a chance to try to change Unique’s mind before Jake came over to break up the tension. ‘I think we’re about to get started, ladies,’ he said, grabbing Marley’s hand to lead her over to the risers with him. Marley gave one last look toward her friend before following after him. She tried not to think about it once the jazz band started up the opening chords to a soothing John Mayer number. Blaine had picked a good starting point for sure.

‘Take all of your wasted honor... every little past frustration...’ Blaine’s voice started them out, all of them just listening and taking in the message of those first few lines. ‘... take all of your so called problems, better put ‘em in quotations.’ Marley’s eyes closed as Jake’s arm wrapped around her and she chimed in to harmonize with Blaine’s voice.

“Say what you mean to say... say what you mean to say... say you mean to say... say what you mean to say...”

Her eyes opened to meet Unique’s across the way, the tension between them making her stomach twist uncomfortably. Why couldn’t she just come forward? What did she have to hold on to this secret that wasn’t even hers to hold? Why couldn’t she say what she meant to say? Okay, this was getting a little too deep, even for a top secret glee club meeting.

#paras #p:003

Say || Ryley

This was it. Ryder couldn’t give Katie any more chances after this. It was too much, it was driving him crazy. Every ounce of hope that he put into meeting her, into getting just another message from her was starting to bring shadows into his head. But she had promised (again) to meet him in the hallway outside of the choir room right when the school assembly started. Ryder just hadn’t expected to run into Coach Sylvester.

‘Shouldn’t you be at the mandatory assembly?’ Sylvester said, looking bored. But Ryder questioned the box of things she was carrying and the look of something deeper in her eyes. She didn’t look ready to maul a student, to maul him in particular. “We’re having a top secret Glee meeting instead,” he said, “Dealing with the whole - “ He broke off so he wouldn’t have to actually say the word ‘shooting’. Sue nodded, ‘Guess you better get there then.’ Ryder’s eyebrows rose, “You’re not going to write me up? Give me detention?” Sue turned to leave but answered as she walked away, ‘I don’t work here anymore.’

Woah. Ryder figured that was what happened when you brought a gun into a high school and it went off, even if it was an accident. As Sylvester left again, he blew out a breath and tossed his backpack against the row of lockers to begin his wait. Five minutes. He’d give her five minutes after the assembly start time and then he’d give up. But for now? All he had to do was nervously wait for her. What if it was who he thought it was? What if it wasn’t? What if it wasn’t even someone in Glee? What if this was some long, stupid football prank? He had to know.

#paras #p:003 #tw: gun mention #tw: shooting mention

‘Everything looks good,’ Kitty confirmed to Marley as they surveyed the small set up they had in the auditorium for their top-secret glee club meeting. The jazz band, in usual fashion, had agreed to ditch so they could break out their arsenal of feel-good songs to sing together, and a few choir benches had been shoved off in the wings, so they’d been able to pull them back on stage for the event as well. It might’ve been small and largely impromptu, but frankly, Marley didn’t want to sit in on a big mediation assembly where they talked about gun-related violence or what the school’s new policy on situations involving an active shooter was. She just... wanted to be with the people who mattered most to her.

Only problem was that everyone in glee club had showed up except for two.

“Have you seen Ryder?” Marley asked as she glanced back to auditorium doors, then to the wings. Kitty shook her head. ‘Someone told him to be here, I know that much,’ the blonde shrugged before walking off to meet Artie. Marley sighed, feeling a little bit of anxiety settle in with the lack of her friend’s appearance. She was so distracted that she didn’t even notice the kiss to her cheek, or her boyfriend until he had moved to stand in front of her.

‘Hey,’ Jake chuckled, trying to catch her gaze as he wrapped his arms around her waist. ‘Where’s that head of yours?’ Marley gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “have you seen Ryder? We’re supposed to start any minute now...” Jake shrugged as well, making her sigh. “I hope he’s coming.”

It was then that one of their two missing numbers showed up - Unique walked on stage, looking a mixture of frazzled and upset. “Hey, everything okay?” Marley pulled out of Jake’s grasp to meet her friend at the risers. Unique shook her head, looking close to tears. ‘I couldn’t do it, Marley. I can’t,’she said quietly, her voice quivering. Marley’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Do what?” she asked.

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

A smile broke out across his face when she accepted his offer, feeling relief that neither of them would have to face being alone just yet. “Great,” he said, turning to start walking back to his car. “Okay, so no horses that go up and down,” he nodded. He raised a brow at her challenge. “Deal, swinging contest it is.” Looking across the street, he saw the park reasonably empty. Ryder took Marley’s hand and rushed back across the street. As soon as they had crossed, he let go. “Beat you there!” he laughed, taking off a loping run.

Admittedly, he hadn’t expected her to take off like a freaking bullet. “You could take my spot as wide receiver,” he said through his breaths as he reached the swings a moment behind her. “Pretty sure the team has had girls on it before,” he mused, waggling his eyebrows at her playfully. As she took one of the swings, he took the one beside her and started the back and forth pushing to get higher and higher.

“Wait, where are we-” She was cut off as Ryder rushed them across the deserted street, then announced his intention to, as he said, ‘beat her there’. “Oh, not on my watch!” she shouted with a laugh, taking off after him. While her foray into disordered eating may have sidelined her a bit from more vigorous activities - glee club dance rehearsals, gym class, general running around town - she’d gained strength and stamina since then. And a greater lung capacity from all of that practice with singing in glee club. It still surprised her though that she was able to overtake him on their way toward the swings.

“I still don’t think I know nearly enough about football to try to attempt getting myself on the team,” she joked back as she grabbed what she thought was the best swing out of the pair, then started pumping her legs to get a good, strong swing going. “Whoever swings the highest doesn’t have to pay for celebratory milkshakes!”

~*~

The rest of the afternoon seemed to melt away into laughter and silly contests - who could swing the highest, who could jump the farthest out of their swings, who could beat whom to the kiddie slide first - but it was just the sort of silliness she needed (and that he needed too) to help her forget that her world had changed any at all since that fateful Monday afternoon.

#paras #p:002 #FIN

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

“Like a ghost?” Ryder asked, brow furrowed. Yeah, that was a bit out of reach for him at the moment. But he liked the thought that she would come back if the kids really needed her. He shared a laugh with her over the thought at least. “See that’s what I think. And I think that they find each other back in the chalk paintings, like they meet there again. That tea place they go to is totally a date,” he said. He smiled to himself at the sound of her laugh again. It was good to see her smiling, and he knew it felt good to smile.

Tossing out their trash, he held the door for her before following her out into the theater’s foyer. “Nah, if they made a sequel, it probably wouldn’t end up the way we want it,” he agreed. Ryder held the door again to walk out with her, but they didn’t get very far before they both paused and he moved to stand in front of her. His stomach was growling and he knew that he didn’t want to go home yet or to be alone. Shuffling his feet with his hands in his pockets, he tilted his head and asked, “Do you want to go grab some food? I can give you a ride home after, we can speculate which of us would win in a merry-go-round race?” He didn’t know if she’d be comfortable eating out, but she had shared some food with him and maybe this was just the next step.

They made their way outside the building and while it seemed the moment, however long it had lasted, was over, Marley didn’t particularly like the idea of heading back home so soon. Home was still empty, and quiet. Two things she didn’t want to be facing on her own at the moment. At his suggestion of food, she looked back to the bus stop. Another bus back to her neighborhood wouldn’t be back for at least a couple hours anyhow, so it was either wandering the streets by herself or finding more to do with Ryder. Frankly, she preferred to go with the latter.

“I could eat,” she nodded, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “I’d like to point out though that I have the slight disadvantage of getting motion sickness easily, so there’s no way I’d win at a merry-go-round race.” She smiled a little, falling back in step with him as they made their way towards his car. “However, I’ll raise you one with a swinging contest. I can get pretty high up, if I do say so myself.”

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

Whenever a cannonball went off again the few other times in the movie, Ryder noticed how they would lean in closer to each other before gravitating back apart like magnets turned the wrong way. But once that was over, Ryder was able to get lost in the movie he’d been watching since he was a kid. They ended up sharing his popcorn and the rest of the Swedish Fish, with Ryder stealing a few drinks from her Coke. And when his favorite songs came on, he was even able to smile. He doubted that would’ve happened without Marley there. The empty theater probably would’ve been creepy if he’d been alone, but they had each other.

Ryder was actually able to relax into his seat, heartbeat slow and steady as he sat there with Marley. He wished that they could just jump into the film like the kids jumped into the chalk painting, escape for a little bit into a cartoon. But the movie was the closest they were going to get. And by the time the credits began to roll and the lights came back up, Ryder was impressed he had sat through the entire movie for once without his mind wandering off. He gathered up their trash to fit into the empty popcorn bucket. “D’you think she comes back to visit the kids?” he asked.

Standing up, he turned to follow her out of the theater. “It just kind of sucks the way it ends with her disappearing. I know she fixed the Dad, but if I were those kids, I wouldn’t want her to go. And what about Bert?” he pointed out. “Him and Mary totally flirt through the movie.”

By the end of the movie, most of Marley’s frazzled nerves had been soothed, well enough that she was almost forgetting that she had reason to be so nervous in the first place. Mary Poppins certainly was magical that way. “To visit the kids?” she asked, brow knitting in thought as they made their way down the aisle and towards the stairs. “You know, there’s interesting theories on the internet about this stuff, but personally, I like to think that Mary would appear to the kids if there ever came a time that they really needed her. Or that... that she would sort of always be there, if that makes sense? Like, the spirit of her.”

Okay, maybe that was more creepy than comforting.

“I bet maybe she and Bert met up later and ended up together though,” she speculated. “Though I never really started thinking about that until after I’d watched the movie too many times to count. I mean, she thought he looked fine. How are we supposed to take this comment?” She chuckled, waiting for him to toss their trash out once they exited their theatre. “A little part of me wishes there was a sequel but that would just take away the wonder and mystery of speculating where everyone ended up afterward.”

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

Ryder wondered if he should apologize, but she had to know how he felt. He had never been good at hiding it, not since the first time he’d spoken to her and not since then either. There was something in him that knew Marley was always going to be the one that got away, the one right out of arm’s reach. He just didn’t have a clue when he’d actually accept that fact. Yesterday had thrown him for a loop, ripping open that part of his heart that he’d tried so hard to quiet down again.

His eyes fell to their hands, inhaling at the squeeze of a touch. It was just a friendly gesture, but he was glad how graceful she was being about it. “I’m glad I was with you too,” he nodded, looking up to the screen. “It was the least I could do,” he shrugged away. As the first cannonball was shot, he reached his hand over to hold hers again. Shit, he’d forgotten about that part. Ryder swallowed and let go once more taking back his hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled, digging the hand into his popcorn for a fistful. “Forgot about the crazy sea captain.”

Marley knew it was more than ‘the least’ he could do, but she knew well enough to leave the subject alone after that. There were things you addressed and there were things you didn’t. The fact that he was willing to risk his well-being for her fell into the latter. Her mind was turned away from those thoughts with the booming sound of a cannonball though, causing her to nearly spill her drink on the floor between her own jumping and his hand grabbing hers. “It’s okay,” she assured him, hoping her voice didn’t shake as she curled up in her seat. “It scared me too...”

The rest of the movie seemed to pass on with mostly silence between the two of them. Marley didn’t mind though. For her, at least, it was a comfortable silence. Or rather, a comforting silence. She wasn’t alone. She was with someone who understood her fear and her nerves, and there wasn’t pressure to talk about things they didn’t want to. She could just sit and nibble on the occasional piece of popcorn while Mary Poppins took them to a place far away from their suddenly more complex lives in Lima. And while it didn’t solve a thing, it was at least something she could do.

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

“That’s not possible,” he pointed out, glad to have something that was actually lifting his mood. Marley was good at that sort of thing. And Ryder was sure that her songs were good too, she just needed a confidence boost. “I think you should give them a chance. Show them to someone you really trust to be honest with you,” he said before tossing the last Swedish Fish into his mouth.

He coughed and then cleared his throat of candy at her question, eyes focused right on the screen as Bert came out to begin the movie. After just saying that he didn’t want to live a dishonest life, he knew that he couldn’t lie to Marley. But he also knew that he couldn’t tell her the whole truth. She’d chosen Jake, twice.

Ryder licked his lips and said, “I was thinking about the people that I love, what I haven’t said to them. I’d want my dad to know how much he’s taught me. My mom to know how hard I’ve tried to make her proud.” He sniffed his nose quietly. If he had died, did he really want Marley not to know? Even if it was complicated? Even if it was awkward? “And…”

#paras #p:002 #tw: shooting mention

Marley knew that with such a serious topic on hand, she might end up hearing something she didn’t want to. Or something that was awkward, or just plain hard to hear. But in the spirit of honesty, like he’d already said, it felt like the question should be treated just that way - with frankness and honesty. It didn’t stop the way her insides seemed to squeeze themselves tightly with his answer. With a past like theirs... well, it was all too easy for a situation to become awkward real fast.

Ryder had never really been much of one to hold back though. From that first kiss they’d shared backstage the opening night of Grease to his vulnerable admission that he’d been the one behind all of the Valentine’s Day events Jake had claimed to orchestrate himself, it had been obvious, sometimes painfully so, that Ryder carried a torch for her, regardless of what her relationship status happened to be at the time. And while she could not in all honesty say that she never considered the possibility, she was with Jake. She was committed to him and had an obligation to keep the line between friends and something more very firm with Ryder. If not for herself, then for Jake.

She stole a look over at him before ducking her head, unsure of the right response to give him. How do you let someone know that you appreciate them without giving them the wrong idea? There was too much gray area there, it seemed. “Well you know what I think of you and how important you are to me,” she murmured, “and while I was scared to death in that kitchen, I’m glad I wasn’t alone. I’m glad you were there with me.” She decided not to overthink her next action too much and just reached over to grab his hand, giving it a squeeze before she took hers back. “I don’t know very many people who would risk getting shot at just to make sure I could find my mom.”

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

When Marley started talking about the secrets kept hidden and missed opportunities, Ryder knew exactly what his mind went to: the day he’d cancelled on their date to study. It seemed like he could look back to that moment and knew things would be different right now if he hadn’t cancelled. Marley wouldn’t have gone out with Jake instead. And then what if Ryder had said that he wasn’t okay with Jake dating Marley? What if he had stood up for himself? It was months ago now, but he thought about it sometimes.

“She apologized? Woah,” he said, kind of amazed. Going through something like this actually did change people. His focus and eyes were drawn back to her as she spoke, looking at her outline in the dim lighting of the theater. Ryder swallowed when the thought of her dying hit him, but it was washed away by the shock of her admission. “You write music?” he asked, adjusting the popcorn and candy in his lap to face her a bit better. “Marley, that’s amazing.” He tilted his head as he noted her nerves. “I bet they’re great,” he encouraged. With her musical talent, he didn’t doubt she was just as great a song writer. “You’re always talking about Joni Mitchell and Carole King… I shouldn’t be surprised you write too,” he smiled slightly, nudging her elbow. “But why are they secret?”

Marley was suddenly thankful for the fact that it was dark in the theatre and it was much more likely that he couldn’t see the way her cheeks flushed with his immediate response. Now she remember one of the reasons why she didn’t tell people about her secret passion - the assumption that her songs were actually any good. “I don’t know,” she shrugged, her smile halfway between genuine and maybe a little uncomfortable. Not in the worst way but still. Talking about her music felt like talking about her diary. Well, if she actually had one.

“They’re just... they’re my songs. And what if they’re not even halfway decent?” she pointed out. “It would seem silly to bring them up when I don’t even know if they’re good enough to share.” Having the attention back on her made her feel weird, so instead, she turned the topic back to him again. “What about you? What were you thinking about while we were stuck in that kitchen?” She felt bad for Mary Poppins but she was too distracted now, finally having the chance to vent some of her thoughts on what had happened to them.

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

Ryder looked between her eyes as she paused to think through her answer. But he read it pretty clearly in her expression and her body language. While yesterday, he’d been able to stand in front of her and act as a shield, he couldn’t exactly do that for her mind. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, knowing it wasn’t his fault, but not knowing what else to say. “Kitty texted you? That’s a change right there,” he mused, looking forward as the lights started to dim in the theater for movie previews.

“I.. I tried to talk to Katie, convince her to meet me after school like she promised. But after what happened - she changed her mind,” he said, eating another fish. Ryder almost asked Marley to tell whoever was Katie to leave him alone rather than toy with him like this, but he knew it wasn’t her fault or her responsibility. “You know… it’s okay that we’re all freaked out,” he said, for both of them, “Yesterday was the most stressful day of my life. All I could think about was getting you back safe to your mom. And telling my parents that I loved them.”

He put his feet back up on the chair in front of him, hoping Marley didn’t mind it. “Question is what changes now,” he said. “I feel - different than I did before it, you know? Like I don’t want to live a life that isn’t honest, or that doesn’t make me happy. I don’t want secrets or drama or bullshit-” He sighed and sent her a brief look before focusing on the screen. “Sorry, you probably came here for quiet and you ended up with me.”

The lights dimmed but Marley’s attention was drawn away from the opening advertisement playing before the start of their movie. She hadn’t been able to touch base with Unique yet about the ‘catfish’ situation but judging from what Ryder recounted, ‘Katie’ had flaked on showing up again. She couldn’t help it - her heart hurt for him. Hurt because he was such a nice guy and deserved a nice girl, because he deserved honesty and wasn’t get it, hurt because she knew what was going on and wasn’t in a place to reveal that truth. Which in turn sent guilt roiling in her stomach, making it hard to swallow her Swedish fish.

“Ryder, you don’t have to apologize for a single thing,” she answered quietly. “Something scary happened to us. I mean, what else can you do when something like that happens? It’s hard not to think about all the things you never said or did but meant to. All the people you should’ve been nicer to, all the opportunities you should’ve taken but didn’t. All the secrets you kept hidden because you were scared or whatever...” She trailed off when she realized she was the one rambling now. She fiddled with the straw on her cup for a moment before she spoke up again.

“Kitty texted me because she wanted to to apologize for being so mean to during the musical, and sectionals. She said that was one of the things she couldn’t stop thinking about when she was stuck in the choir room,” she explained. “And it got me thinking about all of the thoughts that went through my head while we were stuck in that kitchen. My mom, my friends, all the things I’d never done or said but meant to... and I realized that I’d never really started living at all. Not until I moved here, anyway.” She sighed, fidgeting in her seat again. “You know,” she hedged again, feeling ten times more nervous, “one of the things I thought about was how if I died that day... no one would’ve ever known that I wrote my own songs.”

Not-So-Jolly Holiday || Ryley

That made more sense. Millie was the type to call out for Marley. While Ryder’s mom probably wouldn’t even listen to the voicemail the school would make about her absent son. But at least he wasn’t alone anymore. He kicked the popcorn away from his seat while she walked the steps up to him. If they were lucky, they’d be the only ones in the theater for the whole movie. Ryder found himself hoping for as much.

He pursed his lips against a smile at how easily she took the candy from him. It was incredible to think of how far she’d come from the girl he’d found crying in the bathroom opening night of Grease. Balancing the popcorn on his lap, he shook out a few for himself. “Oh,” he said, taking a bite to give himself a reason not to answer just yet. He didn’t think she’d notice. “You looked like you were in good hands,” he mused. He cleared his throat as the candy got stuck thanks to his dry throat.

Ryder’s eyes were focused on the blank screen in front of them as he answered her. “That questions so weird, isn’t it? After something like that,” he murmured. “I don’t really know what I am right now. I barely slept last night. I freaked out in my car this morning. And I ditched school for a Disney movie.” Ryder paused and looked over at her, “Sorry. This isn’t really stuff I’m supposed to answer with. I’m okay,” he said unconvincingly to his own ears. “How are you?”

It was sad to know that Ryder responding in such a way as that typically meant something more along the lines of ‘you didn’t need me anymore’. He may not have said anything of the sort out loud but Marley sensed it. It was the sort of attitude that hung there in the air, present but never addressed. And Marley couldn’t help but hope that she was doing her best to assure him that he was needed around. That he wasn’t just there for convenience or however he thought of it.

“I’m...” Well, she didn’t know. Much like he’d recounted, she had slept fitfully all night, if at all, and had found herself both without an appetite and without much of a desire to be left alone. Or face her peers. “... probably as well off as you.” She shrugged again, hiding momentarily behind her Coke. “I guess if we’re going by what’s socially acceptable then I’m ‘okay’. But if we’re being honest, I’m kinda freaked out.” She pursed her lips and looked forward again. It wasn’t as though talking to Ryder about vulnerable stuff was difficult. It was just... a difficult topic. “I think everyone is freaking out though. I mean, Kitty texted me today and we barely talk outside of school as it is.”