maris russell

step inside my mind, reaper's knocking one last time.

[lostinruin]

#LOSTINRUIN                     an  independent,  selective,  low-medium  activity  blog  written  by  momo.

character-driven  and  verse-heavy,  centered  on  themes  of  self-destruction  disguised  as  self-preservation,  survival  instincts,  and  way  too  many  vices  to  keep  track  of.  maris  russell  exist  in  multiple  universes  —  quiet  small  town,  slasher  horror,  post  apocalyptic,  etc—  but  she  remains  the  same  girl  at  her  core:  a  girl  shaped  by  ruin  and  unable  to  escape  from  it.

MARIS R.           RESOURCES.            WISHLIST.           STARTERS.

[lostinruin]

if you would like a starter from maris, give this a like! i need more action for her. if you want a certain verse, lemme know.

[dirtyauthority]

ravi still couldn’t believe how relentless the storm had been. it just kept coming down, no break, no sign of letting up. the kind of weather that usually made people stay inside and forget about going anywhere at all. the thought of maris actually walking through that mess made him shake his head. the fact that she even agreed to this, though… that put a small sense of pride in his chest. maybe he had a better shot than he thought. “not here,” he said, glancing over at her. “i’ll let you out somewhere safe. like with me at my place.” maris seemed like the type who liked calling the shots most of the time. ravi didn’t mind that, not really. but part of him wanted to show her she could let someone else handle things for a change. besides, he was pretty convinced there wasn’t anything in his place he couldn’t offer her. his condo was a perfect reflection of him. unique, a little chaotic in the best way, but still beautiful. great water pressure in the shower, hot food, alcohol, a couple joints if she wanted them, clean clothes. whatever she needed, she could have. ravi glanced over at her again, studying her face for a moment to see if she was about to bolt. she looked serious enough. he shifted the car into reverse and carefully backed out before pulling back onto the street. visibility still sucked, but at least he was getting closer to home.

“see what i’ve been working on?” he said after a moment, a small hint of nervousness creeping into his voice. “it’s a… little unfinished.” he’d been pouring hours into it lately, day and night, and it still didn’t look exactly the way he wanted it to. “i mean,” he added with a half smile, “if you really want to see it, i’m not gonna tell you no.” part of him was curious what she’d think. he glanced over again before adding, a little more casually, “when we get there, you can do whatever you want. you don’t even have to spend time with me if you don’t want to.” though honestly, he hoped she would. hell, he hoped she might even end up in his bed by the end of the night—but that was the kind of thought he kept to himself.

when they finally pulled into his condo garage, ravi parked quickly, clearly relieved he didn’t have to step back out into the storm. “come on,” he said, guiding her inside. the entrance opened into the lower level of his place, a cozy basement space filled with random artwork and mismatched pieces. it was where he usually hung out with friends when people came over. he led her upstairs from there, past his sleek kitchen and toward his bedroom. ravi leaned more toward maximalist style. everything looked thoughtfully placed, but there was definitely a lot of it. he was still damp from the rain and eager to get out of the wet clothes. “here,” he said, opening his closet. “wear whatever you want.” he stepped aside, giving her full range of it. then he moved into the bathroom connected to his room, turning things on so the shower would heat up for maris. “do your thing,” he called back casually. “come find me when you’re done… if you’re feeling friendly enough.”

[lostinruin]

she  followed  behind  him  closely  as  her  eyes  took  in  his  home.  everything  was  so  lively  and  a  little  chaotic,  and  she  couldn’t  have  pictured  another  place  that  was  so  ravi.  usually,  places  that  were  decorated  like  this  were  just  for  aesthetic  purposes.  that  it  didn’t  feel  real  to  the  owner,  but  not  this.  and  that  brought  a  smile  to  her  face.  maris  always  wondered  what  her  place  would  be  like,  the  look,  the  smell,  the  energy  it  would  give  off,  but  she  realized  that  it  would  be  nothing  more  than  a  dream.

"  can’t  believe  you  were  keeping  this  from  me,  "  she  teased  with  a  grin.  she  also  couldn’t  believe  that  it  took  a  storm  for  her  to  get  invited  over,  but  then  it  was  probably  her  own  doing,  as  for  why  she  hasn’t  been.  she  wasn’t  clueless  to  her  faults.  "  so  pretty.  .  "  she  muttered  to  herself  as  she  looked  at  the  art.  each  room  gave  something  new,  yet  still  being  cohesive.

once  in  his  bedroom,  she  paused  to  look  around.  it  wasn’t  as  messy  as  she  thought  it  would  be.  unlike  her,  who  would  have  her  clothes  and  hair  products  everywhere,  she  chuckled  at  herself  at  the  thought.  that’s  exactly  what  her  motel  room  looked  like  now.  she  took  a  step  into  the  closet,  looking  for  something  that  grabbed  her  attention.  she  fought  back  a  smile  at  his  words.  "  i’m  always  friendly.  "  once  maris  was  left  alone,  she  immediately  took  off  her  wet  clothes.  it  was  beginning  to  make  her  itch.  then  she  just  stood  there  for  a  moment,  and  that’s  when  she  found  it.  an  old  band  tee.  she  immediately  grabbed  it  and  took  it  to  the  bathroom  with  her,  where  she  took  a  little  too  long  in  the  shower.  but  it  was  nice  to  have  a  hot  shower  rather  than  a  lukewarm  one.

the  shirt  was  perfect,  falling  to  her  mid-thigh,  which  she  was  grateful  for  as  she  didn’t  have  any  clean  underwear  to  put  on.  stepping  back  into  his  bedroom,  her  attention  was  caught  by  the  view  outside.  the  large  windows  show  the  city  around  them.  it  was  so  beautiful  up  here.  while  the  city  worked  below.  that’s  where  she  truly  belonged.  with  the  people  below  and  not  the  lavish  ones  above.  maris  blinked  to  remove  herself  from  her  train  of  thought  before  trying  to  find  her  friend.  "  ravi,  "  she  called  out,  her  bare  feet  quietly  moving  across  the  cold  floor.  "  i  hope  you  have  a  joint  ready,  "  she  quickly  added  before  coming  to  a  stop  once  she  reached  the  living  room.  she  leaned  against  the  wall  with  a  soft  smile  on  her  lips.  "  i  hope  i  didn’t  take  too  long.  "  her  voice  was  now  much  quieter  as  she  moved  to  sit  beside  him.

[feverhaus-deactivated20260417]

not many couples make it out to live a happily ever after, blaise barely remembered why it all ended or perhaps he chose not to remember it at all. either way, he never saw her in a negative light since. "i know you cared. love doesn't cure all your problems. no need to apologize, i'm not here for apologizes. our chapter is closed and done i've moved on. i'm just here to listen." he looked at her then. "i can't be the cause of why you think that way about yourself. what's the real reason?"

[lostinruin]

while  she  was always  able  to  walk  out  of  people’s  lives  with  ease,  she  was  a  dweller.  always  in  her  thoughts  about  everything,  always  cursing  herself  out.  his  words  brought  her  back  to  reality,  no  matter  how  harsh.  “  i  don’t  know,  “  she  shrugged  her  shoulders  as  she  let  out  a  chuckle.  ”  you  and  about  a  dozen  other  people.  ”  maris  shook  her  head  before  quickly  finishing  her  beer  bottle.  “  it’s  the  beer  that’s  getting  all  bummed  out,  i  need  something  stronger.  "  she  met  his  gaze  again.  “  you’ll  join  me,  right?  "

[dirtyauthority]

ravi started to wonder if maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all. he knew he was pushing it. he was already skating on thin ice, and the last thing he wanted was to come across as too pushy or judgmental — that alone could be enough to push maris away for good. still, a part of him couldn’t stop himself from trying. he knew how stubborn she could be, how quick she was to dig her heels in when someone told her what to do. but the entire block ahead of them had been swallowed by darkness. it didn’t sit right with him. the whole place felt too quiet, too eerie. ravi had always trusted his instincts more than social niceties, and right now his gut was telling him something was off. and if he dropped maris off in that darkness and drove away, the guilt would probably eat at him all night.

“i know—” he started, quickly trying to piece together something convincing. his hand stayed wrapped around the door handle, gripping it a little tighter in case she got any ideas. if he let her step out of the car right now, there was no telling what she’d end up walking into.

“a-a tree probably fell or something,” he continued, glancing toward the dark stretch of street ahead. “it doesn’t look like you can see lights for a mile… and honestly, that doesn’t look like an easy fix. there’s no telling when the power’s coming back.” he wasn’t even sure if any of that would actually change her mind, but it was all he could do — try. “listen,” ravi said, looking over at maris before his eyes drifted back toward the heavy darkness outside the windshield. “if this was just some normal night, then yeah… sure. i’d reluctantly drop you off and let it be.” he shook his head slightly. “but i can’t do that tonight. i really don’t care how far i drove.”

it just didn’t feel safe. that was the bottom line. “i’ll bring you back in the morning when the storm clears,” he offered. “tonight you can just stay at my place. i’m sure i’ve got whatever you need. food, clothes, a hot shower—” his voice trailed off for a second before he added quietly, “electricity.” his hand still hadn’t loosened its grip on the door handle. “i swear,” he said, glancing back at her, “the moment it stops raining, i’ll bring you right back here. i won’t make you stay a second longer.”

[lostinruin]

she  didn’t  like  handouts.  she  also  didn’t  like  feeling  she  was  burdened,  especially  when  she  didn’t  need  to  be.  maris  knew  how  to  take  care  of  herself.  she’s  been  doing  it  since  she  was  seventeen,  and  truth  be  told,  long  before  that  as  well.  being  forced  to  grow  up  too  quickly  does  that  to  a  person.  changes  them  for  better  or  for  worse.  when  she  was  only  a  little  girl,  when  her  father  was  still  in  the  picture,  they  didn’t  have  everything,  but  she  never  knew  pain.  and  looking  back  at  it,  all  she  could  think  of  was  how  spoiled  she  was.  to  whine  about  not  watching  her  favorite  cartoon  or  doing  her  school  work.  there  was  a  part  of  her  that  wondered  if  she  would  go  back  in  time  to  do  something  different,  but  the  answer  was  no.  who  ever  maris  was  back  then,  wasn't  the  same  person  now.

her  gaze  went  back  to  his  hand,  noticing  the  grip  not  loosening  on  the  door  handle.  it  made  her  remove  her  hand  from  his  wrist  as  she  let  out  a  sigh.  ravi  was  right.  she  been  in  this  situation  before,  only  then  it  was  the  dead  of  winter.  no  lights,  no  heat.  she  survived  it  as  she  always  did.  maris  then  looked  back  to  the  darkness  that  surrounded  them,  the  rain  still  beating  on  the  car  with  loud  thuds.

just  take  the  help.  don’t  push  the  one  person  who  has  stayed.

her  eyebrows  furrowed  for  a  brief  moment  before  her  gaze  met  his.  “  i  suppose  you’re  not  letting  me  out  no  matter  what,  huh?  ”  she  tried  to  tease.  maris  threw  her  hands  up  in  submission.  there  are  worse  people  to  have  to  spend  time  with;  instead,  she  has  to  be  stuck  with  someone  that  she  had  missed.  the  corners  of  her  lips  twitched  upward  at  the  thought.  that  she  could  get  the  one  person  she  cared  about  in  this  entire  city  back  in  her  life.  “  you  can  show  me  what  you’ve  been  working  on.  .  ”  she  rests  her  head  against  the  headrest  once  again  as  she  gently  pushes  him.

[feverhaus-deactivated20260417]

"nah, not really." he replied quickly. "i gave you the time of your life maris, you simply took advantage of that, let the negative thoughts consume you. i don't hate you, i gain nothing from it. evidently i can't speak for everyone else, they might think differently. but you can't say i never loved you."

[lostinruin]

a  part  of  her  wanted  to  snap  back  at  him  but  instead  she  bit  the  inside  of  her  cheeks.  "  that's  not  what  i—  "  she  sighed  and  looked  down  at  her  lap.  "  i  didn't  mean  for  us  to  end  the  way  we  did.  .  or  make  you  believe  that  i  never  cared  about  you.  "  love  was  a  tricky  word  for  her,  but  maybe  that's  what  she  felt  whenever  she  was  around  him.  maris  met  his  gaze  once  more.  "  i'm  sorry.  .  "

[ungratcful]

"YEAH? GOOD TO KNOW," DESTINY smiled back, standing firm at the hip bump and chuckling softly as she looked at her friend. "well, come on then. let's go grab some and then we can see where the day takes us afterward," she offered once she checked how much she had on her, and it would probably be enough to cover them both.

[lostinruin]

she picked up her pace as her fingers wrapped around destiny's arm to pull her along. " this place has the freshest oysters out of every state i been too. " it wouldn't be too far of a walk and it was too beautiful of a day to miss it. " i'm hoping the day will end up with us at a party. . . no, a boat party. "

[bnmxfld]

You never get over it. But you get to where it doesn’t bother you so much.

Jeffrey Eugenides 

[lostinruin]

continuing   from                ….  @feverhaus

she  looked  up  at  him  as  her  thumb  traced  the  opening  of  her  beer  bottle.  “  you  haven't  thought  it?  ”  maris  brought  the  bottle  to  her  lips,  taking  a  sip.  “  that  i  am  nothing  more  than  a  pain  in  the  ass.  .  .  after  how  i  treated  you.  ”

[lostinruin]

continuing    from                    ….   @vinylghosts

she  let  out  a  puff  of  air  through  her  nostrils  as  if  to  laugh.  “  no  one  has  to  tell  me.  .  .  i  see  it.  i  see  it  in  people's  faces  right  before  they  never  talk  to  me  again.  ”  maris  locked  eyes  with  andie  for  a  brief  moment  before  looking  back  down  at  her  lap.  there  was  a  quieter  part  she  wouldn't  say  out  loud—that  she  seen  it  in  her  own  face  before  she  skipped  town  without  uttering  a  word. 

[lostinruin]

kinda want to make a multimuse sideblog . . . kinda wanna make some gifs

[elegancemultimuse]

"He said that he would protect me in exchange for being his end of the world wife." Evangeline explained, as the man had just been being a creep in general. She had grown tired of trying to be nice to him. "I am sorry, but my survival isn't depending on someone whose priorities are clearly not in order. Which his are not."

[lostinruin]

she  scrunched  up  her  face  in  disgust.  yet,  she  shouldn't  be  surprised  that  there  are  still  people  exploiting  the  end  of  the  world  for  their  benefit.  maris  had  seen  the  cruelty  that  was  in  the  world  first  hand.  "  he  should  be  worried  about  the  us  running  out  of  food  and  not  whatever  his  mind  is  at.  "

she  shook  her  head  as  she  sat  down  beside  evangeline.  "  i'm  sorry.  .  i  didn't  know  dude  was  a  douchebag.  "

[dirtyauthority]

“yeah, i believe that,” ravi nodded slightly, keeping his eyes on the road. “whenever people hear bad weather’s coming they all rush out beforehand so they don’t feel trapped inside or whatever.” he let out a small breath of amusement. “the worst part is it brings out all the people who probably should’ve just stayed home.” he could imagine what working a bar on nights like that must be like. drunk idiots, loud arguments, some manager hovering around acting like they knew everything. that alone sounded like enough to stress anyone out. “but yeah,” he added after a second, “it’s really no problem. no one should be out in this kind of weather anyway.” he kept his attention on the road, choosing his words a little more carefully than usual. when the silence crept back in, ravi let it stay there for a while. he wasn’t about to push her into a conversation she didn’t want to have. so when maris finally spoke and went straight to the problem, it caught him off guard. his fingers tightened slightly around the steering wheel.

oh god.

the thought hit him instantly. if he said the wrong thing now, there was a good chance she’d never bother speaking to him again. he took a slow breath, trying to steady himself, unsure how to respond without making things worse. “i know,” ravi sighed, nodding slowly. part agreement, part embarrassment.

“you’re right.”

the honesty came out blunt, but he didn’t try to soften it. “i should’ve been straight up about our plans. you shouldn’t have to wonder if i’m going to show up or not.” he hated the impression he’d left behind. but that part was on him, and he knew it. which was why he was starting to realize he needed to do better. “being wishy-washy isn’t cool,” he admitted. “i wont ever waste your time like that again, i promise.” the truth was, ravi hadn’t slept properly in days. maybe weeks. whenever he started working on a new project it swallowed everything around it. writing, planning, chasing ideas. somewhere in the middle of it he was usually smoking, drinking, doing whatever helped keep the creativity moving.

“i’ve been working like crazy trying to finish this project,” he explained. “my sleep schedule’s kind of a mess right now. i didn’t mean for any of that to happen. i swear.” he rubbed his face with one hand, discomfort settling in as the car slowly rolled into the motel lot. “i’m sorry, maris,” he said again. he wasn’t sure if she’d accept it, but the apology was there now, out in the open for her to take or leave. the car rocked slightly as it rolled across the gravel parking lot. ravi really didn't like this motel. the place looked eerie -- seriously eerie, even to someone who spent most of his time writing horror films. maris couldn’t actually be staying here… right? the neon sign reading grand motel glowed faintly through the fog and rain. this was it. this is where she said she was staying.

as they pulled closer, ravi noticed the lights around the building flickering. his brows furrowed slightly only intensifying his suspicion of this place. then they cut out completely. there was nothing. only them and the blackness that surrounded the car. the darkness swallowed the lot almost instantly. for a moment the only light came from ravi’s headlights cutting through the fog and rain. visibility was terrible. it looked like the entire block had lost power. this whole drive ravi felt strange about dropping her off at some sketchy motel, but he knew pressing her about it would only push her away. maris had that stubborn, defiant edge to her. still, something about the place didn’t sit right. “maris—” his arm shot out in front of her, hand catching the passenger door handle before she could open it. “i—” he shook his head slightly, looking at her. “i can’t let you go in there, maris."

[lostinruin]

of  course,  she  was  right.  she  is  always  right.  at  least  that  was  what  maris  thought  as  she  took  in  the  words  that  left  his  lips.  her  gaze  didn't  leave  his  face  for  a  second.  then  she  heard  it.  the  words  'i  promise'.  words  that  have  seemingly  been  broken  by  everyone  in  her  life.  her  father,  when  he  promised  to  always  love  her,  and  yet  still  disappeared  into  the  wind.  her  mother,  when  she  promised  to  get  better.  it  was  words  she  left  people  with  as  nothing  more  than  a  memory  because  they  couldn't  keep  up  with  their  promise.  she  shook  her  head  as  she  held  her  hand  up  as  if  to  stop  him.  “  don't  say  that.  .  .  ”  she  mumbled  to  herself.

the  mention  of  his  project  piqued  her  interest,  causing  her  eyes  to  light  up  a  bit.  she  was  always  interested  in  art,  often  finding  herself  in  theaters  or  museums  because  of  it.  his  work  was  what  drew  her  to  him  in  the  first  place.  well  it  was  his  looks  and  his  ability  to  hold  a  conversation  that  didn't  devolve  to  trying  to  get  in  her  pants,  but  his  mind,  it  was  beautiful  up  there.  she  let  out  a  deep  breath  as  she  looked  ahead.  "  don't  apologize,  just  don't  do  it  again.  "

maris  didn't  look  at  him  at  first  as  they  pulled  into  the  parking  spot  in  front  of  her  room.  she  wasn't  ashamed  of  where  she  lived;  it  was  the  reason  why  it  was  so  easy  to  pick  up  everything  and  leave,  but  there  was  a  part  of  her  that  she  had  more  to  offer  him.  something  that  was  hers.

the  engine  hummed  low  as  the  rain  battered  against  the  windshield  hard  enough  to  blur  into  the  streaks  of  silver  the  moonlight  produced.  then  the  lights  cut  out,  and  darkness  swallowed  the  whole  motel,  and  still  the  same  expression  stayed  on  her  face.  neutrality,  as  if  this  were  a  normal  occurrence.  and  it  has  been.  a  little  over  a  year  she's  been  at  this  motel,  all  the  ups  and  downs.  the  storms,  the  leaks,  fights.  it  was  her  little,  crazy,  cheap  home.

her  hand  instinctively  went  to  the  door  handle,  only  to  see  that  ravi's  hand  had  beat  her  to  it.  snapping  her  head  to  look  at  him,  her  eyebrow  raised.  "  you  can't  let  me?  "  she  repeated  quietly,  almost  as  if  to  give  another  chance  to  reword  his  sentence.  maris'  hand  curled  around  his  wrist  as  a  flicker  of  lightning  illuminated  the  motel  before  it  plunged  back  into  darkness.  "  all  my  belongings  are  in  there,  and  you  drove  all  this  way.  "

a  polite  smile  found  a  way  to  her  lips  as  her  eye  made  their  way  to  his.  "  i'm  not  afraid  of  a  little  darkness,  ravi.  i  will  be  fine.  "

[lostinruin]

everything should be updated now so now i try to write !

[lerabova]

   —   ⁺  𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ,  1999  [ #320 GIFS ]  INTO THE DEEP ( 2022 )  /  jessica alexander is white, please cast accordingly and use appropriately. all of the gifs have been created from scratch by me. to access the gifs please click the source link. do not edit, claim as your own or add into your own hunts! time and effort were spent into making these gifs, a like or a reblog would be much appreciated!

[ ! ] commission work: to view commission info, click here

[ ! ] content warning: alcohol, kissing, wounds

[lerabova]

—   ⁺  𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ,  1999  [ #500 GIFS ]  FALLEN ( 2024 )  /  jessica alexander is white, please cast accordingly and use appropriately. all of the gifs have been created from scratch by me. to access the gifs please click the source link. do not edit, claim as your own or add into your own hunts! time and effort were spent into making these gifs, a like or a reblog would be much appreciated!

[ ! ] content warning: blood, flashing

[lostinruin]

maris reyes might just have to go through a race / ethnicity change.