Deep From Within~ @lostwithinmysoul - Tumblr Blog

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shiki21

狐金魚－コキンギョ－

elaynaa

Some days I’m Van Gogh’s “Starry night.” Other nights, I’m just his suicide note.

lostwithinmysoul

Monster

I sit and think of how we use to be

The laughter, the smiles

What happened to us?

What happened to you?

Have we become corrupt?

I can feel myself fading, becoming lost

Unaware of who I am

Unaware of who I use to be

Never enough, I never am, never will be

Merely a ghost, a shadow risen when needed

If emotional wounds could show through my skin

I’d have scars that ran for miles like a twisting path on a road map

Is this love?

Possession, obsession, owned like a prize

Stuck like I can’t breathe, who did I use to be?

Suffocating behind my own words

My throat swollen from the words I can not say

The used, I am apart of them

Abused, I am one of them

Living in the past , ignoring the present

I am tortured and beaten like an old toy

The mirror doesn’t even recognize my face anymore

Drained and constantly fighting

I just want myself at peace

Wrapped in your chains, trapped

Will I ever be free?

In constant fear of what you will do,

If I were to try and ever leave you,

Crying for help to deaf ears,

Numb to it all, desensitized to the venom

I adapted to the conditions you’ve left me in

I’m the monster, but don’t you see?

I only am what you created me to be

bmthlyrics

Bring me the horizon // Drone Bomb Me

Monster

I sit and think of how we use to be

The laughter, the smiles

What happened to us?

What happened to you?

Have we become corrupt?

I can feel myself fading, becoming lost

Unaware of who I am

Unaware of who I use to be

Never enough, I never am, never will be

Merely a ghost, a shadow risen when needed

If emotional wounds could show through my skin

I’d have scars that ran for miles like a twisting path on a road map

Is this love?

Possession, obsession, owned like a prize

Stuck like I can’t breathe, who did I use to be?

Suffocating behind my own words

My throat swollen from the words I can not say

The used, I am apart of them

Abused, I am one of them

Living in the past , ignoring the present

I am tortured and beaten like an old toy

The mirror doesn’t even recognize my face anymore

Drained and constantly fighting

I just want myself at peace

Wrapped in your chains, trapped

Will I ever be free?

In constant fear of what you will do,

If I were to try and ever leave you,

Crying for help to deaf ears,

Numb to it all, desensitized to the venom

I adapted to the conditions you’ve left me in

I’m the monster, but don’t you see?

I only am what you created me to be

lyrics-and-music

Unsainted // Slipknot

elaynaa

Some days I’m Van Gogh’s “Starry night.” Other nights, I’m just his suicide note.

lyrics-and-music

NIGHTMARE // HALSEY

3 A.M. Thoughts:I’m sorry

I guess I'll begin where I only can and start by saying, I'm sorry. I know I make a lot of mistakes and some, if not all, are most likely unforgiveable. I don't know what I've done to deserve a light like you. It doesn't matter how unforgiveable the actions I've taken are because you still hold your arms open waiting for me to jump into them. I'm sorry. I wish I could be better for you. You deserve the world, if possible, much more than that. It's hard for me to believe that anyone really could fall in love with me. All my life I've felt like I was stuck at the bottom of the food chain. Chewed up and spit out by everyone I've ever came into contact with. I'm sorry. I've lost myself. If only I could take you back to when I knew who I was. I would've been ready for you then. I'm sorry I found you when I'm a mess. There's something wrong with my head and I wish you could've found the girl I use to be, when things made sense and everything was simpler. When the rain would kiss my skin and make me feel alive. When life was all rainbows and butterflies. Back when I was innocent before the pain consumed me and shifted me into the person I am. I'm sorry. I know I keep saying it and I will forever keep saying it because I know I've done wrong. I don't know what over comes me. Why can't I stop myself in the moment? I know what I want. It screams at me, but I fight and fight. I guess apart of me wishes I could let you go, so you could find someone that will give you the purest love that you deserve. I can't let go. I keep coming back. I'm like a rubber band. I stretch away from you so far and when I get too uncomfortable, I always come back to you. I can't rely on you to fix me but you swear you will do everything in your power to fix me. What if I can't be fixed? I'm sorry. I'm so broken. Broken enough that the fragments of who I am, or use to be, can't fit back together. Pieces will always be missing. I want to be better for you. I'm sorry. I don't realize how difficult I can be. I'm complicated and I hardly make sense but you're the only thing that makes sense to me. I'm sorry I'm so blind to everything else. I'm sorry I run away when things are good, it's something I never understood. No one ever really understands the constant battle inside of myself that fights to be a better me. The demons just seem to out weigh everything. They've pushed their little fingers into the core of my brain and have made their beds. They've made their home within my mind and I don't know if I'll ever get them out. Even if I do, will the damage always be there? I'm sorry. I hope you understand how much I love you. I promise one day I'll get better. Until then, I'm sorry.

probablyquestionablerpgideas

Why practice self care, when you can practice elf care. Take care of your party’s elf. Did you make sure your elf drank plenty of water today? Are they at max hit points? Have they been taking their full long rests? Is it safe for them climb that tree??? Why are they carrying that many weapons?!! When did they get so close to the boss!!! Where did they get that ominously glowing necklace from?!?!?!? HOW DID THEY—

melisica

some people are like clouds, you know

because life’s so much brighter when they go

3 A.M. Thoughts: Open Book

"Why hello there, who are you? I've never seen you around here before." Those were the first words I ever said to you. Looking at you then, I thought this would be so much easier. I don't understand why you can't make this easier for me. I could give you everything you've ever wanted, if you would just let me in. I thought my biggest success was being able to read people like an open book, but you? You're closed. One minute I think I've finally caught on and then you change. Giving me whip lash like a tornado tearing the houses from the ground; the winds swirling around me, so fast I feel like I can't breathe. Why can't you make this easy for me? It's like trying to solve a Rubik's cube. I thought the copious amount of attention I've given would be enough, but you keep draining me. A leech latched into my inner core. Except, I can't detach you. I can't burn you off. Your roots wrapped around my throat and even though it burns, I want to know more. I'm drowning myself in the idea of holding you in your most vulnerable state. Bare. Naked. If only I could get you alone. Make you tell me. No, no. I need to behave. Take my time with you and savor the taste coming off of you as it dances on my tongue. Patience. I can feel the killer inside of me begging to release. I've learned you are delicate. A creature that must be processed and examined carefully. You're different and maybe that's why I can't read you. What are you intentions? Stop dragging me along before I sn-, No. No. We're not going there again. I am good. I am pure. I can hear Satan himself laughing in my ear. He's yelling at me for being so foolish thinking I could be good. Shake it off. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to love you, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel fading. My patience is wearing thin. No. Fight. Who are you? Truly. Not this fake plastic piece of shit. You keep drawing me in, telling me I'm close to finishing this puzzle, but I can only tell I've barely cracked the surface of who you really are. You're worth it. I keep telling myself this. The voices came back. I'm doing my best to fight them off for you. I beg, please make this easy for me. Satan is chanting inside my head. Driving out my deepest desires. Telling me the way the fire will feel if I just let it consume me. The way-fuck it. Your service was beautiful. I even helped pick your coffin out, and set the flowers. Helped dear mom arrange the chairs and even help make finishing touches on your appearance. I've learned more about you being dead, than you were alive. I'm sorry it had to be this way. At least now, I know I can love you in death. I can't hurt you anymore. If only you were an open book.