Lotus Pier

Official Tumblr account of the Jiang sect. Attempt the impossible... unless it has nothing to do with us, then just let all the innocent people die.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Jiang Wanyin's Money Making Tips!

Strapped for cash?

Have no fear! If you have an elder sister, why not take a page from our brilliant Clan leader Jiang Wanyin and pawn them off to the nearest clan that will take her? You can make her marry someone who was an absolute asshole to her.

If your stupid subordinate is too attached to her and worries about his beloved shijie, just tell him it's her decision and pretend you haven't been orchestrating the whole thing... happily pushing them together since you realised you might have a money maker on your hands after all 🤑🫰🏻

[homophobic-jiang-cheng]

Jiang Cheng accurately predicted that protecting the Wen Remnants would lead to Wei Wuxian’s downfall.

[the-worst-jiujiu]

If “accurately predicted” you mean he literally said exactly what he’d seen at Golden Carp Tower and then helped that “prediction” along by not only declaring WWX the enemy of the cultivation world, but also actively ignoring his own life debt to the innocent Wens remnants… Then yeah, he did a bang up job!

I wonder if he can predict the lottery numbers as well… Lmao.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Roll up! Roll up!

Taking bookings now! Get your fortune told!

[lotus-pier-updates]

Recruitment announcement:

The Jiang sect are currently recruiting for a new head disciple!

Must listen to whatever our mighty sect leader says

Must be willing to die for our sect leader

Must be willing to be physically and mentally abused

Must let innocent people die if asked to abandon them

Must keep unrealistic promises made as teenagers

Must be willing to be used as a weapon and cast aside if deemed too troublesome

Must not abandon your position because you have a crush

Pay: You will be promptly paid with insults, strangulation and sneers.

You can expect to be vastly underappreciated as an added bonus!

Please note:

Cut sleeves need to apply

Cynophobics need not apply

Those who are part of the 'Lan Zhan Fanclub' ™️ need not apply either

[lotus-pier-updates]

Attention!!!! ⚠️

Due to a huge cockup error on our behalf, we have accidentally encouraged cut-sleeves to apply for said position! 🤢

Please note, we will not accept any cut-sleeves for this position.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Recruitment announcement:

The Jiang sect are currently recruiting for a new head disciple!

Must listen to whatever our mighty sect leader says

Must be willing to die for our sect leader

Must be willing to be physically and mentally abused

Must let innocent people die if asked to abandon them

Must keep unrealistic promises made as teenagers

Must be willing to be used as a weapon and cast aside if deemed too troublesome

Must not abandon your position because you have a crush

Pay: You will be promptly paid with insults, strangulation and sneers.

You can expect to be vastly underappreciated as an added bonus!

Please note:

Cut sleeves need to apply

Cynophobics need not apply

Those who are part of the 'Lan Zhan Fanclub' ™️ need not apply either

[jiangchengisapurpleraccoon]

🤨🤨 why do you need cut sleeves sect leader 📸

[lotus-pier-updates]

Fuck that's meant to say need not lmao!

[lotus-pier-updates]

Recruitment announcement:

The Jiang sect are currently recruiting for a new head disciple!

Must listen to whatever our mighty sect leader says

Must be willing to die for our sect leader

Must be willing to be physically and mentally abused

Must let innocent people die if asked to abandon them

Must keep unrealistic promises made as teenagers

Must be willing to be used as a weapon and cast aside if deemed too troublesome

Must not abandon your position because you have a crush

Pay: You will be promptly paid with insults, strangulation and sneers.

You can expect to be vastly underappreciated as an added bonus!

Please note:

Cut sleeves need to apply

Cynophobics need not apply

Those who are part of the 'Lan Zhan Fanclub' ™️ need not apply either

[lotus-pier-updates]

Had a bit of a rebrand since we have a new clan leader in power.

Attempt the impossible... unless it has nothing to do with us, then just let all the innocent people die.

I think it's got quite the ring to it!

[lotus-pier-updates]

The science behind the perfect slap...

With Jiang Cheng, professional abuser.

Landing the perfect slap is an art form, it takes time and practice to really smack some sense into a damn brat who should know better.

First, your position. Make sure you have both feet firmly planted on the ground for extra stability. You don't want to fall over as you're initiating contact, otherwise you're going to look like an ass.

Next step is the stance. Extend your preferred hand as far back, ensuring your palm is taut and your fingers are pressed together firmly - wouldn't want to break a finger from teaching the kid a lesson!

And finally, the swing! When your nephews head or face is in sight, that's when you release the tension in your arm and push forward with everything you've got. You want to really put your weight behind it. Invision that brat flying right back up your sister's hoo-ha.

If you want to add a bit of flare, swish those purple robes around and finish it off with a full body spin in the air if you're feeling like you want to add some pizzazz to that whack! I tend to go for a more understated approach, but the choice is yours.

The most important aspect of this is to ensure they never disrespect you again. And if they do, just hit them harder until they learn. Simple!

[the-worst-jiujiu]

Jin Ling was angry at not having captured the soul-eating Heavenly Maiden as well, and he yelled back, “Weren’t you the one who said I had to capture it at any cost?! That I couldn’t go back to you until I caught it?!”

Jiang Cheng really wanted to slap this stinking brat back to his mother’s womb. But he had indeed said those things, and he couldn’t possibly eat his own words. He could only turn to the cultivators who had collapsed all over the ground and demand of them mockingly:

“So what was it, exactly, that has pulverized you all into such an honorable state?”

7S volume 1

I slap my nephew around... But, like a true abuser, I try to stop myself from doing so in public... So I just verbally abuse my disciples to ease my frustration a little.

Don't worry, I'll slap him around later.

[lotus-pier-updates]

See! Slap him! It's the only way to get through that thick head.

Trust me... I learnt from the best.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Bestest Jiujiu's Child Rearing Tips...

...for the incompetent asshole bachelor raising the brat orphaned child of your meal ticket beloved sister.

Does your nephew point out that you're stupidly scolding him for doing EXACTLY what you told him to do? Slap him. If you are in public and trying to keep up pretences, visualise violently slapping him instead - trust me, you'll feel better.

Does your nephew try to help you when you're physically/spiritually hurt and in need of assistance before you're torn to shreds by fierce corpses? Slap him. Slap that motherless fucker to the ground. But only after he's spent all his energy and is completely exhausted.

Does your nephew try to defend you from receiving a much needed ass whopping for being a selfish, self-centred prick? SLAP HIM!!!

Slap that kid for the most insignificant of reasons and make him feel so worthless he will risk his own life to show you that he deserves the respect and love you don't ever show him.

For more amazing tips on how to not look after a kid, find my book on Amazon and in the discount section of all crappy bookstores NOW!💲💲💲

[lotus-pier-updates]

The first rule of the Jiang sect is there are no rules at the Jiang sect!

Woohoo!

[lotus-pier-updates]

A message from our legal team.

Fine print: Please note this is in direct reference to written rules. There are in fact many unsaid rules of the sect including and not limited to the following; we expect you to die for the sect leader (and or any offspring of said sect leader), you are forever indebted to the sect (even in death or should you come back to life), you will be thankful for what you are given (even if it's a beating), you will be given a false sense of status within the sect (which we reserve the right to revoke at any given time should you piss us off or not be a good little subordinate).

[lotus-pier-updates]

Attempt the impossible... unless it's too early in the morning, then just sleep in.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Our incredible sect leader would like to straighten something out...

He has been sickened by the accusations that he is a cut-sleeve! With the likes of the idiot Head Shaker and the annoyingly cheerful First Jade of Lan, no less! Not to mention all the other ridiculous pairings that make no sense.

As such, he would like to point out he is a hot tempered blooded man who only has eyes for nothing but the most beautiful, quiet and obedient dogs maidens. He certainly doesn't have feelings for an incompetent, whining brat like Nie Huaisang or the intolerably righteous, smiling idiot Lan Xichen!

Nothing makes sect leader Jiang want to vomit the entire contents of his stomach up in one violent heave more than witnessing two men being affectionate towards each other. In fact, it angers him so much, he would attack them both verbally and physically without question. Do they have no shame!?

Sect leader Jiang will not tolerate such unfound, utterly vile lies and will seek anyone out who dares call him a cut-sleeve, dragging them back to Lotus Pier so he can torture the truth out of them and possibly even kill them, should the mood take him.

Have a pleasant day!

[lotus-pier-updates]

Please, there's been an infestation of fierce corpses near our downtrodden village, we pay our taxes regularly, but have yet to receive help, locals have started to pray at Guanyin temple instead, could we please meet Sect Leader Jiang? We come bearing gifts-...

As I'm sure you can imagine, our most impressive sect leader is a very busy man. Capturing and inflicting severe torture on all those that walk the evil single plank bridge, to ensure the dastardly Yiling Laozu has not risen from the dead and taken over the poor person's body, of course.

Unfortunately Sect Leader Jiang is in a particular foul mood today, having caught the wrong person yet again. I would advise that you do not irritate him in any way. He is currently whipping the very flesh off a 'demonic' cultivator, to ease the sting of yet another failed attempt to capture his old subordinate and make him pay for his 'crimes'. Because apparently persecuting a innocent man once simply isn't enough. Our leader is such a selfless, caring man!

Though...I must say, it is rather irregular to have an infestation of fierce corpses, one or two, perhaps, but a horde of them? Maybe our sect leader would be interested after all... Surely such a thing could only be the work of the villainous Wei Wuxian!

I shall tell Sect Leader Jiang immediately! Please leave the gifts at the gates. I thank you for cheering up our beloved sect leader 🙏🏻

[lotus-pier-updates]

The interdimension matchmaking anon is here.

But aside from modern ladies who love Jiang Zongzhu "unconditionally", I am afraid the only solution is to wait for 10,000 years. By then even WangXian have already ascended 8 times already.

Trust me, the applicants from the other side will come in a surge.

Oh I see, you are a representative of a courting business called the 'Interdimension' matchmaking services. My apologies, I thought you were simply a madwoman!

In that case please refer to our sect leader's long list of requirements for further information. In particular, I think it is necessary to highlight two important points on his extensive list:

The maiden must have moderate cultivation skills - but nothing too high. He would like someone who can cultivate and not embarrass him, but at the same time someone who will not show him up as lacking in skill in this area either.

Good breeding. Our sect leader will not lower himself to date someone he deems beneath him - this includes anyone who is a servant, works for a living in any capacity or is related to a servant in any way. He requires someone from a high status, just like himself.

Though perhaps our beloved sect leader will just have to wait and hope a desperate smaller sect wants to build alliances with such a great sect as ours. I wonder if sect leader Yao has a daughter...🤔

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Ah ah ah, you are forgetting though, even if Yao-zongzhu has a daughter, she better be pretty enough he can't insult her looks too much.

[lotus-pier-updates]

I fear you might be right... I have found Maiden Yao's courtship details and portrait amongst the 'Tinder' scrolls I placed on our most impressive sect leader's desk.

She's a stunner! How could Jiang Wanyin not fall for this maiden?! Surely he could find no fault with such a natural beauty like Maiden Yao!

I shall leave this on his desk, top of the pile so he may gaze upon her sweet, delicate features.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

A perfect Jiang Furen... He is sure to be overwhelmed with emotional joy and have the scowl to prove it. Praise be to our local wonderful Jiang Wanyin Zongzhu, who is filled with loads of humility and kindness.

[lotus-pier-updates]

Indeed! I may even get a head start on the wedding invitations, in preparation for the inevitable union of two such beautiful souls. Who is more deserving of such luck in love than our esteemed sect leader?! No one!

What a jubilant day! I'm sure Sect Leader Jiang will fly out of his study any moment now, full of the joys of spring intent on marrying Maiden Yao on the spot.

[lotus-pier-updates]

So I heard a rumor that your sect leader killed a young man who he thought was a demonic cultivator but was actually just a man who liked to wear black and play the flute, any comments?

Didn't your mother teach you not to listen to rumours and to look with your own eyes and evidence instead? Not a problem, neither did Sect Leader Jiang's!

Our beloved Jiang Wanyin would like to categorically deny these accusations! It matters not what they are wearing, only that these dastardly people use the 'demonic' path and may have had their bodies seized by Wei Wuxian. He is just 'cleaning up the streets' and getting rid of 'evil' - not attacking, abducting and torturing people who remotely resemble the Yiling Laozu, as the rumours suggest.

He's definitely not just inflicting pain on people who actually use the rather harmless ghostly path to help villagers when sects won't lift a finger with such trivial matters, as some would have you believe either!

If Sect Leader Jiang did indeed torture a man who may have shared a resemblance to Wei Wuxian, he would rather catch the wrong person than let go of any possibility it was not his old subordinate, kidnapping anyone who might hold the soul of the long since dead Yiling Laozu.

[lotus-pier-updates]

The interdimension matchmaking anon is here.

But aside from modern ladies who love Jiang Zongzhu "unconditionally", I am afraid the only solution is to wait for 10,000 years. By then even WangXian have already ascended 8 times already.

Trust me, the applicants from the other side will come in a surge.

Oh I see, you are a representative of a courting business called the 'Interdimension' matchmaking services. My apologies, I thought you were simply a madwoman!

In that case please refer to our sect leader's long list of requirements for further information. In particular, I think it is necessary to highlight two important points on his extensive list:

The maiden must have moderate cultivation skills - but nothing too high. He would like someone who can cultivate and not embarrass him, but at the same time someone who will not show him up as lacking in skill in this area either.

Good breeding. Our sect leader will not lower himself to date someone he deems beneath him - this includes anyone who is a servant, works for a living in any capacity or is related to a servant in any way. He requires someone from a high status, just like himself.

Though perhaps our beloved sect leader will just have to wait and hope a desperate smaller sect wants to build alliances with such a great sect as ours. I wonder if sect leader Yao has a daughter...🤔

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Ah ah ah, you are forgetting though, even if Yao-zongzhu has a daughter, she better be pretty enough he can't insult her looks too much.

[lotus-pier-updates]

I fear you might be right... I have found Maiden Yao's courtship details and portrait amongst the 'Tinder' scrolls I placed on our most impressive sect leader's desk.

She's a stunner! How could Jiang Wanyin not fall for this maiden?! Surely he could find no fault with such a natural beauty like Maiden Yao!

I shall leave this on his desk, top of the pile so he may gaze upon her sweet, delicate features.

[lotus-pier-updates]

The interdimension matchmaking anon is here.

But aside from modern ladies who love Jiang Zongzhu "unconditionally", I am afraid the only solution is to wait for 10,000 years. By then even WangXian have already ascended 8 times already.

Trust me, the applicants from the other side will come in a surge.

Oh I see, you are a representative of a courting business called the 'Interdimension' matchmaking services. My apologies, I thought you were simply a madwoman!

In that case please refer to our sect leader's long list of requirements for further information. In particular, I think it is necessary to highlight two important points on his extensive list:

The maiden must have moderate cultivation skills - but nothing too high. He would like someone who can cultivate and not embarrass him, but at the same time someone who will not show him up as lacking in skill in this area either.

Good breeding. Our sect leader will not lower himself to date someone he deems beneath him - this includes anyone who is a servant, works for a living in any capacity or is related to a servant in any way. He requires someone from a high status, just like himself.

Though perhaps our beloved sect leader will just have to wait and hope a desperate smaller sect wants to build alliances with such a great sect as ours. I wonder if sect leader Yao has a daughter...🤔