🪻 @lotus-roses - Tumblr Blog

I've been thinking about Shane's 'dieting' (which I do think is disordered in the long game) and when it started.

Firstly, it's on my mind because I've seen some comments that imply it was an issue in Heated Rivalry too, using the 'macrobiotic' diet comment to Hayden and that his mother order salmon and brown rice for him at the restaurant as proof that his eating was just as disordered then.

I feel like I need to point out that him being on a macrobiotic diet doesn't automatically mean he has disordered eating. He, and likely his nutritionist, chose a meal plan that he felt would supply his body with the right kind of fuel it needs to perform at a top level (whether or not a macrobiotic diet is actually going to give him a boost, who knows).

It's something that is only slightly more involved than just solely counting macros, which nearly every athlete, body builder, and exercise enthusiast does. Whether that too is disordered is another matter entirely, so for sake of this post I'm saying it isn't.

And I don't even think his comment to Hayden was because he was refusing the offer of steak dinner, I think it was just his neurodivergence needing to inform Hayden that steak isn't on the macrobiotic diet he follows. He's stating facts, not saying 'I refuse to eat your steak!' that Hayden immediately follows up with 'we can change the meal', just makes it easier for Shane to agree without detouring off his meal plan.

And Yuna ordering food for Shane can hardly be considered a him problem. He literally didn't order it, and Yuna is of course going to order something that is as healthy as possible for her athlete son on a multi-million dollar contract that she manages.

So, I don't think his disordered eating started in Heated Rivalry. I do think his hyperfocus on food in The Long Game is because of the stressors around him: hiding his relationship, that his team reacted poorly to his coming out as gay (and the implications around what that means if they find out about Ilya), and that he's now also running a charity hockey camp in his 'off time' over the summer.

Add on It's also his first long-term relationship and it's a long distance one on top of that. It's not surprising that the man who likes routine is focusing on something fully within his control.

#heated rivalry

can I be honest? people are doing too much

There are whole ass think pieces on twt and tiktok about the cast of Off Campus choosing Ilya over Shane for winning in a 'sudden death shootout', so I guess here's mine:

People are claiming it's racist, or that they're stereotyping because Shane's the bottom, going so far as to imply it's actually misogynistic because they're labeling Shane as 'feminine' and therefore they think a 'woman' couldn't beat Ilya.

Like, really? I understand people being protective of Shane/Hudson, there are a shit ton of actually rancid people being racist about/to him, but do you really think these actors are doing anything other than just choosing the louder/flashier character in a quick, off the cuff, choice doesn't matter press interview?

At this point, I think they're probably really fucking tired of hearing about Heated Rivalry, I don't care about or follow Off Campus but even I am tired of hearing the cast answer questions revolving around HR. I really don't think they're putting any real thought into the choice.

Yes, Shane is the better player, canonically. Do I think these people know that? No. They don't even know what position Shane and Ilya play.

Does Shane being the better player overall mean Ilya couldn't beat him in a one-off sudden death shootout? No, Ilya could. It's a toss up, they're both generational talents, there's always a chance for Ilya to win a shootout. Especially since sudden death is against a goalie, not each other.

Also people seemed to not have even watched the original video cause most of the tweets/posts/videos think it's about who's the better player, it's not. It's who would clinch in a sudden death shootout, it's different.

There's Shane defenders that seem to think the 'shot accuracy' at the All-star game skills competition is the same thing as a sudden death shootout, its not. So him breaking the record canonically, doesn't factor in Ilya possibly winning a sudden death shootout. Don't get me started on them believing that if you think Ilya could win a sudden death shootout that must mean you hate Shane and think he's the worst.

Then the Ilya defenders, who use the OC cast choosing Ilya as a reason to shit on Shane (and Hudson), is your brain broken? Do you really think the OC cast choosing Ilya means anything? It doesn't. Posting vile shit acting like it's some kind of victory, holy fuck dude, go touch grass, unplug your wifi.

Also the clutching onto what's 'canon' like it's a life-line. Using what's been said by the actors or author like it's PROOF. When those same people also disregard (or downplay canon), or author's opinion, when it suits them, like Shane's disordered eating or Ilya's depression. Either it matters or it doesn't.

At the end of the day It's all fictional. Nothing is real, everything is opinion.

This press piece doesn't require this much toxicity. There's no reason to shit talk the cast of OC, or Ilya (or Connor), or Shane (or Hudson), or even Rachael Reid, because yes I've seen people doing that as well.

#heated rivalry

Sometimes when I see a screenshot I end up staring at it for far too long, getting into the headspace of the character. Considering what thoughts were running through their mind at that exact moment, and expanding on it. It happens so frequently with Heated Rivalry, probably due to the sheer amount of screenshots that are shared. Especially when the shots have been brightened, filtered, or rotated, bringing a new perspective to a familiar scene.

I look at this one and see the relief of their individual feelings of painfully immense love being returned, but also an encompassing fear of what it means to be in love with one another.

For Shane: it's relief at naming it, at confirming it's no longer casual (it arguably never was), and being able to move forward together towards a goal, but the fear that for him to openly love Ilya means facing the judgment of others. It means telling others information about himself that he's spent a decade of his life hiding and being terrified would be found out. It's exposing this personal special sensitive secret love to the world and knowing it will face the harshness of public opinion. It's the weight of knowing that if he's seen as anything other than perfectly palatable for his team, the league, the public, the brands; he'll be bashed, berated, and dropped.

For Ilya: it's relief that he isn't alone in this emotion that's been nearly suffocating him for so long, but fear that he's undeserving of this kind of immeasurable love. That he's unworthy of being loved by this man that he thinks exemplifies perfection in everyway. Whilst also feeling the kind of paralyzing fear that occurs when you've never been able to experience something good without something bad happening that equals or surpasses the amount of good you experienced, and for Ilya this is the best thing he's ever experienced and it's the terrifying thought of what it means for the other shoe to drop.

Ultimately, I think their fear is two sides of the same coin. Shane's fears lie outside of their two person bubble. He loves every bit of Ilya, loves him in his faults, it's the rest of the world that sends a shiver down his spine. It's the worry that the outside pressures will be too much for their relationship to bear. Ilya's fears lie solely inside that bubble, the rest of the world could burn for all he cares. It's whether he'll be 'good enough' for Shane; it's if Shane will decide at some point that Ilya isn't worth the effort of loving.

I think it's really sweet that they both just want to be what the other needs, and because of that they have a harder time expressing what it is that they need, and in the end they are truly each others other half.

#heated rivalry #the long game

Off Campus thoughts/review

I finally watched Off Campus yesterday. I went in with low expectations because I had heard that people who were expecting the next Heated Rivalry were disappointed.

And... Yeah it's not Heated Rivalry for sure.

Overall thoughts: it's watchable. it's engaging enough to get you to watch through it all, and I say this as someone who hasn't read the books and doesn't generally like college settings for my media, and isn't particularly pretentious in my show/movie choices.

with that said, I have so many critiques/nit-picks of it:

The handling of themes is so ham-fisted. They spell it out in the most 'this is a PSA' type of way. It's written like the audience is dumb. Like, blatantly saying "this thing is bad. This thing is good. I'm gonna do the right thing" type of handling of topics. Throwing a bag of pots and pans down the stairs type of obvious.

Garrett's storyline, like no subtlety whatsoever about his dad being physically abusive. They try to obfuscate it a tiny bit to try to do a 'reveal' but it falls flat when it's clear what was the plotline from the first flashback. This is the case for every character, this is the most 'THIS IS THE PLOTLINE AND HERE'S HOW IT WILL PLAY OUT' type writing I've watched in a minute

The characters seem like caricatures of real people, really hollow and like trauma was used as a substitute for character depth. I'm not saying they needed to be complete assholes but the dialog between the hockey players certainly didn't feel realistic to college age men. They can have dialog that portrays the same conscious sentiments without sounding like Disney Channel Original Characters. Just because you show your characters having sex doesn't mean they won't feel sanitized and juvenile.

I don't know who chose the music but they need to not do that again. It felt like a scrolling through a TL of edits with the way it was song after song after song. All well known ones that clearly cost them a huge chunk of money. Like jingling keys in front of a baby, as if having a popular song will keep the audience engaged with what's on screen. On top of that, the fact most of the songs line up directly with the actions/feelings of the character on screen, feels like decisions made by people who don't know what they're doing. *Also fix the sound mixing please, the background music shouldn't be that loud if it's not in a montage with little-to-no dialog*

Several editing choices felt out of place. The split screen of episode 2 with punch cuts in/out every 15 seconds was the first major one that comes to mind. The use of punch cuts in general were overdone (epi 8 locker room, I'm talking about you), those kind of choices made it feel more like they were editing for TikTok rather than a multi-million dollar production. If I was told they hired someone who was a former YouTube editor I wouldn't be surprised.

It tried really hard to be sexy and ended up feeling unsexy, the actors weren't terrible but the their chemistry really wasn't there and it made poorly written dialog feel even more awkward.

I don't want to compare it to HR because it is trying to do a different genre than HR, HOWEVER I am going to for the rest of this post. Starting with needing to point out how there are lines in Heated Rivalry that could've been incredibly cringey (and to some they still were) but the actors were able to sell those lines. The Las Vegas bathroom scene being a prime example of this:

"I want you to suck my dick" "No, fuck you. You suck my dick!" "If you want me to get on my knees on this filthy bathroom floor and suck your dick, you'll have to ask nicer than that" "Please get on your knees on this filthy bathroom floor and suck my dick... please."

This scene could've easily been a 'we don't talk about that one' scene but the actors took the time to understand the headspace the characters were in to be saying those things and did their very best to convey that to the audience, bringing us in on the moment and selling it to us. All that to say:

So many lines in Off Campus just don't land well, some of that is to do with the actors not being able to deliver the believability but I also think it has to do with decisions made by the director and writer. As I've said I haven't read the books, so I don't know how much of this is to blame on Elle Kennedy and what should be blamed on the script writer but the dialog was CW original (in a bad way) quality.

I'd say for a show with a (presumably) much larger budget than HR, it feels so much cheaper. Cheap isn't necessarily a bad thing but, I really don't think this show is going to live in the zeitgeist for long, and that's unfortunate for the fans and those involved in the making of it.

And since I'm already comparing this to Heated Rivalry, I'll say I vastly prefer how HR shot the hockey. Even with the little there was, it felt dynamic and interesting, quick paced and integral to the characters. Off Campus' hockey in comparison, to me, felt very slow and low stakes. The camera shots felt stale and the editing made it seem like the main five guys were always out on the ice and if they weren't on the ice they were in the locker room.

I think this is where I veer the most from others cause I keep coming across people who say they liked OC's hockey much more and I think that's just because they saw more of it honestly. Cause, as someone who's been to a few hockey games, HR's hockey felt like it was shot by people who know the game and wanted to convey the feeling of being there, and OC's felt like it was shot by people shooting a standard action scene and checking off boxes.

I know this is a long rant-like post of critique but as I wrote at the start: It's watchable. I didn't hate it, despite how nitpicky this post sounds. I thought it was fun enough to stay engaged for the 8 episode runtime and I think as long as you go in expecting a low budget CW quality show you won't be disappointed.

okay I've seen too many takes on epi 2 Ilya and I need to say:

I'm so tired of people being like "omg Ilya was sooo mean to poor Shane at the Olympics! Shane's better than me I would've done x,y or z."

Ilya gave Shane multiple kinder outs: "Not here" "I'm fine, leave." "Go away hollander." Shane ignores all of them and keeps pushing. Ilya snapping at him that he didn't read his 'boring text' is honestly the lightest of curt responses.

It's fine that Shane tried to push for Ilya to open up but, it's also fine that Ilya wasn't in the mood or the headspace to do so. Shane approached Ilya, not the other way around. Ilya didn't seek Shane out to yell at him. As an aside, It's arguable that Shane kinda DID do that in episode one by seeking Ilya out on the roof to complain that he wasn't there after Shane won, "I win one fucking thing and you couldn't even show your face down there!"

Ilya is constantly going off to lick his wounds in private and Shane seeks him out, again not necessarily a bad thing but, you can't expect a wounded animal to be kind to you; and there's no reason for anyone to say that Shane doesn't recognize that and choses to seek him out anyway. He has agency, he pursues Ilya a lot, especially when it comes to an emotional connection.

There's also no reason for Ilya to think he can and should emotionally lean on his public rival/private quarterly hookup when he's in his homophobic country, waiting to be berated by his abusive father, after one night of unspoken intimacy with Shane. Especially given where they're at in their relationship, they're fuck buddies. They both canonically have feelings, sure, but neither have communicated that to the other and based on the aspects they HAVE communicated, Shane (or perhaps more correctly, the audience) is expecting too much.

Then there's Vegas. Another place where people complain that they would've 'broken up" with Ilya or that they would've slapped him or whatever other hyperbole they say. Yeah, Ilya didn't text Shane back... So what? They (once again) are fuck buddies, who haven't communicated that they want a deeper emotional connection. There's nothing saying that Shane texted him anything else after the 'are you okay?" at Sochi, nothing that says he was trying to reach out and Ilya left him on read, or pushed away further romantic advancements. They were left at statis quo. Ilya focused on hockey to lead his team to the cup and to try to win back some pride that he lost at the Olympics.

And people saying "what about the 'we didn't even kiss' unsent text". That's just it, it's unsent. Shane didn't communicate that he wanted more, or that he wanted something different then what he got.

Ilya uses sex as a replacement for the emotionally intimacy he denies himself, and based off of the author's Las Vegas remix short story; Ilya is trying desperately to not fall more in love with Shane when he believes a relationship is a non-starter. He decides to not kiss Shane because he knows it'll break him (Ilya) down and doesn't think Shane is at the same place emotionally.

Like most romance books, the conflicts are largely due to miscommunication. If either had talked about it, they would've been more satisfied within their situation-ship, but then the story would've been boring.

Neither needs to be the villain and it's so exhausting to constantly see discourse that paints Shane as this infantilized autistic person who is being verbally abused by his manipulating partner instead of what's actually shown, which is a grown ass man who's actively seeking out a physical and romantic relationship with another grown man when they're both emotionally unsure about their growing feelings, and are grasping at ways to navigate through their seemingly impossible circumstances with minimum heartache.

#heated rivarly #heated rivalry analysis

I fear I've become deeply invested in the Heated Rivalry universe since mid December and haven't been able to bring myself to read anything that isn't directly related to HR and Hollanov. My reading goal this year will just have to be for after the grip this series has on me has lessened and I no longer look for corn-plating in season 1 and theorizing for season 2. Upside is I've read so many fanfics this last month and there are so many that I'll never be able to get through them all!

#heated rivalry

I realized after I started watching a book review podcast (for a book I didn't even particularly feel strongly about) there's something I find incredibly annoying, and that is when people do a "critical" review but can't state the plot points of the story. Getting a character or place name wrong is understandable enough, but not being able to articulate the things that happened in succession while talking "critically" about a book makes your review unwatchable to me. If you're going to be a 'hater' than at least show that you read and understand the story enough to hate it. If I, as someone who read the book a month ago, can remember the plot points why can't you as the reviewer, who assumedly read it within the last week or two?

I've read a lot. I've read a lot of books I don't like. I'm not a stranger to writing a review for books I don't like, and I've commented on/reviewed books that I've dnf'd; you know what I make sure to not do? An hour long video about that book and not be able to give a short synopsis of the story with correct details. At that point it's like why are they even doing this review? Just to try to get views from a popular book? One that they didn't even like, and in this case, that one of the people in the podcast didn't even finish. It actually feels kind of gross, once again I didn't even like this book that much, but it's shit talking without having understood the material. Like of course the reviewers didn't like it, they barely even read it. Their review becomes void at that point, They're no longer providing anything useful. It's just for people who also hate the book and want to hear people talk negatively about it.

Anyway, it hasn't been a common occurrence so this is just for me to express how much I disliked that video/podcast. Most people who are reviewing actually understand what their reading and are sharing their opinions honestly, this one was just particularly off putting.

I've been on such a reading kick that I keep finding new 'quick' reads right after I get done with one. While still having the longer, slower read (The Poppy War) going in the background. It's been really nice.

I'm so checked out of Rp. I'm keeping up with a couple meta chats but none of the rp 'stories' are interesting to me. Since Chatterbox got off house arrest it's been non-stop sbs and I'm not gonna sit through hours and hours of cop baiting to get a 5-10 min semi-serious conversation once a week from him. So I'm likely not gonna post about rp until, or unless, there's something 'serious' going on that pulls me back in.

Brightside is that I'm back to reading again.

**I hate that so many people think 'serious' has to be 'dark'. Like it just means there's weight to what the characters are doing and that it matters to the story as a whole. I think the chatters complaining about all the 'dark' Jagger rp made streamer think he should stop doing serious rp for a while, when in reality it's what a large portion of his audience started watching him for, and the "fun sbs" rp chatters are just the vocal minority.**

Watched a video about 'booktok' and I have thoughts:

This is the video:

As someone who is primarily a romance reader and someone who reads almost entirely 'for entertainment' I liked this sentiment. I often find myself in book slumps because book after book has let me down, or has felt so unremarkable as to not be worth more of my time after finishing to think about further. So, a part of me wants to invest more of my time into assessing why I loved a book when I do come across one that really excited me, even when it's an 'unpopular' book. While another part of me wants to just be able to like what I like without having to have deeper thoughts then 'I do or don't vibe with it'.

I always feel like I'm looking for the next book that I love, and that in and of its self can be exhausting, I really shouldn't expect every story to be a new favorite but I can chose to critically analyze why something is or isn't working for me in the story, and find satisfaction in that. I do really appreciate the idea of sitting with a book and letting my thoughts good or bad, really flesh out before writing my thoughts on it (or choosing to not write about it at all) and it's something I have been doing lately already. I will say that overthinking what I'm reading, as I read, does run the risk of lowering my excitement of a story, killing the momentum. Re-reading after just finishing a book isn't something I do, but maybe is something I should try when it's one I've enjoyed though.

What I do find funny however is how so many in the comment section of this video have decided that because the video is critical of BookTok and of the 'overconsumption' of books, that it makes it a safe place to dump all their shallow opinions on books that forms their own online personality. You hate Romantasy? okay. You hate smut? okay. You hate X,Y,or Z author? okay. You are still being a part of that same structure that this video is talking about. Read what you want, digest it, and tell people what you did and didn't love about it in detail. Trying to flag that you're a superior reader, or special, because you don't like things that are popular right now doesn't say anything about you, other than you want to be 'different than the other girls' to stand out. It feels as though even these people, that fancy themselves as intellectual because they don't like what the majority does, can't manage to do the critical consumption that this video is asking for people to engage in.

Anyway, this video makes me want to be more thorough in my reviews of books and to be more direct and clear on why something did or didn't work for me in the future, so I thought I'd share it, and my thoughts.

#Youtube

Kingdom of Shadow and Wings - Nina Frost- thoughts so far

This was a rec from someone who had it lumped in with Dire Bound as a 'if you like this than you'll like that' style list. I really enjoyed Dire Bound so I was willing to give this a shot. I'm only 12 % into the book and I've already got thoughts. (Spoilers BTW)

The characters read as too immature for their age and this is a pet peeve of mine. Lark is a noblewomen's daughter with presumably the responsibility of one. Even if the author were to play her off as a bit dumb (as in only prepared to marry well and all other learnings were pushed to the side) she would still have social intelligence.

When having a panic attack at the stable she sprints away from her guide with no words or excuses made which would be fair if she didn't immediately run into her 'hot' flight instructor, have a battle of immature snide remarks and completely forget about her panic attack. If she was really a nineteen year old noblewoman than it would be expected that she would've had the societal pressures from a young age that would cause her to at least try to make excuses for her hasty departure, a simple "need to use the bathroom." as she flees would've been enough to show she's at least aware of how odd it is. Now if the goal was to show how debilitating the panic attack was than I could understand that the overwhelming feeling would override societal pressures, but she immediately is absorbed by a short quippy conversation with an attractive man and suddenly the panic attack that was so overwhelming has dissipated. It doesn't make sense and makes the character seem younger, as though she's maybe all of thirteen/fourteen and has only just been brought into the 'adult' world of noble society or that her feelings are overexaggerated by her hormones and aren't as severe as they are written.

Second part that has me questioning if I'll enjoy this book. The 'hazing' the other student does. Firstly, the other students seem to be, like her, from noble families, so why the hostility like she's from a different social class than them? They know and are aware that her sister (who she's taking the spot for) has suddenly gone missing and that Lark has only just arrived so why, in any content, would another nineteen year old choose to 'haze' that fellow student with a toxin that paralysis the body. Lark hasn't even been to a class to show that she's incapable of filling her sisters spot and this other 'adult' student is not only poisoning her but, then making a threat of 'you better not snitch about this to the teacher' it's middle school bully behavior.

Also Lark agreeing that she won't tell because of the 'hazing will get worse' threat. Like are you a child? Tell faculty what happened. This is what I mean about the characters reading like children, which would be fine if that was the goal but seeing how the purposeful age given was nineteen and the immediate meeting of a 'hot' instructor, I assume this book is going to be like most other romantasy books and lean into sex scenes, which I'm fine with (when the characters feel like the age given and not like children).

There's a way to write Lark as an out of touch noblewoman's sheltered daughter who has to learn to not be self-absorbed without making her seem childish if that was the goal. Right now, it seems like the author wants to paint her as the ultimate victim in everything going on around her, while giving her, what is already hinted at, strong magical powers. I'm hoping this will turn around and Lark won't seem so naively young but it's not looking good so far. I'll likely give this a few more chapters and if it doesn't improve I'm giving up.

#books

Out of my reading slump?

I, after many months, might finally be out of my reading slump! I stumbled on a rec (Dire Bound) and thought I'd just give it a shot, and I enjoyed it from start to finish! Even though I probably would've been annoyed by the big twist being dragged out any other time, I felt like the author(s) did a good job of making it understandable why Meryn would stay. So glad to find a book that I actually enjoyed reading. I won't say it's the best book in the world or that it couldn't be picked apart but I had fun reading it and that's all I needed.

#Dire Bound #reading slump

Been trying to reorganize my Ebook library in hopes something on my TBR catches my eye and gets me out of this reading slump.

I've been wanting to try different genres to see if that'll help but I don't really know where to start.

Some things that I think will be really interesting;

Helen being HR makes her, whether she likes it or not, a part of their group and that by default makes Chatty her de facto leader.

so how will she handle being a 'subordinate' to a man who over the last few months she's had all the control and power over, and who for the last year she's had a --not unwarranted-- fear of?

The other interesting thing being how much power and influence does Chatty want to give Helen? Cause as the gang's HR he could really lean into that and send clowns to her regularly, and have her relay issues that do need to be addressed by him, or it could just be a puff job that gives her a reason to be around them with less stigma, at least in her mind.

How its handled will be interesting for me. If the position gets treated as a 'more serious' role (while still having profoundly dumb problems too) and Helen becomes, like Tessa, a point of contact that he can reliable trust with issues, she will have a role with power in a very short time and that could cause problems amongst the group too.

But given how little he seems to be able to rely on Kirk (and honestly most of the 'elder' clowns) it could be really good for him to have someone else advising him on issues, someone that he trusts to not fuck him over when it serious just because it's 'funny'.

🕯️ Here's hoping for actual serious gang discussions in the future with Helen and Tessa🕯️

As someone who likes romance and relationship rp...

these last few weeks have made me sympathize more with the crowd who hates relationship rp, particularly how the chat gets when shipping characters.

Now that Chatty's got more freedom

after a week of mostly SBS and racing I'm really hoping this week will have more serious talks and actually resolve some simmering story lines. Some points I'd like to see touched on:

A talk with Nate/Sneaky (alone) is so heavily needed. A chance for sneaky to resolve the distrust/misunderstanding of Chatty 'knowing' what he was doing as Jagger. I think they are more similar than not, so I'm hoping that there will be an actually attempt at communicating problems and making it clear to bring them up so they can be cleared up quicker in the future.

A talk with Helen. A serious and direct acknowledgement of how she's helped him, an official offer/place in their group (whatever that looks like for Helen), overall support for her in her choices going forward, and perhaps an apology for the trauma he's caused her particularly with the death of Tips.

A talk with Tessa. A one on one where he can feel safe to explore where his head is currently, how he feels about his healing so far, if his planning for the future is a distraction or if it is actually him moving on, and him explaining why he asked her to play the dice game all those months ago. Also would be a chance for Tessa to lean on Chatty again after months of him being too broken down to help support her like he use to. A chance for her to explain how she's been feeling and figure out how to keep that from breaking her down in the future.

A talk with Kirk. Hopefully one that doesn't devolve into an hour long walk down memory lane but instead focuses on the points Kirk wanted to bring up a week ago.

There are probably a few convos that need to happen with other clowns but I feel less strong about those actually occurring. I would love if Hazel and him could have an actual heart to heart and that he would open up about his history and give her a chance to be as close as she has wanted to be for months but I doubt that would happen.

some ramble-y thoughts about Chatty's psyche

chatty connects emotionally with women- was left by his mother at a young age- abused by his father and father figure in his life- perhaps more emotionally closed off to men due to the abuse and drawn to women because his mother left him behind and he desperately wishes she had taken him with her- so he seeks out the care from women as it was largely absent in his life. Perhaps not necessarily seeking a maternal figure but the affection of women because he hasn't experienced the level of abuse from women that he has with men, so seeks the human need for love and connection from what he see as the 'safer' option.

paternal figures and figures of authority are going to hurt him, but due to his experiences in life, feels like the men that he does have a connection with need to be protected, like he felt he needed to do for Giblets, who seems largely removed from the worst of the abuse, whether that is due to Chatty's efforts or just due Bobo's preference for Giblets, or perversely perhaps Bobo saw more potential in Chatty than Giblets so put more effort into breaking Chatty down to build him back up in his image.

Subsequently, Giblets' death affects Chatty so deeply not just because he was a brother but because Chatty had felt a need to protect Giblets for so long and then not only fails that in adulthood but is directly linked to the reason for his death. So he is not just dealing with grief but guilt, a sense of failure, and an overwhelming feeling of 'it was all for nothing', the childhood abuse that he endured, some of which he likely took on so Giblets didn't have to.

Also could be why the closest he's come to being emotionally open with another man was with Twinkles, someone he sees a lot of himself in due to similarities in childhood traumas, someone he sees as a little brother, someone he needs to protect. Explains why he's made it very clear how he wants Twinkles to be looked after if something happens to him, while not having that same concern about other clowns; Twinkles has become a pseudo Giblets to Chatty.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

🪻