Oftentimes, I do loathe having this blog and the attention it gets.
I think this comes from two main things: my general distaste for Being Perceived, especially when it comes to being perceived in a way my mind interprets as "wrong" or other people imposing their own ideas onto it -- this is just part of the whole "existing around other people" thing. As much as I wish I were, I am not immune to being subjected to interpretation; nothing can be communicated perfectly and without loss. Ultimately, I cannot change this nor do anything about it.
The second point, one I feel is more personal to my own experiences, is that I think I dislike the MOGAI community.
i don't dislike the coining of terms, the broadening of language, or anything like that. In fact, I have a deep appreciation for the terms people make.
I dislike the... attitude I see that permeates everything else. The intersexism, the exorsexism, the misogyny, the andromisia, the ableism, the entitlement, the immature hatred some people have for straight & straight-adjacent people, cis & cis-adjacent people, multigender people, "complex" identities that aren't the currently "acceptable" kind, etc. The coining for the sake of making content, not because it's genuine. The USAcentrism and the eurocentrism. The anglocentrism. The antiblackness, indigemisia, anti-Asian racism. Countless other things that slip my mind right now. Not to be the annoying Chinese person whose family fled the country but I also dislike how communism is used as an "aesthetic". Tangent.
I've thought about privating this blog very often, because the more I see of the community the less interested I am in having any part of it. I have to be careful how I word the terms I coin because there's the constant "what if" someone decides to take something I made and deliberately change things, decides to interpret something in bad faith, decides to make a problem out of something because a term I made is a little too similar.
Did you know that half of the terms on here, I had to change the name from what we use internally? Because god forbid I use the same name as some other term, and someone thinks I'm trying to "recoin" their term I didn't know existed in bad faith.
The recoining thing. I don't understand why everyone is so worried that another term with the same name but a different definition exists if it was accidental. To me, recoining a term is actively looking at something and making your own nearly identical version, to be exclusionary or to act like you made it first and accuse others.
Someone made an anti-endo version of a term we coined; we made that rule because someone doing that felt so entitled to us that we just decided to circumvent the issue altogether. What right do you have to see something deliberately free for anyone to use, with no syscourse stance attached other than "the person who made this is pro-endo", and make it exclusionary and hateful? Because someone doesn't like the fact that I don't hate others? I don't understand you at all. This is why I added that.
I want to like this community. There are many terms that resonate with us, and many people we think are interesting. But I cannot stand the rest of you. The way you treat coiners and archivists, ones you claim to respect, is disgusting. The way some coiners act is disgusting. You are on tumblr. This is a tumblr blog. You are sending hate to someone over a blog on a website. You are causing people so much distress that they delete their blogs or step back for days over a website.
The acceptance in this community feels performative. I've lurked here long enough to know that the second someone makes a mistake, everyone turns against them. Random people will act like they know more about another's lived experiences than they do. I'm not really interested in being a part of a community that supports and enables that, nor do I want terms we make for our own use being included in that.
I'm still debating privating this blog or turning reblogs off. My only concern is that it would interfere with archival, which is something that saddens me since I do value the preservation of information. We'll see.