no dreams.

penned by lucky.

[lovcfools]

graduated college, now i’m moving blogs ! 

softernight.tumblr.com

[lovcfools]

. . . i am online.

[djo]

#don’t be suspicious

[theultraviolencesblog]

HE'S SO SICK FOR THIS.

[lovcfools]

“ no one has made me hate this life more than you do. ”

[lovcfools]

blackplanct​:

it didn’t take much for vince to notice the shift in calliope’s mood when she began talking about her ex-husband.  he had to take another sip of his scotch.  he could already tell the guy was a piece of shit by the way she started to retreat into herself.  she could barely speak.  “ he was?  and what – you told him you were my girl to get rid of him? “ vince was totally invested in this conversation – curious as to what her previous relationship was like.  there was a grimace he couldn’t get off of his face when she mentioned marrying right out of high school.  he couldn’t imagine what kind of husband he would have been at eighteen.  then it was just downhill from there.  “ he’s fuckin’ insane, ” vince remarked after learning about her husband’s chronic cheating.  it made sense since they were teenagers, but that’s why he shouldn’t have married her!  hearing about this mad man ticked vince off, obviously.  but his blood started to boil when he realized that she had to deal with him for six years, and he put his hands on her.  the worst of it was thinking about calliope explaining her injuries to her young students.  “ and that fucker’s still walking after that? ” vince didn’t realize how loudly he was talking, quieting when she brought up the divorce.  it was finally over.  he pulled her into him with one arm, bringing her head to his bare chest.  “ calli, you’re a fucking ten now.  i can’t imagine how crazy you would’ve drove me at eighteen – what?  and your ex…”  vince felt his jaw clenched, and the idea of bashing her husband’s faceless skull in washed over him.  he took a deep breath, “ your ex is a goddamn cocksucker that needs his teeth kicked in – at the very least.  you want me to kick his teeth in?  i’ll fuckin’ do it, personally – with pleasure. ” vince’s hand was balled up so tightly; his knuckles were a bright white.  “i get the cheating…he’s an asshole…but we’ve all cheated.  putting his hands on a woman, especially a sweetheart like you.  like, c’mon…you punched a kindergarten teacher?  he needs his balls cut off with a fuckin’…nail clipper.”  vince was still in his wave pool of violence.

how completely different she’d been at eighteen. had been excited to find a dress, to get her closest friends together for a day she’d remember for the rest of her life.  now, years later, she’s being cradled in the arms of a man she doesn’t know. someone so different from her ex-husband. someone she used to get away from him the other night.      “ he was there. i-i ran away from him, he kinda skulked around all night a-and that’s part of the reason i came home with you. to get away from him.”    the eighteen-year-old she was would’ve never imagined those words. was that version of herself watching now? would she be disappointed?     breath catches in her throat when his arm comes around her, cheek pressed against his skin. can he feel how warm her cheeks are against him?   “ a ten,” calliope whispers embarrassedly, “don’t humor me.”  presses her eyes closed, happy to feel protected for one of the first times in her life.  “hey! hey!  language, vince.”   the f-word was one thing, but . . . cocksucker?    that was another.    eyes open briefly, only to catch glimpse of his fist which she lays her fingers over, soft and lithe extremities blanketing white knuckles.   “he’s not worth it. i promise,  leo fairbanks does not deserve your time.”     maybe, eighteen-year-old calliope was buried. she’d mourned for herself after the divorce. the innocence she never got to really enjoy, life being taken from her so soon. graduating from promising young woman to favorite doormat. now, here she was. in the arms of a man she doesn’t know. maybe, she’s happy about it.  calliope watches her own thumb caress his knuckles slowly. back and forth.     “ maybe he does deserve those things but i’d rather you not touch him with the hands you touch me with. ”   that wasn’t a hundred percent true. part of her wanted to watch leo writhe in pain as she did. a black eye, a bloodied lip, a broken rib or two. something about vincent makes her think, maybe, violence could be justified.    what? did she really think that? was revenge really that sweet?   changes the topic. “ what do you mean we’ve all cheated?  you’ve cheated before? ”   small smile.  “ do you think i could cheat on someone? ”

[lovcfools]

blackplanct​:

“ what are you so nervous about, hmm?” when aaliyah moved to rub hugo’s shoulder, she didn’t even realize it was happening – purely out of instinct.  no matter how much she tried to keep that patient-doctor boundary up, she continued to have that soft spot for him.  “ oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you,” she chuckled softly, writing a few more notes down.  he had her at all expenses paid, but she knew she couldn’t accept.  “as lovely as that sounds, hugo.  you know i can’t.  it’s bad enough i’m treating you with our history.  don’t push it, ” she asserted in a hushed tone.

a short laugh leaves him. “work. always work.”  it was always the same things that drove him insane. he leans back into her hand slightly, instinct. wanted to melt entirely into her. the only thing that ever brought him peace.    his aaliyah.    “i would do more than like. i would love it.” hums, closing his eyes.  “i would fly you first-class and pay you more than this place ever could. c’mon, liyah, indulge me. please? you and me, i could be feeding you lobster and buying you fun drinks with umbrellas.” 

[lovcfools]

blackplanct​:

elise was still trying to catch her breath when solomon brought her back down to her feet.  she could barely react to more of his sweet words when she felt the weight of his hands on her waist.  and she didn’t know why, but learning that he was in the military somehow made him more desirable.  “i didn’t know y’all were that strong – jesus,” elise remarked with a short laugh, holding a neatly manicured hand to her chest.  solomon guessing that she was a model, coupled with the way he looked at her so longingly, made all the heat in elise’s body rush to her cheeks.  “yeah right,” she rolled her eyes, “i mean, i run a travel blog and there’s a lot of me posing on instagram, but i wouldn’t call myself a model, no.  you’re too sweet.”  as if that wasn’t enough, he continued to shower her with compliments, and she almost felt embarrassed.  “what are you doing to me?!”  elise exclaimed, fanning her cheeks, “thank you, by the way.  of course you can have my number.  and my address.  my social security number…whatever you want, honestly.”  she was only half-joking about the last part, pulling out her phone to text him.

“ what did you think all that training was for fun ? ”   that strong. there’s a rush that comes over him, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. it’s simple, it’s common but this excitement feels unreal. it feels intense and maybe it’s because his hands are still on her waist and he can feel the curve of her hips lifting his thumbs slightly. “i’m gonna need that insta, too. i want to see everything — i wonder who’s been to more places: the travel blogger or the naval soldier.” she wouldn’t call herself a model but he definitely would. he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, he didn’t want to take them off. “if i can have anything, i’ll keep it simple for now. . . number and i want to dance with you. then, i want you to let me get you back to your apartment and i want to kiss you good night. cheek, lips, i don’t know. i don’t care. you think you’ll let me do that for you?” he reads his number to her as she types it into her phone, tongue coming over his bottom lip for a moment as he watches her. how long were those lashes? would he feel them brush against his skin if they kissed?  “and . . . you don’t have a man? really?” 

[lovcfools]

ok maybe i’ll actually write tonite

[acupofteaandmore-deactivated201]

if i ever misgender you or use slang (bro, man, gurl, dude) that makes you feel even slightly uncomfortable please tell me because your gender identity and comfort is more important than any word i may use to refer to you

[lovcfools]

Missing Edward and Emily Gracey hours

. . . i want to do something about this.

[lovcfools]

will i b writing replies today? yes.

[lovcfools]

blackplanct​:

 “ yeah, you know how some girls are…they get a little too attached, and i’m a gentleman, right?  i don’t want you to get into something like that, ” vince expounded further, keeping his eyes set on calliope…and the swell of her breasts under the sheets.  “ you’re nuts, you know that?  you’re not a real person, ” he shook his head; his smile spreading from ear to ear as he spoke.  vince listened to calliope as she tried to convince the both of them that she wasn’t falling for him.  not at all.  all he could do was chuckle and say “ if you say so, calli, ” and finish whatever liquor remained in his cup.  “ oh, you have an ex-husband?  what’d he do to you? ” vince felt his body tense and tried to deny that it was the at the idea of calliope being with another man.  he was just curious.  that’s all.

“ yeah, i could never do that because i don’t . . . i don’t do that whole attachment thing. but, yeah, i appreciate you being a gentleman. ”  eyes cannot leave him, no matter where she tries to focus they drag back to him.  “ now, what does that mean ? i am very real. are you saying i’m silly ? ”   brows furrow and she supposes she is a bit silly, 40 hours a week with kindergarteners will do that to you. the bubbliness begins to dull as he asks what her ex-husband had done. she shifts uncomfortably beneath the sheets, chin dipping in a sorry attempt to hide herself somewhat.   “uh,”  starts slowly, a nervous tension building in her gut, “ we, um — it’s funny, you know? he was at the bar the night we met a-and he tried talking . . . to me. i didn’t know what to say and i told him i was with you and i just kind of ran a little bit. ”   folds further into herself, a faux smile to avoid looking scared or small.   “ we got married right out of high school. he really wanted to and i thought he really loved me. i thought that was it for me because he made me feel like no one else in the world could possibly be interested in who i was. so i said yes, you know? i was eighteen. we went to the same college. all that. a-and it was funny, you know? how bad he wanted to get married because he was cheating on me the whole time. i’d never even kissed anyone before him. ”   words are spilling out of her faster than she can think and she smiles wider, trying to hide the tears that are beginning to spring at her bottom lash line.  “ i was twenty-four. six years into our marriage. i-i had found out when i was doing laundry. opened condom wrapper in his pocket. perfume on his shirt that wasn’t mine. i asked him about it . . . he tried making me feel like i was crazy and i didn’t want to be crazy because i knew i was right and he decided to shut me up. i had a black eye and a busted lip and i had to go to work, you know? i-i told my kids i’d gotten into a car accident and they believed me but my aunt didn’t and she made me get a divorce.”  a sardonic chuckle leaves her, sniffling quietly. “ twenty-six and divorced and i thought that it was done for me. no one could be interested in me, right? that’s what he said. so for years, i didn’t try and i decided . . . i wanted to be different this year. now, i’m here.” 

[blackplanct]

lovcfools​:

“ alright, i won’t. i miss looking at your face already. ” places her gently onto the floor, hands on her waist for a moment if only to make sure she didn’t lose her balance.  “ but, no, i don’t do the whole weight thing professionally. i’m, uh, i’m in the navy. ”   cannot keep his eyes off her face. appled cheeks, full lips, round eyes. did she know how beautiful she looked?   “ and you? what do you do professionally ? you model or something? ”    disappointed in himself for the cliche line but cannot help it.  “ you’re just … really beautiful. you probably hear that all the time and i don’t mean to tell you everything you’ve heard before but, uh … i haven’t seen a woman as beautiful as you in a long time. i want to politely ask for your number, miss elise. ”

elise was still trying to catch her breath when solomon brought her back down to her feet.  she could barely react to more of his sweet words when she felt the weight of his hands on her waist.  and she didn’t know why, but learning that he was in the military somehow made him more desirable.  “i didn’t know y’all were that strong – jesus,” elise remarked with a short laugh, holding a neatly manicured hand to her chest.  solomon guessing that she was a model, coupled with the way he looked at her so longingly, made all the heat in elise’s body rush to her cheeks.  “yeah right,” she rolled her eyes, “i mean, i run a travel blog and there’s a lot of me posing on instagram, but i wouldn’t call myself a model, no.  you’re too sweet.”  as if that wasn’t enough, he continued to shower her with compliments, and she almost felt embarrassed.  “what are you doing to me?!”  elise exclaimed, fanning her cheeks, “thank you, by the way.  of course you can have my number.  and my address.  my social security number…whatever you want, honestly.”  she was only half-joking about the last part, pulling out her phone to text him.

[lovcfools]

vampclubs​:

eren  follows  her  towards  the  section,  hand  running  circles  over  his  daughter’s  back.  eyes  flicker  between  solange  and  the  outfit  and  his  daughter  and  back  to  solange.  honey  hues  lock  with  her  own  and  lips  are  curling  into  a  genuine  smile.  '  i  do  like  them.  see,  i  would  have  never  found  this  on  my  own.  i’m  kind  of  a  disaster  when  it  comes  to  clothing.  '  motions  to  his  own  outfit,  some  washed  out  yellow  shirt  and  a  pair  of  blue  jeans.  he  never  considered  himself  to  be  fashionable.  his  ex  reminded  him  of  that  every  time  he  came  home  with  an  awkwardly  designed  onesie  for  bea.  would  inhale,  eyes  meeting  hers  again  at  her  next  set  of  words.  '  are  you  sure?  i  don’t  wanna  keep  you  from  anything.  but  i  would  really  appreciate  that,  solange.  '  nodding  at  the  mention  of  stroller  rentals,  bea  was  already  falling  asleep  in  his  arms  as  the  two  spoke.  would  frown  and  shrug  his  shoulders.  '  it’s  been  rough  but,  we  make  do.  ’

“ oh, please, that outfit is not a disaster, eren. ” likes his look. simple, brings attention to his smile. he had smiled a lot over the past few minutes, wanted to keep it there.  “ it’s good! you’re cute. you look cute. i mean, unless, you wanted to join bea on this outfit shopping trip... ”  was that an attempt at flirting? feels a bit pathetic flirting with a student’s parent inside a gap kids. why had she even gone in?     oh, for her cousin’s baby shower. who cared now?      anyway, most of that is forgotten as she’s staring at him, almost not listening. mind on auto pilot.   “ i’m completely sure. this is . . . nice. i’ll go grab the rental and bea can sleep and i’ll teach you how to put an outfit together. ”  her hand brushes gently over bea’s back.   “ i’ll be right back. ”    had turned quickly to leave, power walking to the kiosk nearby that took care of the rentals. didn’t want to waste time when she could be talking to him. was that silly of her? to desire to be close to him? a stranger, essentially. a cute stranger with nice hair and a cute baby. damn it.     get it together.   doesn’t even notice that she hands the kiosk manager a twenty instead of a ten that it required. doesn’t notice that she walks away without her change as she’s lost in thought. fingers curled tightly around the handle for the stroller as she thinks.     does he think i’m desperate for offering? maybe. hopefully, he at least thinks i’m cute or sexy or something. i know these jeans make my ass look good.          and there they are, right where she’d left him.   “ okay. something a little more comfortable for both of you. did you, uh, want to get coffee after this? ”

[lovcfools]

vampclubs​:

expression  softens,  he’s  still  holding  her  face  gently  in  his  hand.  a  smile  spreads  over  features  and  he  nods,  understanding.  of  course  he  understands.  never  the  one  to  pressure  anyone  into  doing  anything.  especially  gloria  into  something  so  intimate  when  he  knew  she  had  issues  with  the  whole  idea  of  it.  he  presses  lips  to  her  cheek,  kissing  there  a  few  times  before  pulling  back  again.  '  please  don’t  apologize,  my  love.  i  know.  i  know.  '  he  coos,  hand  traveling  from  her  thigh  back  to  her  waist  where  he  keeps  it  there  to  hold  himself  up.  '  i  want  you  to  be  comfortable.  that’s  it  and  that’s  all.  it’s  okay  to  be  nervous.  intimacy  is  scary.  and  weird.  have  i  told  you  about  my  first  kiss?  '  eyes  widen  and  he’s  chuckling.  arms  wrap  around  her  body,  flipping  them  so  she’s  laying  on  top  of  him.  he  lets  her  rest  on  his  chest,  arms  still  wrapped  around  her  smaller  frame.  '  okay.  so  i  was  thirteen.  and  it  was  at  the  eighth  grade  dance.  my  date  was  anna  russo,  a  really  pretty  girl  from  my  math  class.  we  were  outside  waiting  for  my  mom  to  pick  us  up.  she  thanked  me  for  taking  her  to  the  dance,  thinking  no  one  else  would.  i  was  fucking  terrified.  but  i  kinda  grabbed  her  face  and  went  to  kiss  her.  and  i  -  i  missed  her  fucking  lips.  it  was  a  nightmare  and  i  didn’t  talk  to  her  for  a  week.  we  went  into  our  very  different  cliques  after  that  but.  it  was  embarrassing  and  weird  and  scary  and  my  point  is:  it’s  okay  to  be  scared.  just  know  i’ll  be  here  whenever  you  are ready.  and  i  promise  not  to  miss  your  mouth  when  we  kiss.  ’

since she was small, gloria had desired respect. to be taken seriously. for someone to see her and hear her wishes.      damien wasn’t a genie or a prince or a parent. he was a man who called her my love. who touched her like she was made of porcelain and praised her from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet.   felt treasured.     hums as she is flipped on top of him, face immediately finding its space in the crook of his neck.     inhale, exhale.   chest begins to rumble with laughter as she listens.    “ you are single-handedly the most ridiculous person i know. the parables are fun.”        gloria wished she could tell stories like him. every detail to keep her engaged. to comfort her.  wonders if he can feel her bright grin against his jugular before it begins to fade. hesitancy, nerves.     pause.    breath.    okay.      “ i think i’m worried about, um, experience. ” a whisper into his skin,  “ i don’t know how to do the things . . . your past girls have done. i don’t think, at least. i might miss your mouth, you know? i don’t want to. i just want . . . my first time . . . for you to be, i don’t know, satisfied? ”   eyes press shut as she drags her thigh up his side.  one leg bent, the other extended.  “ i feel like you’ve been satisfied with my kissing, right? you were my first with that and so, i just want our first time to be similar. i want you to want more after. ”   presses a soft kiss to his neck.  “ i don’t want you to leave after we sleep together for the first time. i like you, damien and i’m glad you didn’t talk to anna russo because you’d probably be shacked up with her right now and i hate that idea.  ”    

[lovcfools]

working from home and hashtag bored out of my mind listening to the rise of gru soundtrack. who wants to plot? who wants to scream?