Dear you,

[lovealways--yours]

I always want to disappear and make it so that it’s impossible for you to ever reach me again. To be quite honest, I don’t ever think I’ll ever be “needed” or “wanted” again by you. You have a stable relationship now and you no longer have any desire to keep in touch with me--why would you? Despite my title of being your best friend, we have too many conflicting memories that would make it impossible to remain in our lives, i mean, that’s why we couldn’t remain friends in the first place.

It wasn’t because we both decided to move on and see other people, it was because we had no other choice. There was no reason for us to stay in our lives because lets be honest, it’s rather impractical to pretend there isnt any “leftover” feelings from our relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be romantic feelings, but there will always be feelings. 

So yeah, it sucks as hell to get my boxes of items back soon and to have to dump them straight into the laundry because I no longer wish to remember your scent because I’ve spent days perfecting the ways of blocking out the hurt and the loneliness that came from that breakup. I have nothing but the utmost happiness for you and your new stable relationship because that is what you should have received--not a LDR that made it impossible for you to be yourself and for you to be completely happy. However, given my nature of healing and moving on, I am afraid that you no longer possess any desire to 

[lovealways--yours]

You know, I thought my rock bottom was junior year of high school.. but it is definitely my “junior” year in college lol

I guess it’s going to be a recurring thing--a new rock bottom every 4 years.

Great.

[lovealways--yours]

Maybe it’s because you were supposed to be here this sunday that I’m so fucking salty and shit this christmas, but it definitely hurts so much to hear how much fun it is that your family and friends are over

yeah, i’m your best friend but.. maybe, maybe I want too much from you.

maybe i’m not strong enough to let you go in the way you’ve let me go.

maybe you have to let me go, and it’s so scary to see my best friend leave.. but its scarier to see how much more my heart can handle.

[lovealways--yours]

Don’t be the jealous ex girlfriend, don’t be the jealous ex girlfriend..

lol

too late

i really want to know if you have feelings for other people but at the same time i really dont want to fucking know

it doesnt even fucking matter

because i dont have a chance in hell with you anyways lmao

I CANT BE JUST YOUR FRIEND OKAY

THIS IS SO HARD AND IVE BEEN TRYING SO HARD NOT TO BE JEALOUS

BUT I AM

I JUST FUCKING AM AND I HATE IT

[lovealways--yours]

I feel like you already like someone else.

I hope that i’m wrong but.. if I’m not, I’m happy for you.

It hurts a bit, if its true, but I just want you to be happy.

[lovealways--yours]

My math final is tomorrow and all I’ve done is play games games games.

I have no motivation to do anything other than just play games.

I’ve reached that point like I did 4 years ago lmao

Get your fucking shit together, Quynh. 

This isn’t the person you wanted to be. You promised me you’d never reach that point again. You’ve got to pull it together, man. You promised you’d never become like this again.. you’ll laugh about it 3 years from now, I promise. Call whoever you need to call. Beg them to stay on the phone with you for just one night. Ask to watch a movie with them. Just do something.

You’ve gotta fight your demons again because they’re winning and you know this because you’re letting them win. 

[lovealways--yours]

I really wanted to spend some time with you over winter break.. but knowing you’re a busy bee, I don’t think it’ll be possible. Ha.

Sleeping on the phone was a really nice way of feeling like I was there and I know I should’ve expected us to not sleep on the phone forever, but it all stopped cold turkey so everything’s all weird and sad.

I just miss you and Im tired of feeling like i’m the only one with feelings.

I know you don’t show them, and I have a bad history of these scenarios, but I wish I knew that I wasn’t the only one feeling like this. It feels embarrassing, awkward, and desperate..

this is the most bitterest breakup because I don’t think either of us wanted it. We just.. accepted it. 

[lovealways--yours]

It sucks not being able to sleep on the phone.. But every night that we're not, my heart continues to mold a protective layer around it. It hasn't been up in a long time, but it's getting there again. I know you'd never hurt me intentionally, but I've come to realize that we can only be friends and that sucks. I shouldn't compare myself with your other friends, but I wouldn't compare myself at all if I wasn't still in love with you. Every day that goes by, I wonder if you even still love me in that way or if you've already began your journey moving on. It hurts when you say my name. It catches me off guard all the time. I wonder if it hurts you when we don't even spend time together anymore. It makes me feel a bit sick inside how under the rug this all feels. Like we put it a secret that we dated. It's silly because everyone knows, but.. It's like you're okay with it. Like IM okay with it. I'm afraid one day I'll realize I can't just be friends with you but I'm afraid of not being there at all. What the hell went wrong with us?

[lovealways--yours]

I miss my best friend.

I miss us spending time together.

Even though you miss spending time with me, something tells me it won’t be a while until you can fit me into your schedule. 

That’s okay. 

I guess I should just be thankful we’re still able to talk. It just sucks when .. never mind. I’ve said it hundreds of times already, so there’s no point any more. I just miss you. I wish you’d feel the same. 

[lovealways--yours]

Yep. Being friends with your ex is hard when you have feelings for them. This whole jealousy thing is killing me and it's not a cute look for me. I hate this shit. It's worse when everything is ambiguous so the questions drive me crazy lmao I just want to get over this already since I know we have no chance.

[lovealways--yours]

I hate that I get jealous.. over the dumbest shit.

And then I do this stupid thing where I overthink everything lol

I wish I could just get past this stage where I still have feelings for you.. I just want to be okay with you again and not worry about you potentially liking others.

I’ve just never loved someone this much and it’s causing me to be delirious. 

[lovealways--yours]

So much for spilling my guts out. This is so stupid.

[lovealways--yours]

Our conversations arent quite the same any more.

I never realized how exciting it was to finally get to talk to you after a long day, on the phone, until recently. Our conversations are quite generic now, and there’s really only so much you can do via text.

I want your presence around, of course, but I mean.. at a point, it just sucks. I know how much you’re hanging out with Jake and all your new friends and whatnot but, it feels like I don’t really exist anymore in your spectrum.

Sure, it definitely is nice to sleep with you but.. I’m not asking to always watch a show with you or a movie, sometimes its nice to just have a phone call.

But we’re too complicated and that’s too “friendly”, right?

I just miss my best friend, that’s all. Its not your fault for wanting to be happy, and it’s not my fault that I feel this way.

It’s just a shitty situation and there isn’t much to do about it.

[lovealways--yours]

It’s hard to not have my heart hurt slightly whenever I visit your blog.

I get jealous, and I don’t even know why. We’re not together anymore, and I’m not even a jealous person, but whenever I see a pretty girl or you reblogging something that relates to a relationship post, I just get sad.

I’m pretty sure this is why it’s impossible to befriends with your ex if you still have feelings for them still.

You no longer visit my main blog, even if you get notifications, and I wonder why that is. You still visit the private blog, and I’m sure you visit that more frequently than my main.

I’m just worried that, you know, you truly have moved on. That’s okay if you have.. i just wish I knew you have or have not so I could tell myself to get a move on and stop being so desperate and still so in love with you.

If you’re no longer in love with me, it makes me wonder about a lot of things.. was the love not as strong as I assumed it was? There’s an endless amount of questions but I know i’m doing no good to either of us by continuously pondering about it.

I just miss you, and I really wish I knew if you missed me at all or if I’m just someone in the past now.

[yeoja]

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[quickweaves]

he,lp eme

[lovealways--yours]

I can't help but feel that you've already moved on, in the sense that you no longer have feelings for me. Or, you're repressing them way more. It's the little signs, but I can notice them. I kind of wish I could just know if or when you are "over" me. It feels stupid that I still wish to date you or look at you so attractively but it's not reciprocated. I guess it was only time. I didn't expect you to still be in love with me after breaking up.. I just hope none of this is true. If it is, well, I just want you to be happy.

[lovealways--yours]

The reason why I still enjoy sleeping on the phone/skyping is because that’s really the only time I even get to see or hear you.

I can’t ask to hangout or walk to your dorm and chill for 5 minutes.

Distance really sucks.

Distance has taken a toll on a lot of my friendships and relationships. I can’t blame it.

You seem so much happier hanging out with jake, your new friends, and just overall. 

You don’t need me ha..

You probably no longer even feel the same about me anymore.