love being 20 something

Dating. Love. Friends. Family. Being in your 20s.

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The In Between Girl

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Crafty AF

I’m feeling super crafty about my new shoe organizer. My shoes were in a pile on my floor, another pile on my closet floor and some in a hanging organizer in my closet. My mom walked in and asked if I can store some of the shoes that are winter shoes.... those weren’t even included in the hot mess of shoe piles. 

So I was online about to buy a shoe organizer when this amazing idea came into my head. I had a leaning ladder style bookshelf in the garage from when I moved out of my apartment. And VOILA

I am still using my over the door hanging shoe organizer for the rest of my summer shoes. But this was a hack I’m finding brilliant! They say if you can’t see the shoes you won’t wear them!! 

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Spiralized Zucchini with Mozzarella and Red Peppers

I've been doing the Weight Watchers Freestyle Program for about 4 months and I absolutely love it. I was really strict at first and lost 12 pounds in 2 months. I've lightened up a bit on how strict I am and have gained some back. My goal is another 10 pounds by August 3rd.

I was away this past weekend in Nevada and got home yesterday so I decided today will be my back on track start date.

I'm going to take pictures tonight so I hold myself accountable.

10 pounds in 44 days. I think it's doable! Ambitious but doable.

Last night I was working from home so decided to tinker around in the kitchen. I made lunch for today, Thursday and Friday. I used this recipe from Sugar Free Mom as inspiration. I'm also obsessed with my Ninja which has a spiralizer attachment- so I try to create spiralized foods as often as I can!

Final Result:

Total number of Freestyle Points: 6 per serving

Yields 3 servings

4 medium zucchini

1 red bell pepper

Chopped basil to taste

4 oz of mozzarella pearls

1 1/2 TBSP Olive oil (I bought a chili basil garlic olive oil at a festival and it was amazing in this dish)

1/2 lemon squeezed

salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste

splash of water

Spiralize the zucchini, chop the basil and red pepper

Mix dry ingredients together with the mozzarella pearls

In separate bowl mix olive oil, lemon and seasonings. Add splash of water

Toss wet ingredients with dry and use tongs to mix together

VOILA!

I brought this to work and it was delicious. You can substitute tomatoes or add ingredients to make it your own!

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Night Road - Book Review

Night Road by Kristin Hannah

Book Review

This book took me 5 days to read. I have almost a 4 hours roundtrip commute to work every day and I was actually looking forward to being on the train. I also found myself reading while I was making coffee, a smoothie, walking down the stairs (do not try that at home). It was unexpectedly captivating. Reading this book wasn't really a choice, it really landed in my lap. I was complaining that I was out of books to read and read my last book too quickly and I'd have to wait an entire 24 hours to pick up the book I reserved at the library. My mom threw about 6 books on her bed and said take her pick. Now my mother and I have verrrryy different reading styles. She is lovey dovey and I'm more psychological thriller. I choose this book out of all the other Kristin Hannah books presented to me and I'm so glad I did. While I feel like the ending was a bit cheesy, the book in a whole was absolutely captivating. I cried and laughed with the characters- literally. I felt so close to each one that their pain became mine. I recommend this to anyone for a quick relatable read. You'll be touched and will even walk away learning a few life lessons. Also reviewed on goodreads

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Plated- Shrimp Pakoras

I have quite the busy life (so does everyone I know), but between my long work hours, my need for a morning workout, and my 3 hour round trip commute- I don’t have much time for anything else except sleep. I am a big meal prepper and try to do all my cooking for the week Sunday night. However, I’ve been a bit bored with recipes lately so I tried Plated. 

I chose Plated over Blue Apron and Hello Fresh for two reasons. 

1. I’m pescatarian so I like a mixture of fish and vegetarian meals. Hello Fresh only lets you choose one or the other. 

2. Blue Apron gives you only a few options to choose from. Plated gives you a ton! 

So for this meal I made Shrimp Pakoras. I love Indian Food and can actually make it pretty well. But this was a bit out of my realm. I usually healify all of my recipes, but this one I had to just make it as is. And it was delicious!! 

Overall I really LOVED LOVED LOVED this food. But my only two complaints

1. They take a very long time to make and they’re hard to reheat so I can’t really use them as meal prep.

2. They are about 700 calories per serving which is a lot! Doesn’t mesh well with my weight watchers meal plan. 

Verdict! I will definitely use again on a week I know I’ll have time to cook :) I will also choose recipes I can healsify! 

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B2B (back to blogging)

Hey all! I haven’t been around in a while...3 years to be exact and A LOT has happened! I’m going to start writing and blogging again.

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Stich Fix Necklace

Hi all-

I got my first stitch fix package last week and now I’m obsessed. I did not take pictures wearing all of the clothes, but from now on I will!! 

I kept two items. So far I’ve worn one, the Bay to Baubles Triangle necklace. I’m obsessed. 

Here I wore it for a night out on the town! Perfect accessory to a plain black crew neck top. Also paired it with my new American Eagle Military Button Down top, ripped jeans and black pointy pumps.

Here I put it with leggings and a flannel to dress up this casual outfit for a day running errands!

Stitch fix is my new obsession so I’ve signed up to receive monthly boxes! I wrote a note to my stylist, Nicki about what I loved and didn’t love so she’ll get me better next time!

If you want to try Stitch Fix I’d love for you to use my referral like here. 

Thanks guys! :) 

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Delightfully domestic

Seeing as I’ve been working from home the past few weeks, I’ve decided to take up cooking! Trying recipes here and there- staying healthy while doing my DailyBurn workouts. 

So today I decided to try healthy banana oat muffins. They came out pretty good...especially being  I forgot to add sugar/honey! 

The recipe is here: http://beautyandbedlam.com/banana-oatmeal-muffin/

The next thing I tried was a Skinny cheesy potato casserole. Absolutely delicious!!!! I make some steamed spinach with it too.

Recipe is here: http://www.thespottedlamb.com/1/post/2012/05/slim-potato-casserole.html

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The Friends We Can't Let Go Of

We all have a few people from our group of friends that we have some choice words for at times. They’ll continuously hurt us or let us down, but we keep letting them come back. If this were a boyfriend most people would have said adios a long time ago, but they tend to be our best friends and sometimes our best friends are more like family than our bloodline

The One Who Always Chooses Him

No matter what she will always choose her boyfriend over you. You’ll have plans set for weeks and at the very last minute she’ll cancel them because something came up with him. She’ll bring him absolutely everywhere with her, even when you may think it’s a girls’ night- it won’t be.  Because of this, you’ll never fully develop a friendship with him. You always see him as a problem that you can seem to get rid of. Even when you try to talk to her about it, the same arguments become exhausting and eventually you’ll give up on even trying to change things.

Why you can’t let her go. She’s been your best friend forever and she always will be. She’s your oldest friend and know that deep down she’ll always be there for you when you need her. There’s no sense fighting over this guy because whatever happens with them you know you’ll be there whether it’s standing next to her on the alter or loading up on ben and jerry’s when things go south. Plus, she can never say anything if you ditch plans for some romance with your man!

The One Who Always Complains

When the phone rings and it’s that one friend who only calls to vent about things you’ll most likely avoid answering. You know that the minute you pick up she will be complaining about a guy she can’t stand or how her roommate is being a bitch. It’s the same stories day after day and you are getting too old for the petty drama. Sometimes she’ll call and start the conversation off like she’s interested in what you have to say, but it will always end with an ulterior motive about her needing someone to listen to her life. These are the type of people that I like to refer to as “drama imaginators.” They literally get so bored with their life that they have to make a big deal about any little thing that bothers them. And you’re the lucky ear that gets to listen!

Why you can’t let her go. This one’s simple! She’s always there to lend her ear! She kind of has to be. So when you have something major going on that you just need an intense vent sesh to blow off your steam- you know she’ll always answer the phone. Even if she only listens to your problems for ten minutes before she’s moved on to hers, at least you got it out of your system, right?

The Constant Texter

This is the friend who will literally text you every single day. Whether it’s trying to make plans or just sending you a random emoji. She just loves the attention of talking to someone on a daily basis. I am definitely not one for texting someone every day so this friend is especially annoying. Sometimes you’ll feel that you are always telling her you’re busy, but remember she’s probably texting you three times in one day seeing if you are free! You almost want to flip out and tell her to leave you alone.

Why you can’t let her go. But you won’t flip out because you know that if you ever need a night out she’ll be there to answer the invitation. Whether it’s a short coffee date or a drunk night out in the city, she’ll be around to help take your mind off of whatever you need to escape from.

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Secrets of a Professional Interviewer

While professional interviewer is not on my resume, per say, I can say with confidence that it’s one of the things I do best! My friends are constantly asking me to help them with their resumes, cover letters, job search and more. So I’ve compiled a few tips from start to finish on landing an interview and acing it, too!

Resume

Some people will tell you an old-fashioned simple resume is best, while others will tell you to add color and different fonts, etc. You want to stylize your resume to fit your personality. It’s the first thing the employer sees so technically it’s your first impression. Take a look at the job description- are you applying for an office job? A creative job? A teaching job? You want to make it appropriate for the person and the company that will be reading it. But one thing is for sure- make your name first and big! In a pile of resumes, make your name stand out! Also take out unimportant things- maybe you were event planner of the golf lovers club, but you’re applying for an accountant position so I don’t think they care.

Cover Letter

I have a general cover letter that briefly states some personality characteristics and some quick job history. However, I tailor the first few sentences toward the company and job I’m applying for. I also go through the description and make sure to highlight a few things they require or prefer

Apply, apply, apply!

I don’t care what statistics show you- hundreds of jobs go up daily! Trust me, I know. Find the sites that are most common for your particular area of work. I can honestly say there were times I sent out fifty to one hundred resumes in one day! It doesn’t hurt to get your resume out there. My super secret for applying to jobs is to apply to ones that aren’t even posted. It sounds strange, I know. But I actually research companies that do what I want to do and send emails to any email I can find. I let them know I am interested in their company and would love the chance to meet the team! Even if this doesn’t land you a job, it gives you an extra connection. Many times they will forward your information on or contact you when they hear of something

Take. Every. Interview

If going on an interview is an inconvenience for you, then you are going to be SOL. Because there will be times that you will get asked to go in for an interview for a job that doesn’t sound great on paper, but once you go in you will see that the company and people are exactly what you’re looking for and this could be your foot in the door!  There have been times that I have gone in to interview for one position and walked out with a higher position offered to me.

The actual interview

Show up on time

Make sure to leave plenty of time. It’s better to be an hour early sitting in the Starbucks across the street than being even five minutes late. If they can’t count on you being on time to this, why would they think you would be on time when they actually offer you the job.

Dress appropriately

I never understand people who think it’s okay to wear jeans to an interview. Even if it is the most casual, laidback company in the world- make an effort to look business casual. But don’t forget to show them your personality. If you’re a skirt person, wear a skirt. If you love yellow- wear yellow! Maybe you like statement jewelry- then do that! Just be appropriate and tailored.

BRAG!

This is your time to show them who you are and what you are about. While many people have no problem bragging about themselves, some people do have a hard time. But this is your chance! Brag, brag, brag! Make them want you. Don’t sound like an arrogant idiot, obviously, but you get what I’m saying. Be sure to bring up that company who hired you as an assistant, but promoted you within two weeks or that company you handed your notice into, but negotiated with your schedule just so they could keep you even if it meant only part time! 

Follow up!

They probably interview many, many people and they most likely block out a certain day dedicated to it, so more often than not you are one in twenty that they see in that day alone. Why not job their memory about your meeting by sending them a quick thank you for taking the time to speak with you and how great of a company you think it is. Not only is it polite, but it’s a great way to keep your name fresh in their minds!

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4 Awesome Things That Happen When You Move Back Home

When you grow up in a small town, you reach a point where it’s time to say goodbye and let the comfortable safety of home fade in the rearview mirror. However, sometimes moving doesn’t turn out the way you hope and you end up back in your small hometown, living with your parents. And sometimes, awesome things happen when you come back home…

  Living back with the fam

While I love the homemade cooking and the absence of sending a rent check out every month, if I have to open one more text message that asks when I’m coming home I might go crazy. Mom, you do realize that you had no idea when I was coming home at 6am living in Miami, right? I lived thirteen hundred miles away and you had no idea what I was doing or where I was. The chances that I’m getting into more trouble in this small town with a circumference of ten miles are slim to none. Also, do I still have a room? Can I at least have a drawer?

2. Never Running into an old flame

There is not another town in the country that I can go for a workout and run into at least three old beaus. And it will usually happen right after you blocked me when I messaged you telling you that I was coming home. And you will probably stop mid-workout and leave the premises the minute you notice me.  And that is just one hour of the day, prepping to go out includes at least twenty minutes of prayer that I won’t see anyone that I don’t want to see. However, without fail, I walk into the local bar and see at least five guys and will probably end the night in the corner making out with one of them consciously aware of the deep regret I will face a few hours later.

3. Hanging out with the besties

When I was sitting alone in my apartment in that foreign city where I could count my friends on one hand I got homesick pretty frequently thinking about the amount of people I’d be able to invite over if only I were back home. Well now that I’m home everyone wants to see me- except no one ever seems to have the time. Most of them have boyfriends and jobs and now I’m back to square one on the couch binge watching Netflix and submitting my resume to any job posting I see in between episodes.

4. Going on Tons of Dates

One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve readjusted my tinder and okcupid locations back to my New York hometown is that everyone is still the same. Literally, I see all the same matches I saw nine months ago and have since received messages like “Oh you’re back?!” or “I know you!” Yes, I’m back, no you don’t know me. That was one date. One. And there’s a reason for that minimal number. I left for a few months and think the dating pool may have been drained and refilled- but no, it’s the same old murky water still lingering around.

For some reason I had instilled in my brain that coming back to town would be new and exciting. That things have changed and I will forget all the reasons I left. While I love my hometown and my family and friends, sometimes you are just not ready to be back. Sometimes you’re not ready to see the memories of the college years when you and your girls took over the city that never sleeps. Sometimes you’re not ready to drive by all the places you went out with those guys and have to relive how it ended all over again. Sometimes you’re not ready to go from living alone to a house of five people. Sometimes coming home is just a mini vacation and after a few weeks it’s time to go out in the world and find who you’re supposed to be. Sometimes you need time to appreciate these things. Maybe that time hasn’t come yet…

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The 7 Worst Guys I've Ever Dated

To the worst guys I ever dated…you’re the worst guys I ever dated.

People tell me I always go for the wrong guys. The problem with this is they are always so incredibly different, how am I supposed to stay away from the “wrong” guy when he is not a certain “type.” My first love was an amazing guy. We dated for eight years- I thought I got it right the first time around, but obviously he thought differently. I figured if I got it right the first time, I’d easily get it right again, right? Wrong. So very, very wrong. It’s been three years since that break-up and needless to say it’s been quite the ride. So here goes.

1. The Fire Fighter- Okay, I dated you because I liked your friend and he wasn’t giving me attention. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s not like I kept that a secret, you knew the reason, after all we did meet through him. You had a certain charm that made girls fall at your feet. It took me a while to see how little you cared, even after I was incredibly sick at a party and my friend’s called you to come get me and you refused. By the way, my ex took care of me and I spent the night with him. But I soon saw your true colors and left.

2. The Police Officer- I liked you for a while. I met you when I had a boyfriend, but I never forgot about you. So I reached out when I was single and we hit it off. However, after a month or so I wanted more than what you could offer at the time, seeing as you were still in the academy, so you ended things. A few weeks later, I ran into you at a bar and you introduced me to your girlfriend. That felt awesome.

3. The Cowboy- To be fair, you are not a bad person and we are still really great friends. However, the bad place you were in at the time we were together, puts you on this list. We would spend every waking minute together for over a month, even at the gym, until you decided to up and leave the state without telling me or saying goodbye. Hell, I found out because my friend was seeing one of your best friends. You then proceeded to tell me we were over because I wouldn’t sleep with you. Two years later I received a call with an apology and explanation as to why you did what you did. l'll never forget the way you made me feel, but I forgive you and I’m glad you’re doing better.

4. The Undateable Man- Thinking about all the time we spent together still makes me smile. We may have had the most dysfunctional relationship for a year, but we always ended up together one way or another. Until about ten months ago when you decided I was too serious and you did not want a relationship. By the way, how’s your girlfriend of eight months doing? You should have just said you didn’t want me. Although, we both know that it wasn’t you who didn’t want me, it was your parents and God forbid they cut you off financially.

5.   The “Nice” Guy- Ugh! I had a crush on you for so long! I always thought you were too good of a person for me. You had this reputation around town of being super sweet and one of your friends actually told me I’d be blown away by the way you’d treat me. And I was blown away, but not in the way we all thought. You played me pretty hard, until you got what you wanted, then you just had a change of heart and decided you didn’t want this. We were long distance so we talked every day, but even after you canceled your trip to see me because of a stupid fight, I still flew back for you. I spent every day that I was home with you instead of my friends. After you ended it I still reached for you, even reaching out recently- but your response made it clear what I was. I was the challenge, a type of girl you never dated before, the type you’d never bring home to mom. In your mind I was dangerous and would break your heart in a second, so you turned the tables and broke mine instead.

6. Cruise Boy- Oh cruise boy. I only saw you a few hours on Saturdays, but we talked all the time. You claimed you spent every last dime on internet so we could message, skype, talk on the phone, etc. You hated that I wouldn’t open up to you so you would constantly say all the right things so I would let my guard down. Maybe it was your sweet country charm or the fact that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you, but I fell hard. After a month you begged me to make our relationship official. Two days later, you called and said things just weren’t working out. Two hours later, you flooded instagram and facebook with pictures of her. Fuck you.

7. The One With The GF- Remember the first time we started talking, just as friends, and your girlfriend messaged me with a hundred questions of how we knew each other. Well a few weeks later you told my friend how you just went through a break up and you were so sad, but asked for my number. I agreed to a date and we went for drinks. I asked about your ex-girlfriend and you told me she moved back to Atlanta. The next few weeks went by with frequent messages and phone calls although our schedules never quite matched up. We went out for Taco Tuesday and you wanted to go out near my place. You spent the night. You started acting distant after that, but even so you’d still text me. I called you on that Saturday to ask you to go out, but you had just gotten back from dinner and were tired. My gut made me ask if you were at dinner with your girlfriend. You had the audacity to get mad at my question and make me feel bad for even asking that. Needless to say I woke up from a phone call from your girlfriend the next morning.

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The Truth About Being the Girl who REALLY isn’t like other girls

Okay I get it, you hear it all the time. “I’m just not like other girls.”   Most of the time it’s bullshit. Most of the time it’s what you tell a guy so they don’t think you’re crazy and clingy and needy. And it’s what the guy tells you to---well probably get you in bed cause it’s what you want to hear. Let’s face it, we all have a little crazy and it comes out in our own ways.

I’ve heard this simple phrase about a hundred times from the start of the relationship to the end. The truth it, guys love the girl who’s not like the others because it’s a chase. But sometimes it’s a never-ending one and by the time this girl is ready to be caught- the guy is long gone with a while slew of girls he’s already left broken hearted.

I was what you’d say a regular girl. The kind who wanted to talk all the time and spend all of her time with you. There was a time when I actually depended on a guy to make me happy. Depended on him so much that when he left I spent three months grieving. THREE MONTHS! I basically sat in bed and watched every episode of Medium until I was finally coerced to go to work and get over my dead-end of an eight year relationship.

So I had to change and adapt to this new person I was to become. This new, independent, determined, awesome person of myself that I never knew existed. But with this change came a price. So here’s the truth about being the girl who isn’t like the others.

I DON’T WANT TO SPEND EVERY DAY WITH YOU

This is a fact. I’m sorry if it hurts you. I’m sorry if you think I’m just saying this to act like a chill chick. I’m sorry if you think you will change me because I highly doubt you will. I like being on my own. I have things to do. I have a job, I like to write, I like to read, I cook every day, I need to clean my apartment, I need to spend time with my friends, I have to go to the gym, I have to go grocery shopping- I have a lot to do. And while there will be time etched out for us- it cannot be every day. I’m more of a once a week girl. And I’m sure there’s a ton of you out there who will bash me for saying this, but I don’t need or want to spend excessive amounts of time with my boyfriend. Which is why I prefer the long distance relationship. I’d rather text or talk on the phone every day, that way I can multi-task.

TONE DOWN THE COMPLIMENTS

I recently dated a guy who would tell me how awesome I was for about ten minutes at the end of every phone conversation. Finally I told him “You should have to do that- I’m not the kind of girl who needs that.” Wrong move on my part cause apparently he heard “Please do this more and as much as possible because I absolutely love it.” I don’t need compliments and I don’t want them. I’m tired of guys telling me that I can’t take a compliment- then stop f***ing complimenting me! I don’t need a constant reminder of how pretty and amazing I am. I’m confident with myself and I almost find it insulting that you feel the need to remind me multiple times a day. Not every girl enjoys hearing these compliments.

**DISCLOSURE: THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD CALL ME A JERK EVERY SECOND- I’VE RECENTLY EXPERIENCED THAT SOME GUYS FIND THIS THE ALTERNATIVE** Just be nice to me.

ANY TYPE OF PDA

I understand there are a lot of people who don’t like PDA. And I am one of them. But I don’t like it at all. Don’t hold my hand, don’t hold my bag, don’t order my food for me and sure as hell don’t try to make out with me when other people are there - just let me be. I don’t understand guys who feel the need to publicly tell the world that they are chivalrous. I’m pretty sure you’re dating me…and I don’t care.

PET NAMES

So after a year or so of dating baby and babe come out easier than full names, but it’s not something I want to hear right away. Any guy who immediately starts calling me baby is a complete turn off. It just shows me how often you throw that word around and the last thing I want is to feel like you are treating me like every other girl. Baby, sweetheart, darling, love- all of these are big no’s and things we don’t like to hear.

 While many girls walk around saying they are not like most girls- they really are. And to the guys who pretend to like they want girls who are different- you don’t. Because the girls who aren’t like other girls are independent, not needy. We stand on our own two feet and we don’t want your help. We are looking for a partner in crime, not a prince charming. We want someone to treat us with respect, not shower us with meaningless compliments. We enjoy your company in ways that don’t include cuddling, holding hands, going to fancy dinners, and constant need of attention.

And to everyone who will probably label me a bitch- I just took a BuzzFeed quiz that said I’m 58% nice, so ha. 

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The Worst HeartBreak

I saw her instagram post and I knew. It wasn’t their last picture together or a throwback of when she was young and healthy. It was a simple picture of a beautiful day where it looked like she went on a hike. With the caption “Today is a day filled with so much sadness and beauty…I will always love you.”

Immediately I picked up the phone. For a while there was silence, I knew she was about to call me anyway because I would know what to say. But I didn’t. My heart ached for her pain- a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The robotic phrases ran through my head “I’m sorry for your loss” “She’s in a better place” “I’m here if you need anything”. But I knew she’d hear them about a million times over the next few weeks. Literally a million. Of course I told her I was sorry. Sorry she had to feel these feelings and live the next few weeks telling everyone she was “hanging in there” and she’ll “be okay”.  Sorry that she will be inundated with flowers and food and love for the sole reason that she lost someone she loved so dearly.

But then I gave her the best piece of advice I could give her. The only thing that kept me going after my step-father passed away. The thing I try to explain to my mom when she starts crying out of nowhere. She’s with you now. All those times you were out doing things and living life while she was stuck inside missing out. She’s doing those things with you now more than she was a few months ago or a week ago. Everything you experience, she will see. I believe she is there experiencing them with you now, a hundred times more than when she was lying in that hospital bed.

See, my step father was an amazing man. He married my mother when I was just shy of three. The day he married her, he put a ring on my finger, too, forever promising that he will love me in sickness and in health, til death do us part. And he did. Now I had a father. I wasn’t abandoned whatsoever and my father is a great man who is still a huge part of my life today. However, that didn’t change the heart of my stepfather. He still treated me as one of his own blood no matter what. From money and material objects to love and attention to discipline and punishments- I wasn’t spared anything. He had three children with my mom (two biologically and adopted the last), but in his mind he had four children.

Growing up I didn’t realize that there was anything unique about him. I thought all stepfathers did that for their stepkids. But as a got older, I realized they don’t. Once I was talking to a friend’s stepfather and he said “God gave me exactly what I wanted, a boy and a girl.” And I said, “No you have two girls.” Then he claimed my friend wasn’t his daughter; that’s how I knew that I was given an extraordinary man.

I remember going to visit him in the hospital while he was sick, two and a half years of sickness and he was still the happiest guy in the world. He’d laugh at everything I said and we would watch tv shows and movies for hours. I knew he would be sick forever, but I didn’t know how short forever really was.

Here’s the thing I learned about death. After you experience death, the kind of death where everyone is thinking of you for two weeks and then they go on with their lives (as they should) and you’re still sitting there wondering what the hell just happen and if it’s really real. The kind of death where you suddenly have to readjust your life, your present and your future and live a new life of “normal.” The kind where there’s one less person there. The kind where one of the few people you truly loved and trusted in the world is just gone. This kind of death will show you true heartbreak.

I’ve dated before, been in relationships, broken hearts, had my heart broken, lost a best friend. But this heartbreak is different. This heartbreak is the kind where your whole being just shatters into a million pieces. Where you’re supposed to just understand, accept, and continue life knowing that you are no longer whole. A part of you is gone. And that part will never be there again.

Death makes you strong. I can see that now. At first I thought it made me weak. I thought I was this forever broken, damaged person. A million things have run through my brain, like the painful realization that the man I marry will never get the chance to meet him and my future children will only have stories and pictures of their grandfather. But as time goes on, all that brokenness and all those fears work together to make you stronger. They make you appreciate everyone and everything around you. Even if you already appreciated it, death will bring that appreciation to a level you never knew possible. You’ll take advantage of your time here as best as you can and realize that you can do anything and everything right now, at this very moment. And you’ll just do it.

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be able to be hurt again. Like no one will ever truly be able to break my heart again. I’ve felt that pain and I’ve survived it and anything else that comes my way is a speed bump that I will recover from much easier.

So to my beautiful, gracious, amazing friend. I love you so much and although I’ll never know the right thing to say no matter how many months pass, just know that when you want to cry or laugh to reminisce or vent, I’ll be here. I’ll be here tomorrow, in a year, in three years, in ten years. I know I only met her a few times, but if she raised you then I know she must have been amazing. Thank you for being there for me even before you understood my pain.

[lovebeing20something-blog]

The Man's Guide to OkCupid

So if you read my articles, blog, twitter, or my mind you should know I’m all about online dating. I work a lot and going out gets exhausting, so what better way to meet new people than while sitting in bed watching Friends reruns and stuffing my face with mac n cheese. But in all seriousness, it’s pretty entertaining.

While I’ve met a few people from there and nothing panned out, I’ve decided to reach out to the world of men and talk to you a little about your OkCupid profiles.

Your profile itself

You’re giving the camera the finger in your profile picture. Well since you’ve already flipped me off, let’s get to know each other.

Gym selfie, gym selfie, biceps, abs, abs, abs, woah! TMI. Wait, so you like to work out? Nice body parts. And I love that your iphone covers your face since all of these are mirror pics.

I’m easy going, fun loving, down to earth, and laid back.  I’m fun loving, down to earth, laid back and easy going. I’m down to earth, laid back, easy going, and fun loving. Sorry just scrolling through profiles. Apparently OKcupid has certain personality requirements.

 I’m not good at writing about myself, so just ask. That’s not the point of this site. If it was I’d just walk up to random people on the street and just ask.

Kik name: Imawesome69. You’re either in high school or a Kardashian.

I’m sensitive, romantic, and a real gentleman. Please just make more lists of what you think we want to hear.

Replies frequently. Yes! You answer almost every girl who messages you! Such a turn on.

The Messages You Send

Wait so you were in Bring it On? I appreciate the effort you made by reading my profile, but at least read it. I LOOK like her, I’m not her. If I was, I wouldn’t be on this site.

I’m funny- here’s a joke Followed by super lame attempt at making me laugh. (My profile says at the end to message me if you’re funny) I understand that you are making an effort by skimming through my profile and picking something that jumps out at you to talk about, but keep in mind that every guy is doing this so chances are we are getting the same messages every day.

I’ve married and divorced you already. I’ve gotten this like five times. What does this even mean?!

Hello? You there? What’s up? Too shallow to answer? Messaging me multiple times will not get a response. Insulting me will get you blocked.

I see you’re Catholic. Watch this debate on YouTube because it’ll change your views. First of all, it won’t. Second of all, no thanks. Why are you messaging me if our views are so completely different. My profile says I go to church every Sunday, yours says organized religion is the root of all evil. We probably won’t get along.

21 questions. I totally get that you’re trying to get to know me here, but we can do this over coffee in a normal conversation. Why are you asking me “if you can be any inanimate object what would you choose?”

Hi, how are you? I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. Just wanted to say hi. Would love to talk to you. If not, I totally understand. Okay, I’m glad you understand.

While physical attractiveness is very important especially when it comes to online dating, there are other aspects that come into play. So maybe make some effort to be yourself and unique. Stop trying to fill your profile with useless crap that you think we want to hear. You’re not as original as you think. And please, stop being so thirsty.

[lovebeing20something-blog]

Are Men Intimidated By Successful Women?

The modern woman: Smart, independent, stable… And a turnoff?

Since the beginning, women have frequently been stamped as the inferior gender. Due to this inequality, women have fought to earn the rights they deserve and make their voices heard. Unfortunately, even in the twenty-first century, women still have to compete with men to get equality.

Growing up, my mother was the head of the household. Most disciplinary action was initiated by her, and most decisions were made by her. Although she was a stay-at-home mom, she handled all of the money flow and made sure all of the bills were paid. Once her kids were old enough to go to school, she went back to work. She was a strong, independent woman and even though she was happily married, instilled the idea in her daughters that you don’t need a guy to be happy. My stepfather loved my mother for everything she is: intelligent, strong, forward, persistent and determined.

As I got older, I realized I was a lot like my mother in those aspects. I worked hard in school, did a bunch of outside curricular activities and had a part-time job. I had a boyfriend throughout high school and college, so I always left time available to see him. After we broke up, I needed to fill that free time with something. I began to do even more. I filled my summers with extra courses and a second job. By the time my last semester came I was graduating early, the health editor of my newspaper, interning at a television show, freelance writing for an online magazine, and working as a secretary at a doctor’s office. I had little time to be sad about my break-up and I was focusing on me.

After graduation, I could not find a job in my field immediately, so I continued to work as a secretary. During that time I met a guy and we hit it off immediately. We spent all of our free time together. As things got more serious I started to spend more time with his family. I soon realized that they were a “traditional” family. His father worked and brought in all the money, while his mother stayed home with the kids. Not only that, but his father made almost all of the decisions while his mother took a backseat. Sometimes I would see how certain things would upset her, and she wouldn’t even speak up about it.  This was not something I was used to. My mom would constantly challenge people and say how she felt about anything and everything.

About nine months into our relationship, I got a full-time job working on a television show. I was traveling about an hour to work every day, coming home late, and working on the weekends. This is when the comments from his father started rolling in. Subtle things like, “You work too much” or “You’re never around.” Soon my boyfriend started making statements about how his future wife would never work. At one point he told me to just work my retail job part-time, completely ignoring the fact that I work in television full-time.

That relationship  ended for reasons other than my work ethic, and I never really thought about it again. I attributed it to one person’s upbringing and dropped it. Until I started dating again, every guy I started to see would constantly bring up how I work too much and some even tried to belittle my career. The word “workaholic” would be floating around like it was part of my name.

To this day, I still fill up a lot of my time working. I will go from one job to the next and work up to 20 days in a row without a day off. It’s not that I need to be working all those hours, but I actually enjoy it. I am 23 years-old and I have a full-time job. I enjoy working my retail job so I do that nights and weekends and I also like to write, so I do that as well. I have moved out and pay all my own bills. I buy my own groceries and cook my own dinner. I like being independent and working hard to get to where I want to be.

So many guys that I have dated have relied so heavily on things being handed to them and haven’t actually focused on supporting themselves. And even the guys who do fully support themselves try to one-up me or talk down to me.

Are men actually intimidated by the modern day successful woman? Is it sexier to be the “dumb” unmotivated girl that so many girls portray themselves as? Are guys so insecure that they feel almost threatened by their woman being independent?

****This article was first published on The Miss Information! ****

[lovebeing20something-blog]

& this is why you're friendzoned

Recently, a few of my guy friends had casually dropped into conversation how they feel they are always friendzoned. Some of them even said there was a point when they wanted to be more than friends with me. I couldn’t imagine them wanting more from me since they always seemed like they only wanted to be friends.

Then I thought about a recent date. I went out to dinner with a guy and when the check came I had assumed we would split it. I had absolutely no idea that we were on a date, we had hung out so many times prior and he had never made a move so when he told me he was paying because we were on a date, I was embarrassingly surprised.

So I looked back at the beginning of my friendship with my guy friends and I noticed some similarities between them and even this recent guy, that may have been the cause of them being put in the zone.

1. You didn’t flirt with me. You may think that texting me every day shows me how much you want me, but when you text me only talking about our days and weekend plans, it doesn’t give me any inclination that you want to be treated differently than my girl friends. While I do enjoy discussing every day things with you, I need a little passion. Say something flirty, make me want you! All girls love being called pretty and beautiful, but there are times where I’ll need some sexy banter back and forth.

2. You tell me how one day I’ll find the one guy that will treat me right. Yes, you are right. One day I will find the one that will treat me like a princess and will love me forever. But by telling me that you didn’t make it seem like you wanted to be that one at all. You were basically pushing me to look outside and find that guy. You need to be more forward about your feelings and tell me that you want a chance to be that one!

3. We go out, and you don’t make a move. I’m not telling you to grab my face and make out with my in the middle of the movie, but you could at least put your hand on my leg or grab my hand. Show me that there’s something more than two friends going to the movies!

4. You have a ton of girl friends. There was a point when I was super interested in the guy who critically acclaims he is forever in the friend zone when it comes to girls. But I saw more in him and I liked him and wanted to be more than friends. But it was being in the friend zone that actually drove him away from me. I get it, you liked a girl, she liked another guy, so you thought hey let’s be friends. But with every  girl? Really? If your girl to guy friend ratio is 5 to 1, at some point it will get in the way. When a guy I like doesn’t like me back, being friends is the last thing I want to happen.

5. You don’t want to fight with me. This might sound silly, but it’s true. While I’m all for letting things go to avoid an explosive argument, if the same situations come up time and again, don’t you think it’s time to confront them? Saying sorry and working things out is all about caring, and by not wanting to talk about stuff just to steer clear of an argument, makes me feel like you don’t care. And that attitude probably won’t even get you friendzone.

 ****PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED ON THE MISS INFORMATION!!****