Don't Judge Me

Sometimes I think everyone else is crazy and then I think, wait maybe everyone else is normal and I'm the crazy one.

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The struggle is real

I can't get Pokeman Go to load!!!!

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Yesterday getting ready to go home.

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So this happened today.

I tried on the new swim suit I ordered.  

As I was looking in the mirror I realized out loud that my butt is getting smaller.  

My 16 year old, god bless her heart, said I must be loosing weight.  Well the scale and I no that is not the reason.  

Holly fuck!@!!  My butt is falling!

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Oh body, Why do you betray me?

Update on the blood pressure.  

The doctor asked me all the same questions.  I have been getting these questions for over 16 years.  See the high blood pressure developed when I was pregnant with my daughter.  Everyone and I mean everyone said this was just pregnancy and it would go away after I gave birth.  Guess they were wrong!

But I have had the same doctor for years.  And every time I go to her with my blood pressure problems I get the same questions.  

1. Have you lowered your caffeine intake?   Yes (I want to yell at this point) because I am down to one cup of coffee in the morning!! God I love coffee.  I love the smell, the taste, and how it warms you up in the winter.   So yes I want to scream at her that I am depriving myself of something I love!!!

2. Do you exercise?  Now this I have to admit I have not been good about this winter.  I love to walk.  It calms my nerves.  However I HATE winter.  So walking has been out of the question.  I do need to get back in the habit though. 

3. Have you lowered your salt intake?  This one pisses me off.  I have never cooked with salt.  I probably don’t get enough salt in my diet!!  

So you see?  My body is betraying me.

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Saturday Thoughts

Realized today (while getting my haircut) that I hate my chin or lack of a chin.  

This lead to deciding that I need to lose some weight.  Getting on the scale at the doctors office yesterday did not help the situation either!

 So during my regular Saturday donation of at least $250 to the grocery store I bought my diet food.  However I did not skip the beer.  I am not ready to give up beer (duhh).

By the way I HATE the hair cut.  Way to short everywhere! Including my bangs.  I look like I am 12 years old.  

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God how I hate Doctors

At the doctors AGAIN! Blood pressure check and I guess the new medicine is not working. Cause I don't think 182 / 118 is good.

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Tired of asking / begging

So between the two of us being sick it has been over two weeks since we had sex. Now I know this is probably normal for couples who have been married almost 21 years. But for us this is not normal. We have ALWAYS had sex at least 2 times a week. I know it is petty of me but I have decided that I am done. If we are going to bang it is going to be him initiating it.

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Bitchy

So I realized today that most of my posts have been me bitching about shit going on in my life.  I think this is because I try hard not to bring home work.  So my outlet is here!

On a funny note....

I got the song "so true" stuck in my head tonight    The hubby and I tried for an hour to figure out who sings it.  We finally gave up and looked on youtube and come to find out its a one hit wonder by Spandeau Ballet.

God I would never guess that!

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I WANT TO SCREAM.

I’m not sure.

So I finally got the phone call I’ve been waiting for last night.  My daughters foot specialist with the MRI results.  Her tendons are torn.  No FUCKING surprise there.  There were 2 options.  1. Give her a bunch of shots and cast her for a month or surgery.   I was also informed last night by her doctor that 12 percent of the population are born with extra bones in their ankles and she is one of those people.  This might have contributed to the tearing of her tendon.  So I chose surgery.  My poor baby has already been over 10 weeks of pain and suffering!  This way she will be able to swim this summer and this will only contribute to her rehabilitation.   

So this morning I get the phone call to schedule the surgery.  I am very surprised that they want to schedule it for next Tuesday.  

I am also informed at this point that the doctor is going to be out of town for a couple of weeks and if I don’t schedule this appointment for next TUESDAY my poor baby will have to wait over a month for surgery and relief.  

So here comes the bad part.  I tried to tell my boss that I had bad news and my daughter needed surgery next Tuesday  and this lead to her not speaking to me for over 3 hours.  I put the fact that I will not be at work on the calendar on Tuesday.  

So over 2 hours later she says to me “did you put your time off on the calendar?” My response yes but I also need Wednesday off.

Now mind you I did offer to work from home and no matter what I will.  However I might need THURSDAY and FRIDAY off too. 

Many things are coming to mind....

1. My baby is having surgery and I might need to be here for her.  

2. How is going to react to pain meds?  

3. Is she going to need help with going to the bathroom? 

4. Is she going to need her mom around to baby her?

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The phone call every parent dreads

I got the phone call at 5:35 last night. My son was on the other end. Mom I don't want you to freak out but I need to go to the hospital.... Long story short he crushed his pinky finger in some shelves at work and it took off the tip of his finger! They sowed it back on and he is going to be ok 😢 Am I the only parent that worries about getting these kind of phone calls? I know this is going to give me bad dreams for the next week! No matter how old he gets I still worry for his safety everyday.

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Did my nails Carolina Blue for date night tonight with the hubby. Going to watch UNC kick Syracuse ass!

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The hubby and me 💜

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Happy Thought

I just realized that this year I have been with the love of my life aka the hubby for exactly half of my life!

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It’s APRIL

I usually Love April but this year I am having doubts.

It’s the beginning of spring in Missouri..  I love spring and summer.  I love being outside, yard work, sitting on my deck, grilling, swimming and so much more about spring and summer.

It’’s also my birthday month and this year all I could think about on April 1st was “I am going to be 44!”  My brain is saying “fuck that’s so close to 50″  Last night the hubby and I talked about this.  He of course he said I am crazy.  But my brain is still wandering to thoughts like...

God your old.

Damn your body is looking worn out.

Shit your old enough to be a Grandma.

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Thoughts

Is it wrong that my husband of 21 years is still my best friend?  I miss him so much when he is not around. He works 60 hours a week!

Things that I love about him....

He makes me laugh. 

He is the first and the only guy to make me orgasm during sex and the mind blowing sex is still there after 21 years.

We still hold hands. Just last night we went out to dinner and held hands walking into the restaurant and under the table.

He tells me I’m sexy. This is huge for me.  I feel like a skinny lady trapped in a fat ladies body.

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Waiting is hard

Over 8 weeks ago my daughter hurt her ankle. After countless doctor appointments we are still waiting to see what can be done to heal it! People say attorneys are the worst! I say doctors! Maybe that's because I like the attorneys I work for! #waitingsucks