
if i look back, i am lost

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i want to take your pain, your stress, your fear and absorb it into me so you don’t have to feel it.
i want to rid the world of bad so your future self, your babies, your babies’ babies, grow up learning about the history instead of personally experiencing and feeling it throughout their life. i don’t know how you feel, but i want to. not because i think it’s a good feeling, not because i want to feel it, but because we are one and if you’re feeling something humanity should feel it too. if i prosper, we all prosper. if you smile, we all smile. if you hurt, i hurt, we all hurt. if we all felt the pain we cause and inflict, maybe there would be a little less; but every positive suggestion or solution seems to be a hypothetical eutopian (or naïve, or oblivious) wish. “i wish it didn’t happen to anyone” but they say that can’t be. it doesn’t ‘happen like that’. it is how it is. it won’t ‘change like that’ but what if it did? the desire for humanity from humans is written off as a childish wish. something in a dream book. so if somebody has to carry the weight, we will all carry the weight. it means i mourn for you and cry for you and curse the sky for you, i defend you and fight for you so maybe you no longer have to wonder if anyone out there is. i don’t understand but if you have to then i want to. i want to feel as tired as you, as an overwhelmed as you, and take it off your shoulders, or at least make you feel like you’re not carrying a cross you did not ask for alone. your children shouldn’t be asking what they did for there to be so much hate towards you. you should not be wondering why you deserve this. any reason that’s chalked up to generational resilience for the wrong beliefs isn’t satisfying our plea of ‘why won’t this end’.it’s not good enough. and it will dismantle at the core. it’s not enough and won’t be enough so if they refuse to feel your pain i will feel it with you. we will feel it with you the next generations will feel it with you until the pain is stuck inside history books and not in the hearts of your brothers and sisters, parents and loved ones. until it’s no more.
By Frédéric Ruyant
spookygirlart
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