๐ฒ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐ด๐๐ ๐ฒ๐พ๐๐
Trigger Warning: Grooming, Age-gap Relationships, Coercion, Sexual Pressure, Emotional abuse, Victim-Blaming, and References to Minors Being Targeted by Adults.
Please read with caution and stop if it becomes too triggering. Always put your wellbeing first.
Wolves rarely introduce themselves whilst flashing their teeth. Often times they arrive with pretty compliments, kind patience, and an attention that makes you feel older, wiser, and unique from everyone else.
Being chosen can make you feel like you're truly being seen. What I didnโt understand back then, was that a safe adult would notice my age and respect the boundary of our age difference, not use flattery to make me forget it was there.
When I was 13, I would often go online anc chat with older men. I was always told "Wow, you're so mature compared to your peers" or "You're so beautiful for someone your age.", I felt really special and it felt so good to be seen. But then after awhile, the texts became more and more sexual, things that started off as jokes "Man if I was your age, I would have a big crush on you!" And after I stopped getting weirded out by those "jokes", the compliments started to become more body orientated "You know, you're really developed for your age..." or sometimes worse, but often times those compliments were also paired with a question no adult should be asking a child, "Are you a virgin?".
After time went on the favours started to begin. I was asked for nudes and I would oblige because this man was so kind to me, he would listen to all my problems without judgement, he would make me laugh and encourage me to do well in school. But then if I stopped, he wouldn't yell or get angry, he just wouldn't respond. I had built up such an emotional reliability on him that when he left it hurt worse than propping my phone up.
Later on when I was 15 I "dated" someone who was 24 and said all the same things to me, only instead of just images and videos, it was all in person.
Now that Iโm older and have started speaking out about my own experience with grooming, Iโve realised how common this situation is for young women all around. Iโve also noticed a trend on Tumblr of young girls romanticising the idea of being with an older man, and as someone who was groomed, that genuinely worries me, not because those girls are doing anything wrong or bad, but because there are adults online who will deliberately use that vulnerability and curiosity to target them.
Looking back, there were things my abuser said that made the situation feel special, private and grown-up all at the time. I didnโt recognise them as warnings. These are some of the phrases I wish I had recognised sooner:
โYouโre so mature for your age.โ
You are not mature enough for them, you are acting your age! And if they consider a child/teenager mature, then they are so extremely immature. This is used to make you feel equal to adults, whilst quietly dismissing the age gap to you but still holding all the power within the situation.
โPeers my age are too complicated.โ
This is a major warning sign. People their age are not too complicated, they just more likely to recognise their creepy and weird behaviour and they will challenge the predator or hold them accountable whilst also holding firm boundaries. Predators will always target people who are still figuring out their boundaries.
Secrecy disguised as privacy.
โPeople wouldnโt understand us,โ โdonโt tell your parents,โ or โtheyโll try to keep us apartโ isolates the younger person from anyone who might intervene, this is so extremely dangerous. I was often told that if I told anyone then we would both be in trouble because I was chatting to them and sending them photos they had requested, but you know, I sent them so therefore I'm the bad guy. That simply is not true, you are a child, they are an adult, they know exactly what they are doing and they are only trying to protective themselves, they do not care about you.
Making you feel responsible for their emotions.
When I tried to leave my "relationship" with Mr. 24yr Old, I was immediately told "If you leave me I'm going to kill myself!" I was only 15 and I was trying to manage a grown mans emotions. If they are threatening to fall apart, become angry or harm themself when you are trying to leave, that is manipulation and abuse. It creates a fear that if you leave them and if they "do it", then its all your fault. It's not, they are empty threats to maintain control over you to keep them satisfied.
Instant soulmate language, sexually charged conversations, cute gifts, constant messaging, talks about the future, acting as though no one has ever understood them the way you do and pushing boundaries can make the situation feel intense and firey. The speed is part of what makes it difficult to take a step back, when everything feels intense and urgent, there is less room to question whether it is actually safe.
But Little Moth, please remember this: you are not the first or only girl they are speaking to.
Predators who target young girls often reuse the same compliments, promises and carefully rehearsed stories with more than one person. โYouโre different.โ โNo one understands me like you do.โ โIโve never felt this way before.โ These words may feel deeply personal, but they are often part of a very dangerous pattern.
That does not make you foolish, replaceable or any less special. It means an adult knew which words would make a young person feel chosen, and chose to use them.
If any of this feels or sounds familiar, please tell someone safe. Save the messages if you can do so safely, block the person, tighten your privacy settings, and reach out to a trusted adult, counsellor or support service. You do not have to confront them or gather enough evidence to โproveโ that your discomfort is justified.
A safe adult will never ask a child to carry adult secrets, protect them from consequences, or prove their maturity by crossing boundaries.
The wolf may have called you wise, mature or different, but you are never responsible for recognising every tooth beneath the smile.
What happened is not your fault. What you do next does not have to be faced alone.
My messages are always open if you need support.
with Love and Caution,
Sister Sin xoxo
