heh

Hi, I'm Laura. I'm 22. .

[lovely-sighs]

I want to heal.

[lovely-sighs]

i wasn't expecting my body to be this broken after giving birth, honestly.

the saddest part of this is how my doctor tells me that these were inevitable and there really were no preventive measures I could have taken. I just want to feel good about myself. These meds I'm taking make me feel so. crappy. and make my face so round, I hate it.

[lovely-sighs]

I like how my bio still says I’m 22.

Lol I’ll be 24 in August.

Idk it’s 1:30am and my sleep schedule is all fucked up again, even if the baby sleeps through the night now.

Anyway, hello~ If there’s anyone left in this dump.

[lovely-sighs]

lmao going to be 30 this year and same shiz

[lovely-sighs]

things are okay until they're not.

[lovely-sighs]

this seems like a good place to spill word vomit into the void.

I don't know how long it has been since I've been here, but so much has happened over the years that I've just been busy busy busy busy.

- I'm going to have my THIRD child and she's going to be my first girlie.

- I just found out I have an immune disorder that could possibly change my life after birthing thus child.

- My husband and I moved into our first home together and BOYEE I wish we had moved away sooner because everything has been so PEACEFUL.

- Been contemplating about changing careers or just switching up schools because I'm kind of tired of a lot of things with my work environment.

- I'm going to be THIRTY this year.

- Still have very, very dark thoughts but taking care of my children and having a supportive husband has been very helpful.

I'm not quite sure if I want to spill all the mess in my head, but i have been very tired. very, very tired. zzz

.

what is this

idk

wut

Voting ended onApr 13, 2024

[lovely-sighs]

i only come here to cry when things are too hard

im happy that it has lessen over the past few years

but lately it has not been a baja blast.

i mainly want to get out of my in-laws grasp and live my life on my own with my growing family. too many comments and sayings and suggestions and should/should not do’s all at once and i really cannot take it any more. there is no control. there is no way of living comfortably unless i can wake up and not worry about how everything needs to be in tip top shape.

it’s too much on me. im grateful for a place to stay but I’m so. tired. Of my life revolving around others. i don’t have a sense of identity when i cannot do what i want a certain way or do anything at all without having to be judged.

the main thing is lack of space and lack of privacy. i feel seen every waking hour and im about to blow up from the anxiety it instills daily. plus i don’t think i can take living in this cave with my husband and two babies any longer than this when we’re all bumping heads to move around the house.

i just want things to get better. ive been patient too long.

[lovely-sighs]

it's happening again.

I'm trying so hard to prevent the same unnecessary stress i had with my first child.

I feel incredibly unheard and I just want to give it all up if I can never prove to other people that my decisions are not stupid.

I'm trying so damn hard to be positive.

It's so difficult to do when no one wants to understand you.

[lovely-sighs]

It feels amazing knowing how much you're worth to people.

I bend my back for people who will just forget about it, twist my words and make me look like the bad guy for no fuckin reason.

WHAT. HAVE. I. EVER. DONE. TO. YOU. PEOPLE.

Is it that hard to be understanding?

Is there really no consequence to making me upset?

Oh it's just Laura, she'll just get all ruffled up and won't do anything.

"You just need to move on"

Every time.

[lovely-sighs]

just deal with it.

[lovely-sighs]

low key not ready for that distant life.

i just want to be with my little family. that's all i ever wanted.

[lovely-sighs]

i want to disappear more than ever.

[lovely-sighs]

I've never drank so often in my life.

[datguyoberder]

Ohhhh yeeaahhh

[datguyoberder]

Happy 1st Django Reinhardt Anniversary, blog. 

[datguyoberder]

Yay, blog! It’s our 2nd Djangoversary!

[datguyoberder]

I knew something was special about today. Was writing down 3/27 and realized I was missing something important. Today is our… 3rd Djangoversary? 4th?

I know I missed the last one, but… Well, I guess I’ll just say it’s 4th until I sort this out. -cue embarrassment- Anyway, Happy Django Reinhardt Anniversary!

Later this evening is Nisan 1 as well. Happy Year 5777? 5778?  See, this one I’m not too sure as well. I just know later this evening’s Nisan 1. -cue more embarrassment-

Well, anyway…

Yay, Django day! Yay, Hebrew calendar! Yay, double celebration!

[datguyoberder]

It’s that time of the year again!

Happy 5th Djangoversary!

Ohhhhhh yeeaaaaahh!

[datguyoberder]

3/27/2019

Happy 6th Django Day, blog!

[datguyoberder]

3/28/2020

Damn. A day late this year. But belated 7th Django Day!

[lovely-sighs]

he's so good with keeping it up every year.

But today is our 8th Django Day.

There's no one else I would rather be with and I'm so happy to continue our relationship even stronger with plans for our future.

I miss and love you every second you're away. I hope to see you soon.

Happy 8th Django Day!

[lovely-sighs]

i hate it here.

[lovely-sighs]

missed my period from February and I don't know if I'm just super stressed or pergant.

[lovely-sighs]

the next three months is going to be truly lonely.

[lovely-sighs]

i don't do things for attention. im working hard to afford a comfortable and stable life.