ruxe | 20 | bi

personal blog, mostly just shit on my mind and gay stuff

[primedaily]

[lovelyruse]

[lovelyruse]

[lovelyruse]

i fell asleep to our song playing on the piano on the violin, in the air i watched blue lanterns flicker green and black my spirit danced like the small space next to my bed was a ballroom floor sometimes it feels like if i stand just a little bit taller i'll see what they all see i fell asleep to nothing wanting more

[lovelyruse]

it drives me insane to know we were all just 5 years old at some point/ my favorite sweater used to have a big star on it/ my favorite color used to be a big part of how i introduced myself/ who am i now? who are we now?

[lovelyruse]

i can’t ask you to be nice to my heart- i drag this thing around by a string- im stupidly happy with you just looking it’s way

[lovelyruse]

ii found myself hating you for being up so high- ive always known it though- i built that pedestal- and ive never forgiven myself, but ive never forgiven you either- how can you fall in love with my eyes all the way up there?

[lovelyruse]

you used to intimidate and excite me like a blank canvas- now my heart is too heavy to kiss my mind good night- shadows have been holding me when i go home- and you belong to me like green belongs to the sun- not at all.

[lovelyruse]

i took a shot before noon today. i work at three. i think i did it because its been so tiring trying to be good. but its not like that. i cant slack off with my job because i love it too much. i cant slack off with my relationships because the ones i still have mean the world to me. i cant slack off at home unless i want to live in a trashed, cluttered nasty memory of my old life that killed me. i just got a bike so i can do a 20-30 minute commute to work instead of ubers and i think my legs never hurt for long at all because my body knows my mind needs that space where i can be alone, and i can push myself, but not too hard because other people exist and i dont have to interact with them. its like medicine. i dont know. i guess im just not used to not having an unhealthy routine.

[lovelyruse]

i think if the world was ending, i’d want to spend it with you. learn everything i could before it all went away

[lovelyruse]

Im thinking I think about him a little too much

[lovelyruse]

2yo kids vibe has been poltergeist lately. must shake everything on the walls, must flicker lights. must moan freaking constantly. love him.

[lovelyruse]

"I must get rid of you," she whispered, her eyes nothing to the replicant.

"oh, but then, who would you blame your sadness on? better yet," she laughed,

"who will you blame when no one loves you still? are you ready for your own wrath when you cannot make tragic art?"

"or should I remind you of everything you cannot do without me?" her heart, nothing to the replicant.

[lovelyruse]

I taste you in every startled breath

why are you different than the rest of them

[lovelyruse]

biggest pet peeve lately is asking me if its the north or south door,, like yeah can you pass me your compass columbus fuck

[lovelyruse]

oh just so were fucking clear today she HUGGED, cannot stress this enough, ME

[lovelyruse]

dreadhead