Who had on their bingo card that Jared Leto would spend the last days of 2024 in Thailand. Not only in Thailand, but in Krabi. Not only Krabi but at Railay Beach, at the Rayavadee resort, the place Colin Farrell stayed at right after the shooting of Alexander had ended in 2004? Of all places he wound up there... again. Not on my card, at least.
Captioned with: Hello Thailand long time no see â¤ď¸ 2004, 2014 and now 2024. Some things change, others never do
Remember, we had this stunning trip down memory lane in 2014, showing him watching a sunset at Railay Beach:
Captioned with:Â #Thinking about you
Below are impressions from his much more publicized vacay that stretched over Christmas and his 53rd birthday. Just New Year's Eve he apparently jetted off to Tokyo.
Jared shared his Thailand activities (diving, climbing, sunset watching) and grown wealth extensively on Instagram and Snapchat. He chose two songs of his own (of course) as soundtrack. Life is Beautiful on Instagram, and Great Wide Open (which has all the known symptoms of a Farrelleto song) on Snapchat.
[I'm a thief; You're a liar] But we live in our wildest dreams, Into the great wide open, Across a land of blood and dreams
he croons under the Snapchat videoâŚ
⌠and then treats us to a sunset view across an exclusive beautiful beach, which is at a different resort in Phuket now.Â
This land âof blood and dreamsâ where an âIâ and a âyouâ lived their âwildest dreamsââit really looks like Mr. Leto gave us a personal 20th anniversary of Alexander after all. Why, thank you for that! There was nothing all yearâno reminiscence, no word from Colin, not even from Oliver Stone. Until these posts.
You can't look at them and not make a connection to Alexander; even without an explicit mention of the movie, it's all over the messaging. The choice of location, Jared giving his sternest Hephaistion gaze like it's 2004, or 2014, for that matter, the philosophical reflectionâŚ
And with that comes the one who shall not be named.
Funny enough, I realized something when I was making this post. Jared has edited the caption. Some time after December 21, the phrase âSome things change, others never doâ was extended with an đĽ¸Â emoji.
Come on! đ What is that supposed to mean? Why would someone take time to do that?Â
I'm spitballing here and assume, yes, this was deliberate. The caption expresses a specific sentiment in abstract terms about passing time and âthingsâ that aren't affected by it. The curious addition of 𼸠was made to hint at what it is that he thinks is âneverâ changing. It's a trivial observation that some things change and others don't, insofar as his vacation destination is concerned or anything else on this planet, but the âneverâ does some heavy lifting here. Maybe it's kept opaque because he wants to communicate something different altogether. It pertains to the timeframe of â2004, 2014, and now 2024â. Something hasn't changed since his first time in Thailand, and he's certain it âneverâ changes. âThingsâ can mean a lot.Â
And I listen, and I think everyone with a certain sensibility here will get it too. To quote an sometimes đĽ¸-looking-actor circa 2004 concerning the relationship between Alexander and Hephaistion in the movie:
You'll probably get the fucking vibe unless you're blind and deaf.
I don't think we are, are we, blind and deaf? The vibe is vibing.
Thirty Seconds to Mars is currently on their Seasons tour and Jared Leto has been playing âsong rouletteâ several times during the acoustic part of the show. True to the interactive spirit of all Mars shows, he asks fans for suggestions of old songs he used to play. His memory often proves a bit rusty, though, so itâs mostly been just the choruses and some vocalises - ah-ah-ahs, oh-oh-ohs.
But refreshingly, Jared Leto can still play the twenty-year-old song âA Modern Mythâ from beginning to end by heart...
âA Modern Mythâ was the first song ever played live off their second album A Beautiful Lie (2005). That was long before finishing and releasing the album. In fact, it was February 2004, about a week after he had wrapped shooting Alexander (2004).
Thereâs a review of a gig from February 21, 2004, at the Roxy in West Hollywood with quite favorable first impressions of the song and performance. It's an interesting glimpse into the bandâs biography as well - Tomo MiliÄeviÄ was still a newbie; Shannon Leto was energized; Matt Wachter's input elevated their sound; the guys were close with Incubus, especially Mike Einziger who contributed here on a âWhere the Streets Have No Nameâ cover.
But âA Modern Mythâ, or just âMythâ then, had a special place in the set list. It was performed by a nervous Jared and a string quartet. Clearly a labour of love.
The concept of the duality of myth and reality as a song theme was completely contingent ⌠wait, no, kidding! It was the central theme of Alexander!
Ptolemy: Alexander once said to me that we are most alone when we are with the myths.
And thus it was Colin Farrellâs number one theme, for a certain period of time.
It begs the question: was Colin Farrell at the TSTM gig in February 2004, at the Roxy in L.A.?
Probable, he was. He was also at the show of his 2003 fling Britney Spears on March 8. Hobbling on crutches, necklace with medallion, that contained Letoâs/Hephaistionâs lock of hair dangling around his neck (which it would for several weeks more), listening to AMM - I can easily picture it. Not even made up. Pendants were worn by both actors throughout the film shooting and beyond by Colin, while on crutches. Even when most of his other clothes would mysteriously fall off or were never put on, this thing stayed put. Dedication.
So hereâs some slightly out-of-character New York Post gossip story saying Colin on crutches was outside the Roxy âthe other nightâ and in a defensive mood ...
Which other night? Hereâs the schedule of bands playing the Roxy between Colinâs return from Thailand - shooting wrapped 13/02/04 after which he spent some days in Krabi at a resort - and the date given here (12/3/2004). I think it boils down to two dates - if at all: Courtney Love or TSTM.
Wouldnât he choose his actor buddyâs concert? After all this was the guy who had been portraying his loyal friend and lover, who had been closely working with him on a daily basis from August the year before until not even a fortnight before the concert date, who had planned something very special and novel for his stage return after a long band hiatus due to the film shooting, including a cover of U2, Colinâs favourite band, almost like a surprise, whose strand of hair Colin was still carrying around his neck.
However, eventually Colin took the necklace off and jetted off to Cape Town to shoot "Ask the Dust". The necklace was deposited at his home in Dublin. "A Modern Myth" was often played, in different emotional iterations. It remains linked to Alexander and Colin Farrell.
The pandemic brought us Farrelleto back (kinda): 2021, the year of The Batman and House of Gucci and faked Italian accents
2021/22 was a Farrell/Leto year first and foremost due to the stellar make-up work by Mike Marino (@ prorenfx on Instagram) and his frequent collaborator GĂśran LundstrĂśm (@ effexstudios_goran) who created the stunning masks for Colin's Penguin and Jared's Paolo. The Batman shoot ended about the time that House of Gucci's started, so for LundstrĂśm these were back to back jobs. Because of their unrecognizable appearances in their roles, Colin and Jared were constantly mentioned together on social media for the most part of 2021/22. That was fun while it lasted.
By now, I think that it's not quite a coincidence. If you listen to Jared and Colin, you might get a feeling that they, too, talked about it â with each otherâŚ
Jared Leto about âthe idea of a maskâ
Iâve heard about actors who didnât have the character until they put on the shoes. In this case, I was sent the script for another part; when I read the script, I really connected with this character and I saw a lot of opportunity for heart and humor. Once I started doing the research, I [knew] this was going to be a pretty intense transformation. And I love immersive work. I love the idea of a mask. In the earliest theater, actors would wear masks. Itâs not only a disguise â a mask also reveals. My job is to create a life behind the mask, and GĂśranâs job is to find humanity in the mask. Itâs not just about how well he puts together some chemicals or chooses the right colors. Itâs really about creating an individual.
THR, December 7, 2021
Jared Leto about taking the chance to channel his own grandfather in House of Gucci
The Dallas Buyers Club Oscar winner â who is speaking to Screen International prior to the death of that filmâs director Jean-Marc VallĂŠe â was originally considering a different part in House Of Gucci, but after reading the script fell in love with Paolo, the black sheep of the Gucci family who ends up turning on his relatives after his dreams of becoming a designer are thwarted. âI could relate to Paoloâs desire to be taken seriously as an artist, his desire to be heard, his desire to create something special and share it with the world,â says Leto. âHe reminded me a lot of my grandfather, who had a kind of mischievous charm to him and was gregarious and full of life and laughter. In my life I can be quite reserved and quiet unless Iâm on stage [with his band 30 Seconds To Mars], so I love that Paolo was virtually singing and dancing all the time.â
Screendaily, January 2022
Jared Leto about having permission to âgo completely fucking crazyâ on set
Leto let Scott know that he wanted to work with him years back at the 2003 Morocco Film Festival. Theyâd run into each other. And Scott was on the set of âBlade Runner 2049.â After asking to play Paolo instead, Leto spoke to Scott on the phone. âI basically told him I was going to go completely fucking crazy if we were going to this,â he said. âHe was going to have to take the cuffs off and let the lunatic run around the asylum, in a way.â
IndieWire 2021/2022
Colin Farrell talking about all the things Jared Leto talked about â the idea of masks, shadows and having the permission to let loose without judgment
Look I only had as I said five or six scenes or seven scenes, and I wasn't quite I was at the early stages of looking at what I felt, I could do or bring to it, I was at a bit of a loss and then when I saw what Mike did, the whole character made sense to me, I swear to God, I saw what he did, and I just went okay, okay, and I got really excited about this all that to say that most of â if anyone ever thinks what I do in Batman is a decent performance, I'll gladly take 49% of the credit, I â honest to God, I'm notâIâm not joking you, cause there's â you know mask work? And like Jung used mask work and certain eastern philosophies have used mask work, itâs a very powerful way to allow the shadow to have permission; the shadow that exists in all of us to have permission because you're aware that you're not gonna be judged, that you feel protected from, you know, the awful rule of judgment that man inflicts upon each other. Well, that's gone and so the sense of Iâyou know, conventional logic would say, maybe with a full face covering you, that it would be limiting that it would, you would feel constricted⌠it was 100% the opposite! It was so fâdamn liberating, it was so liberating, and I felt so free, and I felt like, and I may be proven wrong, I felt like it was impossible to be too big â cut to: Farrell is too bigâ but like I had such, Mike gave me such permission to just explore you know behaviors by the brilliance of the work that he did, Mike MarinoâŚ
Happy sad confused Podcast, July 2021
Itâs not only that, but Colin and Jared approached their characters, Oz and Paolo, similarly - the kind of similar, I perceive as essentially the same ...
Colin said Oz is a variation of Fredo from the âGodfatherâ. Fredo served as âemotional referenceâ.
Jared conceived his Paolo as a mixture of his own âcheekyâ grandfather - which he admits - and the real Gucci imbued with Fredo-like motivation.
It makes a lot of sense, for both!
Also on a personal level in regard to Colinâs and Jaredâs struggles to be taken seriously as artists, one of the great themes of both of their careers, I figure.
Itâs kind of amusing to think about playing Jaredâs father in HoG, so the âGodfatherâ inspiration went full circle ;)
In April 2014 Jared was in Thailand, mind you, ten years after the shooting of Alexander had ended there, and he used the trip for a little sightseeing and a big olâ non mention of the movie that allegedly âchanged [his] lifeâ. The year before, while campaigning for the Oscar, he had successively morphed back into his Hephaistion form - long, flowing hair and on/off beard - and then stayed this way for the next decade.
Thank you, Google Lens! These are the places he posted. All of those pictures (and some more) were captioned and sounded like a personal dialogue with someone.
left: âMy view right now. Yours?â
middle: âParadise. #ThinkingAboutYou.â
right: âThe secret beach. #paradisefoundâ
Who could that someone be?
He went there after the shooting of Alexander had wrapped in February 2004 to recuperate. Depending on which old news source you trust, he fell down hotel stairs or from a table while dancing or jumped from a second story balcony, shitfaced in every scenario, thereby doing to himself what you can see in the picture and also jeopardizing the movie shoot, just a few days before it was to end. But he pushed through anyway and delivered some cool scenes. The photo shows him at Maya beach, the âsecret beachâ that Jared chose to post too ten years later. Colin also stayed in Rai Leh/Railay at a resort, where, ten years later, Jared chooses to make a sunset selfie and an intimate dedication. Such nice coincidences.
Was this the last great episode of FL signalling?
From what I remember, a few months later his yachting era would kick off in Capri with teenie future ex-girlfriend VK and CB and all those other people, giant ego boost included. And Colin? As was to be expected after the Golden Globes weirdness between them and after the release of an album (LLF+D) that was a breakup album with not so nice things said about a lyrical you that couldâve easily fit CFâs me, the cold era commenced.
Jared posted this place in Bangkok. Caption: âThis is where I am right now. So glad to be back.â and âThe door to everywhere.â Google Lens found out that this is a place called the old customs house or Ban Rak fire station, a ruin in downtown Bangkok with a rich history. Itâs been a fire station, apartment building, a sightseeing destination, filming location for In the mood for love (2000), itâs decaying 19th architecture is the backdrop for many wedding fotos and fashion shoots. I like the romantic meaning of the place.
Because Colin made this remark in an interview for Elle published just two months beforeâŚ
âŚmany people made a connection here. Itâs a fun thought. But unlikely. I donât really know why they would watch Itâs a wonderful life (1946) of all movies, after Christmas, also temperatures in February in Bangkok are pretty high, no fire needed and I guess no fire allowed, or staying there at all with sleeping bags, or why would they leave the comfort of their hotels in the first place to watch and so on - but he actually spent Christmas with Angelina and her son Maddox in Egypt⌠Maybe Colin just made it all up for Elle, or Elle made it up, or maybe it happened :D
Anyway, Jared and Colin couldâve visited that building together while in Bangkok.
Here's the caption by a guy who attended saying, that he perceived Jared doing things just to be noticed by Colin...
Say what?! Can it be true?
Look at the 1000-watt smile crossing Jared's face. He's rarely had that in public, but always with Colin. This smile is a very special unguarded smile, almost as if⌠it was authentic.
Here's Colin desperate for a smoke and his beer bottle.
Rosario Dawson was also present.
Look at their rosy faces. I don't know why, but I think they were all fairly content that day. And Mr. Leto, well, he's seldomly looked like that in public since, if you ask me. His public persona is way more cagey (as it probably should be). He looks downright boyish and dreamy here and he's not that. Maybe he's high, I don't know.
Jared was thirsting for his attention. Madly.
In this clip he's inserting himself into the conversation, or rather, monologue. Diverting attention away from Colin while also diverting it towards himself. The remarkable thing here: Jared chimes in and seems to say exactly the same words at the same time as Colin, but mockingly.
I don't understand what he's saying exactly, but it's meant to take the piss out of Colin. And it works. Jared has the laughs on his side. Colin pretends to ignore it, he doesn't look at him, doesn't laugh along, but there's irritation and an instant attempt at self-defense, something along the lines of: it sounds like a lie, but it is true.
Actually, I'm not sure what this babble is about...
but the more I watched it and tried to reconstruct context, the clearer became the subtext, and this discussion seems anachronistic now. I think Colin doesn't have much of a clue what he's talking about, he's just talking. Nature/nurture something. So here the longer version:
Can Alexander be a warrior king and gay at the same time? And could Colin Farrell play someone like that? What a very serious question to discuss in 2004!
But this demonstrates that 2004 was still a different age, the year before Brokeback Mountain, when this was scandalous in a blockbuster movie (it's sill not common) and they pandered to an audience that had in large parts internalized homophobia.
Jared and Colin's dynamic is funny, here and on other occasions, too. Jared really had it bad for him
Q: You know you were working there with some terrific actors.
Leto: YeahâŚ
Q: âŚwhat were they like, for example Colin.
Leto: Colin is great. Colin has a good heart. A great heart. Heâs a beautiful man andâŚinside and out. And heâŚhe was very generous with me. I had an Irish accent for six months, 24 hours a day - and he was very helpfulâŚwith meâŚin regard to that. Heâs a tremendously talented individual and he did some incredible things while we were shootingâŚsome incredible things.
Colin & Jared and another Dublin thing that connects them: U2
Colin Farrell and Jared Leto have one thing in common beyond a doubt: their affinity for the band U2. Not only affinity for, but also proximity to them.
Jared & U2
Let's look at the picture below. It hints at U2 gifting the Leto brother's band Thirty Seconds to Mars (30STM) a lot of Guinness and Champagne and leaving their 'best wishes' and a recipe to mix all of that together after 30STM's Dublin concert on May 30, 2018.
Pretty friendly. Yeah, and why not?
In 2017 Jared had in fact presented the 'Global Icon' Award To U2 at the MTV EMAs like a good ol' friend and with a lot of praise, framing the influence of U2's 1987 album The Joshua Tree on Shannon and him in the 80ies like some kind of founding myth for 30STM. It's not even hyperbole: they had frequent U2 collaborator Steve Lillywhite produce their albums This Is War (2009) and Love, Lust, Faith + Dreams (2013). Unsurprisingly they sound very U2ish.
Fun fact: the picture was posted on Twitter on May 31 - Colin Farrell's 42nd birthday.
Colin & U2
Colin Farrell is some kind of honorary member of U2 since - forever. A google search reaps plenty of evidence of him going to concerts or hanging out with them at PR events, award shows or just hanging out.
He's so close with the band, he even met his on-off-girlfriend through them, who was The Edge's PA. It's not only him, all Farrells are friendly with the band. In 2011 Bono attended Eamon Farrell's birthday party, who's Colin's brother, even though Colin wasn't present, and so on. I don't know if this is a common Dubliner thing, maybe all Dubliners know U2 personally in some way...
Fun fact: Colin's godmother and aunt Martina is married to a man who owned U2's favorite club among others in the 1980ies. U2 once flew from somewhere in Europe back to Ireland just to go to that club.
In 2003, Colin, at the height of superstardom, and Bono were practically glued together. The picture below shows them at an Oscar party (Jared was there too).
Jared & U2
Jared has crossed paths at least with The Edge and Bono long before 2017. No wonder as Bono is a sucker for fame and money and has been mingling in Hollywood society for decades. In 2003, the year Colin was glued to Bono's side, Jared's hardly been a total stranger to the "U2'ers" either...
The picture below shows him at a Golden Globes party in 2003. (Colin was there too) Jared's girlfriend Cameron Diaz, at the height of her stardom and who would dump him for Justin Timberlake shortly after this, had starred in Scorseseâs Gangs on New York (2002). U2 had written a song for the soundtrack and won a Golden Globe award for it, but not the Oscar. In fact, the movie won none of its ten nominations. All Oscar hopes for that movie were squashed.
We see Jared here kind of cockblocking/chatting up Daniel Day Lewis whom he to this day quotes as an inspiration and role model as an actor.
Colin & Jared & U2
Alexander (2004) was shot on three different locations in Morocco, England and Thailand from late September 2003 to mid February 2004. Right after returning home from the Alexander set in Thailand, Jared started to perform Where the streets have no name (WTSHNN) at 30STM concerts. Along with this the infamous Alexander-ish song A Modern Myth was played live for the first time, which made it the first song from their 2005 album A Beautiful Lie that saw the light of day.
After shooting for months with ultra U2 fan Colin, choosing a U2 song that talks of sunlight, dust clouds, poison rain, the desire to break free and be together - and desert plains.... Hello Morocco nostalgia?! Most of the cast were Irish dudes culturally socialized in the 80ies. I can easily imagine this song being an unoffical hymn at parties. Besides Macarena, maybe.
I think, for Jared WTSHNN is linked to the experience of shooting Alexander, which he said was full of "adventures" and changed his life and let him "fall in love with the desert". Both Jared and Colin have talked about the "amazing" experience they had in Morocco. It's telling that after general shooting for Alexander had stopped merely a week prior (Feb 13, 2004), Jared flew back to L.A., still looking like Hephaistion and all, and played these two songs.
In 2008 Colin and Jared were in Park City, Utah, for several days. Why?
The Sundance Film Festival.
Colin promoted In Bruges (2007) and the documentary Kicking it (2008). He was executive producer and narrator for the latter. In Bruges was set as the opening night film and premiered on January 17. The film would rehabilitate Colin as an actor after the ill-received Alexander had almost tanked his career and plunged him into the arguably most severe personal crisis of his life.
In January 2008 Colin was 31 years old and 24 months into his struggle for sobriety. His little son had been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that would impede his intellectual development and come with medical complications. Colin's had to wrestle with a stalker, with the publication of an unauthorized sex tape and a romantic liason with a 21-year-old medical student that took a morbid turn when her depressive ex-boyfriend couldn't handle the break-up and committed suicide. And certainly there were some more problems that didn't go public.
In Bruges though would win him a Golden Globe 2009. A ray of light on the horizon...
Fun fact: Colin's character is named Ray. Jared had played a Ray before in Lonely Hearts Killers (2006) with Salma Hayek, who had starred alongside Colin in Ask the Dust (2006) right before she went on to shoot with Jared. A character called Rayon would then be Jared's Oscar ticket in 2014.
Jared had no movies to promote at Sundance 2008, he was just there... he hopped from party to party accompanied by Brent Bolthouse - a man generally described as a L.A. "nightlife impresario and businessman" - to whom Jared was glued to in public for most of the 2000s until he was suddently and inexplicably not. Jared's most memorable contribution to the festival that year was making out with Paris Hilton for some reason.
Here Jared and Colin with festival director Geoff Gilmore.
On January 19, 2008 U2 graced the Park City, Utah with their presence to introduce another of their vanity projects: U2 3D. "U2 3D mobilizes digital 3-D and surround-sound technology to plunge us into almost supernatural proximity to the musicians." Alright...
Jared and Brent attended the first screening of U2 3D. The two screenings and parties for U2 3D were the hottest tickets in town that year. Long waiting lines and exclusive guest lists.
Before the screening there was a U2 3D cocktails and dinner party at the Bon Appetit Supper Club. Colin was invited. He's chatting to the U2 3D director Catherine Owens here.
But he left early to attend the screening of Kicking it. From there he went to the after party at Greenhouse at the top of Main and hung out some more with Brendan Gleeson and Mary-Kate Olsen. The U2 3D after party was at the same place. One party became the next and Colin and the U2ers were present.
The picture shows Colin and Mary-Kate cuddling at the In Bruges party, two days before the U2 3D premiere.
Fun fact: Mr. Leto isn't a stranger to the Olsen twins, especially Ashley, either...
I'm pretty sure the two well-connected L.A. hipsters Leto and Bolthouse didn't miss out on the U2 3D after party. There were rumors of the band performing there, which didn't happen in the end. They somehow had secured tickets for the screening, which, by all accounts, wasn't an easy task, they probably made their way inside the after party as well.
It's improbable that Colin and Jared roamed the same street at the same festival for some days, and didn't take notice of each other, not even amidst the U2 hype in that year.
Especially when an Irish newspaper article would quote Jared saying something like this shortly after this (January 25, 2008):
I don't know if you've spent any time in Colin's company, but that guy is just so amazing. His zest for life is infectious. I consider him to be a good friend and hopefully if he's in Dublin when we're there, we'll get to hang out.
So why not hang out in Park City? Proof of this "good friendship" is hard do come by since at least 2004.
U2 360° tour 2009
So this Jared in a workflow in his home studio cutting the Kings and Queens music video. Only two months to go until the release of This Is War. Maybe he's a bit distracted because all the celebrities flock out to Pasadena to see U2 on their 360° tour at the Rose Bowl. Among them - of course - Colin Farrell, seen here in the backstage area. He's found himself a second baby mama while filming a movie with her the year before.
Fun fact: the liaison unfortunately overlapped with his relationship with writer Emma Forrest to whom he also proposed parenthood, as one can read in her very fine, bittersweet memoir Your Voice In My Head (2011).
Her name is Alicja Bachleda-CuruĹ. She's 26 years old in this picture (baby daddy is 33) and has delivered a baby son only 18 days ago but you wouldn't know it just looking at her. It's unclear whether the reIationship at this point is still a romantic one, or if it ever really was, because he was already busy thinking about Elizabeth Taylor when he came home from the hospital. Alright... Alicja's baby daddy is about to dump her, but provide for her. That kind of thing.
I somehow love that Henry is her spitting image nowadays!
MTV Unplugged (2011)
In 2011 30STM performed a very good version of WTSHNN during their session. Obviously still fans of the song.
Fun fact: Colin was in NYC on the day (May 13) the MTV Unplugged session with the WTSHNN cover was recorded.
He was papped around Times Square, early and late evening in front of the (then) Foxwoods Theatre (right next to the New Victory Theater) looking a bit pissed.
Apparently he was on his way to a preview performance for the ill-fated Spider-Man musical Turn off the dark that had music written by his buddies Bono and The Edge. After a hiatus for creative overhaul preview shows had begun again May 12th.
Fun fact: this whole Spiderman musical idea suffered from hubris, not unlike Alexander had, which was mostly rooted in this constellation:
Other pics and a video of Colin were taken in front of the Mandarin Oriental hotel, wether it was the next morning or not is hard to tell. Colin takes a cab and off he goes⌠He's in different attire and not accompanied by his sister Claudine, so probably the day after, May 14.
Anyway, he went to NYC with his sister, and though all the available paparazzi fotos give the date as May 13, there's a chance the Farrell siblings were personally invited by the producers, namely Bono and the Edge, to attend the reopening (preview) show which was set for the 12th. Whichever date it was, the fact remains that Colin was in town when Jared recorded MTV Unplugged.
Jared had multi day rehearsals for Unplugged at the (former) Sony music studios which were in 20 min walking/driving distance from Times Square. All of the places are in proximity.
Wouldnât Colin pay a visit to a friend he used to be close to, a fellow U2 fan? It would be so fitting for him as a gesture of support.
Colin & Jared hot takes: They couldâve actually met in Dublin in 1995.
Thereâs this funny synchronicity: Jared, at 23, is staying in Colinâs hometown for "two or three months" shooting his first ever movie with a leading role in which he pretended to be a 17-year-old black-haired Irish boy in the 1970ies.
Colin, at 19, was that kind of boy in real life in the 90ies. Like Jared's character he was also kind of in-between phases, not sure which way to go, but already contemplating acting. After dropping out of secondary school prematurely (according to himself), he'd been in Australia for a while in 1994. Back home again he jobbed as a model (e.g. on an Irish daytime TV show wearing a red thong and not much else), waited tables and took a lot of ecstasy (according to himself). This was before he listened to his brother Eamon and tried his luck at the Gaiety drama school in '96.
Jared was in town shooting his very first movie "The Last of the High Kings" which is an adaptation of a coming of age novel by Irish writer Ferdia MacAnna. Miramax produced. Gabriel Byrne, Stephen Rea, Colm Meaney were in this, too, all established Irish actors. And Jordan Catalano from "My So-Called Life", who was neither established nor Irish, but very hot news! According to a post by the Irish Film Institute, people do remember this well. They tried to get hired as extras.
Would Colin and his three older siblings, those upper middle class kids who were all into performing arts (and who all found their destination there eventually) have missed this? Their uncle being an established musical actor in London, Eamon the director of an arts school in Dublin, Catherine enrolled at the Gaiety acting school - wouldn't they have known about it too, maybe try to nab a job in this?
Fun fact: the exam scene was shot in Castleknock college, a private school that Colin went to for several years (and was kicked off)
Who else does remember the summer of 1995?
Jared does. Unusually expressive when reminded of it. Over the years heâs said these thingsâŚ
But a big part about music is getting out and sharing it with people, and weâre very much a live band, so itâs important for us to be on the road. Weâre psyched to be able to come back to Dublin, which is a very close place to my heart too. The first time I was in Dublin was in 1995, so itâs been a long time. I talk with Irish people and I feel like I need to just shut up.
Hot Press (February 24, 2010)
"The Last of the High Kings was my very first film. It was an Irish movie, and I played a young man from Howth. I've had a long love affair with Dublin, and to be able to come back and play a show with my band in the O2 recently meant a lot to me. It was a pretty amazing experience being in Ireland for the film in 1995, and coming back in 2010 was great."
Irish Independent (March 7, 2010)
He would get his first movie break in Ireland when he starred in the lead role of a young Dubliner experiencing a sexual awakening in the late 1970s. The Last Of The High Kings was based on the Ferdia MacAnna novel of the same name, and Leto remembers the movie with affection.
"I spent some great months in Dublin in the summer of 1996," he says. "It's such a beautiful city, so different to any place I'd been."
Few American actors can nail a contemporary Irish accent, but Leto managed it. "I'm getting a bit nostalgic just listening to your accent, man," he says. "I got really into the role and spoke with an Irish accent 24/7 while making that movie. Friends would call me from the US in the middle of the night and wake me up and they'd think they'd got the wrong person because I would speak like an Irish guy even when I'd just woken up and wasn't conscious of what accent I was speaking with." [...]
He would get his first movie break in Ireland when he starred in the lead role of a young Dubliner experiencing a sexual awakening in the late 1970s. The Last Of The High Kings was based on the Ferdia MacAnna novel of the same name, and Leto remembers the movie with affection.
He's had to content himself with small parts in other fine films -- Fight Club and American Psycho, among them -- as well as the odd turkey. Oliver Stone's Alexander is often cited as the worst big-budget film of the decade, but Leto prefers to talk about the fun he had with Colin Farrell.
"I don't know if you've spent any time in Colin's company, but that guy is just so amazing. His zest for life is infectious. I consider him to be a good friend and hopefully if he's in Dublin when we're there, we'll get to hang out."
Irish Independent (January 25, 2008)
... it's still a theme in 2022 ...
While world-famous now, Letoâs first leading role in a movie was Irish film Last of the High Kings, which was shot in and around Howth in Dublin in the mid-90s. His face lit up as he recalled his first experience making a movie in the Irish capital, which is now a hub for international productions.
âThat was my very first movie that Iâd starred in. And of course, Dublin was a very different town. âBut even before we all had the internet, there seemed to be unfounded rumours of celebrity deaths. There was a rumour, I guess, it was reported on the news that I had died. So people would come up to me on the street and be like âI thought you were deadâ.
âAnd Iâd be like, 'Oh my god, thatâs hilarious, but no not yet'. That was bizarre, that happened all the time filming,â he recalled which much laughter. âThen when the movie came out I was mentioned on the news, I believe, as an âupcoming Irish actor'." Leto, who has since performed here multiple times when touring with his band, clearly has very fond memories of the film, which co-starred Gabriel Byrne.
âIt was a beautiful experience, it changed my life," he said. "I love the country, any time I see someone from Ireland I have a warm feeling, I feel like family. Itâs a great place, a very special place, I miss it."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
His flame rekindled
[One-shot, Words: 6182, M/M, Colin Farrell x Jared Leto]
Summary:
Itâs late fall 2003, Colin (27) and Jared (31) are in the midst of shooting "Alexander" and they've taken their method acting a little too serious. One early morning Colin returns to Jared's hotel room after a night out and finds Jared asleep. He watches him for a while and it brings up a lot of conflicting emotions and insecurities. Colin recapitulates his history with Jared, which reaches back to 1995, and tries to understand how it's all come to this and why it's so hard to turn around and leave again.
November 2003, London
Colin tiptoes into Jaredâs hotel room. Jared has given him a second entry card, like he's given him the key to his room in Marrakech before. Being naturally affable Colin didnât question it. On set they were both taking it for granted to walk in and out of each otherâs spaces, so it wasnât a big deal. Or was it?
Maybe, Colinâs pondering now for the first time, Jared's just making it easy for him.
Colin stands there wavering as he watches Jared sleep in the bed. The lamp on the nightstand casts a dim glow onto his frame. Jared can be a cocky bastard on set, but here, at night, he's just a little boy afraid of the dark. The warmth flooding his chest almost overwhelms Colin. The sensation is unexpected and intense. Very different from the drug-fueled euphoria of the past hours. Given the amount of vodka shots, champaign and coke he's taken in, he should feel inebriated now, but he doesnât. Either his tolerance for toxic shitâs become ridiculously high, or something even stronger is eradicating its effects. Something as mundane as the sight of another man sleeping. But this isnât just any man. This is Jared. Watching him like this sobers Colin up instantly. Everything else becomes marginal.
Should he turn around and go? He bites his lip and looks over his shoulder to the door. Seven or eight hours ago, on the brink of leaving, he stood there and assured Jared he'd be back earlier that night. Unlike the other nights he went out, this would just be dinner and back to the hotel, maybe a drink at the bar, that would be it. Jared, plucking mindlessly on his acoustic guitar, looked at him with an unfathomable gaze which Colin interpreted as either disbelieving or indifferent. An amicable âWhy donât you fuck off already?â was the only reaction he got out of him. He hopes it really was indifference on Jaredâs part, because itâs 5:30 am now. The metropolitan traffic noise outside gets louder by the minute, an unmistakable sign heâd been talking out of his ass last night.
It doesn't matter what you said yesterday, the voice inside his head chides him. You don't owe each other explanations, right?
But it does matter. And he doesnât want to leave. He wants to stay here. With him. The whole time Angelina draped herself around him on the dancefloor, sometimes laughing, sometimes whispering sweet dirty nothings into his ear while Colin wrapped his arm around her shoulders, he tried to think of reasons to go, or rather, he tried to not think of reasons to go. Truth was that his thoughts had been trapped in this room right here, away from the buzz of nightlife, where all that is audible is the muffled sound of Jared calmly breathing in and out. To Colin it feels like a secret safe haven harboring the promise of relief from all the clutter thatâs steering them away from being just Colin and Jared, as they are.
âThis is all I want with you,â Jared had said to him sitting by his side at a campfire in the desert. His clear blue eyes illuminated by the light were shimmering like mysterious gemstones and Colin could hardly quench the urge to tell him exactly that, fully knowing it would make him sound like a melodramatic diva. His brain turns to goo in Jaredâs presence. He canât discern anymore between his actor buddy whoâs five years his senior and to whom heâs looked up to like a mentor, and the part heâs playing. This is Hephaistion, Alexanderâs great love of his life, smiling at him. But whenever he does, Alexander the Great is nowhere to be found. Instead of the sorry ass motherfucker and his bloodthirsty drive to conquer the world, thereâs just an awestruck Colin Farrell of Castleknock who tries to fill his shoes.
This movie, the circumstances of his personal life, the crap he puts into his body every day trying to have a good time donât help either. The ground beneath his feet slowly started to shift in Morocco. Three months later, in the 6th story of a London luxury hotel, Colin feels himself fully drifting and he's never been a good swimmer.
It had never crossed Colinâs mind that working together again would change anything between them. Jared and he had always got along famously even before signing for âAlexanderâ. Theyâd done a scene for âPhoneboothâ three years prior that had ended up on the cutting room floor. Too much homoerotic subtext for US viewers, was the studioâs verdict, also too much for Colinâs movie star image, objected his management. It was a Schumacher movie, what did they expect! The only thing that counted in hindsight was that Jared and he had a blast doing it. As actors they chimed together effortlessly. Their dynamic fed off a mix of interpersonal ease and excitement for each other. It was coincidence and it was a gift.
Colin remembers how theyâd hit it off instantly when they met at an industry party in early 2000, very soon after Colin had set foot on Californian soil for the first time. They bonded over U2 songs and Dublin memories, which was inevitable because that meeting in L.A. wasnât their first either, rather a reconnecting. Jared had been in Dublin for a film shoot in the mid-nineties where Colin had managed to get a job as an extra. Heâd come up to him, asking for autographs, saying he was assigned the task by his two older sisters and gay brother and that it would jeopardize the peace in their family if heâd return with empty hands. Five years down the road Jared still recalled Colinâs face and even his name. It sparked a kind of genuinely off-guard joy in Jared Leto to see him again. A joy that Colinâs rarely seen him express since.
âYou know what?â, placing hands left and right on Colinâs shoulders after an hour of non-stop conversation, âI kinda waited all these years for you to show up here without knowing it, buddy.â
âYou sound a lot like Sleeping Beauty now.â
âYeah,â Jared nodded, swallowing a laugh, âI suppose I do.â His eyes were beaming so brightly, Colin thought he felt them piercing his brain and tickling the back of his head. âBut donât tell anybody,â Jared said and winked at him.
Dublin, summer 1995
"Whatâs it like, all this? All the fame and stuff?â
âItâs fucking obnoxious.â
âYouâd rather not have me come up to you asking for autographs?â
âExactly.â Jared was leaning against a van to sign the cards Colin had given him, all with promo shots from âMy So Called Lifeâ on them. Colin leant back against the van next to him. His head tilted in his direction. Both were about the same height.
âThen why are you here in this country, playing up as Irish if you hate it? No offense, but I could have easily played your part, ya know. Not just me. There are a hundred Irish lads standing in line waiting to play the part.â
At his Jared laughed. âYeah, thing is Iâm famous, and youâre not and this movieâs got to sell in America first.â
âHence the fake Irish Americans playing leading partsâŚâ
âGuess so...,â Jared winced. The remark didnât sit right with him. It bothered him so much he forgot the name of this guyâs brother he was just about to write a dedication to. He spun the pen between his fingers for a second before he faced Colin directly. âLook, this is a business decision. Simple as that. They do this here because itâs an Irish story in the first place, the sceneryâs great, human resources are affordable, the movie gets made with little budget and distributed internationally. If itâs a success more projects will come here. Itâs a win-win-situation for everyone. Even for you.â
âYeah, Iâm not winning, man. Iâve been here for ten hours and my rateâs not worth an evening of pints and E.â
âAlrightâŚ,â Jared scribbled something resembling his name across his own face as Jordan Catalano. âComplain to Gabriel Byrne and the producers, man. Iâm just doing my job here.â
âNo, not complaining. I think youâre doing a phenomenal job, man. Your accent is top notch. You nailed it. Wouldnât know youâre American if I didnât know that you are, you know? So popular here with the girls and the gays. Big deal youâre being here. Big deal.â
âAre you putting me on or something?â Jared handed him back the autographed cards and his pen.
âWhat? No! Youâre great. Honest to god, I stood over there and I was glad I could watch you and learn.â
âWhatâs your point then?â
âIâm just trying to figure out how to get where you are now. I want them to cast me next time a film like this is made. Wouldnât mind the attention and a bit of fame, you know.â
Colin fumbled a pack of Camels out of the back pocket of his jeans and put a cigarette in the corner of his mouth. He stuffed the pack back into the pocket and searched for a lighter in his front pocket. Jared pulled out his own, alighting it in front of Colinâs face.
âSo, youâre an actor?â
Colin nodded, slightly irritated by the gesture. He bent forward until his cigarette tip touched the flame, then inhaled as if he was very thirsty, which prompted a coughing fit when he blew the smoke out. He tried to force down the tickle in his throat. Jared couldnât help but smirk.
âIâm going to enroll at the Gaiety drama school. At least, thatâs the plan for now.â
Colinâs whole face was cramped. He still wrestled with the tickling sensation, yet managed to offer Jared a cigarette with a movement of his hand. Jared accepted. Grabbing the pack that Colin handed to him, Jaredâs fingertips briefly touched the palm of Colinâs hand. Within two seconds he had lit a cigarette. Colin was impressed with the ease.
âListen, I donât have advice. I never went to drama school. I started out wanting to be a visual artist or a director.â Blowing out the smoke he looked like one of the dealers Colin went to to buy weed and whatever the boys were keen on for the night. Except the American could also pass as a model.
âIâm not in it for getting my fucking face on the front of a magazine. I could do that easily, you know. I want to get something out of it that stays with me, that changes me. I like the challenge.â
Colin nodded, maybe a little too enthusiastically for his own taste. âMe too,â he shot back, âdonât get me wrong. I want to be an actor. Itâs about acting for me and the creation of art. Iâve never been good enough at anything else. And I sure as hell know Iâm shite at managing a supermarket. Itâs that art thing for me. I know it in my heart.â
He boosted the sentiment by pounding on his chest. He was giving young Marlon Brando vibes, all clad in Jeans, smoking and his thick black eyebrows dancing up and down. âItâs about self-expression, itâs about a higher truth in the world revealing itself through art.â
âMhm. Yeah, yeah,â Jared mumbled, his arms folded. He flicked the ash off his cigarette before taking another drag on it and exhaling a cloud of smoke that was big enough to engulf them both.
âIâm just keeping my ears open for tips how to get a career going,â Colin continued. âNow that I have the chance to talk to someone like you, I mean â how did youâŚ?â
âWhoa man⌠I told you Iâm not a self-help guru. I donât think I really have good advice for you.â He paused, fixing his gaze firmly on Colinâs face. The expression in the otherâs brown eyes was of genuine interest. He was exuding a puzzling kindness that kept Jared from brushing him off like he usually did when he felt someone overstepped his boundaries.
âSorry, whatâs your name again?â he asked.
âItâs Colin. Colin Farrell.â
âLook, Colin, itâs simple. Work hard and be ready to take chances. And by that I mean take chances that put you out of your comfort zone. Use your looks, youâre cute, you got the physique, youâre fit. Itâs not a secret that this will open doors for you. You gotta be shameless. Who the fuck cares what anyone thinks about you! The only thing you should never compromise on are your dreams. Start off with modeling and ads. Iâve done that and it pays off, man. Put your face out there. Be visible. Make yourself a name.â
Jared held in when he noticed Colinâs giggle. He looked at him, mildly irritated.
âSorry, man, it was just - I was just reminded of when I put on a red thong on daytime TV. I tell ya, that was way way out of my comfort zone.â
âHuh? You mean⌠you wore one underneath?â
âNo. I mean I wore nothing but a red thong. I held my arse into the camera on national TV wearing only that fucking thing.â
âHoly shit! I still need to learn one or two things about Irish TV, I guess.â Jared let out a hoarse laugh. âIs it on record?â
âNo, it was live. I never want to look at this again, I tell ya. Iâm with this modeling agency and they didnât really tell me this was going to happen. It was so weird. A bunch of adults were talking about my dick size on national TV and it wasnât even lunchtime. My mother saw this at home, man, my grannies...â
Colin stamped out his cigarette butt, still laughing but visibly mortified by the memory. He ran a hand through his jet-black hair.
âWhy was it red?â
âBecause it was kind of like a Christmas gift suggestion to viewers. But can you imagine, your granny sees this and thinks âOoh this little piece of cloth there would be a nice wrap up for my grandsonâs dick. Let me order that immediately!â?â
Jared shook his head in amusement. âYou gotta respect the spirit of Christmas when it hits you on the nose, my friend.â
âMore like on your cock. With a nice little bow around it.â Colin made a gesture of looping and pulling in front of his face.
Jared chuckled. âOh manâŚâ He tossed his cigarette on the ground and put it out with his heel. âI gotta go now. Taxi is waiting." His baby-blue eyes were fixed on Colin for a few seconds, a pensive a smile on his face. "You know what," Jared resumed, raising an index finger and tapping on Colin's chest, "you just stick with whatever it is youâre doing, and I think youâll make it.â
âAre you putting me on now?â
âIâm serious. I believe you can pull this off. Just focus on what you want to get out of it long-term. Just hold on and push through, and itâll work out for you.â
âThanks. Iâm not much for long-term right now. Longest term I want to focus is the weekend and how to get pissed out of my head, but yeah, thank you, man, for taking time for me. And the autographs. I appreciate that.â
He held out a hand, and Jared grasped it. Out of the blue Jared pulled him towards him and embraced him. He gave him a clap on the back.
â Never mind, brother. Youâre hilarious. Itâs a shame the shoot is over. I was just starting to feel at home here in Dublin. We couldâve popped a few pills and partied together if weâd met sooner.â
âIâll take you up on the offer when youâre back sometimes.â
âNot gonna happen soon. You know what, letâs meet up when you come over to the US to take my roles away.â
Colin laughed. âOkay. Iâll be there in a few years, and weâll hang out. Take my word on it.â
âI do. No doubt.â Jared flashed a bright smile. An idea crossed his mind. He took one of the cards and the pencil from Colinâs hand and wrote something on it. âLeave me a message when youâre in L.A. someday. This is my managerâs contact info.â
Colin looked at him intimidated. âThank you.â
Jared gave him a wink and a two-finger salute. âNice to meet you, Colin Farrell. See ya.â
By the time Colin arrived at LAX after a nightmarish flight because of his fear of flying, Jared had almost accomplished the task of detaching himself from his teenage heartthrob image. Heâd made himself a name in the industry and was sought after by innovative directors. He was considered a distinguished character actor âtrapped in a candy coating of genetic perfectionâ, as one columnist put it.
Jared was kind of like an older brother hauling Colin to all the hot parties and clubs in West Hollywood and Colin went headfirst. Once his âsexy foreign bad boyâ-marketing had gained foothold in the media, no âVIP onlyâ door remained shut before him, every drug he could think of was freely available and more panties than he could remember were lost in his presence. He partied for three years straight. Then he committed to Oliver Stoneâs pet project âAlexanderâ, and everything changed, his relationship with Jared Leto included.
Heâd personally suggested Jared for the part to Oliver at one of their dinners where he praised his versatility, his determination, his sex appeal. Colin also thought it would do Jared good to leave L.A. for half a year after his long-term relationship and engagement to Cameron had dissolved. His exâs newfound love with a former boyband singer was hot gossip 24/7. All the magazines and celebrity blogs were lusting for drama. Jared had told Colin he was tired of the bullshit, that he was short of punching the next paparazzi who asked him how he was dealing with the break-up. Colin talked himself into a bit of a Jared frenzy over heavy red wine which left Stone puzzled but convinced him to do screen tests. And that settled it very quickly and long before the official casting call for Hephaistion had gone out. Their chemistry won Stone and the producers over.
Their darn chemistry. Itâs become the biggest obstacle for Colin. From day one every Alexander crazed fanboy and girl on and off this set had encouraged Jared and him to not just play Alexander and Hephaistion but be them.
"Hephaistion is Alexander too, you know. Remember that!" Colin imagines his director's voice now and the way he purred those words with a hypnotic diction into his ear between scenes, trying to get him into the mood. Colin dove in head over heels because thatâs what you do when Oliver Stone hires you as his lead actor and has millions of dollars thrown at you: you take risks, you try to prove to him and yourself that you truly are the artist he saw in you. But Colin increasingly finds himself unable to deliver what Oliver's looking for.
Three months into this six-month shoot, Stoneâs guiding remarks are starting to grate on Colinâs mind, because the reality of whatâs unfolding feels to him more like a testament to his own inadequacy. It isnât for a lack of effort on his part, or anybodyâs. Colinâs devoured the script and all its revised versions. Heâs ploughed through the pile of books that Oliver had provided him containing the essential ancient sources on Alexander the Great, like Aristotle, Homer, Plutarch and Arrian. He's pestered the movie's own Oxford ancient history professor turned historical adviser and occasional lance wielding extra with questions as soon as he could get a hold of him and yet... nothing had prepared him for the moment Oliver proposed Alexander should kiss Hephaistion.
When Colin did, something in his blood changed. Something snapped. His whole being was shook and he still feels the aftershocks. Kissing Jared with a heart so full of love as Alexanderâs was for Hephaistion opened a door to an unknown world hidden inside of him.
It scares Colin every bit as much as becoming a father did two months ago while wrestling with the guilt of not being present for his birth; or having gorgeous Angelina Jolie cast as his mother though she's only one year older than him; or being the chosen lead for this 150-million-dollar movie that requires him to portray an extended version of Oliver Stoneâs ego which is simply impossible. Absurdities and pitfalls all around and Colin feels stuck in a pattern of not seeing a problem until it hits him on the nose. Heâs scared it'll be recognizable on the outside that he's only barely holding it together.
Anyway, standing here and lamenting the weight he feels on his shoulders is pathetic. Heâs not cut out for this
Colin gets rid of his jacket and boots, whispers, "Jared!" a few times to wake him up as he knows how much Jared hates to be approached while sleeping.
Jared twitches and immediately wakes from a sleep that's never deep anyway. He turns around and sees a pale Colin sitting on the edge of his bed. Spikes of blonde bleached hair reach in every direction revealing the original hair color that tries to get a hold of it at the roots. This wild getup underpins his hair's outright refusal to pretend to be anything else but black Irish. Jared furrows his eyebrows and scrutinizes Colin with sleepy eyes. He knows it immediately.
"No, not now! Lay down here, okay? But let me sleep."
Colin's coffe-brown eyes are shimmering in the half-light with an overwhelming inner motion. Something Jared can't ignore.
"You smell like booze and smokes and perfume. You stink, man," Jared justifies the rejection.
Colin doesn't reply. He thinks it's cute and a bit intimidating that even at this ungodly hour Jared's not slipping his fake Irish accent. Colin bends slightly forward and puts a hand on the sheets at the height of Jared's right knee, then lets it slowly trail upwards.
"Colin...," Jared says exasperated, propping himself up on his elbows. His long hair, a mix of his own light-brown locks and extensions, flows over his shoulders and chest. His skin's still heavily tanned from those weeks in Morocco. They've both not yet fully digested the experience. In Morocco they not only faced off military boot camp in the dizzying heat, but also monstrous sandstorms and thunderstorms. All while trying to not get their heads smashed in fighting the faked ancient battle of Gaugamela. Their days and nights off they spent smoking a lot of weed and singing U2 songs at the campfire or dancing the Macarena with the boys or whatever high jinks Colin's zest for life produced. In the desert they tentatively made out for the first time. Thatâs where it shouldâve stopped. They tried.
Colin's hand comes to a rest on Jared's hip. He feels warmth beneath the tissue.
"Did you have sex with her tonight?"
Without looking at him Colin shakes his head, "Didn't go that far."
Jared nods, "How far did it go?"
"Just a bit of smooching here and there."
"Smooching, huh?" Jared focuses Colin who's not meeting his gaze. He's unsure if to believe him.
"Alright. I don't give a flying fuck," he says and then yawns the most uninhibited yawn, looking as if he wanted to suck up all the air in the room. "Come on, get a bit of rest. We gotta be in that freezing hole of a studio in about 10 minutes. I'm not gonna coach you on your lines again, Farrell, just because youâre hung over."
"I'm not -"
"Whatever," Hephaistion says and falls back into the pillow.
Colin hesitates, but then opts to follow his initial impulse. "Jared...," he resumes meekly.
"What," the other man snaps back, betraying the cool demeanor he displayed just seconds ago. "You already got your kicks tonight, what else do you want?"
"You," Colin answers not quite as meekly. "Always thinking about you."
His blunt confession needs a few seconds to settle. Jared's chest is heaving, his breath comes shallow. Colin's hand still rests on his hip, clenches it softly. He senses Jared peering, his eyes possibly full of disdain.
"Bullshit! You're just constantly horny!" is the scathing clap-back.
Colin chokes back whatever he was going to say. He slowly withdraws the hand from the sheets and himself from the bed. It doesn't take a second before Jared's arms engulf him from behind and pull him back, "Hey, wait!"
Colin doesn't fight it. He feels Jared's warm muscular body against his back and strands of hair touching his cheeks.
"It's fucking November and you sleep fucking naked. Don't tell me you didn't wait for me to show up here," Colin gripes. "At Pinewood you're always huddled in this big fucking coat between takes and now you're magically insulated from inside, or something?"
Jared smiles, "Caught me red-handed, clever boy." Colin feels him exhaling against his ear and hears his little raspy chuckle. "Maybe I was waiting. Maybe not," he appeases his leading man. "But I was really, really pooped. You didn't show up. I needed to sleep. That's it."
Colin closes his eyes as Jared's embrace tightens around his waist and he feels his face nestled against his shoulder.
"I stink," Colin reminds him affectionately.
"You sure do."
The light tone of regret in Jared's voice hits deeper than it should. For a moment they stay like this. Then Colin wriggles out of the hug and faces Jared, "I'll better go, take a piss."
Jared approves of the idea and watches him expectantly. Colin can barely take it. He can't hold the gaze of his beautiful eyes, look at his face or perfect body. His desire for Jared is glaring up like lightening. He needs to be given a start. Jared slaps him on the shoulder, âCâmon now, move!â
Nervously he scratches his head and goes to the bathroom. When Colin returns, he's taken a quick shower, is all naked with damp hair. Jared's arms stretch out to him unconsciously, with nothing but longing, he sucks back the air between his teeth when his hands get a hold of him. Colin sinks into Jared's embrace, lets himself be captured and conquered.
Jared's head lies on Colin's chest. With eyes closed he listens to his heart pounding. The sound mixes with the sounds of commotion on the corridor outside. They're awaiting the wake-up call every minute.
"Stop shaking," Jared whispers against Colin's chest. But the man beneath him can't stop it. The shaking increases. Jared rubs his arms and shoulders.
"You're cold", he says tenderly.
Colin watches him while he drags the sheets up over them both. His co-star is beautiful from every angle and Colin's short of bursting into tears. That's the kind of mess he's become, far detached from the skilled method actor portraying a power hungry sexually ubiquitous warrior king, that he fancied himself to be not so long ago. Heâs just a frightened 27-year-old fuck-up who feels massively out of his depth.
Because Colin's still shaking, Jared engulfs him in a tight embrace and wraps a leg possessively around him.Â
"Smelling like you now, I hope," Colin mumbles. Jared nestles his face against his neck and breathes him in. He says nothing which tells Colin that he approves of whatever he's just taken in. Colin is relieved. At the same time, he thinks itâs laughable that all he seems to want nowadays is keeping Jared Leto pleased. Jared, who's an arrogant, perfectionist pain in the ass most of the time, but when he feels his firm, slender body pressed against him, itâs like nothing Colin has ever touched or felt in this world before.
Early sunlight is falling through the blinds, lightening their ghostly faces. Colin has finally stopped shaking. He's caressing Jared's forearm on his stomach and feels him falling asleep against him. He twitches once or twice.
"Jay?" he says softly, without getting response. "Hephaistion."
"Mmh."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Mmhmm."
"Do you really want me?"
"Iâve just sucked you off," Jared answers unmoved, unbothered. Itâs kind of a reasonable response from Colin's point of view.
"Yeah⌠but no⌠I mean⌠what is the end of all this? We canât be like that forever. Can you promise you'll stay around when this is over, that you'll still want me in your life? Because I canât. We cannot return to what was before. It never works. It always sours."
Jared moans, which is one of the most unique sounds in this universe for Colin.
"What's your problem?" Jared asks, lifting heavy lids to look at his lover's profile. "Feeling guilty? Unsure? Wanna stop again? If that's the case spare me that for tomorrow, I need a fucking rest now."
Colin turns around in his arms to face him. "You don't understand," he breathes out in a heavy sigh.
Jared holds back a snarky remark because he senses Colin's unease. Thereâs a panic attack looming inside of him, and he knows it can swallow Colin whole.
âThen tell me.â
"I think I'm in love with you," Alexander says with a trembling voice, adding, "That means I'm fucked," and after a second, "it means we're both fucked."
Jared sighs. He encloses Colin and draws him closer to his body, which is hardly possible. He strokes his back and the back of his neck. He'll try his best to break the wave of anxiety and self-doubt rising within Colin Farrell and negate his own.
"I'll tell you a secret, my Alexander. Iâm crazy about you. I think about you 24 hours a day. And you know that. Iâd go farther than we have if youâd let me, and you know that too. I have no regrets about anything and Iâm not afraid of the future... You're Hephaistion too, you know. Remember that."
"It's not just the sexual..."
"I know-"
"I'm going to screw you over so badly, Jared. Honest to god, I'm going to screw everything up until you wish youâd never known me. I'm not fit for the job. I'm not fit to be a father for Jimmy..."
Uttering his baby boy's name cracks him. Colin fully bursts into tears.
"Shh. Calm down. Come on," Jared soothes him. His fake Irish accent sounding so real that suspicion creeps into Colin's mind: he's acting now, all his empathy is insincere, it's not true, it's not real. And he, Colin, isn't gay, not even bi, and definitely not an addict, just a Dublin show-off who's gotten lucky. All of this is smokescreen. Colin aches for home, his family and everything that's still the same.
In a move that feels abrupt to Jared, Colin turns his back on him. Jared is puzzled but lets him be. He's forcing down the frustration inside of him. It's not the first time he witnesses Colin's erratic mood changes, and he suspects it won't be the last. Colin sobs quietly.
"Hey man, listen," Jared says after a while, "whatever happens, I'm there for you. I've always been there and I'm not gonna stop because of you acting like a fucking idiot. That's not what this is about for me."
Colin's sobs stop. Jared knows he listens. "First of all, you're a friend. I'm not giving up on our friendship. Youâre my brother from a different mother. This connection between us - agapos. This is what I believe in."
"You mean agape," Colin corrects him from his side of the bed.
"Agape, right."
"You said agapos."
Jared withholds a response for a few moments before uttering a pissy sounding: ".... right."
"Eros - philia - agape are the three steps of love and they're ascending," says Colin.
"Are you lecturing me now, high-school dropout?"
Colin peeks over his shoulder with red rimmed eyes.
"Seriously, Colin," Jared chides him as their eyes meet. The bottomless blue glaring at him.
"You're a drop-out yourself, mate."
"But at least I made it past high-school." Colin's soft glance is effectively disarming. "Whatever, I don't care," Jared declares.
Colin turns to fully face him again. He props himself up a little. His gaze is resting on Jaredâs profile waiting for him to meet his eyes again, but Jaredâs staring an angry hole into the air. Colin nudges his hand softly against Jaredâs leg, prompting him to look at him, even if still reluctant.
"You know I just donât feel like we are ascending those fucking steps, or ascending fucking anywhere. If anything, I feel like you and I are de-scending, from agape down to eros. We started high on up here spiritually," Colin stretches his arm to indicate the imaginary spiritual plateau of their relationship with his hand. Jared follows the movement with his eyes, "everything was fine, we were great, but then in Morocco it all started to descend down to - here." Colinâs hand slides down like a leaf until it comes to rest on his crotch. "And that's where we're stuck. Almost every single day."
âYouâre unbelievable!â Jared laughs out loud slapping him pretty hard against the shoulder. "You know what, I don't mind being stuck down there! Do you want me to descend there on you again, huh?â
Colin giggles and playfully fights him off when Jared pulls the sheets off him.
âCâmon now, Iâll give you a taste of why you come crawling back to me every day! Let me show yaâŚâ
"Don't ya fucking dare, Leto! Iâm not in the mood. Get off. I'm trained for combat," Colin laughs, suddenly exuberant. Jared stops the teasing, leans over him with short breath and beaming eyes.
"I regret to inform you that it sure looks like you're in the mood for some eros down here." It's a truth Colin can't deny. Jared sits on his lap in all his naked splendor. He tucks his long hair behind his ears. Colinâs hands have a life of its own.
"I don't know if we're going up or down those steps, but rest assured, when I blow you, it doesn't take away from my love and respect for you as a person, Colin."
Colin's chuckle bubbles up again. He's almost choking on it.
"I want you to know that it's my privilege and honor, as your colleague and friend, and as the older, more experienced man, to blow you senseless even at this ungodly hour."
"Nah, Jared, come on, stop it!" Colin says with a grin, burying a hand in Jaredâs hair as he leans closer to him.
"You really want me to?" Jared imbues his voice with the right mix of seductive and persuasive energy to make Colin instantly go hard. When he does this voice and expression on set, whether it's a joke or secret flirt or part of a scene, Colin starts to sweat. He's like a dog, conditioned stimulus triggers conditioned response.
"No. No, not really," Colin replies, still a bit breathless, still smiling from ear to ear. "Don't ever stop."
Their gazes are locked on to each other. âI want you so much,â Jared says matter-of-factly. âI want you whole.â
Colin touches Jaredâs face, his lips silently forming the word 'beautiful'.
âEven if we crash and burn after that?â
âIt doesnât have to be this way. It doesnât have to be the end. And by the way, weâve already gone too far.â
Colinâs smile looks defeated. âI canât cross this line. Not yet. But for you I would. Youâre the only one for me.â
Hephaistion nods. âWhenever youâre ready, Iâm ready too, I guess.â
Jared's just another drug, Colin thinks as he feels Jared's trail of kisses wandering from his belly downwards, his boldest addiction yet.
"I love you too, Colin," he hears him whisper. One hand is resting over his heart and the otherâs digging into the sheets while Jared pleasures him. He moans and he twitches, and he comes so fast and sinks so deep. Itâs only the ringing sound of the wake-up call that pulls him back into the here and now.
Farrell burning on both ends of the candle, they say. But they don't know he's found the one to relight him should his flame ever falter and die. Â
I saved you in every way a man can save another. You let me do it. In your heart you held on to me. And in my heart I knew you were worth it despite what you put me through. What you put us through. I lost my mind again and again. You burned me down. You loved me like I was something that could be consumed and emptied. You thought the day would come when you'd fall numb for me. Finally over me. With no desire in your heart and you'd be able to move on. Away from me. You didn't know yourself. You didn't.
So, the casting of Hephaistion was pretty much settled before the casting process even started...
How did Jared get the job? This is how it officially went down:
early May 2003: casting notice goes out for Hephaistion
He auditioned.
"It was my first audition since Panic Room, which was a couple of years before, and I was completely petrified," confesses Leto. "There were 50 other people there to meet Oliver, and it was incredibly intimidating. But when I auditioned, thankfully, he saw something in me that he thought might be right for Hephaistion. I'll be eternally grateful to him for believing in me and giving me this experience. He works harder than any other person on the set. He's obsessed, he's a mad genius, like Van Gogh or Beethoven. He's taught me a lot on this film, and I'll carry those things with me for the rest of my career."
He was cast.
early August 2003: announcement.
But wait...
early July 2003: Rumors that Jared had already secured the role despite "hundreds of young Irish actors" reading for Stone in June. Jared joined Stone, Colin and "some other actors" in Dublin at the bar in Bono's hotel. Hanging with U2, of course.
WAIT
April 2003: is when Jared (officially split from Cameron Diaz) says he knew he had the movie and was growing his hair out. And he did. He did.
Maybe he's just a little confused? Yet it's obvious he was cast long before it was announced, even before the casting notice, and while people were still auditioning for the role. Pretty much the same with Angelina. She was set. Stone wanted her to play mum Olympias even though she was the same age as Colin. I love this outrageous movie. It deserves a movie about its making.
Colin Farrell (2013) & Jared Leto (2021) talking about 'Alexander' retrospectively
[Colin has done so frequently since its release in 2004, unlike Jared who virtually pretends it has never happened or something, so that was a nice exception. Cute how he couldn't quite remember the name of the actor starring in that movie...]
The Empire Film Podcast #89 - November 29, 2013
I: Have you ever shot anywhere that you wanted to go back to -
CF: Morocco! Morocco.
I: Oh Really?
CF: Morocco, yeah. I havenât been back since 'Alexander', but itâs one place... through the years that - You know, usually I find me on location in - Two or three months where it - you reach a stage where youâre ready to either go, I should live here, or I should go home, this is unnatural, and - and Morocco never got, never got to that stage. I was there for four and a half months and... I just loved it! I just loved it. I was wearing maybe some - being able to wear a djellaba, you know, traditional moroccan dress, literally a dress, you know, and that was kinda - it stopped being kinky really fast. It just became the norm. But I loved. I loved Morocco, yeah.
I: I wonder if you havent seen the final cut of 'Alexander', of Oliverâs fifth attempt or something.
CF: Which one? He just did a fifth, I believe. And Iâve read that some clippings of people, that said that it was really good and made sense and, you know, he was rushed like majorly. He shouldâve had a year and a half at least to cut it together, to do all the footage that he got. That was, as we were running eight, nine cameras, but it was such a huge story and he wanted to make it since he was eighteen, nineteen, twenty and studying history in college. So it was too big for us. Too big for everyone, yeah. I haventâ seen it. I donât know that i need. Maybe I should, for Oliver, have a look at it, but Iâm too - I would have very little perspective on that now.
I: Distracted by yourself again?
CF: Distracted by myself. Distracted by my hair... Iâm still traumatized by, you know, the idea that you can do a film that had a budget of a hundred and forty million dollars and have, like, peroxide hair clips falling out. It's just - Iâll never get over.
I: Some people shouldnât be blond.
CF: It's just, you know, anytime you give a target that's too easy is, you know -Â let them tackle the themes. Let them tackle the expression of certain elements of the story through performance. Let them tackle performance, but to give - like, my roots werenât done. I was a - I mean, i wish I had my shit together more because I wouldâve been on top of certain things that would've negated the ease with which people target the film. And - ah, maybe Iâll see the fifth version, so I can call up Oliver and say to him: You did it! You cracked it, man. After all these years. But how - how obsessed is Oliver, and how wonderful is his drive and his passion for the material, that, you know, ten years later, heâs in an editing suite and cutting it together.
I: He's briiliant. He doesnt give up on anything
CF: No, I love him. I love him. Heâs incredible.
Podcast THR Awards Chatter 373. Jared Leto - âThe Little Thingsâ February 8, 2021
I: (âŚ) 'Alexander' with Oliver Stone took a lot of shit, but itâs not for lack of a lot of artistic merit, and in this case, just to remind people, youâre playing the best friend and sort of lover of Alexander, and I guess I just wonder, did it affect your way you thought about it when the movie took some flag?
JL: No, I mean for me, when I think about movies, I think generally about the experience that I had making them. You know, I remember like, in Alexander, that the hair was a big issue. Like, I think there was - not my hair, but Alexanderâs hair - that maybe there was some problem with - I cannot remember what it was. Thatâs what I remember about. Like - you know, I mean that stuff, the box office and all this is really none of my business, you know, it really - I wasnât starring in the movie, I had a small part in the movie, again I was, you know, speaking with an Irish accent for months - and for some reason it was like standard Irish, it wasnât English. I canât remember why the thinking, but - I remember Morroco, I remember Thailand, I remember like, you know, the adventures outside of the filming and I really fell in love with the desert and I have a love for the desert to this day. I remember after a couple of months, two, three months in Morocco, I was, I really wanted to stay. Itâs quite an amazing place. Yeah and it was a - yeah I learned to ride a horse. Bareback. That was fun. So I think of that stuff really.
What's funnier than Colin Farrell calling out Jared Leto for his "wheat grass and Jamba Juice" obsession? Absolutely freaking nothing.
(From 'Loaded' Magazine, 2005)
