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I Ain't Sorry
I Ain’t Sorry
She said it one, maybe two too many times. That’s what I eventually concluded. I’ve been trying to work on the art of my shut up lately. Everything does not need to be argued, there is no need to prove my point, to talk people into a corner until they have no choice but to surrender. Sometimes, rarely, the other person and I just agree to disagree and continue on with our lives. Nope. I was not…
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Hey!! My Previous post Promise Over Perspective & have an awesome day!!!
Promise Over Perspective
I was already late, (Time management is not my strong suit). I woke up late and spent too long doing everything that morning. Now it was past time for me to go, and I still didn’t have a lunch…
I love eating and despise being hungry. So despite my predicament, I paused and asked myself, “do I want to make a lunch?,” anyway. Almost right after asking, I heard in my heart “I got you”… I was hesitant, but I decided to go along with that still small voice and headed towards the door, telling myself if worst came to worst I would stop by Chick-fil-A.
I am an Administrative Assistant at an Episcopal Church. One of my duties is to relieve the receptionist from the desk during her lunch. When that time came, I went upstairs, took a seat, listened to what the receptionist wanted me to know for that hour, and proceeded to work on the tasks I had brought to work on while sitting there. When I sat down at the reception desk, there it was before me— the answer to that still small voice. [OT1] [PT2] [PT3] A conference was being held at the church that day and they ordered Jason’s Deli for their guest to have during lunch. Still I doubted. As soon as I got to where the food was, the lady in charge offered the receptionist a box, saying she had counted her in their number. Well I know they didn’t do that for me, I thought. It was nothing I took offense to; I just never met these ladies a day in my life, so preemptively counting me—a stranger—in the lunch number was out of the question.
I also questioned this come through for my lunch, because I was not feeling too friendly that day. I said hey and other socially expected pleasantries, but I kept conversations short or nonexistent. I had come in with a mission and goal that day, and I was not about to let talking to people interrupt my progress. (I know… Pray for me.) I figured my lack of ‘sociableness’ would lessen my chances, and I definitely, ABSOLUTELY was not about to ask those ladies for food like the stereotypical “needy black child”. Nope! Yet still there was a hope... about halfway through my time at the front desk, the lady asked me if I wanted a lunch, called out the types of sandwich boxes they still had left, and—low and behold—my doubts fled in the wake of hunger-satiating glee. I came away with a nice little veggie sandwich box from Jason’s Deli!!
I have been on this journey of faith and trusting God lately, even in the little things like him providing a lunch. And though I fail and fall short, He never, ever does. Still, like that afternoon at the desk, I sometimes doubt if he will come through, and I’ve come to realize that doubting His faithfulness is based on my own short comings. Take that day for example: I knew it was God saying, “I got you!” in that moment, but I also knew I failed to prepare my lunch like I should have. Why would he make up for that?! If that “L” wasn’t already enough on my record, I was being anti-social and prideful at the desk. Why would he stick to his promise when I was being less than the person I’m pretty sure he wanted me to be?? But my perspective was all wrong… Numbers 23:19 states, “God is not a man, That he should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that he should feel repentance or compunction [for what he has promised]. Has he said and shall he not do it? Or has he spoken and shall he not make it good?”
Do not let your flaws or an over blown perception of your imperfect past keep you from the promise God has for you today. Jesus came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. In times of trouble, hurt, lack, or a combination of these we need to take off the shades of our human perspective and see things through the light of His love. Hunger for that love more than anything. I’m a girl who loves to eat, but I also know that without God, His presence, His word, and His love being evident in my life, I could eat a full course meal three times a day and still be starving. Bethel has a song called “Thank You” that I love, the chorus says “You don’t have to come, but you always do. You show up in Splendor, and change the whole room.” It is for this that I live. Yes, I must have lunch and eat to stay alive, but God is the source of my life. It is in and through him I have my being. I would go through the desert with a song in my heart if I knew He was near and because I know He is a God of his word, and with an adjustment or two to my perspective I know I will see His promises come true in my life.
Love,
PJT
Promise Over Perspective
I was already late, (Time management is not my strong suit). I woke up late and spent too long doing everything that morning. Now it was past time for me to go, and I still didn’t have a lunch…
I love eating and despise being hungry. So despite my predicament, I paused and asked myself, “do I want to make a lunch?,” anyway. Almost right after asking, I heard in my heart “I got you”… I was…
View On WordPress
Scared as Hell but I Might as Well
Scared as Hell but I Might as Well
What if they don’t like it? What if people don’t get it? What if I just start sucking one day? I get the assignment of my life and can’t deliver?? What if I get writer’s block? No one has time for that. What if I end up falling off again? These are the questions that plague me daily. That keep me chained to fear. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of being exposed as a fraud, an…
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This Friday!!! I will be doing my first solo show of sorts. Please join me and a few friends for great dessert and music!!! Super excited!!! It's going to be a good time. 😄🎤🎵
Keep Your Mind and Be Kind
One this day three years ago May 21, 2012, I found myself in a place I never thought I would be, and facing one of my greatest fear at the same time. My mama checked me into a mental facility by recommendation of our physician. It was a Monday, I don’t have the time or room to go into detail here but I had been on a literal rampage of crazy all weekend and my parents did not know what else to do. I was put on medication, watched and herded around for a whole week. I hated it. Leaving the following Monday, Memorial Day, was bittersweet. I was happy to be with my family; that I got to see my brother before he left for Savannah to go back to base again, but my mental state was still a mess. I remember talking to one of my best friends the evening telling her I didn’t know if I would make it to the next day. She encouraged me telling me that I would and she’d be there to go on a walk in the morning. Still that night I locked my door before I went to bed. Afraid I would wake up determined to end my life, so I wanted something that would make me pause, give me a chance to go back to my senses. Something inside kept telling me I could not give up, and I could not take my life because I am loved. The road out of that was challenging, but I can say that love got me through. I could not even see or believe that God loved me at the time, but when I look back I see that his love and his grace was evident in all the people around me. I probably would not be here today if it were not for my parents, my best friends and friends in general are THE BEST, my siblings are my inspiration, and my pastor and church family are always encouraging. I would not be who I am, or even where I am today if it were not for God and these people. I do not have a whole lot now but my loved ones are my wealth. I thank God for them every day. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I’d like to think I’m better than I was three years ago, and I am thankful for that. It was the worst and the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I pray that this post encourages you in knowing that nothing is too big for God. If he can bring me out of my mess, and still continues to do so, I know he can do the same for you. I’m no one special. I hope that this encourages you to love, love God, yourself, and others relentlessly and with total abandon. If you look crazy so what. I don’t mind looking crazy so much these days. I’ve felt the real crazy and have paid the consequence. I never want to go back there, so if I have to look crazy every now and then to not go crazy, I’m good with that. Also May is National Mental Health Awareness month. Please, never ever take yours or anyone else’s mental health lightly. If you find you are not feeling like yourself, or notice someone else is not their usual selves. Please reach out and seek help it could be as simple as talking through some things or a situation in which they should seek medical help either way take out the time to notice and care. You never know you could save a life. =) love, PJT #postitforward #love #loveistheway #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #bekind #imstillworkingonitmyself #okayimdone